“Nothing, really. Leave me alone ... “I defend myself.
“I know that may not concern me. But I know everything. That was Jake, right? “
“No, not really, I fell down the stairs when I crawled to Mary. That’s not a big deal. “
“Ah, fall, I think so too yes.” Neighbor said thoughtfully.
“What can I do to make it stop?”
“Well, it was nothing. I really fell down the stairs. “
“You say I remove steps and you will never fall down again?"
“Madam, come, leave me alone. You see what I have to do. “I turned to work but she was already on the other side.
“Are you convinced that nothing can be done?” she insisted.
“Yes, sure.”
“How it was when you fell down the stairs?”
“You know, painful, ...” why you keep poking me?
“Painful, yes. I imagine I know how it is if you got a strong hit. “
“But no one slapped me, I'm alone when I fell down the stairs.”
“Yes, yes. I know you are alone, but ... “Again I turned to the other side.
“You see, my lord gave me this work until dawn and I have to really work.” I tried to go out of this conversation.
“If you don’t do it, you will fall down the stairs again, right?” She still didn’t stop.
“Oh no ma'am. You really don’tt know how to be quit? “I was direct this time. She already went on my nerves, but I did not know what to do to save myself from her.
“I'll stop, when you admit that Jake did it.”
“Yes it was him. Now can I work in peace? “
“Of course. And I'm going to go talk to him. “
“No, please don’t.” I asked.
“Of course I am. That’s not how to work with slaves, let alone with the girls. “
And she went. I was not able to convince to the contrary. She just turned and went. Now I know I will be beaten again. You never know how much, but I know I will. I shouldn’t have tell her. Never, ever. How stupid I am. How could I do that? Now I have to give all of myself to work really hard.
I was the first who succeeded my part of the field, so I was sent by Jake to help others. Of course I had to do it without objection. In the evening we all picked up the whole field. Children and maids, went to bed, the adults had fun outside, whit of course lots of alcohol.
The time was around midnight. All has been quiet. I thought, thank god, Jake has gone to bed already. But I was wrong! He came into my room. At he sneaked quietly to my bed. I'm already half asleep. I turned. There he was. Half-naked. With him he had a stick.
”Do what you have to. I knew that I will be beaten again. “I said and pulled back the sheet. Then it happened, something that I really did not expect. He told me: “Shut up.” He gave me handkerchief in the mouth so that I could not say a word. Then he started ... I felt it everywhere ... I was quite scared. I'd like to scream, but I couldn’t ... I tossed and turn but it didn’t help ... it was even worse because he beat me because I resisted ... I felt it inside and it hurt like hell. Suddenly he stopped…. In the end he said: “You asked for it.” Before he left the room he tied me up, so I coulnd’t go nowhere for help. I cried crocodile tears. They ran as in streams. Neither I did not dare to go to sleep. I was scared of next day. Will it be the same, or different? The children are going to school next morning, so he will have much more time for me… Oh no…
It was dawn. Finally. The night was so long. That morning, earlier than usual, Mary came to my room.
“Kate, what happened?” she was schoked.
“Nothing much Mary. Really. “
“Well, the bed is quite wet. Did you cry? "
“Yes I did. But nothing significant. You know today is two years that I no longer have parents and I am therefore a little sad. “
“God. If I knew how to console you. “
“It's nothing you can do. Going to school right? “
“Yes, I am. In fifth grade I know. “
"Yes I know. I would go fifth grade as well if I was still in Africa. "
“Really? Nice. I’ll teach you something when I have the time, okay? “
“Thank you Mary. Have fun at school. “She went out. Ray had already gone to school if I am correct. Jane showed me where cotton is processed into textile. She showed me how to do that, then just leave me there and I have from dusk till dawn to work. Some days it was very pleasant between wood but it got cold quickly. Luckily I could fire the fireplace. Autumn holidays were approaching when I stopped weaving and got white textile from our cotton.
“Jake will be travelling to Africa, because he got a job there.” said Jane.
“Really? To our people? What will he do there?”
“He is supposed to help them with something.” Jane explained.
“The right man, yes.” I imagined. He will go there to help them, but he is treating me so badly and he always says bad words about us. Is he really the right man to help them?
“Kate, if you want you can have a free time. This is about two weeks. “
“Yes ma'am? You would give me free time “
“Well, you should still be on our property, but yes. You don’t need to work constantly. “
“Thank you ma'am. I will be grateful for life! “I was very happy when I was offered 14 days of free work days. Of course I will help, if anyone on the estate said that he needs assistance, but still. This kindness means a lot to me. Jake went to Africa, Mary and Ray were on vacation. This time I truly really get to know Ray. He was a little older, he should have about fifteen. He had blue eyes and brown hair like his sister only shorter. Although it was cold, we liked to play outside.
“So Kate, you're from Africa right?” Ray asked me.
“Yes I am.”
“Tell us how is living down there?” Mary wondered.
“If you could only see. For me is fantastic. In a village of course. I could never live in the city. There are racial discrimination, you know. “
“Yes I do. I wonder what work has Jake got in Africa. It's already common knowledge that uncle does not like blacks. “ said Ray.
“Yes, probably true. I notice it myself. “ I wondered for a bit. Can humans really hate someone just because of skin color?
“I wonder what it would be if I were one of you.” I said.
“Then I probably would not know you . You would live elsewhere. You might be very rich ... “ even the thought of it touched me.
“It would be nice. And different ... “ I dreamt with them.
“Yes, it would be completely different.”
I must say that I have in these two weeks spoiled and almost forgot how it is to be hit. Well another thing I still feel it on myself when I think about it. Towards the end I decided that I sought refuge elsewhere. Mary’s house is quite close. There I could spend my leisure time of day and night, without Jake knowing it. I really like that thought. The day before he returned, I carried my things over there and sleep over night. The next day I heard from Mary that a lot of people were looking for me, but she didn’t tell them my secret. Since textiles were already done, Jane told me that I should turn it in different colors.
“And how do I do that if I may ask?”
She explained to me that we get colors from various flower. For example I can get purple color from violets. Jane helped me to color our textile. We painted it with four different colors. Fifth of the violet, another fifth in red (from poppies), the third-fifth we painted in yellow (I do not know exactly from which flowers), fourth we let white, and last fifth we did colorful. We worked from morning till night, as the painting of goods and production of a color is long. Of course, this does not mean that the goods are finally colored. It dried up all night. The next day we'd have to paint again for the color to be more vivid. Again it dried up all night. The second day I had to let go of textile, because we cut down wood for the winter. Actually I was the one to cut them. It is true; they started to give
me harder work. They thought, I am 12 years old, I should be working. Anyway, I cut wood all day and into the night, but Jake still worry me about how I don’t do everything right. When a man can only flee! Only now I understand all of those views, which were given to me on the ship, only now I know exactly where I’ve departed.
Paul began to suffer pneumonia. Serious matter. Everyone in the house took care of him. even me and Stash who didn’t know well Paul. He was suffering for a very long time and we had to call the doctor everyday to examine him. Every time he said: “I’m sorry, there’s not much left for him. “But we still hoped. Especially me, because Paul was the only one who told Jake to stop fighting me. He died on Monday. We prepared a funeral for him. Everyone who knew him was saying something about him. They all remembered him in good light. All have spoken, but I'm somewhere in the background behind the people watching. Otherwise, I should work, but I was too upset. When everyone had gone to the house to eat a little, I went to his grave.
“Dear Mr. Paul. You always take good care of me. You have pulled for me. Who will now? Would I ever have such a protector, as you were? .... “ I was like everyone else at the funeral, I burst into tears. I could not understand how he could die so quickly. In fact, all the ones who somehow liked me died in the end. In the end I am alone. Why am I punished by God? Why do I deserve this? I'm still in Mary’s house, although it’s little cold, I take good care of myself. Mary came to visit me in the evening.
“Kate, how are you holding? Is it any better? “Otherwise, I really have been quite satisfied, but I told her that I do not want to
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