by A M Proctor
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Love and Trust
Ryzier was broody when we returned to the God Realm. Mason tore off his kilt the moment we were back. Ryzier disappeared the torn fabric with a snarl, “No need to be so fucking dramatic gargoyle.”
Mason merely growled at Ryzier. Shifted and flew away. I watched him disappear as Ryzier stormed into the manor. My girls were crying, and he sighed, “How do you not drown those two?”
I snorted with disgust as I picked up Inara. I caught Jah’s look of fear as she picked up Leila. I smiled at her and said, “Because I love them.”
He came over and peered at Inara. She whimpered up at him with huge crocodile tears puddling in her eyes. He said, “They make it hard for you though. Leaking like they do.”
Inara hid her face in my chest, but Leila reached for Ryzier. Before he knew it, she was in his arms and had fistfuls of his hair. “Ah, this one’s got me.”
I laughed as I passed Inara to Rah and untangled Leila’s fists. He held her away from him, under her arms. “She smells downright awful.”
He passed her to me with a wrinkled brow. I smiled at him as I shook my head. Maybe Ryzier isn’t daddy material, but he’s definitely mommy’s material.
“She’s a baby. They cry, smell and leak, but they’re precious little angels too.”
He snorted, “That’s why they’re repulsive to me.”
He turned away and said, “It’s time for me to go, anyway.”
I passed my stinky baby off and followed him. “Hold up, Demon. We need to talk.”
He spun around and pointed a finger at me. “See? That right there is why it’s way past time for me to go.”
I smirked and asked facetiously. “Awe. Is the poor sex demon running from his feelings?”
He glared at me most adorably. “The demon doesn’t have any feelings, vampire.”
I slipped my arms around his waist and pulled him close as I purred. “It’s vampire goddess to you and I bet I can make you… feel… lots.”
He smirked down at me. “That you can, wench.”
I took his hand and led him to the couches before the fireplace. He resisted sitting but eventually gave in to my small tugs. He huffed, “Say what you need to say but make it quick.”
“Can you teach me how to wield magic here?”
Yeah, not what he was expecting to hear. He jerked his gaze to mine in curious surprise. “What?”
“Specifically, how to move through portals the way you do.”
His gaze narrowed. “Why?” So suspicious and distrustful.
I smiled tightly. “I need to visit Atlantis.”
“No.”
I retorted, “Yes?”
He rolled his eyes. “I don’t fuck with Olympians or Titans for a reason, Nevaeh. They’re fucking bat shit and moody sons of bitches. You won’t be welcome in Atlantis, especially if you just pop in uninvited.”
“But my mother grew up there. I might have family there still. At the very least I can discover my Nereid gifts from the sea witches.”
He gripped my chin and said to my face. “No.”
He let me go and stood up. His face a mask of hurt and anger. “You have family right here. Standing in front of you. You don’t need to go searching for sea witches and grandparents who don’t give a shit about you.”
I shot up, realizing I’d just cut him deep with my words. He stepped back and opened a portal.
“Ryzier!”
He was gone. Damn it.
“Insecure asshole.”
~~~
I returned to my routine, focusing on improving my skills as a warrior with Atalanta and trying not to miss a moment with my twins. My mind continued to whirl around Alexei, Lukenon and mostly Ryzier.
Luke had found love. I was happy for him, and yet I struggled with jealousy and regret. There was an irrational part of me that screamed, ‘It should be me.’ That part didn’t care that I’d become the stuff of nightmares for Luke. It only saw our connection. It only remembered his body against mine. That destiny was fulfilled though. We had our moment before I transitioned. I needed to let him go.
Ryzier is an enigma. There are times I think I have him figured out. I don’t have him figured out at all. If he’d just give me something to cling to, something that told me he was trustworthy. Anything that tells me he’s redeemable would be nice but he just loves to get pissy and then runs off like he has more important things to do. What does he do when he leaves me? He meddles in other people's lives. Hell, I just met three individuals whom he tormented for decades.
So I question the things I learned about Alexei from Ryzier. Hell, I question everything when it comes to those two. It’s true, Alexei lied to me. Fact that he built an opulent cage under that mountain for me next to his dark secret, Narella. He left me without saying goodbye. Sent two more males to join my harem at the island mansion. No note from him, no words of love or regret. He just made those decisions for me.
It’s also true that if I’d known about Narella before we mated, I might have resisted Alexei’s love. I wouldn’t have my girls today. I wouldn’t have control over my bloodlust around the fae. Alexei made me strong. Nothing in his actions around me made me suspicious. He loved me with his entire being. Cared for me, protected me and gave me a family.
Was that real or was that the manipulation of someone who’s perfected his lies over a thousand years? It just felt real to me. My love was real. Was? I still love my mate. Is that because we blood bonded? I mean, our hands fused together during our mating ceremony. We had to be cut apart. Our blood mingled, but our souls did not. We are not two halves of the same soul, like the high fae royalty I met.
Other things factor in here too, like the fate of our species. Natural born vampires are a dying species. Fact is, breeding age females are rare. Strangely, I’m all right with Alexei breeding other females. It makes sense that the strongest of our species would keep first breeding rights. Males didn’t have harems. They breed females when they go into heat. We have babies to strengthen the species.
What I’m not all right with is being lied to about it. Being told I was Queen of Vampires and then led to believe I’d rule beside my king. He mated me, not them. He shouldn’t be allowed a harem of females. The females are supposed to have the harem. The males serve us, not the other way around. But Gregory’s behavior towards me proved a different mindset existed.
Maybe Alexei fell to the desire to keep his power as king. Maybe his desire to return to the old ways was just a romantic dream he believed until he was faced with the reality that other natural born females existed besides me. But he really seemed tired of ruling. Hadn’t his actions proven that? He disdained his duties, hated his court so much he refused to return for his sacrifice.
The way he spoke about the Blood Court in days of old didn’t feel like a lie to me. The king’s sacrifice had been a time of renewal, birth and honor. It was a celebrated ritual to feed the females and breeding males of the species, the kings strong, magical blood. They’d drain him to the point of death. Then he’d be placed inside the magical mountain to rejuvenate from the source of his power.
He didn’t sleep for ten years, he usually woke up in a year but it took almost ten years before he could perform another sacrifice. He had to remain in the mountain though. During that time, he told me of children’s laughter and the general happiness of the males and females at court. Watching the children born during his sleep grow up at court. The friendships and bonds that were formed. The people flourished, and this made him truly happy.
Now the Blood Court is ruled by males. They sacrifice Alexei to his males, and the females are human and fae. They are food and toys for ancient, bored and sometimes cruel males. They stole these females from their lives, like I had been. They’d been trained to perform like I had been when Vadim first took me.
The only thing that separated me from them was the fact that I was half fae and half pre-transitioned vampire. Vadim was already planning his rise to power
when Alexei discovered me. Did he truly rescue me or was it just a power play?
I guess it’s not a question of love for me. I love all three males that consumed my waking moments. I loved Lukenon enough to let him go. I loved Ryzier enough to accept his demon moments. I still loved Alexei despite his mistakes.
I love them, but I refuse to bend a knee to any of them. Yes, I’m weaker than Alexei. Not because I’m the weaker sex, but because he’s got a thousand years on me. Yeah, he might have more experience in manipulating people, but he forgets… I’m half goddess.
I greet Atalanta at the door. “Show me how you wield your goddess magic.”
She jerks back in surprise but beams. “All right, but we should do it outside. I don’t want you blowing up my manor house.”
We find a spot to sit in the newly refreshed garden yard. The fae flowers are blooming, and the fragrance fills my senses. My wood nymphs have really done a great job with this place. Even Atalanta is impressed with the results.
“It’s best to start small.” She lifts her fingers up, palm up, and rubs her thumb over her middle and forefinger. A small flame dances on her fingertips.
Her green eyes focus on me. “For me, it starts in the pit of my gut. A feeling that I focus on, then I will it so. When I was just learning, I had to focus a long time before I could make a spark. Now I tap into that spot inside me with a thought.”
She smiles as the flame on her fingers dances around her hand, up her arm and over her shoulder. It comes down her other arm and sits on the tips of the fingers of her other hand. I lean forward and ask, “Does it burn?”
She offers me the flame but says, “It will burn you, just like a real flame. It doesn’t burn its creator though.”
I sit back and stare at my fingertips, willing them to catch fire and feeling like an idiot for wanting to ignite my hand in flame. Atalanta chuckles as she extinguishes her flame.
“Fire might not be your element. Water, air or even energy might be your thing. Heck, you might even be able to use ancient vampiric magic.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know about that. Alexei never used magic, and he’s the king. Maybe we should start with water since I’m more sea goddess.”
She stood up and announced, “Then let’s start by manipulating water.”
I follow her towards the fountain in the garden's front. She continues, “It takes a lot of strength to create anything. As a god or goddess, your power comes from worship. Without someone worshiping you, your power isn’t as strong as it could be. I myself haven’t been worshiped like the Olympians have, but I’m happy with the powers I have.”
She stopped by the fountain and gave me a grin. “It's draining to create something from nothing. A tiny flame is nothing for me, but making a ball of fire to shoot at an enemy drains my source quickly. While Zeus can shoot lightning rods all night long, I’m only good for one or two fireballs and I’m done. However, I can manipulate a campfire, grow it and use it to shoot fireballs for me with almost no drain on my source.”
The fountain was a small trickle of water bubbling up from the pool beneath and dribbling back down the rise. It was more of a bird bath than an elaborate fountain. I focused on the pool as I searched for something inside me that wanted to connect with the water. Nothing wanted to connect. The more I tried, the more it seemed to flee from me.
Maybe if I touch the water. I dipped my right hand into the pool and concentrated harder. After a moment I sighed, “All I’m getting is a wet hand and the urge to pee.”
Atalanta laughed, “And… she makes water!”
I laughed too even though I felt like a complete failure. Atalanta cuffed me on the shoulder, “Water might just not be your thing either. Don’t give up though, try working with other elements. It’ll either come, or it won’t.”
I sighed again and faced her. “But I feel like water should be my element. I’ve always had a strong connection to the sea. I come from sea nymphs. So why can’t I manipulate water?”
She shrugged and started back to the house. “How are the wings coming along?”
I growled, “Heavy, uncomfortable, and they hurt me when I bring them out. I really don’t like feathers either. I was expecting leathery membranes with spikes on the top. You know, cool scary vampire wings. I get fallen angel wings.”
She chuckled, “At least you got wings.”
I smirked, “At least they aren’t white. So hard to keep clean.”
“Agreed. White isn’t your color, anyway. Say, I’m hosting a party at the palace in a couple days. I’d love for you to attend.”
I froze, and she turned and met my gaze. “Wouldn’t that be dangerous? I mean, I haven’t been officially invited to stay in this realm. I don’t want to get you in trouble with the big guys.”
She waved a hand and rolled her eyes. “You’ve proven that you can keep your fangs to yourself. The 'big guys’ are so self absorbed they’ve probably forgotten all about you. Besides, it’s just a few close friends of mine. My husband’s been away and I’ve been pretty lonely.”
I couldn’t hide my reluctance. “Sure but… I have nothing to wear to a fancy party with the gods… in a palace.”
Atalanta laughed with delight. “First off, it’s not a fancy party and second, I’m flattered you think I live in a palace. Girl, I’m not as fancy as some of these dolts that live here.”
I grinned sheepishly. “That’s why I like you.”
We reached the door to the manor house, and Atalanta turned to go. She paused and put her hand on her chin before turning back around. “You know, you might want to rethink that sea nymph heritage. I mean, what water deity has feathered wings? You got those puppies from somewhere.”
I looked upwards at the afternoon sky before meeting her gaze once more. I forced a smile I wasn’t feeling at the moment. Rethink the Nereid origin? That means someone else in my life lied to me.
“Good idea. See you tomorrow?”
“Of course.”
Great. My entire life is a lie. Black feathered wings. Fallen angel? What else has wings like mine? Am I truly a creature of the sky? How come I’m so damn drawn to the ocean then? Lies and conflicts.
I glanced up at the gargoyle statue sitting sentinel by the entryway. “When will I ever be sure of anything in my life, Mason?”
I didn’t wait for an answer. Mason never answered questions in this form. He only watched and waited. Maybe I needed a bit of Mason time tonight.
“I’ll be back later.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Wings and Beasts
Jah and Rah were excited when I told them about the party they had invited me to. They immediately began plotting what I should wear. Even when I told them it wasn’t a fancy party, they insisted that none of these deities did anything plain. Since I haven’t ventured into the village, I let them take the reins of my appearance with the only stipulation that whatever I wear needed to be backless.
Together we’d altered all my tops to backless numbers. While I didn’t have the skills that Jah had with clothing, I was proud of the sewing skills I developed. Atalanta offered to buy my clothing, but she already provided our housing and fed us. It wasn’t pride that kept me from accepting the gifts. It was my trust issues. Though I considered her a friend, I didn’t want to owe her more than I already did.
I exercised my wings three times a night outside, of course. They’d stopped flopping out unexpectedly, mostly. They no longer made me fall over now that I’d learned how to balance. I could lift them and move them now, but I was still a long way from flying.
Mason was missing from his spot when I stepped outside. It was late though, I’d spent a long time playing with my girls. Inara was already starting to take tentative baby steps while Leila seemed to have no interest in walking. I mean, why walk when someone could carry you?
Unleashing my wings, I noted that the sharp pain had lessened. My skin healed when I put them away so every time they came out, my skin would rip. I started w
ith the normal lift, lower, lift, exercises. Then moved on to lift, open, close, lower. Flapping proved more difficult.
These bitches had power and lift. The first time my wings flapped, I blew backwards ten feet. I know I can fly. That’s not my issue. Controlling the flight is the issue. I moved them slowly back and forth, shifting my weight as I did to keep from losing my balance. Slowly developing the muscles I’d need for flight.
I focused on the air flowing through my feathers. I never gave feathers much of a thought before, but I can feel them. More so at the root where the quill goes into the wing, but I could still feel the air on the tips of each feather.
I’m truly not a bird person. My adopted sister got a cockatiel for her birthday one year. That little asshole terrorized me for years till he got loose one day. I’ll maintain till the day I die, I had nothing to do with that evil bastard getting out.
If I am a creature of the air, shouldn’t I like birds? Nope. They still make me nervous. Bird bites hurt. As my inner dialog about bird hating went on and on, the air on my outspread wings tickled my feathers. I was so distracted that I didn’t realize that I’d lifted until my toes grazed the grass.
I jerked back to reality and dropped the inch I’d lifted as I tucked my wings close to my back. Stubbing my toe and losing my balance, I found myself on the ground. Had I just manipulated air? Did I lift myself or was that a breeze I hadn’t noticed?
A blast of wind caught my wings, and I tumbled ass over tea kettle along the yard with a yell. “Shit!”
Had I created the wind that tumbled me across the yard? A flash of bright light told me no. When it was safe, I looked up into Mason’s fae face.
“Hey.”
He held out a hand, and I took it, brushing myself off the best I could. I shook my wings, but before I could put them away, Mason touched one gently. I shivered at his gentle stroke.
It was both thrilling and frightening for someone to touch my wings. I don’t know why. Mason was the one male in my life I could trust completely.
He whispered, “Beautiful.”
