by Sandra Raine
"So what you've been up to, sis?" Doug casually inquired after my birthday was over, after I disappeared up to my room, and after he made himself comfortable by walking into my room uninvitedly.
"I didn't hear you knock!" I bitched. I was in desperate need of a valium, a line of coke, anything to take the edge off having to face my brother who kept eyeing me suspiciously as if I was hiding something from him. God, how that was true.
"That's because I didn't," he then sassed suddenly as his eyes swept around my room, obviously prying and probing into my life thus putting my defenses on absolute guard.
"What are you looking for?!" I grumbled as I, too, swept my eyes around my room. I spotted a few dirty clothes on my vanity's chair. I rushed to pick them up. Then I stomped off to the bathroom, kicking open my hamper and shoving them inside. Doug was already standing at my bathroom door when I had finished slamming the hamper's lid shut 'cause that's when I suddenly halted to an abrupt standstill with my heart skipping a tremendous beat and my breath kicking up a notch. Either my eyes were deceiving me, or Doug had magically transformed into Dominic. 'Cause for a moment there I actually believed I was staring at Dominic and not at Doug only because Doug wasn't smiling, and he was staring at me with that same weightiness expression Dominic tended to stare at me with the majority of times. But what set Doug apart from Dominic, and this illusion from reality, was his gaze as it was much more curious and a lot less suspicious. But if I hadn't been able to separate fact from fiction I'd say Doug was Dominic based on his stance and his build which eerily resembled Dominic's thus throwing me for a delusional spin, maybe even a trip to the loony bin.
"Something's different," Doug bemused, and I wasn't sure if his pondering was intended at me, or it was just an indirect and open thought?
"Huh?"
"You seem. . .I don't know?. . .Older, maybe? Angry. Edgy. . .aggressive - "
"Maybe 'cause I'm fifteen and no longer fourteen and you're - "
"No," he disagreed, "there's something else?"
"Like what?" I challenged sounding extremely bored as opposed to annoyed.
"You're having sex with him." Doug then stated matter-of-factly.
I cocked my head and scrunched my forehead confused. "Huh?" I then retorted a bit dazed 'cause I honestly had no idea what Doug was talking about, or why he would insinuate such matters. "I mean, sex with who?"
"Dominic." he answered point blank.
"What?" I scoffed, stiffening a nervous laugh, and behind a fronted comical expression to hide the truth even though the truth was nowhere near its vicinity only because there was no feelings when it came to sex with Dominic; sex with Dominic was mechanical, detached and quick like screwing a whore. . .well in my case, me. My stomach turned.
"Spare me your naïveness, Jane, but I recognize the signs."
"So. . .what?. . .Now you're going to run and tell mom and dad?"
"No." And Doug's response was quick. And I wasn't sure if I was supposed to act elated or worried? I mean, I was his sister for crying out loud! In the past whenever a guy, or even a grown man showed interest in me Doug would be the first to be on the defensive. But now that I've grown up and understood the concept of sex it sounded like he was giving me a blessing rather than a scolding.
"Did I ever tell you I had sex with Tanya?" Doug mused as my jaw dropped, and my eyes lit up.
"What?"
Doug chuckled. "Yeah. Several times to be exact."
"How was she?" I couldn't help it nor could I hold back. But then I realized it was an improper question and none of my business. I shied down in a bout of shame. "Um. . .sorry. Never mind."
Doug threw up a hand, dismissing my apology. "Nah, it's alright. I mean, I don't mind sharing stuff like that with you. . .it's healthy. . .at least I think it is. . .you know. . .to talk things out and in the open even if it is about sex." I shrugged my shoulders questionably. I mean, I wasn't sure if I was supposed to agree considering I was barely fifteen and he was almost nineteen? I mean, was that even normal. . .to talk about sex with a brother?
"It was good." he then confessed but then paused for a split second to rephrase. "Or should I say, as good as it was going to get with her, anyways."
"Oh," I mumbled shifting my gaze quickly to the black and red tile complimenting my red and gray bathroom décor to spare Tanya's secret embarrassment 'cause Doug unconsciously had given me ammo to use against her for the near future. "So, um. . .she was just okay?" I persisted. I mean, I just wanted to make sure that what I had heard was accurate in case I decided to throw it in her face. Doug nodded. "Why. . .I mean. . .um, just forget it." I headed out of the bathroom and back into my bedroom. I crossed to my bed, stealing a glance at the bedside clock, it was after seven.
"Are you going somewhere?" Doug inquired. I turned back around to mouth something off at him like 'Get the hell out of my room!' but he was already making his way toward my bedroom door. He was leaving. Good! I mean, I still had to shower and get dressed and that was going to take a while.
"Huh? Um. . .no. Why?"
"'Cause you keep looking at the time."
I cleared my throat and scratched my forehead to ease the headache from Doug's scrutinizing. "I'm just tired." I lied.
"Yeah," he sided. "CeCe says you've been tired a lot lately."
"Haven't been able to sleep. . .body's been tired. . .like I'm overworking it or something." Wait. Was I subconsciously crying out for help?
"Ah!" Doug exclaimed playfully. "A sexupational hazard, hmm?"
"Huh?"
Doug shook his head, grinning impiously. It was painfully obvious that he had nothing better to do than to make up aphorisms only he and his fellow co-beer guzzling college buds could understand.
"Never mind." he said walking back to me, giving my shoulders a slight brotherly squeeze before kissing me lovingly on the forehead. "Night, sis," he then whispered against that kiss. And for some strange reason, I shivered.
It was just after midnight when I arrived back home. And once again I had to scale the ladder to get to my bedroom instead of entering from the kitchen's back door 'cause the light downstairs was still on. I quickly and quietly shut my bedroom window and headed straight into the shower.
I had an "after work" ritual that I usually practiced whenever I was done for the night. But tonight I wasn't in the mood of hiding my whoredrobe in a plastic garbage bag in the back of my closet. Nor was I in the mood of back-to-back douching to rid the filth, or scrubbing my body 'til it bleed, or popping a valium or two to help me sleep. In fact, I wasn't tired. I was feeling restless. So instead of lounging around in my bedroom with nothing to do, I headed downstairs quickly noticing that a lamp had accidentally been left on in the formal living room after my bare feet touched down from the foyer. I turned off the lamp then headed toward the kitchen to grab a small bite to eat. But just as I was about to walk in I heard voices, like muffled voices, coming from the direction of the study which was adjacent to the family room situated in between the study and the kitchen.
I strolled cautiously toward the direction of the study in what seemed like hastened steps. I noticed that the door was half-opened with Doug shielding my view from the other muffled voice. His back was to me. And he had one arm extended out before him and the other casually resting down at his side. There's a silence for a moment. Then I figured it must've been a voice instead of voices in which I had heard. I shrugged my shoulders and let out a sigh and turned back around to head back to the kitchen. . .But then I heard another voice, not Doug's voice but. . .her voice. . .Tanya's voice.
I rushed back to the study and peered aggressively through the crack of the door just in time to see Tanya stepping around Doug. And she looked uneasy, nervous but most oddly, scared, particularly as she spoke.
"I don't like being here. . .around you." she said shuddering in her speech. Tanya's back was to Doug, and I noticed Doug was staring at Tanya with an immense interest. My heart thudded 'cause Doug was gazing at Tanya the exact
way "John's" gazed at me right before they attacked.
"You sound confused, Tanya," Doug mentioned matter-of-factly. "You haven't changed much either." he then attempted to say charmingly, sounding every bit like the Dominic of the past sounded every time he attempted to comfort my fears, my doubts whenever I was troubled by his wants, his needs.
Tanya swiftly turned around and faced Doug valiantly. Or in my case, like a cold hearted bitch. "What do you want from me?!" Tanya scrutinized offensively. She sounded edgy, aggressive as if one time she owed Doug but now didn't. And now she demanded answers.
Doug smirked, shook his head, and batted his tongue against the planes of his mouth. "Everything." he mused, and quite smug. "I mean, is that so bad?" he then crooned pulling Tanya abruptly to him. I suddenly flinched, holding back my startled gasp. I quickly left the door and headed back up to my room with this very unsettling taste in my mouth. 'Cause what troubled me the most about what I had just seen was Tanya not putting up any resistance toward Doug's obvious sexual advances. It was like she had liked being pursued that way. And for the life of me I couldn't understand why? Maybe Tanya must've seen something in Doug's eyes, something within his predatorial expression that made her think twice about resisting. One thing for sure though, her submission left me more than just scared, it left me confused. . .about myself.
Chapter 32
Prom Week -
Tanya tugged me to the Biltmore Plaza the following Tuesday after school. She was going to Prom with, and of all people, Doug!
I just about spewed French toast and French fries all over the table just as Doug confessed his intentions with Tanya over our Sunday Brunch
"Oh, God!" I blurted appalled.
"C'mon, sis, it's just prom." Doug then consoled.
"Please take me home, Doug," I said. I started to feel ill. I mean, the thought of my brother taking my pimp's sister to prom wasn't exactly settling well with me.
"What?" Now he sounded appalled, almost choking on his diet Ginger Ale. Without an explanation on my part, I instead got up from the table and headed out the restaurant's door. And Doug must've been fast on my trail all along 'cause he had completely caught me off guard especially when he grabbed a stern hold of my arm and spun me around while I was still walking away.
"What the hell's the matter with you?!" Doug seethed forcing me to catch my breath. I self-consciously glanced around the restaurant's premises hoping to God no one saw my embarrassment.
"Nothing," I muttered sniffling my nose and wiping away some straying tears from around both my flustered cheeks. "I just want to go home. That's all."
Doug shook his head and threw his hands mid-air, along with a frustrated word of, "Fine!" He then annoyingly stepped around me and leaped into his Jeep. And what troubled me the most as he drove us home wasn't so much the idea of he taking Tanya to prom, I was shocked over the fact that he didn't ask why I was crying even though my pain was obvious to him? It was as if my tears were invisible to him. Or, maybe I was just invisible to him? And all this time he'd been talking to a clone; a clone he created within his mind just to bring him comfort since my human side had practically been non-existent since his visit. I mean, even I had to admit I hadn't exactly been "sisterly" these last few days. So I figured a little payback was in [his] order.
Once Doug pulled up to our house, he abruptly cut the engine and brusquely turned to me and threatened. "The next time you have an outburst like that in public by making me look like the fucking bad guy. . .you can walk your ass home!" And just like that, Doug leaped out of his Jeep and stormed inside the house without another word, or even a glance back.
Now here I was on a Tuesday following Tanya around like some puppy being tugged by its leash of forced inconveniences.
After about an hour and a half of rigorous prom dress scouting from one store to another, Dominic and his two-pimp crew finally showed up. I made it a point to stay away from dressing rooms altogether since what happened to me in the last dressing room I was in, and instead occupied myself in the accessories department. And of course, and as always, Justin was right behind me but not as protection, but as a bodyguard, in case I decided to make a "run" for it. Yeah, right!
"Did you want to get a dress for prom?" And for a moment I actually thought it was Justin who had offered. It wasn't until I looked up from a bin of faux crystal barrettes had I realized it was Dominic who was offering. My heart skipped a dreaded beat as I was starting to despise confrontations especially with Dominic.
"Wh. . .What?" I suddenly mustered, like pretending that I didn't hear him quite right.
"You want to go - " and suddenly Dominic's mouth stopped moving right when I felt my head involuntarily shaking. "Are you saying. . .no?" And not only did Dominic sound comically amused, he was also beyond the expression of insulted.
"No." I repeated boldly, and standing my ground without the slightest regret. Dominic stared at me with that same comical expression for another moment. Only this time it was backed by a look of shock; shock 'cause he actually had been turned down. And not by some rich-bitch from school who thinks her snatch is 'the be all and end all' to man's sexual grievances but by his very own thousand dollar whore! I mean, was Dominic fucking kidding me? I mean, for the last several months I've been blackmailed, beaten, tormented, raped, sodomized, burned, drugged and forced aborted by his very hand, and now he wanted me to be grateful and thank my un-fucking-lucky stars 'cause he was actually making an attempt to perceive me as a human being rather than his money making machine by taking me to prom like I was his fucking girlfriend. . .Was he fucking serious?
I turned a cold shoulder and continued browsing the accessories department with Dominic's nostrils literally burning fire through my back.
"This is it!" Tanya exclaimed all giddy-like to no one in particular when she stepped out of the dressing room to survey herself in the three-way standing mirror.
"Yeah. Yup! That's the one!" I said trying to sound agreeable with minimal interest. The entire dress was a dark blue. It fanned out at the bottom while the rest of it hugged Tanya's body, nearly smothering her 'cause she could barely move. Tanya reminded me of an anorexic Mermaid. And the only thing that proved she was still eating was her boobs and her slightly rounded ass.
I went home with attitude. I was still ticked over Dominic's invitation to prom. And I know he was more pissed with me than I was with him 'cause I could clearly sense it in his aura particularly when he almost slammed the car door on my hand. And to relieve some of the anger, the edginess, I confronted Tanya about Doug when we arrived back at my house.
"How come you never told me you went out with Doug?" Tanya's jaw clenched, and her handle over the steering wheel began to reflect in her fingers - they were starting to turn a bluish purple. "I mean, when were you going to tell me?" I then stressed, quite aggressively.
"I didn't think I was going to see him ever again, Jane." Tanya professed. She then turned to me with this serious look cascading across her beautiful, flawless face. "He broke my heart." She confessed bitterly. I shook my head and chuckled. "You think that's funny?" She then snapped. And her nostrils, too, flared.
I stopped laughing and shot her a coarse, challenging stare. "No." I said before adding brazenly, "I think it's disgusting!" Tanya's lips pursed, and she looked like she was but two seconds away from slugging me. However, I didn't stop there. "Is that why you and Dominic conjured up this elaborate scheme against me, as a form of revenge?. . .Payback for Doug breaking your precious cold black fucking heart?"
Tanya's slap across my face was not only loud, it was solid. It left my face stinging like hell. "Fuck you!" She yelled then yelped when she felt my slap across her face - twice as hard.
"No, bitch! Fuck you!" I spat.
Tanya's eyes suddenly widen as if she had just seen a ghost of pimp's past. She then wasted no time touching her face like making sure I didn't knock her pores out of place. Clenching her teeth, she seethed, "Get the fuck out of my car!"
&
nbsp; "Did you and Tanya buy dresses for prom, sweetie?" My mother asked me over dinner. We were having spaghetti. The pasta reminded me of worms, anxious worms ready to slither down my throat to intermingle with my empty drain pipes 'cause of my refusal to eat.
"No," I mumbled. "She did, though."
"Why not?" Bree meddled in her all too spirited voice. She stuck out her tongue and ringed a pasta noodle in the center.
"Not going."
"Why not?" my father interrupted suddenly, almost choking on those exact words. He even broke from shoving half a meatball into his mouth to gaze at me awestruck.
I ignored my father's erratic behavior and shrugged my shoulders. "Don't know."
"I thought Dominic was going to ask you?"
I shot my father a quizzical stare, adding guardedly. "Why would you think that?"
My father ignored me and shoved the meatball into his mouth. He then chomped and chewed as if it were the meatball's fault for my not going to prom. Then he proceeded to swallow the meatball beyond, and what appeared like, a sufferable expression. He reached for his glass of red wine and sipped hard.
"Bree, hon, stop. You're making a mess." my mother then scolded while Bree's face soured.
"But I was having fun." She complained. My mother smiled and she, too, sipped hard on her glass of red wine.
"Dad?" I coolly called to him as my tone reminded him that I was still awaiting his answer.
"Oh!" My father's nerves then just about caused him to spill his glass of wine all over himself. He set the glass down, dabbed at his mouth with the cloth napkin, and forced a smile. "I just thought he would be considering, and based on the amount of time the three of you have been spending together. I mean, isn't Tanya going with Doug?" I stiffened an unnerving nod, not that my father would notice. "Well. . .and I thought that since Doug was taking Tanya it would only make sense that Dominic would be taking you."
