by Gail Koger
The downside of my sanity was the ugly brown shirt squashed my breasts and I was afraid if I breathed too deeply the buttons would pop off. Pushing the maid’s cart to room 1213, I inserted the pass keycard Uncle Aldo had made me and slipped inside Ethan’s hotel room.
Whoa! The elegant sitting room had a terrific view of the city and double doors opened onto an enormous balcony complete with comfy lounge chairs. The opulent bedroom was a playboy’s wet dream with a bed big enough for an orgy. He’d better enjoy it now. Ethan’s next accommodation would be a six by eight cell with a metal toilet.
Pulling on my latex gloves, I planted the jewelry in the air vent and the laser pistol in his luggage. Once I was safely out of the hotel, I’d call the police with an anonymous tip.
I passed the wet bar and a plate of warm chocolate chip cookies drew me like a magnet. The hotel did know how to treat its customers. I grabbed one and took a bite. Oh! My! God! Could you have an orgasm from chocolate? I took another bite. Ooooh yeah.
I put the plate of cookies on my cart. No sense in leaving them. I mean, guys weren’t into chocolate, right? Stuffing the cookie in my mouth, I opened the door and stepped into the hallway.
The elevator doors dinged, and Ethan strolled out. Holy shit! Talk about bad timing. At lease he hadn’t teleported into the room with me in it. I sucked in a deep, calming breath. No reason to freak out. All he would see was an overweight Hispanic looking maid doing her job. Keeping my head down, I pushed the cart calmly down the corridor. His cocky stride had me gritting my teeth. Macho creep. I risked a quick peek.
Huh? The rat had gotten a haircut and his cold amber eyes were locked on the plate of cookies as he walked towards me. They were mine and there was no way Ethan was getting his paws on them.
The top button on my shirt suddenly shot off like it had been propelled by a rocket launcher. I watched in horror as it smacked him right between the eyes. Oh hell!
Ethan stopped dead and stared at me. “Helping yourself to my cookies, sweetheart?”
His sweetheart sounded more like a cuss word than an endearment.
When I didn’t respond he added, “Do you know you have my chocolate on your mouth?”
His chocolate? I quickly swiped at my lips. “No comprende.” I winced. My Mexican accent really sucked.
Ethan’s gaze narrowed. “Drop the act. You’re the little, hot to trot hussy from the museum.”
Hussy? “No comprende.”
He snorted. “Like hell you don’t. Your violet eyes are quite unique. Guys don’t forget a chick grabbing their ass and asking for a threesome. I’ll bet you a hundred credits, you have an angel tattooed on your right breast.”
The angel was a birthmark, not a tattoo. “No comprende,” I repeated, pushing the cart faster.
Another button rocketed off and whacked him in the nose. Ethan’s gaze settled on my ample cleavage. “What were you doing in my room, Angel?”
Crap. I should have never worn that tank top. I pulled a miniature stun gun from my apron pocket. “No hablas.”
“Oh, you understand me perfectly. You’re under arrest for breaking and entering and theft of cookies.”
He wanted them back. Not a problem. Grabbing the plate of cookies with my left hand, I smashed it in this face and scurried around the cart. “You don’t have the authority to arrest me.”
He wiped at the smooshed cookies decorating his face. “The hell I don’t.” Ethan shoved the cart out of the way and lunged at me.
I ducked under his out-stretched arms and nailed him in the stomach with my stun gun.
With a grunt. Ethan crumpled to the floor and not even thirty seconds later, he was struggling to his feet. “Stun guns don’t work on Coletti warlords, sweetheart.”
“This stun gun isn’t like the others. Not only does the electric shock play havoc with your brain synapses, it also keeps you from teleporting. Oh yeah, and it slows you down. Way down. A toddler could outrun you.” I smiled at him. “Bye, bye, sweetheart.”
“You just made the biggest mistake of your life,” Ethan growled, his movements stiff and graceless.
“No, you have.” Yanking the fire alarm, I dropped a smoke bomb and hauled ass down the stairs.
I was wheezing like a stranded guppy when I finally made it to the parking lot. Twelve flights of stairs in less than five minutes had to be a record.
Sirens wailing, several fire trucks and cop cars squealed to a stop. A large crowd of panicked people poured out of the hotel’s front doors. I’d say my diversion was a success.
My calf muscles protesting loudly, I hobbled over to my ancient gold Sonata and climbed in.
The door to the staircase flew open and a pissed as hell Coletti warrior barreled out.
Crap. The effects were already wearing off. I waved all friendly-like at him and started the engine.
Ethan mouthed: I will find you.
Flipping him the bird, I mouthed back: no you won’t.
His fists clenched Ethan sprinted towards me. Wow! That sucker could really run.
I gunned it and roared out of the parking lot. Ha! I showed him. A smug look at the rearview mirror had me groaning. He was typing something into his warrior’s bracelet keypad. Like maybe my license plate number?
I hit 9-1-1 on my com-link. The line rang and rang and rang. To my horror an automated voice answered, “You have reached 9-1-1. All the lines are busy. If you have a life-threatening emergency, please stay on the line.”
Crap. My plan was going down the toilet.
My com-link snapped, crackled and went dead. I glanced over at the passenger seat and sure enough there sat Granny Annabel still decked out like a gypsy.
“You’re messin’ up our plan!”
“The museum mafioso arrested Aldo.”
My stomach clenched in horror. “That’s not possible.”
“How they know Aldo is El Gato, the most wanted thief in Europe. How?”
“That hateful Coletti you’re so fond of, installed a facial recognition system,” I replied.
“No good. No good. The mafioso detained him until la Polizia came. They take him to jail.”
I rubbed my suddenly aching head. “It doesn’t make any sense. Sebastian and his geek squad deleted all known data on the Dragos clan from Central Command’s computers years ago.”
“Ethan’s a clever man, bambina. He finds way to recover this information. Now he searches for the other half of his soul.”
“There’s nothing romantic about this. Ethan isn’t some starry-eyed man, looking for his lost love. He wants to put me in jail,” I shot back grumpily.
“I do not like your tone.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t try to set me up with the Tai-Kok.”
“The Tai-Kok were alien monsters,” Granny retorted.
“So are the Coletti.”
Granny stated implacably, “Ethan is your man.”
“No, he’s not.”
Granny Annabel gave me the evil eye. “You doubt me?”
“Yes.”
“Then do as you wish but fate will not be denied.” She vanished.
Fate will not be denied. What a bunch of hooey.
My com-link sprang to life with a wonky beep. “Hello?”
Ethan’s sexy, deep timbered voice asked, “Do you prefer Kizzy or Angel?”
The hair on the back of my neck literally stood up. “How did you get my number?”
“I have resources.”
“Like access to a Central Command’s computers?”
Ethan countered with, “Robbing the museum is a very bad idea.”
“Are you calling me a thief?”
“You’re a Dragos and your clan likes taking things that don’t belong to them.”
I scowled. “As do the Coletti and look where that got them.”
“Come back to the hotel and we’ll talk.”
I laughed, genuinely amused. “Talk? Do you think I’m that stupid?”
There was a steely edge to his vo
ice when he promised, “I will find you.”
“I seriously doubt that.”
Ethan’s voice became a seductive purr. “Do you know what I find so fascinating about you?”
“Lose the charm, it doesn’t work on me.”
“Ok, Angel, let me spell it out for you. My exact double robbed a jewelry store this morning. The minute my double stepped out the door, he vanished, and poof! Guess who appeared? You. Your illusion was quite convincing and could have resulted in my arrest, but your plan had one fatal flaw. The local police can’t detain a Coletti warlord.”
“How nice for you.” It wasn’t my fault the saleswoman got the screaming meemies. I barely made it out the door before the image I was projecting evaporated.
“There’s one other thing you cleared up for us today.”
I didn’t like the gotcha note in Ethan’s voice. “What’s that?”
“There have been rumors circulating about the women in your clan being psychic. Your actions today proved that to be fact not fiction.”
“It was a computer-generated illusion. Nothing more.”
“Here’s another little-known fact. Central Command installed neuroimaging sensors around the city. When you drew on your psychic powers it showed up on their scanners and they have enough evidence to lock you up for armed robbery.”
Shit! I disconnected and hit speed dial. As soon as my cousin, Sebastian, answered I quickly filled him in on the situation.
“Don’t worry I’ll have Aldo out in an hour, luv, and any information the Coletti have managed to accumulate on us, will be deleted again.”
Utter relief filled me. Sebastian could hack any computer and his associates were experts at rescuing people from Coletti holding facilities. Breaking Uncle Aldo out the county jail would be simple. “Thanks, I owe you one. What’s with the English accent?”
“I’m impersonating John Seymour, the Duke of Somerset.”
“Hasn’t he been dead for like two hundred years?”
“My mark doesn’t know that.”
Horns honked and brakes squealed. I shot a worried look at my rearview mirror. A black Hummer weaved in and out of traffic.
Holy hell! It was Ethan. Gotta say he was a persistent bugger. I was surprised he hadn’t called one of his Coletti buddies out at Luke Air Force base to disable my car. Male pride being what it was, he probably wanted to catch me himself. I swerved around a Lexus and shot down a side street.
The Hummer followed, barely missing a city bus. Betcha he was pissed about the cookies too. I would be.
“Kizzy?”
“I’ll call you back, Sebastian, gotta ditch a Coletti with a death wish.”
“You need help? I can be there in eight hours.”
“Nah, I can handle him. Just get Uncle Aldo out of the country.”
“Be careful, luv.”
“I always am. Ciao.” I disconnected, took a hard right down an alley and shot into a large parking garage. Time for a little hide and seek. I parked on the bottom level, grabbed my goodie bag and fled into the mall.
The first restroom I came across, I hurried inside and transformed myself into an old, gray-haired lady. Instead of the maid’s outfit, I now wore a baggy, flower print dress.
Granny’s disembodied voice hissed, “Why are you running from your man?”
“Give it a rest, will ya. If you haven’t noticed, Ethan’s trying to arrest me, not kiss me.”
“The fates have chosen him for you. They will not be denied.”
I wanted to bang my head against the wall. “Ok, let’s get real here. I’m the last woman on Earth Ethan would be interested in. Coletti warlords want women with awesome psychic abilities. I’m a dud. I’m not pretty nor am I skinny.”
“Men like large-breasted women.”
“You got me there. I do have big boobs, but most Coletti warriors want a woman who will obey their every command. That’s not me.”
With a blast of arctic air Granny Annabel appeared in the restroom. “He is built like a stallion and he knows how to fuck.”
My granny was using the F word!
“You need an experienced man, one who knows how to pleasure a woman.”
The image of his snake-like cock popped into my mind and I gasped. “Are those tentacles?”
“They are his love toys,” Granny replied.
“Oh, hell no. I want a guy with a normal dick. One who will respect me, treat me as an equal and be my best friend.”
“Friends? Bah! You need passion and fire.”
“Like you had with Uncle Frederic? He broke your heart and took every penny you had. So, I think I’ll pass.”
“You hateful child, I raised you better than that.”
“Uncle Aldo raised me,” I retorted.
The temperature in the restroom suddenly became sub-arctic and ice formed on the mirror.
“La famiglia is more important than gold,” Granny Annabel snapped.
A snow flurry erupted.
“Can we lose the blizzard?”
“I want your promise that you will allow Ethan to court you.”
My teeth chattering, I cried, “You win! If he asks me out on a date, I’ll go.” The chances of that happening were zero.
“Ethan will give you many fine babies.”
A slightly hysterical laugh broke from me. “Whoop-de-do. What I’ve always wanted. A man with tentacles on his dick.”
“He will love you like no other,” Granny Annabel said and vanished.
That was a given. The sooner I got Ethan Jones out of my life, the happier I would be.
The snow flurry stopped, and I found myself staring at a bug-eyed kid standing by the urinal. Huh? I hadn’t even realized I had ducked into the men’s room. “What are you looking at?”
“Snow. You.” His voice quivered.
“Beat it.”
He bolted.
Still shivering from the subzero temperatures, I opened the restroom door and groaned. The mall was swarming with cops and Coletti warriors. Wow! All this for little ole’ me?
I didn’t see Ethan, but his buddies were carefully scanning every person before allowing them to leave the mall. Hmm. Time for a diversion. I set the timers on three smoke bombs and casually dropped them in different trash containers.
I might not be the greatest thief in the Dragos clan, but I was a damn good actor. Hobbling like I was ninety-years old and on my death bed, I joined the line at the doors. After a quick look around for my nemesis, I drew on my power and projected the illusion of a Rodan raiding party at the opposite end of the mall.
A woman screamed, “Rodan!”
People stampeded out the doors.
The Coletti Warriors and cops charged toward the fake Rodan.
Pop. Pop. Pop. Smoke spewed from the trash cans.
A kindly man scooped up my shivering form and carried me to safety. Fat girl, two. Warlord, zero.
Chapter Five
The nice man’s name was John. He had a grandmother my age and insisted on driving me home. Did I feel bad for conning him? Nope. Ethan and his buddies would be checking all public transportation. I also didn’t feel like walking home in the 110-degree heat.
I climbed the steep flight of stairs to my crappy apartment and groaned. The manager had slapped a three-day eviction notice on the door. There was only one safe haven left to me. My uncle’s workshop. I quickly packed up my stuff. Projecting the image of an elderly nun, I dragged the heavy luggage down the endless steps and whimpered when a patrol car pulled up. Everything I owned was in the suitcases. I couldn’t leave them behind. I knew the minute I ran for it, there would be a zillion Coletti warriors teleporting in. My only option was to bluff my way out.
Two grim-faced cops got out of the squad car.
Maybe they weren’t here for me. Maybe I was freakin’ out over nothing. The guy in 307 grew marijuana.
My jerk of a landlord walked over to them. “Kizzy Dragos is in apartment 306. What’s the warrant for?”
&nbs
p; “Theft,” the older cop said.
I guess Ethan was still pissed about the cookies.
The cute, young cop inquired, “Do you know if she’s home?”
“Dunno.” The landlord replied and went back inside his office.
The older cop started up the stairs.
My taxi pulled up.
I headed for the cab and pushed more power into my illusion.
The young cop stopped in front of me. Need some help, Sister?”
“I’m collecting donations for the homeless and God’s children have been very generous.”
To my surprise, he took a credit chip out of his pocket and handed it to me. “Keep up the good work.”
“Bless you, my son.” To my relief my he didn’t notice the slight flicker in the image I was projecting.
The driver popped the trunk.
Before I could haul my luggage over to the taxi, the young cop took the bags from me and loaded them in the trunk. “Your kindness will be rewarded, my son. Have a blessed day.” I made the sign of the cross.
“Thank you, Sister,” the young cop said and followed his partner up the staircase.
My hands shaking badly, I got in the taxi and had the driver drop me off at the closest Catholic church. Once he drove off, I dropped my illusion and hauled ass down the alley.
Sweat dripping down my face, I paused to catch my breath. I wasn’t used to all this running. If my luggage didn’t have wheels, I’d probably be in the emergency room again for heat exhaustion. Maybe I should start exercising more. I thought about it for a moment. Nah, I hated going to the gym. Too many Barbie doll types.
A slew of sirens sounded.
Oh goody. They had checked with the taxi company and found out where the driver had dropped me off.
My com-link abruptly came online, and Ethan’s deep voice growled, “I’m now charging you with assault, terrorist acts and aiding a fugitive. You’re going to spend the next twenty years in prison.”
“Do you really have tentacles on your penis?”
There was a long silence. “What?”
“Tentacles. You know those little squiggly things.”
“And if I do?”
