"Why are you always so calm?"
"Because I love you and I trust you and I don't care if you have weaknesses, you're still by my side five years later, which isn't something I can say about Saif."
Hakeem sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm still too rash," he apologized.
"And I'm a bad teacher," Kilig replied, amused. "I obviously failed in teaching you control over your emotions."
Hakeem put both his arms around Kilig's neck.
"No, you didn't," he said tenderly. "Or I'd be kissing you all over in public."
Kilig chuckled before Hakeem's lips landed on his.
***
Hakeem had carefully avoided visiting Leonel's shop, although seeing him had unsettled him. But he'd soon come to the conclusion that he shouldn't put his relationship with Kilig in jeopardy only to rekindle his unrequited love.
And then Leonel showed up with Corabella, who looked excited at the thought of meeting him.
"Oh, my, Hakeem, when did you put on all those muscles?" she gushed, obviously pleased by what she saw.
"I was trained to fight and kill," he answered, a little nervous. "I still exercise a lot even if I'm not an active member anymore."
"Active member of what?" Corabella asked, puzzled.
"This was the Assassins' Guild, Cora," Leonel said, a little sarcastic. "The Varians turned it into a fighting monks' school!"
"Oh! So you're a monk, now?" she inquired, disappointed.
"No!" Hakeem answered, glaring at Leonel. "I was trained as an assassin by my father!" If he hoped to deter her, he failed completely.
She brightened again and clasped her hands together.
"An assassin! And how many people did you kill?"
"Not many," he grumbled. "Probably less than the soldiers who died on the battlefield during the war."
Leonel scoffed. "A lot less. Glad the war is over, although I had to move to find work."
"Branwen was unwilling to share your father's shop?" Hakeem retorted.
"And after your mother's death there was no wise woman to help us have children," Corabella said, serious now. "Then we heard of the Genn and came here, hoping they could perform a miracle."
"So who is the problem, you or him?" Hakeem asked. "I'm sure the Genn told you."
Leonel frowned, but Corabella nodded.
"Are you married, Hakeem?" she asked.
"No, why?" he answered, puzzled.
"He lives with a man, Cora, I told you," Leonel snapped.
"Shut up!" she snapped back, then looked at Hakeem again. "You know you're the one I wanted to marry, but you vanished without a trace and I really thought you were dead until Leo told me he'd found you here."
"And why did he tell you?" Hakeem asked, nonplussed. "I thought he hated me!"
"That's what I thought too," Leonel replied with a rueful smile. "Until I saw you again. It's me, Hakeem, I can't have children. But I'm willing to share my wife with you, since she's always loved you and so badly wants children."
"You... what?" Hakeem stared at both of them, aghast.
Corabella smiled and batted her eyelids.
"Will you sleep with me, so I can at least have your baby, if not your heart?" she asked flirtatiously.
"No!" Hakeem exploded. He remembered very well how it had been with Sanjana – his total lack of response to her body until Sabre had joined them in bed – and didn't want to repeat the experience.
"Come on, Hakeem, I'll let you touch me and kiss me if you please her," Leonel said.
Hakeem gaped at them. They were damn serious. Corabella even pleading. And Leonel's blue eyes were daring him to take the challenge.
"I... I... I can't," he stammered, backing away.
"Yes you can," Leonel whispered, advancing on him with a threatening look on his face.
Hakeem found himself against the wall with Leonel's tongue inside his mouth. The long forgotten first kiss came back, making his heart beat faster. He moaned and managed to push away Leonel, panting for breath.
"You can't be serious!" he protested.
"We sure are," Leonel said. "Come with us, we have a big bed and your boyfriend will not know."
"What, like, now?"
"Yes, now." Corabella grabbed his hand and they dragged him away from the Guild's building, too dazed to protest further.
He just couldn't resist Leonel's call – he'd get a taste of his childhood friend's body. Rejected in his teens, now he'd be allowed in Leonel's bed... And Leonel still made his head flutter for some reason, after all these years.
It turned out that their house and shop wasn't very far. They pushed him inside their bedroom, already undressing him, touching and kissing him everywhere. Breathless, Hakeem slumped on their bed, naked, and Corabella straddled him. Leonel leaned to kiss him and whispered, "I'm going to fuck you while you fuck her, Hakeem. I'm sure you'll love it!"
Hakeem moaned as Leonel's tongue invaded his mouth again. But he was too aroused by now to stop them.
***
"Where have you been?" Kilig was already in bed and the sun had gone down when Hakeem entered their room and staggered to the bed. "Are you all right?" he asked, worried, helping Hakeem to climb in by his side.
Hakeem curled up against him with a sigh, not bothering to undress and slide under the sheets.
"I'm... fine," he answered slowly. "Just tired."
"What have you been doing all afternoon? And did you eat?"
"No. Not hungry." He looked drowsy.
Kilig squeezed Hakeem's buttock and saw him wince.
"Please, no sex tonight." Hakeem yawned and closed his eyes. Soon he was fast asleep and Kilig wondered. Had Hakeem finally decided to visit his first love and managed to get into his pants?
The thought made for a restless night. Kilig wondered how long his relationship with Saif would have lasted if Mirabella and Hakeem hadn't found him. He wondered if he was made for life-long relationships, since after five years he felt trapped and envied Guisarme's freedom. And then there was Sabre who said he deserved better than the young man sleeping by his side.
Except Kilig began to think he didn't need anyone. He'd been a loner for fifteen years, and had done quite well. Then Hakeem had been thrown into his life and their passion had carried them away. But now that passion, that physical attraction, had thankfully faded a little after five years, and Kilig was restless.
Then the sun rose and Kilig went to open the window. A ray of light touched the bed and Hakeem's face, making him stir. Kilig went back to bed while Hakeem slowly opened his eyes and focused on him.
Kilig crossed his arms over his chest and remained seated on the sheets in his night caftan. Hakeem seemed to realize he was still dressed and groaned, sliding closer to Kilig, hiding his face against him and putting one arm around his waist.
Kilig didn't move, didn't caress Hakeem or anything, he just waited. It took a moment for Hakeem to realize something was wrong. He pulled away and looked at him, sleepy and puzzled.
"Are you mad at me?" he asked.
"Are you drunk or what?" Kilig snapped. "Have you already forgotten yesterday?"
Hakeem moaned and rolled on his back. He obviously had forgotten, but now he remembered.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, lying on his side of the bed without looking at Kilig.
"That's not enough," Kilig retorted. "I want answers."
Hakeem sighed.
"Leonel came. With Corabella. They dragged me away to their bedroom and... it wasn't fun. Leonel fucked me and it hurt." The green eyes stared pleadingly at Kilig. "Forgive me?"
Kilig raised his eyebrows. "Why should I? You went with them willingly and didn't try to stop them, did you? Must have been like with Sanjana and Sabre – did that hurt too?"
Hakeem winced and tried to touch him, but Kilig slapped his hand away. He'd never been that mad at his beloved. Maybe he'd been too compliant, but he'd thought Hakeem's jealousy was enough for both of them.
Hakeem sat with a wounded look on his face.
"I said I'm sorry! It won't happen again! I don't know why I let them... use me like they did! I'm feeling like shit, now, and I'm still sore and all I want is to be in your arms..."
"After you had sex with two other people!" Kilig exploded. "And it's not the first time, either! Are you really enjoying cheating on me?"
"No." Hakeem moaned as his eyes filled with tears. "I'm s-sorry, Kilig, I..." he couldn't continue. His chest was heaving and his eyes were still pleading.
Kilig couldn't decide if he wanted to strangle him or forgive him and kiss him blind. Killing Saif's son might be his last job and would free him of his obsession for the green-eyed young man.
He clenched his fists, groaning in frustration and anger. The puppy dog look on Hakeem's face made him want to slap the young man, over and over until Hakeem stopped behaving like a spoiled teenager. Maybe Saif hadn't passed on a lover, he'd passed on his son and Kilig was supposed to treat him like a son. Except he had no intention of being anyone's father – and a childish lover was suddenly too burdensome for him.
Damn you, Hakeem! Kilig had never felt so murderous. He grabbed his clothes and stormed out of the room to cool off in the baths. He didn't want to see Hakeem ever again. He'd never felt so angry, upset and mad at his young lover who had proved once more he couldn't take responsibility for his mistakes and had cheated on him again – with a man and a woman no less.
He jumped in the cool water pool and almost drowned himself to calm down. He'd had enough of all this – the Varian Empire, the Assassins' Guild turned into a Fighting Monks' school, and Hakeem. The green eyes got on his nerves and he only wanted to hurt the gorgeous young man.
He got out of the water, dried himself, shaved and went for breakfast. Hakeem stared at him with a pleading look, but he ignored him. He grabbed a tea and a pastry and went to his office, summoning Katar.
"You've been here almost as long as I was, and I'm sure you were disappointed you weren't named Head of the Guild after Nimdja's death," Kilig said bluntly. "I'm naming you the new Headmaster now, I'm sure you know the school's new rules, but everything is here anyway."
He put his hand on a leather-bound book. Katar nodded, puzzled.
"You're leaving?" he dared to ask.
"Yes. I'm sick of everything, I need to just go."
He needed to figure out who he was and what he wanted. The Assassins' Guild was no more and his world was crumbling around him – which also opened lots of new opportunities in the newly-formed empire, and he didn't want to miss them. After envying Guisarme's freedom when she'd left the school, he thought he might as well follow her, since he felt so trapped in a life that was going in the wrong direction.
He spent another hour passing on what Katar needed to know. By then Hakeem was doing his morning lesson, so he could go back to his room and pack without meeting him. He didn't want to see Saif's son again because he didn't want to fall back into the trap of physical attraction. He didn't want the sex part to blind him again – he wanted to be free from all duties and bonds for the very first time in his life. No more Assassins' Guild, no family, no lover, nothing.
He took his pole-arm and his triple-bladed dagger, but left the too conspicuous brass wheels behind. He always had the noose wrapped around his wrist.
He went straight to the palace, hoping Guisarme and Kyler were still there – if they weren't, he'd ask Nightsun and then follow them. There were guards at the main entrances now, since the Emperor felt he needed protection, and Kilig was directed to another entrance of the palace where some Genn still lived and Kyler Darklight had his rooms.
"Kilig!" Guisarme was surprised to see him. "What's up? You look upset!"
"I don't want to talk right now," he said through clenched teeth. "Are you leaving town anytime soon?"
Guisarme exchanged a glance with Kyler, a tall androgynous man with a long black mane and black feathered wings like the Sila, then looked at Kilig again.
"As a matter of fact, yes, Kyler wanted to go back to Havenstock to visit his cousin Falcon. Would you like to come?"
"Please." He almost begged, thankful for the lack of questions. He knew Guisarme had guessed there was something wrong between him and Hakeem.
"I guess I'll have to use my mother's shape, then," Kyler said with a grin. "Sila wings won't carry two people..."
Guisarme giggled.
"It's okay, Kilig has already seen a half-Fajrulo... Just don't grab your weapons, Kilig, this is the good guy."
Kilig nodded, a little worried. But he trusted Guisarme. She gave him Kyler's pack and they all went outside, in the back gardens of the palace, where nobody was around. Kyler morphed into a black dragon deliberately slowly, so Kilig had time to adjust to the transformation.
"Wow. He's bigger than Rakshasa," he whispered, impressed.
"And he's not going to kill you," Guisarme said, elbowing him with a wink. "Come, let's jump on his back."
"Have you done this before?" he asked, trying to hide his insecurity.
"Nah. There's a first time for everything."
"Do you need a saddle?" the dragon asked, staring at them with golden eyes, now crouched in front of them in all his glory.
"No, we're fine." Guisarme quickly climbed up and straddled the scaly neck, with Kilig right behind her. She found a ridge to hold onto, and Kilig held on to her waist.
He noticed the scales were nacreous, and when the dragon moved under the sun, the black became a moving rainbow of colors.
"Go, Darklight!" Guisarme said, excited.
The big bat-like wings opened and the dragon rose on his four legs. Flapping his wings, he rushed along a meadow and slowly was airborne. Kilig tried to look down and almost fell off, so he moaned and closed his eyes, holding tight to Guisarme.
"If I had known all I had to do was take you on a dragon ride to be held tight, I'd have done it a long time ago," she teased.
"It's high!" he protested.
"Not so high, or we'd freeze," she assured. "Sila control air, and Kyler also has Air's blood, so we can breathe and are surrounded by warm air."
Kilig had heard her mention the Immortals often enough to understand. According to Guisarme, only the Magical Races worshiped the true gods of the world. The Sila belonged to Air, the Fajrulo to Fire, the Genn to Ether, the Waiora to Water and Humans to Earth. But only few Human civilizations had ever bothered worshiping Earth.
Kilig wasn't religious, so he didn't care. He'd rarely dealt with a Fajrulo – apparently they passed off as Humans, since he'd never seen dragons wandering the lands. The new look of Kyler was both scary and exhilarating. Kilig dared to peek down again, but gave up.
"I can't watch, it's too high," he muttered.
"It's not funny if you have vertigo," she conceded. "Just relax, I'll let you know when we're landing." She patted his hands crossed on her belly.
Kilig couldn't really relax after fighting with Hakeem and running away from Godwalkar on dragon-back, so he just sat still and lost track of time until Guisarme told him they were approaching the ground. He kept his eyes closed, just in case, until he felt a slight bump and understood the dragon was walking and finally settled in a crouched position to allow them to get off.
Kilig felt so stiff it took him a moment to be able to move. Guisarme jumped off and he was still trying to get his leg to move over the dragon's neck, when the dragon form vanished, and he found himself on the grass, with Kyler laughing at him.
"Sorry, Kilig, it probably helps if I'm back in Human form," the half-blood said, his feathered wings vanishing with the dragon form. Now he looked like a northern warrior with black hair and no beard.
Guisarme offered her hand and pulled Kilig to his feet. Kilig reactivated his legs and arms and took a deep breath.
"Sorry guys. I'm ready now."
"Havenstock is that way." Kyler pointed beyond the trees on the left. Kilig noticed they were a different kind of trees from the ones that grew south, but the river nearby looked exactly like Godwalkar's river. And there w
ere mountains in the background as well, except they were all white – covered in snow that didn't fall often on the central massif.
Kilig breathed the cool northern air, and finally relaxed.
***
Hakeem gave a lot of freedom to his students that morning. He kept thinking about Kilig, who hadn't looked at him once since he'd stormed out of the room, clearly mad at him. Hakeem had seen pure hatred in the brown eyes that had been so sweet until yesterday, and it had scared him more than he cared to admit. He knew how dangerous Kilig was, what if his lover killed him? He must beg for forgiveness – and then offer himself, submissive as usual. Surely Kilig could forgive his weakness, couldn't he?
He dismissed the class as soon as he could. He must talk to Kilig, must apologize, and win his acharya back. He couldn't stand being ignored by Kilig. He went to the headmaster's office, but he saw Katar sitting in Kilig's place.
"Where's Kilig?" he asked, puzzled.
"No idea," Katar muttered without looking up.
Hakeem pursed his lips. Since it was lunch time, he checked the canteen. Nothing. He went back to their room, worried, but Kilig wasn't there either. Panicking, he looked around the empty room and opened the chest of clothes. Kilig's were gone along with his triple-bladed knife and his pole-arm. Only the brass wheels were still at the bottom of the chest.
Hakeem opened his mouth, but no sound came out of it. His heart thumped faster as his knees gave way under him. He crumbled to the floor and hid his head under his arms, burying himself in shame and pain.
Kilig was gone. Kilig had abandoned him because he was unworthy. Kilig's wrath was unforgiving – with good reason – but now Hakeem felt stabbed again.
He gasped for breath, choking on his tears. Why did he let Leonel use him? Why did he tell Kilig? Why did he ruin his life with his own hands?
Hakeem wanted to bang his head on the stone floor and put an end to his misery.
***
Sabre knocked on the headmaster's office and put his head in, seeing Katar in Kilig's place.
"Hey, have you seen Hakeem? It's time for his afternoon lesson."
"No," Katar answered bluntly.
Jarred, Sabre nodded and left. He went to check in the room the lovers shared and found Hakeem seated on the floor against the far wall, hugging his knees.
Kilig & Hakeem Page 13
