by Stephens, L.
Before David had been eaten alive in front of her, Sarah had had hazy dreams about having kids and how wonderful it would be, even with a deadbeat like him. But after being a mom to Ava for less than an hour, she was well and truly regretting all the wasted time she had given to that endeavor. Even the thought of Jake now made her feel ill. All the time she had wasted on him and other losers like him could have been better served perfecting her craft or finding a decent man. A man who valued her so much he would be there for her all the time, not just when it suited him.
Life was such bullshit, Sarah thought. One moment the skies were clear and beautiful, the next, there was a dark shadow overtaking the sunlight trying to fuck with me. The loud groans of the fire escape stopped, and Sarah had just enough time to hear the pitter-patter of ballet flats behind her. She awkwardly rolled away before she looked. It wasn’t an elegant move, merely a flailing of limbs across the ground and under the reaching hands. Even when she was dead, Zombie fucking Jill walked like she was on the Milan catwalk. Zombie Jill was a fucking pro. She didn’t stumble, she just kept her Terminator-like focus on her mark, which in this case, was Sarah. All the zombies Sarah had come across that day had been drooling, disturbed and tortured souls, but not Zombie Jill. She was serene, quiet and, even with the various bite marks that covered her body, she seemed well put together, not letting the small fact of being a zombie get in the way of good presentation.
“You go, girl,” Sarah muttered.
She reached into Lynne’s handbag which had somehow stayed with her throughout her tumbling routine. She needed something to take Zombie Jill down with, but beyond the bag itself there was nothing.
In mere minutes, she had gone from a world filled with hope and love, to a world where she ached for the normality of being stuck on the 101 freeway and coming home to a degenerate loser like David. For once, she needed that negativity. She needed to forget all the crappy positive shit that she had made her mantra for so long. All the crappy shit that she had blinded herself with. The only way she was going to leave this rooftop alive was to realize who the fuck she was and how stupid she had been.
“Sarah!” came Jake’s distant voice.
He’s a piece of shit, Sarah thought. But not in the “he is so damn loveable I’m going to fix him” kind of way. This was: he’s a piece of shit, a fucking hopeless slime ball, a waste of time and the bane of my existence.
“Fuck you, Jake!” Sarah screamed as she sprang at Zombie Jill.
The realization was like an adrenaline shot to her ass. Jake could corrupt her just by uttering a few words and flashing a cheap smile that he had no doubt flashed to a hundred other women while she had been pining for him. She had tried to forget about him with a host of other losers that were way above his league, but somehow he would make his way back into her orbit and then break through the atmosphere and destroy the walls she had put up while he had been gone.
The handbag blasted Zombie Jill’s jaw to the side of her face, and the contents of the handbag flew across the rooftop. Normally, Sarah would think about the consequences of her actions and take stock of the energy she was putting back into the world, but that was the old her. The new and improved Sarah was in it for herself. Gone were the days of impassiveness, and doing things in the hope that the same would be returned to her tenfold. She rushed Zombie Jill, pushing her backwards while she was still stunned, and she fell to the floor, but Sarah kept coming. Her knees landed on Zombie Jill’s shoulders with such force, she heard Jill’s clavicles crack as her arms popped out of their sockets, forcing them to go limp and useless. Still, there was no hesitation. Sarah grabbed the nearest blunt object from the ground and began pummeling Zombie Jill with it before the first gurgle of blood could come out of her destroyed mouth. The blows she gave to Zombie Jill’s face resolved nothing; there was still the bitter truth engulfing her like a cloud of vape that some dickhead had blown in her direction at a party. She didn’t wave it away, she willingly accepted its mango flavor: her and Jake were on separate paths. Lynne’s phone in Sarah’s bloodied hands fucking destroyed whatever was left of the absolute cunt that was Jill, but she didn’t stop hammering away at her carcass, because, if she did, she’d have to deal with the next chapter of her life, and she just wasn’t ready for that yet.
CHAPTER 146: WE WILL SMILE AGAIN
As Jake climbed the last few steps of the fire escape, a sense of dread came over him. For the longest time he hadn’t thought about her, for the longest time he had pretended he was over her. Forced her out of his mind by fucking any girl who had the misfortune of believing any of the shit he told her. That was until yesterday, when he looked in the mirror and was reminded of how much he had ruined the best thing to ever happen to him. He gripped the assault rifle tightly and took a deep breath as he reached the rooftop. His eyes tried to focus on what was before him, but it wasn’t registering. Nothing today was.
“You need some help?” Jake asked.
It was purely rhetorical. She never had needed his help at any stage of her life. If anything, she was the one who helped him. It didn’t matter anyway. She didn’t stop. It was strange, Sarah had her pussy inches from where last night’s fuck partner’s face used to be, but it wasn’t hot, or sexy; it was frightening. She was already a lifeless, bloody pulp but Sarah wasn’t stopping. She had lost control.
“Sarah,” Jake said calmly.
Sarah stopped, looking down on the zombie’s demolished head, and regained herself.
“If I need your help,” Sarah said, looking up at Jake. “I'll let you know.”
Sarah stood up and casually walked over to the sheet lying against the edge of the building. She wiped the blood off her hands and the phone she had just demolished the zombie cunt with.
“Not sure why I ever doubted you. I was scared something had happened,” Jake said with a smile. “But you always have everything under control.”
“I’m just a normal human,” Sarah said as she discarded the sheet. “Some of us don’t like living in chaos.”
Jake nodded his head at the barb; he could see she wasn’t going to be running back to his arms straight away, but there was hope. Sarah picked up a few items that were strewn over the rooftop and put them in the handbag. She slung it over her shoulder as she walked over to him. Something was different.
“You okay, babe?” Jake said with a look of concern on his face.
“You know, that was my favorite thing when we were together,” Sarah said finally. “When you called me babe, I knew that for a small amount time everything would be okay. It was kind of like a drug, I would just yammer at you, ask you questions and try get a rise out of you just so you would say, ‘That’s enough babe’ or ‘Shut up babe.’ Praying that one day you would just say ‘I love you, babe.’”
Jake was glad she wasn’t looking at him because he would have collapsed into a sobbing ball of shit if she penetrated him with her eyes. He did love her. He loved her so fucking much, but he was an asshole. He had never told anyone that he loved them, not even his mother. Jake was fucking lame like that.
“Sarah,” Jake stumbled. “I...”
“Don’t say it now,” Sarah said with a chuckle. “I’d hate for you to say it now after I basically just asked you to say it. That would suck so much.”
“Look at me,” Jake whispered. “Everything’s okay now. Let’s get out of here.”
Jake smiled softly, and Sarah stopped in front of him. There was no warm smile or soft look that she usually greeted him with. This time there was nothing, just the cold hard truth.
“You finally realized, didn’t you?” Jake said as he escaped her gaze. “I knew it was going to happen eventually.”
It was one last hail Mary. He was hoping she would just wave off what he said and tell him not to be so stupid, that she still cared for him, that she still loved him.
“Well, they say that the zombie apocalypse brings out the worst in people,” Sarah said slowly. “It wasn’t hard to see, you didn’t c
hange one bit. You’re always at your worst. Maybe that’s what attracted me to you. There were no surprises.”
Jake had been to hell and back, but nothing had hit him as hard as those few words did. He let out the air inside him and tried to breathe in some more, but all that came was ash and smoke. Jake coughed and held onto his knees trying to regain some sort of composure.
“Come on, dingus,” Sarah said as she passed him. “Let’s get out of here.”
Jake finally caught his breath, but he didn’t chase after her. He let her go down the fire escape, victorious. He owed her that much. He looked over at Daryl and tears welled in his eyes. Everything he loved was dead or something new. Jake took a step towards him, then froze.
“I’m sorry, buddy,” Jake whispered. “I tried to help you, but, like everything I do, it just turned to shit.”
He wiped away the tears and pushed them to his hair. A smile appeared on his face as he realized he had a reprieve. There was nothing tying him down anymore. He was back to being a regular old piece of shit with a penchant for bad ideas. There was no one relying on him. He could do whatever the fuck he wanted.
“Hashtag classic Jake,” he said to the rooftop before turning to the fire escape.
“Hurry up asshole!” Jennings bellowed from below.
Jake stepped over the threshold and onto the fire escape. There was a bounce in his step. He may have lost everything he loved, but he had second chance to change that. It didn’t mean he was going to chase after Sarah. She had made it clear that was off the table, but he was definitely ready to open himself up to new worlds and possibilities.
@KillingJake ‘tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. #SheSaidNoThanks #IDontBlameHer Taking applications, first blotch on me, next blotch on you, preferably naked, preferably non-zombie related.
CHAPTER 147: AWKWARD SHIT
Well, I've been 'fraid of changin', ’Cause I've built my life around you.
But time makes you bolder, Even children get older, And I'm gettin' older, too.
― Stevie Nicks
“Hi sweetheart!” Sarah sang as she finally got to the bottom of the ladder. “You okay?”
Jennings and Ava were standing on the hood of the truck. Ava didn’t react; she was nothing but a pile of dirty, blood-spattered clothes being held aloft by a large man in uniform.
“I’m Jennings,” Jennings said, taking a step towards Sarah. “Can you take her?”
“Hey,” Sarah said softly. “Looks like you’re doing just fine to me.”
Sarah slid down the windscreen, doing her best not to fall through it.
“I guess,” Jennings said raising his eyebrows. “Do you want to just jump down and grab the handgun from the truck? You can protect us, till your boyfriend gets here. Or would you rather hold her?”
Sarah took Ava from Jennings without further fuss and watched him jump off the hood and reach into the truck. He came back into view with a serious but content look on his face.
“Better?” Sarah asked with a nod.
Jennings pulled on the barrel of the gun until it clicked and walked away from her towards the front of the alley.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” Sarah said after him.
“I don’t blame you,” Jennings said over his shoulder.
She wasn’t sure why she had clarified that to him, but it didn’t matter. He seemed as interested as Ava was. Ava was barely breathing. It seemed like she was in shock, which given the current situation was very plausible.
“Hurry up, asshole!” Jennings bellowed as he circled back around the truck.
Sarah looked up the building to where she had left Jake. She regretted being so harsh with him, but not too much. He deserved so much worse.
“Ava, you still with me?” Sarah asked softly. “I think we’re safe now, honey.”
Ava moved ever so slightly and took a handful of Sarah’s hair. It wasn’t much of a reassurance but it was enough to allay her deepest fears. She was the kid’s guardian for the time being. Hopefully that time was short and a relative could come and ease the burden, because Sarah had no desire to do this shit on a permanent basis. The fire escape groaned, and Sarah caught sight of Jake making his way to the ladder. With each wrung he clambered down, the more her embarrassment increased. Her face felt hot, and she turned away from him to hide the scarlet tinge she knew she had turned.
She heard Jake land on top of the truck. She could feel his eyes on her but she still didn’t look to him. Two hours earlier that’s all she wanted, and now she wished he had fallen to his death. She cleared that thought from her head. She didn’t want that at all. She still loved him but in more of a maternal way, not the all-engulfing house fire way that she did before. She just wanted this whole saga to be over so she could go back to pining over him for no apparent reason. It seemed a lot simpler than everything she had to deal with now.
“This is a little awkward isn’t it?” Jake asked.
She turned to him. He wasn’t smiling one of his cheeky grins. It was probably the most serious she had ever seen him.
“You never fail to point out the obvious,” Sarah said.
“Yeah,” Jake said getting down to her level. “It used to be cool, but now it’s just boring.”
“Yup,” Sarah said hugging Ava tight.
Right on cue, he’s trying to play the victim, Sarah thought.
“You need help getting her down?” Jake asked, reaching for Ava. “We probably should get out of here before Jennings changes his mind.”
“Thanks,” Sarah said, handing over Ava to him.
Ava was more than willing to go to him, but Jake crumbled to one knee with her weight.
“Jake!” Sarah said.
Blood dripped from his arm onto the hood of the truck.
“Fuck,” Jake mumbled as he took deep breaths.
“Looks like you need the help more than me,” Sarah said, touching the back of his head.
“Hey! It’s my job to point out the obvious,” Jake said with one of his cheeky smiles as he struggled to get off the truck. “Come on, let’s go!”
CHAPTER 148: BAD HABITS
There were no other survivors or other army personnel at the makeshift army headquarters. Just their small group and Jennings. The leftover supplies at the base had been enough to enable the group to clean up, make a small meal and put on some clean clothes. Jennings had even tended to Jake’s wounds like a doting mother, a doting mother who hadn’t said a word since they had left the alley.
“Come here!” Jake said in a singsong tone. “Come here, you little asshole!”
“Jake!” Sarah scolded. “You can’t speak like that!”
“Hey!” Jake said, turning back to look at Sarah. “I was the one who saved that little dingus’ life. I think I’ve earned the right to call him whatever I want.”
Sarah looked at him like he was just some dude. She had never looked at him like that until today. It was heartbreaking. His whole existence was based on women wanting him, and she was the only one he gave two fucks about, and she no longer cared.
“His name is Benjamin,” Sarah said. “Just call him that. You don’t need to make a scene everywhere you go.”
Ava giggled as she pet the small dog at Jake’s feet. Jake looked down and was glad for a reason to look away from Sarah. As he had stood on the rooftop, alone, he had conjured grand plans of finding some girl to fuck to take his mind off the ice princess who had formed minutes earlier. Now, that she was near him again, all those plans disappeared like they never had even been a thought. By no means was he going to push his luck though. He was just glad she was alive, and he maybe had a chance to be something to her, even if it was just her loser friend.
“Yes ma’am,” Jake said, saluting her.
Jake saw Jennings look up quickly and ran his saluting hand through his hair casually.
“Don’t worry,” Jake called with a cheeky grin. “I wasn’t saluting you.”
Jennings was lean
ing against the wall on the other side of the room. His lip twitched for a split second before he closed his eyes and tilted his head back. They were all tired, except for Ava. She had gotten a burst of energy since the introduction of Benjamin Van Holstrum to their group.
They had been barreling their way through the streets in Jennings’ truck when Jake had spotted him. He was covered in blood and limping. It was dumb. It was downright impulsive as fuck, and he knew there was no way Jennings would let him get out of the truck. So, when Jennings slowed to navigate around a huge pile-up at an intersection, Jake suddenly jumped out the passenger seat with a blanket in tow and ran over to him. He felt like a fool at the time. It seemed like a desperate attempt to curry Sarah’s favor with a selfless act of heroism. Jake didn’t know what had made him go after Benjamin, but it definitely wasn’t to impress Sarah. She had seen him for what he was, and not even saving her was changing her mind any time soon. It wasn’t as if he was a dog lover either. The Sarah McLachlan dog shelter commercials didn’t even make him sad or change the channel, but a chord had been struck within him. It had been a long day for Jake: saving others, killing others, inadvertently saving others and not to mention inadvertently killing others, so the “saving” of Benjamin really didn’t make sense in the moment but his motivations in normal life rarely made sense, so this was par for the course.
“I got you, buddy,” Jake had whispered as he wrapped Benjamin in the blanket and brought him to his chest. “Let’s get out of here!”
