by Stephens, L.
For the first time since he had arrived, Jake was serious, and Sarah could sense it.
“Jake, please, I’m worried about you,” Sarah said, looking deep into his eyes.
“Check your phones. Mine’s been blowing up for the last fucking hour,” Jake said, showing all the notifications that had filled up his phone’s screen saver.
Sarah looked to the nightstand next to her bed. Her phone was not there.
“It’s downstairs, in my bag. You might as well come with me,” Sarah said, motioning towards the door. “Cause you’re leaving and so am I.”
“Mine’s dead!” David said as he pushed the screen of his phone. “You forgot to plug it in last night, Sarah.”
Sarah looked at him, then shook her head and started walking towards the door.
“So you’re going to go with him?” David said, looking up and returning to his petulant tone.
Sarah stopped at the door, halting her and Jake.
“No! But I'm not staying here with you, either,” Sarah said, glaring at David.
“Babe, please!” David pleaded.
“Nope,” Sarah said sharply. “You’re never calling me that again. I want you gone by the time I get back.”
“Ba…” David mumbled, trying to find another word that wasn’t “babe”.
CHAPTER 62: DEATH & TAXES
Jake couldn’t believe he was with her again. Even though she was with the dude she was fucking and the dude was standing right next to her, it felt like it was just them in the room, the same room they used to fuck in for hours. She wasn’t like his one-night stands; Sarah was the real deal, the one and only that could make him feel for lack of a better word… loved.
He was trying to be cool, but he could tell he was coming off like an asshole. Thankfully, she seemed pissed at the dude as well, which was easing the focus off him. Jake rounded Sarah and stood in front of her, stopping her from leaving the open doorway.
“Jake,” Sarah said, looking up at him. “Get out of the way.”
Her eyes and her little nose had him transfixed. It didn’t matter if there was a zombie apocalypse happening outside, he just wanted to look at her. It was also another reason there was no way he was letting her leave the house. He’d force her to stay if he had to. Even that dingus, David, wasn’t going anywhere either.
“Relax,” Jake whispered. “Just trust me, okay.”
There was a loud scuffle downstairs, and everyone’s heads swiveled to the doorway.
“What was that?” Sarah asked, her head swinging back to Jake.
“Well, it's not your buddy, Ryan Pinkerton,” David mocked as he looked out the window. “He’s still holding his cock in the backyard.”
Jake’s eyes went wide as he heard more sounds of someone coming up the stairs.
“We got to go!” Jake said as he rushed to the window and opened it as wide it would go.
“I’m not going out there,” Sarah protested.
“Yeah, you are!” Jake said, motioning for David to join them. “You too, dingus!”
David picked up a baseball bat from behind the door as Jake forcibly pushed Sarah through the open window so she was standing on the roof on the outside.
“Fuck you, pussy!” David said in his best macho voice. “I'll take care of this!”
“Come on, man! I told you, we’ve got no time,” Jake said in the friendliest manner he could muster. “Let’s just put our shit to the side for a moment and just get out of here, together.”
“David, come on!” Sarah yelled through the window.
“Fuck you, you fucking slut. Just go with him,” David snarled. “I was getting tired of your shit, anyway.”
“Wow, and you thought I was a dick?” Jake said turning to Sarah.
“You ARE a dick!” Sarah yelled. “Get him!”
Jake didn’t hesitate. He moved quickly to David who had taken up a pose of a baseball player at home plate waiting for a pitch. The sound of two zombies banging against the walls as they staggered down the hallway got louder.
“David, I’m telling you let’s just get out of here, okay?” Jake pleaded. “This is no time to be a big shot.”
“Nah, I’m gonna take care of this!” David said before turning back to the door. “Get the fuck out of here before I start swinging on you.”
Jake rolled his eyes and started walking to David. He was coming with them whether he liked it or not, but before Jake could reach him, the two zombies stumbled into the room—the lead zombie was dressed in Greytech overalls and kind of looked like Dave Grohl.
† He looked like Foo Fighters Dave Grohl, not Nirvana Dave Grohl. I prefer the Nirvana version but let’s not get caught up in which Dave Grohl is better. †
The other zombie was female. She had a silver sequined dress on, but didn’t look like anyone because her face was completely missing, and Jake assumed she was probably a big Foo Fighters fan anyway.
“David!” Sarah screamed as she saw the zombies.
“Fucking hit them, man!” Jake yelled.
David had frozen. All the bravado he obtained after picking up the baseball bat was gone. He was not mentally ready for this. No one was.
“David!” Jake yelled. “Fucking hit them!”
It was too late, Zombie Dave Grohl jumped onto the statuesque David and began to eat him alive, and the Zombie Groupie followed suit, biting David’s arm.
“Jake, save him!” Sarah screamed.
Time moved in slow motion; that room always seemed to have some sort of strange temporal effect to it. Jake and Sarah could just be together for hours in there and it would feel like days, but in a good way. In a let’s never leave here or each other again kind of way. As he stood there, he wished that had been completely true and not just fantasy. Jake could see Sarah screaming in what felt like one thousand frames a second, and he turned back to see one of the zombies tearing David’s throat out, making blood squirt all over the wall.
“I can’t, Sarah,” Jake whispered as he watched David fall to the ground with the zombies on top of him. “He’s gone.”
Jake turned back to Sarah and gave her a look of helplessness. There was nothing that could be done, but he still felt responsible, because he was. Being the hip cat that he was, Zombie Dave Grohl grew tired of David and set his sights on something new, something fresh, and that was Jake.
“Jake!” Sarah screamed.
Jake instinctively started running for the window before he even turned back to see Zombie Dave Grohl bearing down on him. He leaped through the window and onto the roof next to Sarah, and she slammed the window shut. Zombie Dave Grohl hit the window hard but not hard enough to smash it, so he just watched them through the glass, his ice cold eyes never leaving them as he slapped his hands against the invisible barrier trying to find a way through. Sarah and Jake stood there watching him before Jake grabbed Sarah by the arm.
“Let’s go!” Jake said pulling her towards the edge of the roof.
Sarah moved a few feet before stopping.
“Sarah, we have to go!” Jake said, pulling on her arm.
“We can’t!” Sarah screamed. “We have to help David!”
She held her ground, looking back to the window and Zombie Dave Grohl pressing against it.
“We need to help him,” Sarah said between sobs. “He may not be the best guy on Earth, but we got to help him!”
Jake moved deftly, positioning himself between Sarah and the window, and she tried to look around him, but Jake swiveled his head and looked deep into her eyes.
“Sarah, I’m so sorry,” Jake said in a calm and soothing voice. “But there is nothing we can do.”
Sarah looked down at her feet, avoiding Jake’s gaze, and took a deep breath. With tears still streaming from her eyes she finally looked up at Jake.
“I'm never going to forgive you for this,” Sarah said in almost a whisper.
“It wouldn’t be the first time,” Jake said with a wry smile.
“You’re a fucking ass
hole,” Sarah whispered.
“I know,” Jake said.
Jake looked at Sarah and gave her a reassuring smile before dragging her towards the edge of the roof. He clambered down to the ground and extended his arms up to her, and Sarah awkwardly tried to get down, but she didn’t have the nerve.
“I can’t do this, Jake!” Sarah said, shaking her head.
“You can, I’m right here!” Jake said reassuringly. “I’ll catch you!”
Sarah grabbed hold of the gutter and started lowering herself down as Jake grabbed her feet, then her calves, then her thighs, and before long his hands were on her ass.
“Damn, girl!” Jake called up to Sarah. “You been doing squats?”
“If we make it out alive, Jake Meyers,” Sarah said softly, “I’m going to kick you so hard in the balls.”
“Just like old times!” Jake said as Sarah planted her feet on the ground.
Jake heard something and spun around, instinctively protecting Sarah, but it was only Ryan who stood before them, scratching his crotch with a passion.
“Glad to see you guys made it,” Ryan said continuing to scratch. “I thought you guys were definitely goners when those things stumbled into the house.”
“Thanks for the heads up, fuck face,” Jake said, rolling his eyes.
“Jesus!” Ryan said under his breath and started moving towards the back fence.
Jake turned and his eyes widened.
“Jesus!” Jake said under his breath.
He had risen from the grave. The zombie stumbling down the driveway towards them looked like Jesus, his bathrobe doubling as Christ’s flowing robes.
“Go!” Jake yelled as he grabbed Sarah, pushing her towards the fence.
The irony wasn’t lost on Jake as he ran after Sarah. Jesus was, after all, the first ever zombie.
† Yeah, I’ll see you in Hell! †
“Jump the fence, Sarah! Don’t wait for me!” Jake yelled. “There’s a car on the other side.”
Jake looked around the yard for something to combat the zombie with. He spotted a shovel leaning against fence and hurried to it.
“Jake! Come on!” Sarah yelled over her shoulder as she started climbing the fence.
“Go!” Jake screamed. “I’ll be there in a minute!”
Ryan almost kicked her in the face as they climbed. Chivalry was definitely lost on him in a zombie survival situation. Jake watched Sarah and Ryan make it over before he spun around to deal with the Zombie Jesus.
“Well, here it goes,” Jake said under his breath. “Zombie 101!”
Jake took a running start, swinging the shovel at Zombie Jesus’ head. He missed hitting his target but managed to clip his shoulder, and Zombie Jesus fell sideways and onto the ground.
“Goddamnit!” Jake said to himself as he lifted the shovel up to try again. “Can’t even do that fucking right!”
The horn from Lynne’s SUV started blaring, and Jake turned to the back fence. The distraction gave Zombie Jesus the upper hand, and Jake turned back to find the zombie was face to face with him.
“This is L.A.!” Jake screamed as he leaned back and planted his size twelve sneaker in the chest of Zombie Jesus.
He didn’t actually yell that, but he thought it, and in true Hollywood fashion, like King Leonidas from 300, Jake showed he’d rather die than submit. His kick may not have been as graceful or contained the same force as the one that kicked Xerxes’ messenger into the deep dark pit, but it had the same effect. Zombie Jesus fell backwards and skidded along the ground for a couple yards before trying to get back up like a turtle on its back, which gave Jake the space to raise the shovel and bring it down on his head. This time his aim was true, and he hit Zombie Jesus with so much force the metal spade of the shovel separated from the handle on impact, and Jake turned his head as blood and gore exploded from Zombie Jesus’ head. #RIP #Blessed
“Well, what do you know?” Jake said, throwing the now worthless shovel handle on the dead zombie. “It actually worked.”
The horn started beeping again, snapping Jake back into reality.
“For fuck sake, stop beeping that horn!” Jake yelled as he ran.
Jake cleared the fence in one movement and was about to run to Lynne’s SUV, when he saw that a crowd of zombies had surrounded it. Sarah and Ryan had joined Lynne and Ava in the car, but the beeping had attracted a group of eight zombies. Jake put his fingers to his lips to make Sarah stop beeping the horn, and she did. They exchanged glances through the crowd of zombies. Both of them knew the situation was not ideal. It was fight or flight for Jake, and he had a split second to think about it.
“Here, zombie, zombie!” Jake yelled, waving his hands, trying to get the zombies attention. “Here, zombie, zombie!”
The zombies turned to Jake like annoyed employees at a big box retail store, after being asked for help by a customer.
“Jake, no!” Sarah screamed from inside the SUV.
“Drive! I’ll meet you later!” Jake yelled as he made his way down the alley. “I’ll call you!”
Sarah jumped from the passenger seat into the driver’s seat and started the car. Jake’s plan was working; even with the car roaring to life, the zombies were more interested in following him.
“This was a bad fucking idea,” Jake said to himself as he ran down the alley with the zombies in hot pursuit.
@KillingJake got this dingus killed, kinda feel bad about it. #YouSingle
CHAPTER 63: IT’S A HARD DOG LIFE
He hadn’t run so far in his whole little life, which wasn’t hard, seeing as he hadn’t really run at all, ever. It was either a frilly prance or a stylish trot; there was nothing in between. When dinner was served there was no mad rush to the bowl or yapping at the owner’s feet. It was just discipline, patience and obedience, and if you didn’t have all three, you were promptly sold to the highest bidder.
Benjamin immediately forgot what he was running from. The freedom he felt was all encompassing, and he didn’t know if the screams of the owner faded or stopped. The flapping of the leash drowned out her wails, and once he turned the corner he was on his own. There was only one place he wanted to go, the one place he had seen from a distance but never had been able to visit. It was the one place he could smell from a mile away but could never ever taste.
The ancient wolf DNA that had been bred out of him was bubbling to the surface, and he was about to explode. His life had been comfortable and luxurious, but it was stale and boring. He yearned for the action of the big wide world. He just wanted to roll around in it and hump the living shit out of it. Benjamin fucked, you know he did. Once a month like clockwork he was taken to the clinic, put out to stud like a Kentucky Derby winning thoroughbred, but it wasn’t as enjoyable as you’d think. He’d be placed on top of a bitch, human hands controlling his every move, his every pump, but he couldn’t linger. He couldn’t take his time. He couldn’t get the most out of the only interaction with another animal he had gotten since Tigwell and Penelope had been sold. He had tried to fuck Penelope on multiple occasions, but the owner had always caught him and mercilessly shamed him. She got the worst of it though and it had led to her demise. The owner couldn’t have a different breed getting Benjamin’s seed, let alone for free. If it wasn’t bad enough that he couldn’t enjoy his chance to fuck, a lot of the time he would have to submit to disturbing hand jobs that released his every last drop of cum into a jar for rich overseas owners.
The dog formerly known as Benjamin Van Holstrum jumped off the curb and onto the street. Luckily there were no cars, trucks or buses to crush him into a bloody stain on the asphalt, but if there were he would welcome them with open paws. Dying a free dog like his ancestors excited him. He crossed the road, and he could feel the wolf deep down inside him growl. He was no longer a tame inside dog. He was feral, and he had the blood of his ancestors pumping through him. As he entered the park, he was bombarded with all the smells of all the dogs that had ever raised their leg in the vicinity. He thoug
ht the smells were rich from across the road, but now he was actually inside the vortex of scents, and he began humping the air like a dog possessed. From habit, he turned to see if the owner was looking before he continued any further, and upon seeing the coast was clear, he raised his leg and sprayed the nearest tree, marking his territory. This was his undiscovered country after all; he needed to plant his flag. With his confidence soaring and the new world beckoning, he moved further into the park. The scents of other dogs were so varied and numerous he was reminded of competition, and he got even more horny than he was before. It was like he was back at the big show, and he promptly began trotting with his head held high. He wanted to attract a prospective mate, and he knew only one way: to be the most perfect and precise specimen there had ever been.
He trotted up and down the concrete pathway of the park for a few minutes, showing off his agility and his precise turns before he realized there was no one around, no one that he could see anyway. He checked one more time that the owner wasn’t standing over him, ready to slap his precious little butt with a rolled up magazine before he let out a soft little yelp, just enough to test the water and make sure he could actually do it. The yelp came out a little raspy. Other than when his darling doorman had attacked the owner, he hadn’t barked in a long time. That was strictly taboo. He was to be seen and never heard. This time, with more confidence, he barked as loud as he could. The sound was alien but felt natural, so he barked again and again. He had found his voice, and he would never be apart from it. Suddenly, there was something new on the breeze. It wasn’t another dog or the owner or the doorman, but it was human. It was fresh and clean, and it made his stubby little tail wriggle with anticipation as he spun around towards its delicious scent.
“Come here, girl” a high pitch voice called from thirty feet away. “Come on!”
