by Emily Rodda
‘Oh!’ Mimi squeaked, and clapped her hand over her mouth.
‘That gave you a shock, didn’t it?’ Jolly chortled. ‘Yes, the Blue Queen’s been made a fool of properly – and that rotten apple Spoiler with her, by all accounts.’
Feeling dazed all over again, Leo began to read the story below the picture.
A hostage was rescued and seven enchanted swans were changed back into people last night when the Blue Queen’s castle was stormed in a midnight raid. The raiding party, comprising seven heroes and a hidey-hole, was led by Bertha, popular artist’s model, fearless wolf- and troll-fighter and, in her spare moments, highly valued watch-pig at Jack Macdonald’s farm.
‘This was my very first quest, and I’m thrilled it turned out so well,’ the multi-talented pig confessed, when The Rambler tracked her down at the thriving Macdonald property.
Bertha insists she doesn’t deserve all the credit for the heroic rescue. ‘I couldn’t have done it alone,’ she said with a smile. ‘I was just one small part of a wonderful team of heroes like myself. But I must admit that it was my appearance on the scene that caused the Blue Queen to faint with fright, thus freeing the swans she had bewitched in the Dark Time.’ (Continued on p. 3)
Leo went cold at the thought of the Blue Queen’s rage as she read those words. Her image rose before him – a terrifying figure in a rich blue gown, her jewelled crown glittering among the coils of her white-gold hair, and her pale eyes burning with spite.
He forced the picture out of his mind and glanced at Mimi. Her mouth was set in a straight, hard line.
Leo didn’t think he could bear to read whatever was on page three. With a murmur of thanks, he gave the paper back to Jolly.
‘What do you think of the picture?’ Jolly asked, carefully casual.
‘Oh, it’s very good,’ said Leo untruthfully. ‘It’s one of yours, isn’t it?’
‘It is, as a matter of fact.’ Jolly beamed. ‘The paper bought the right to copy it. Of course, the black and white doesn’t do it justice. But on the whole …’
The door at the other end of the corridor swung open a little. ‘Jolly,’ bawled the same female voice as before, ‘if you don’t get back in here soon there’ll be a riot!’
Jolly jumped guiltily. ‘Coming, dear!’ he yelled. He turned to Leo and Mimi. ‘Look, I’m sure Bertha will want to see you, if you’ve been away,’ he said rapidly. ‘She’s in Room Nine. Turn left at the top of the stairs. It’s dark, so mind how you go. I’d never have put glow-worms in if I’d known they were so sickly. They’re cheap enough to run, but the inconvenience isn’t worth it. Well, cheery-bye.’
He trotted away. As he pushed through the glass door into the noisy room beyond, there was a loud chorus of cheers.
In grim silence, Leo and Mimi made for the stairs. In silence they climbed through the dimness, reached the top and turned left.
Sunlight streaming through the window at the end of the corridor helped them find their way to Room Nine. A sign reading Do Not Disturb hung from the doorknob. Leo knocked loudly.
‘I’m resting,’ trilled Bertha’s voice from inside the room.
‘Bertha! It’s Leo and Mimi!’ Leo called.
There was a squeal, and the next moment the door had been flung open and Bertha, wearing a large pair of sunglasses, was welcoming them joyfully and ushering them inside.
Chapter 4
A Very Strange Message
The room had been painted a rather bright pink. White lace curtains hung at the glass doors that led out to the balcony, and a rose-patterned rug covered the floor. There was a bed with a frilled pink satin coverlet, a white chest of drawers with a heart-shaped mirror hanging over it, two plump armchairs and a low table heaped with newspapers and magazines. The cover of the magazine on the top of the pile featured another of Jolly’s paintings of Bertha and the bright yellow headline: MY QUEST AGONY: BERTHA TELLS. Bertha’s favourite hat lay on the chest of drawers, wreathed in flowers and trailing long pink ribbons.
‘Oh, Mimi, Leo, it’s so good to see you!’ Bertha babbled, pushing out the chairs for Leo and Mimi to sit on. ‘Conker and Freda will be so pleased. They’re out on a dot-catching job at the bank, but they’ll be back soon. Now, what do you think of my room? Isn’t it gorgeous? Jolly had it redecorated just for me.’
‘Very nice,’ said Leo politely. ‘But Bertha –’
‘A bit different from the farm, isn’t it?’ Bertha said, throwing herself down on the bed and stretching out luxuriously. ‘Oh, moving to town was the best thing I ever did! No more rooster waking me up at the crack of dawn. No more gossiping hens wasting my time. No more grumpy old Macdonald ordering me around …’
She broke off, gave a shrill laugh, and adjusted her sunglasses. ‘But that’s enough about me. Tell me about you. Why haven’t you come back to Rondo before this? We were all getting quite anxious. I mean, by now the Blue Queen must be starting to wonder why her spies haven’t been able to find you anywhere.’
‘We couldn’t come before. Mimi had to go away,’ Leo said, ignoring Mimi’s thunderous expression. ‘Bertha, is everyone all right? Hal and Tye? Jim and Polly –’
‘No problems at all, Leo,’ Bertha assured him. ‘We’re all on constant alert, of course, but the queen hasn’t made a move against anyone so far. Everyone’s fine. Except me, of course. I’m absolutely –’
‘Bertha, you’ve been talking to the newspapers about what happened at the castle,’ Mimi broke in abruptly. ‘The tavern’s full of reporters –’
‘Oh, I know,’ groaned Bertha, flinging off her sunglasses. ‘Isn’t it awful? I’m absolutely drained. I had no idea that being a celebrity could be so exhausting.’
It was true that she didn’t seem her usual bright self, Leo thought. Though she was obviously pleased to see them, her chatter sounded strained. And now that she’d taken off her sunglasses, he could see that she had bags under her eyes and that the eyes themselves were more red than blue.
‘But now the queen must be even angrier than she was before!’ Mimi said furiously. ‘And she knows the swans are free, too. Bertha, how could you do it?’
Bertha stiffened. ‘I didn’t!’ she snapped. ‘For your information, by the time the Rondo Rambler reporter came to the farm to see me, he already knew the whole story.’
Mimi blinked in surprise, but it didn’t seem to occur to her to apologise.
‘That vulgar hidey-hole we took with us boasted about the quest to all its forest friends,’ Bertha told her haughtily. ‘The story spread like wildfire – you know what forests are like for gossip. It’s just very lucky that this particular hidey-hole is vulgar. It was so interested in the fighting and things getting smashed and so on that it didn’t even notice all the talk about the Key to Rondo, and said nothing about it. So that secret is still safe, at least.’
Leo sighed with relief.
‘Still, you shouldn’t have given an interview, Bertha,’ Mimi said stubbornly. ‘You should have told Scribble “no comment” or something.’
Bertha tossed her head. ‘I did,’ she said. ‘I may be new to questing, but I am, after all, a famous model. I know how to deal with the press. But Scribble said that it would be a very bad idea not to speak to him.’
‘Oh, yes?’ Mimi muttered.
‘Yes,’ said Bertha with dignity. ‘Scribble said that he’d have to write the story whether I spoke to him or not – it was his duty to the public. He said that if I didn’t talk to him – if the story was just based on forest gossip – it might be full of all sorts of embarrassing errors that could ruin my reputation.’
‘He blackmailed you?’ exclaimed Leo.
‘Of course not!’ cried Bertha, very ruffled. ‘He just wanted to help me. He’s been a fan of mine for ages, apparently.’
‘Oh, Bertha!’ sighed Leo, torn between irritation, sympathy, and a strong desire to laugh. Mimi snorted.
‘Hal quite understood my position,’ Bertha said. ‘In fact, after he got over the shock
of the first headline, he decided that more interviews would be a good idea. He said the publicity would divert the queen’s attention from Suki and the other ex-swans, and focus it on us.’
‘Oh, right,’ Leo said weakly. Then he remembered something and sat up straight in his chair. ‘I have to get a message to Hal, Bertha,’ he said. ‘I’ve seen smoke coming out of the Blue Queen’s tower.’
‘Oh, Hal is well aware of the smoke, Leo,’ Bertha said, with the rather irritating air of one who is in the know. ‘He says there have been traces of it around the tower before – before you and Mimi came the first time, I mean. He was sure the queen was working on a new spell then, and she’s obviously gone back to working on it now.’
‘Working on it harder than ever, I should think,’ Mimi muttered, glancing meaningfully at the heap of newspapers and magazines.
‘Oh, I’d say so,’ Bertha agreed blithely. ‘It’s probably something really nasty, too. Anyway, Hal and Tye are staying on at the house at Troll’s Bridge so they can keep a close eye on the castle. They’ll let us know if anything strange happens. We send mice to one another every day – sometimes twice.’
‘What about Spoiler?’ Leo asked. ‘I thought I –’
‘Who cares about Spoiler?’ Mimi interrupted irritably. ‘I can’t understand why you’re so obsessed with him, Leo!’
‘Hal’s obsessed as well,’ Bertha told her. ‘He’s asked Conker and Freda and me to keep our ears open for any gossip about odd happenings, or money being stolen – anything sneaky that might be Spoiler’s doing and give us a clue about where he is. But we haven’t heard a thing.’
‘Hal should stop feeling responsible for what Spoiler does,’ Mimi said, shaking her head. ‘And so should Leo. It’s stupid. Just because Spoiler’s a Langlander –’
‘It’s not just that, Mimi,’ Bertha said earnestly. ‘Spoiler’s been out of sight so long that we’ve decided he must be in disguise. And Hal thinks it’s quite possible that he’s planning to stalk you and Leo and try to capture you. I mean, what better way to get back in the Blue Queen’s good books than to make her a gift of her two deadliest enemies?’
Mimi became very still. An unpleasant fluttering began in Leo’s stomach.
‘There was a ball at the Crystal Palace last night, to welcome Princess Pretty and her new husband home from their honeymoon,’ Bertha went on. ‘I was invited, but I was just too exhausted to go. The princess was sure Spoiler would turn up and steal the wedding presents, so Officer Begood went to guard them. But nothing happened, apparently.’
‘Spoiler probably stayed away because he heard Officer Begood would be there,’ Leo suggested.
‘Possibly,’ Bertha sighed. ‘Or maybe he just had something better to do – something worse, I suppose I should say. Anyway, Hal says you mustn’t go anywhere on your own while you’re here. There are a lot of strangers in town, because of the school holidays. And Spoiler might be anywhere. He could be anyone!’
‘I’d recognise him whatever he was wearing,’ Mimi said. ‘He attacked me twice. I saw him really close-up.’ She wrinkled her nose in distaste.
They all jumped as there was a sharp knock at the door.
‘I’m resting!’ called Bertha. ‘Can’t you read the sign?’
‘Dots to the sign!’ roared a familiar voice. ‘Bertha, open up! Urgent quest business!’
Leo threw open the door. The stocky, wild-haired figure of Conker strode in, closely followed by Freda the brown duck, who was looking even more disgruntled than usual. Two weapons that looked like large fly-swatters swung from Conker’s belt. Leo noticed with a shudder that they were still clogged with currants and dot crumbs.
‘Leo!’ bellowed Conker. ‘Mimi!’ He shook their hands warmly. ‘Oh, this is perfect! Isn’t it perfect, Freda?’
‘Perfect,’ the duck drawled. ‘Now all five of us can make geese of ourselves together.’
‘What is it?’ Bertha demanded.
‘A job,’ whispered Conker, his little black eyes glittering with excitement. ‘Freda and I were just leaving the bank when a mouse came with this!’ With the air of a magician producing a bunch of flowers from a hat, he held out a very small, crumpled piece of mauve paper.
Leo took the paper. It was covered on both sides with large, round, purple writing. Slowly he read the words aloud.
Dear Master Conker,
I saw in the paper that you do quests and I hope you can help us whatever Clogg says about papers telling lies. My poor young nephew is in terrible trouble with the law but he didn’t do it. It’s not Simon’s fault that the wizard disappeared.
That was the end of the first page. Leo turned the paper over and read on.
He was sometimes very irritable Simon says but Simon would not have hurt him let alone drowned him in the pond and as for vanishing him well Simon couldn’t have done that if he tried. All this worry is terribly bad for my health so please come
And that was it. There was nothing else on the paper at all.
‘Well?’ cried Conker. ‘What do you think?’
‘It doesn’t give much information,’ Leo said doubtfully. ‘It doesn’t say where you have to go. It isn’t even signed.’
‘Well, that’s the cleverness of it!’ said Conker, rubbing his hands. ‘If it had fallen into the wrong hands, the enemy wouldn’t have been able to tell what it meant.’
‘But … do you know what it means, Conker?’ asked Mimi.
‘No idea,’ Conker said happily. ‘But it’s obviously urgent, and that means there’s no time to waste. We’ll just have to set off and work out where we’re going on the way.’
‘How’s that for a plan?’ Freda asked the others sourly.
‘Conker, I don’t see how you can set off if you don’t know which direction to set off in,’ Leo said as gently as he could.
‘Oh, my heart, liver and lungs!’ Conker puffed out his cheeks irritably. ‘You aren’t thinking, Leo! All we have to do is work it out from the clues!’
‘What clues?’ Mimi asked.
With a snort of annoyance, Conker snatched the message from Leo and scanned it. ‘There!’ he said. ‘ “Clogg says” – that’s the first clue. Wherever this place is, a person called Clogg lives in it.’
‘You can’t assume that,’ Bertha pointed out – very reasonably, Leo thought. ‘Clogg might have written that silly opinion about the newspapers in a letter.’
Conker ground his teeth. ‘Forget about Clogg then,’ he snapped. ‘There are lots of other clues. Wherever this place is, for example, there’s a wizard –’
‘Not any more, apparently,’ said the duck.
‘There was a wizard,’ Conker ploughed on with a scowl. ‘A crabby wizard, who’s disappeared. And this crabby wizard has – had – a friend, or an assistant, maybe, called Simon, who’s being blamed for doing away with the wizard, and who is the nephew of the person who wrote this note.’
‘That’s right,’ Mimi agreed, clearly becoming interested in Conker’s clue-hunt. ‘And wherever the wizard and Simon are – were – there’s a pond!’
‘Oh, that’s very helpful,’ snapped Freda. ‘There couldn’t be more than a few thousand ponds in Rondo.’
‘And a few thousand Simons, probably,’ said Bertha.
‘I met a frog once who called himself Prince Simon,’ Conker said thoughtfully. ‘Later on I heard that his real name was Plop, and he just pretended to be an enchanted frog to make himself look important. Still …’
Leo felt desperate. ‘Listen,’ he said, leaning forward. ‘We’re wasting time thinking about Simons, and ponds, and so on. We should be thinking about wizards. There can’t be so many of those.’
‘Brilliant!’ Conker thumped his fist on the low table, making several newspapers slide flapping to the floor.
‘Right! Let’s think of all the wizards we know.’ He knitted his brow in furious thought. ‘Well, there’s Wizard Zargo on the coast …’
‘Dead,’ Freda snapped.
‘Oh,
that’s right.’ Conker nodded. ‘One of the Blue Queen’s monsters ate him in the Dark Time. Right … well, what about Wizard Nerklan? No, he’s dead too – drowned trying to invent a bottomless teacup, they say. All right … ah …’ His face brightened. ‘Wizard Wurzle, in Flitter Wood. Now, he’s a possibility!’
‘No, he’s not,’ Bertha objected. ‘I know Wizard Wurzle.He goes to Macdonald’s farm to get eggs. He’s very shy and timid. He bites his nails and jumps sky-high when anyone speaks to him. I can’t imagine him ever being irritable.’
‘Right,’ said Conker. ‘So. Zargo’s out, Nerklan’s out, Wurzle’s out. Wizard Plum’s out too, by the way – I ran into him at the bank.’
‘Head-butted him in the belly, as a matter of fact,’ Freda told the others, smirking. ‘Plum went down like a big fat skittle.’
‘He should have known better than to get in the way of a dot-catcher in the lawful pursuit of his duties,’ Conker said loftily. ‘Who else is there?’
There was a tense silence.
‘Oh, I can’t think!’ complained Bertha, fanning herself. ‘This detecting business is exhausting!’
‘What about Wizard Bing?’ Leo asked suddenly. ‘You know – that wizard who once tried to train lizards to carry messages, so that the messenger mice could be replaced? You told us about him, Conker, when we were here last time.’
‘Oh, yes!’ exclaimed Conker, his enthusiasm returning instantly. ‘Bing! I’d forgotten about him. Well, most people have, since the lizard disaster. But it could be him. He’s very irritable – or so I’ve heard. They say he’s fallen out with everyone in Hobnob at one time or another.’
‘Hobnob!’ Leo and Mimi gasped.
The others turned to look at them.
‘What?’ demanded Bertha.
Leo swallowed. ‘Jolly said that there’d been some sort of trouble at Hobnob. He said that Officer Begood had gone there … to bring back a prisoner!’
