by Lake, Alex
‘And why did she want me to call you?’
‘Because she wanted me to tell you what she’s going to do. She didn’t want to tell you herself. She said you’d be angry.’
What he wanted to do was shout that’s a bloody excuse. She’s playing games, but that would make him sound angry. Which would be kind of proving her point. He took a deep breath. ‘What’s she going to do?’
‘She’s made up her mind, Matt. She’s thought about it a lot.’
‘And?’
He had a horrible, sinking feeling that he knew exactly what Tessa was going to say.
‘She’s going to have the baby.’
‘No,’ he said. ‘No way. She’s not thinking about it clearly. She’s too young. We’re both too young!’
‘She wants to have the baby.’
Matt took the receiver from his ear and rested it against his chest. Lindsey was pregnant, and she was going keep it. She was going to be a mum.
He was going to be a dad.
He lifted the receiver to his ear. Tessa was in the middle of saying something.
‘—and she’s a nice person. Honestly. She’s lovely.’
‘I don’t doubt it,’ he said. ‘But I don’t want a baby with her.’
‘I know,’ Tessa said. ‘It’s such a huge thing. I’ve kind of been in shock these past few days. It’s been so hard to say nothing. I tried to tell her it might not be a great idea, but she’s made up her mind. It’s her right to do that, Matt.’
‘I know. But she needs to unmake it.’
‘I don’t think she will.’
‘You’re her friend now. Tell her this is a big mistake.’
Tessa sighed. ‘I told you: I tried. This isn’t good, Matt, but she’s going to do it, and you have to face up to that.’
‘Jesus,’ Matt said. ‘This is a fucking nightmare.’
‘There’s one other thing,’ Tessa said. ‘Lindsey wanted me to mention this, too. She thinks you might listen to me.’
‘What now?’ he said. ‘Is it twins?’
‘That’s not funny. And no, it isn’t.’ She paused. ‘As I said earlier, I’ve got to know her and I like her a lot. She’s a great person, Matt. She knows she got it wrong with you, but she’s learned from it. She loves you, and she knows that you love her too, deep down.’
‘I don’t, Tessa.’
‘Maybe. But you should give her a chance. You should consider it.’
‘Consider what?’
‘Getting back together with her.’
There was no possibility of that. None. All he could think of was trying to persuade her not to go through with it.
‘I don’t think that’s on the cards, Tess,’ he said. ‘It wasn’t working out.’
‘I know,’ Tessa said. ‘But I promised Linz I’d talk to you about it. At least ask you to think about it.
‘There’s nothing to think about. We weren’t right for each other.’
‘She’s changed.’
‘I don’t think so,’ he said. ‘And anyway, there’s someone else.’
His sister did not reply for a few seconds. ‘Annabelle?’
‘Yes. How do you know?’
‘That’s the name you called her.’
‘I see. Well, we’re kind of together now.’
‘Yeah,’ his sister said. ‘But is that only because you and Linz parted on bad terms? If it wasn’t for that, you might never have fallen for her.’
‘The thing is, Tessa, I like her. We’ve only been on one date but we clicked. I didn’t feel that way about Lindsey.’
‘You’ve been on one date, Matt. That’s nothing.’
‘I know. But … we clicked, that’s all I can say. Look,’ he said. ‘I can see why she wanted you to talk to me, but it makes no difference. We’re not getting back together. And Lindsey needs to talk to me herself. You have no idea how serious this is.’
‘I do,’ Tessa said. ‘Which is why I agreed to help. I don’t want to be caught up in this. It’s been killing me, Matt. I’ve been so worried. I can’t sleep.’
‘Shit, Tessa. You don’t need to put up with this. I’ll deal with it, OK? I love you, but this is between me and Lindsey.’
‘I love you too,’ Tessa said. ‘Good luck, big brother.’
He had a shower and a cigarette and a coffee, then he called Lindsey. His sister had evidently got there first.
‘You didn’t wait long, did you?’ she said.
‘For what?’
‘To replace me. Tessie told me about Annabelle. She’s been around a while, huh? That was the name you called me. You’d hardly left home, and already I was nothing to you.’
Tessie? No one called his sister Tessie.
‘I don’t want to argue about this,’ Matt said. ‘There’s no point. I met someone else. I’m not trying to hide it.’
‘You’re pathetic. I can’t believe you’re going to be the father of my child. I’m going to have to put up with you for years.’
‘Then don’t do it,’ Matt said. ‘You don’t have to have the baby.’
‘How dare you!’ she shouted. ‘It’s my body and my baby, and you don’t get to tell me what to do!’
‘I wasn’t telling you what to do. I was just saying—’
‘I hate you, Matt. I can’t believe I ever thought you were the one for me. I hate you.’
‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I am. I don’t want to upset you, but I don’t know what to do or say, Lindsey. We can talk about it more, if you like.’
‘There’s nothing to talk about. I’m having the baby and you can do whatever you want. See it, be there for it, or ignore it. I don’t care.’
‘I’ll be there for it, of course,’ he said. ‘I’ll—’
The phone went dead. He hung up and slumped against the wall of the phone booth. This was a disaster.
There was only one thing he could do, and it was the last thing in the world he wanted to do.
He was going to have to go home and sort this out.
‘I thought it was all over?’ Annabelle took a drag on her cigarette. ‘You guys broke up?’
‘We did.’
‘Then why do you have to go home to see her?’
There was another note in his letter box when he got back from the phone call – how he wished it was the only note he’d got that day – saying Meet me at our bench at noon. A xx
Our bench. They had a bench.
‘She called and left me a message to get in touch. She had news.’
‘Oh?’ Annabelle looked wary. She folded her arms. ‘What kind of news?’
He was not going to lie. What he had with Annabelle was already too precious. He didn’t want to start off with lies, apart from ones about liking opera. ‘She’s pregnant.’
She blinked, eyes wide. ‘That’s some news. You’re the father?’
He nodded. ‘Apparently.’
‘Didn’t you guys – you know. Use protection?’
‘Condoms. I guess they’re not foolproof.’
‘Did one break or something?’
‘No. I don’t think so. I don’t remember that happening.’
‘Then they’re pretty reliable.’
He shrugged. ‘Not reliable enough.’ He took her free hand in his. ‘I wanted to tell you,’ he said. ‘I don’t want anything hidden between us. I’m going to tell you the truth, always. So, in that vein – I really like you, Annabelle. I want you to know that, as well.’
‘I like you too. A lot.’
He felt a wave of relief. ‘That’s fantastic.’
‘But—’
But. That one word was like a knife slipped between his ribs.
‘But what?’ he said.
‘But I think you need to sort this out,’ Annabelle said. ‘It’s a big deal, for you and for Lindsey. You need to make sure you get this right, and I don’t want to distract you from that.’
‘You won’t,’ Matt said. ‘We can just take it slow. I’m not going to get back together with her
, whatever happens. It doesn’t need to change things for us.’
‘You’re going to be a dad,’ Annabelle said. She had tears in her eyes.
‘Not necessarily,’ he said. ‘That might not happen.’
‘But while it might that changes everything for us.’ She took his hands in hers. They were warm and soft. ‘So go home and do what you need to do. And when the dust settles we’ll see where we are.’ She leaned forward and kissed him, then stood up, and walked away from their bench.
5
‘Hi, Matt.’ Lindsey’s mum, Sue, opened the door. ‘You’re back! How’s university?’
He had gone home first and Tessa had told him that Lindsey had not informed her parents about the pregnancy; she was worried they would force her to have an abortion, so she was planning to keep it a secret as long as she could.
‘It’s great.’
‘Lindsey said you’re enjoying it. She was hoping to visit more often but she mentioned you have a lot going on.’
‘Yeah,’ he said. It was clear that Lindsey had not told her parents they had broken up, either. ‘It’s pretty busy.’
‘Well, I’m glad you made it home. She’s been missing you. She’s upstairs.’
Lindsey was sitting on her bed, reading a magazine. When he came into the room she looked up at him with a sweet smile. There was no trace of the hatred she had expressed so forcefully that morning.
‘Hi, stranger,’ she said. ‘Long time, no see.’
‘Right.’
She patted the bed. ‘Take a seat.’
He stayed standing. He looked at her stomach. There were no signs of her pregnancy.
‘So,’ he said. ‘You’re pregnant.’
‘We’re pregnant.’
He ignored her clarification. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’
‘Sit down,’ she said. ‘You’re making me feel uncomfortable.’
He looked around for a chair. There had been one at her desk, but it was gone. He wondered whether she had removed it so he had nowhere to sit, but caught himself. It was probably just downstairs.
He sat next to her on the bed.
‘So. We’re going to be parents.’
‘If you have the baby. There’s still time to change your mind. We haven’t talked about it yet.’
She laughed. ‘You can’t understand,’ she said. ‘But I have no choice. I have to have this baby. It’s my child. I can’t do anything to hurt it.’
‘I understand. But for the record, do I get any say?’
She shook her head. ‘But I know you’re a good man, Matt. I know you’ll want to do the right thing for our baby, whatever you think just now.’
‘I will. I’ll do the best I can. But—’
‘I knew you would.’ She smiled. ‘I knew I could count on you. I knew you’d be ready to give it a try.’
He frowned. ‘Give what a try?’
‘Us. The baby.’
He got to his feet. ‘Lindsey. I don’t want to sound mean, but it’s over. There’s no us.’
‘There is, and there always will be. We’ve created this child together. That’ll never go away, and all I want is what’s best for the child. Don’t you want the same?’
‘Of course, but—’
‘What “but” can there be?’ she said. ‘We have to put the baby first. If it doesn’t work out, that’s fine. But we owe it to our child to give it a try. And I think we can do it, Matt. And a second ago you said you’ll do the best you can.’
That was not what he meant. ‘Look,’ he said. ‘I’m not ready for this.’
‘Matt. This is your child. You have to face up to your responsibilities.’
‘I’m at university.’
‘That’s fine. You can come back on the weekends. The baby’s due in late May, so you’ll be nearly done with the year by then. And we can move there together for your second year.’
She was smiling at him, her hands folded over her stomach. He wanted to run from the room and never come back.
‘I don’t think that’s going to work,’ he said.
‘We can give it a try! It’s only a bit of weekend travel!’
‘Not that,’ he said. ‘Me and you. We broke up. It was over.’
‘It was over. But that’s only because you left for university. If you’d stayed here we’d still be together. And this is a sign you should have. This is a gift from the universe.’ She sat upright. ‘You have to stay with me, Matt. You can’t abandon me. What will people think? What will your parents think? Your sister?’
‘When are you going to tell your mum and dad?’
‘When the time is right.’
‘And what would we say in the meantime? About me coming back at weekends?’
She shrugged. ‘That we got back together.’
‘I need – I need to think,’ he said.
‘OK,’ she replied. ‘But you know what you have to do, Matt.’
Saturday, 7 March 2020, 10.00 p.m.
Matt
Tessa put her hand on his elbow. ‘You have tea?’ she said.
‘In the kitchen,’ Matt replied. Mike was sitting by Annabelle; she looked pale and ill. He didn’t feel much better himself, but he had to keep moving, keep thinking this through, keep trying to find the answer.
Although up to now there were no answers.
‘Where in the kitchen?’ Tessa asked.
‘The cupboard above the kettle. You know where the tea is.’
‘Come with me,’ she said, and caught his eye. She walked out of the living room and he followed her into the kitchen.
‘What is it?’ he said.
‘There is another possibility,’ she said. ‘You didn’t mention it, so I wanted to add it to the list.’
‘What do you mean, “another possibility”?’
‘For who this could be.’
Matt studied his sister. He knew the expression on her face. It was the one she got when she was about to say something that might be unpopular. ‘We needed to be alone for you to tell me?’
‘It might be better.’
‘What are you getting at, Tess?’
‘It’s possible there’s someone else,’ she said.
‘Someone else?’ There was no time for this cryptic bullshit. ‘I don’t get it. Just say it.’
‘Another man,’ Tessa said. ‘Someone who’s in love with Annabelle.’
‘We went through that. There’s no one we know. It could be a fan, but other than that there’s no one.’
‘No one you know. Annabelle might know them.’
It took a moment for him to understand what she was suggesting. No wonder she had looked uncomfortable.
‘You think she’s having an affair?’
‘No, I don’t. I’m only saying that it’s a possible explanation, and you shouldn’t rule it out. Maybe it was a fling, and the guy became obsessed. Or she flirted with someone and they took it to mean something it didn’t. It happens, Matt.’
‘No,’ he said. ‘She wouldn’t do that.’
‘I agree. But it’s worth considering.’
‘In any case, she’d have said. Our kids’ lives are at risk!’
‘She might be hoping there’s another way to solve it. One that doesn’t involve you finding out.’
He felt a twinge of doubt. Was this possible? It would explain it, that was for sure. But it would mean Annabelle had had an affair – or something of that nature – and then lied to him when the man she’d had an affair with had kidnapped their kids.
It was almost impossible to believe.
But then the entire thing was almost impossible to believe.
‘What do you suggest?’ he said.
‘Ask her.’
‘She won’t like it. Do you want to?’
‘Not with our history,’ said Tessa. ‘We’re friends now, but you know.’
He did know. They had not got off to a great start. It wasn’t their fault, but still.
‘OK,’ he said. ‘I’ll mention i
t.’
Annabelle
Matt and Tessa came back into the room. Matt looked shaken and frightened. Tess had a serious look on her face. She did not meet Annabelle’s gaze.
Matt sat next to her on the couch. He nodded at Tessa and Mike. ‘I need to speak to Annabelle alone,’ he said. ‘Only for a moment.’
‘What is it?’ she said, when they were alone.
Matt seemed almost nervous. He folded his arms. ‘You had any more ideas?’
‘About what?’
‘About who it might be?’
‘No.’ She caught his eye. ‘Have you?’
‘I did have a thought,’ he said. ‘A possible explanation.’
‘And?’
‘Tessa – we were talking and she had an idea. About who might be responsible.’
‘Tessa?’ she said. ‘What did she say?’
‘What if it’s someone who’s in love with you?’
‘We went through this already. There’s no one.’
‘Maybe someone you don’t want to tell me about.’ He looked away, unable to hold her gaze.
‘Like who?’
‘Annabelle,’ he said. ‘This is a possibility, that’s all. No one is saying it’s true. But we owe it to our kids to examine every avenue, right?’
‘Right.’ She paused. She didn’t like where this was going, and, if the expression on his face was anything to go by, neither did he. ‘What avenue is this, Matt? Who might be in love with me who I don’t want you to know about?’
‘Someone who – if you had’ – he inhaled deeply – ‘if you had had an affair, or a fling, or even simply gave someone reason to think—’
‘If I had had an affair?’ Annabelle said. She could barely believe what he was saying. ‘Are you suggesting I have a secret boyfriend?’
‘No,’ Matt said. ‘But if there was someone.’ He paused and lifted up his hands, palms facing her. ‘I’m not accusing you of anything—’
‘It sounds like you are.’
‘—but think about it. One explanation could be a jilted lover. A one-night stand—’
‘This is insane, Matt. Stop talking. Please.’
He looked away. ‘I’m not saying you did anything, Annabelle. But theoretically this is an explanation and we have to explore every possible avenue. That’s all.’
