“Yeah. I’m fine. I just had a…moment,” she said at last. She had no way of explaining her sudden revelation, and honestly, she didn’t want to talk about it. She forced a smile. “I am looking forward to the rides. When we were little, we always got one book of tickets each. So we had to be choosy about which ones we rode.”
“Yeah, when Mom was alive, she used to give us each a book but after that…well, I don’t think Dad even knew anything was going on if it didn’t happen at the ranch.”
She remembered Cal’s dad as a very distant figure. He was almost always absent when she was out at his house. She had Jasper and was upset because he wasn’t her real dad, but compared to Cal’s situation, hers wasn’t that bad. At least she had been loved and she had always known that her parents would be there for her. Even when she was acting like a brat.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Once I started working, I made sure the boys and Rose always had tickets and money.”
“Unca!”
Amelia turned as Braden walked up with Lane. They were both dressed in jeans and CARS T-shirts and Lane was talking animatedly to Cal who had stooped down to be on his nephew’s level. The words weren’t clear enough for Amelia to follow but Cal seemed to understand and nodded a lot.
Braden looked over at her. “He got a new belt with his name on it at the craft fair.”
“Oh, I heard belt, but that was it,” she said.
“Yeah, we live with him all the time so we understand him. You pick it up really quickly.”
She nodded. She wondered if Braden thought she’d be around a lot. “I bet. How was the craft fair?”
“The usual mix of exotic and quality. I thought about getting your grandmother a wooden statue of a dog, but remembered she has all those taxidermied ones. How was the food?”
She shook her head. Memaw was famous for her “pets.” “I only tried the fried Snickers bar—delicious and the brisket also very good. Your brother ate everything else, I think.”
Cal stood up, holding Lane’s hand. “It was all good. I’ll have to work out and run tomorrow but it was totally worth it. Are you hungry?”
He glanced down at Lane who nodded. “Corn dog?”
“Yes,” Lane replied.
“Bray, you want to hang with us and grab something to eat?” Cal asked.
“I can’t. I have to get back to the booth,” Braden said. “I told Finn I’d take his shift. Javier and his team are doing the demonstration but I still like for one of us to be there.”
“What’s he doing?”
“More like who,” Braden said with a laugh, walking away.
Cal slipped his free hand in hers and the three of them got Lane a corn dog, then walked toward the midway. Amelia stopped worrying about the future and just let herself enjoy this happy moment with Cal and his nephew.
*
Cal watched Lane and Amelia sitting on the grass to the side of one of the music tents. His nephew had ridden every ride in the kiddie section, then shared his cotton candy with them before getting sleepy.
“Are you sure you don’t mind?” he asked.
“I’m positive. Go on. I’m happy to sit here and watch him sleep and listen to the music. Plus if I keep walking around with you, I’m going to gain another ten pounds.”
“You look good, darlin’. You don’t need to worry about that,” he said.
“You say that now, but I have no willpower. I’m already thinking about next week’s dinners and they are all cotton candy and corn dogs.”
He sat down next to her on the blanket, leaning close to steal a kiss. Something about Amelia made him feel a little bit lighter. Life hadn’t been that hard—no way was he going to complain about the blessed life he had been living since college—but there were times when he felt the weight of taking care of family. But with her, the weight seemed a little less.
She turned her head, leaning it on his shoulder and looking down at Lane who was curled up next to them on the blanket. “I wish this was real.”
Her words were spoken softly, but he heard them. “What do you mean?”
She sat up a bit so she could make eye contact with him. “Just that tomorrow, it will be back to normal. I’ll still be a mess and trying to figure things out. But right now, sitting on this blanket with you, everything sort of feels okay.”
“It is okay. You are okay,” he said.
“I am?”
“I think so,” he said. “Don’t think about it too much. One thing I learned when I went to college was that everyone is dealing with something. When I was younger, it had seemed like everyone else’s families were perfect and mine was the only one that was so messed up. Even your life seemed cushy, but you were dealing with stuff then and now. Everyone is doing that.”
She gave him that sweet smile that shouldn’t have turned him on but did. “How’d you get to be so smart?”
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes. Maybe I’m not smart—it might just be a food coma starting, considering everything I ate.”
She laughed like he’d wanted her to. “You did eat a lot.”
He had been planning to go home and do some work on the ranch because that was what was expected of him, but he decided that for today, he’d done enough. He needed this break with Amelia and Lane. This moment was different than he’d expected it to be.
His phone pinged but he wasn’t in the mood to deal with it. His brothers were all fine and there wasn’t anyone he wanted to be with more than Amelia. “Want to dance?”
“Sure,” she said. “Right here?”
“Why not?” he asked.
“Why not, indeed,” she said, standing up. The grass was soft and thick and she’d taken off her wedge sandals. She wiggled her toes in the grass as he stood up next to her, pulling her into his arms.
The band was pretty good; their lead singer had a raspy voice that lent itself to many rock songs. They danced to classic songs and when they covered the 3 Doors Down ballad ‘Here Without You,’ they both stopped. “Remember eighth grade?”
“Yes. This was the slow song at every dance. And Principal McMillan would only allow that one.”
He pulled her into his arms. Back then, he’d been a sort of sway-from-side-to-side guy and was always trying to let his hands drift down to his date’s hips, but now, he didn’t have to worry about the chaperones yelling at them. He put his hands on Amelia’s hips and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and sang under her breath as he held her closer than he probably should.
But after everything that had happened in the last week, he realized that all his rules for living were out the window. There was no should or shouldn’t. There was only what was right in the moment. And this was definitely right.
Her curves pressed against him and she smelled of sunshine and fair food as he rested his cheek on top of her head and closed his eyes. He had never felt this content with any other woman. Only Amelia Corbyn. The one woman who had sort of screwed up all his relationships.
It made no sense. He should be backing away from her but instead, he just wanted to stay by her side. Keep her by his side. His mind warned him that trusting this moment was a bad idea, but his gut urged him to pull her closer and forget about that. She tipped her head back and their eyes met. He lowered his head, kissing her as they danced to the music. The song ended but he still held her. Looking into her sky-blue eyes, he felt something shift inside of him. Lust, of course, but something else—something that scared him. Something emotional that he didn’t trust.
The band said they were going to crank it up a notch and he heard the beginning guitar riff from ‘Good Times All Night,’ which was one of his favorite songs from Jax Williams. He glanced over at Amelia. Jax was her dad…what did that mean to her?
“I hate this song,” she said.
“Why?”
“I think because I imagine that he’s singing about the night I was conceived,” she said. “I used to like him until I found out.”
He
nodded. This was her reality. He wondered if she’d ever be able to really trust a man after what Jax had done to her.
*
Amelia felt sort of cheap and dirty when she listened to this song. She really didn’t want Cal to see her that way. It was one of the few things she hadn’t been able to really step away from, where Jax was concerned. He was a stranger to her. She’d only met him at the hospital for a brief moment. He’d wanted to conduct everything through his attorney but Amelia had insisted he at least meet her before she allowed them to take her bone marrow.
The procedure was painful but once she’d seen that tiny baby, her half brother, she knew there was no way she could deny him the chance to be healthy. He’d been so tiny, much like little Lane she thought, glancing down at the sleeping child. And innocent.
Jax hadn’t said more than two words to her and her mom had wrapped her arms around Amelia after Jax had left. But she’d been so hurt by the entire thing.
“Want to talk about it?”
“I wouldn’t even know where to start. He’s a stranger to me, Cal. I can’t say he was mean to me or abused me, but I don’t know him at all. And he likes it like that. You know I’ve never even met my half brother.”
“I’m sorry. Do you want to?”
“No. I mean I don’t think so. I heard Jax left them, too. He’s back to his old ways. Good times all the time.”
*
Cal didn’t know how to help her with this. He hugged her close, rubbing his hands up and down her back. “Some men just don’t know how to love.”
“You think so? How hard can it be just to let someone care for you?” she said.
“It’s not that part,” he explained because he was pretty sure his father had experienced something similar to this. “It’s that he might not feel worthy.”
She bit her lower lip, crossing her arms around her waist and holding herself. For the first time since she’d come home, he had an idea he was seeing the real reason she’d run away to New York. He had to wonder if he’d have done anything differently.
Hell, he hadn’t. He’d left his family behind for college and really relished his new team family. When he was there, no one knew anything except he had a wicked arm and could hit just about any receiver even in thick coverage. It was what he’d needed. A chance to just forget about the mess that he had left back here in Last Stand.
“Do you?” she asked. “Is that why you are always trying to be in control?”
Her comments were a little too spot-on for comfort, but they weren’t going to talk about him. This was her issue. She was the one who needed him right now. And he had big shoulders.
“I’m not talking about me,” he said at last. He wasn’t sure of the right thing to say to make this better for her. But he knew that if he kept talking, she might stop worrying over whatever was going around in her mind. She’d done that for him on the porch swing, given him something other than his own pain and guilt to dwell on. And he’d really like to be able to help her out now.
“I think it can happen to a man or a woman. Just depends on the events of their life. My dad didn’t always feel that way but after Mom died, he was never the same. I really don’t know Jax’s story. I mean, I used to like a few of his songs but who knows what devil is driving him.”
“I don’t know, either. One time I started to google him but then I stopped. What was the point, right? It was just a lose-lose situation for me,” she said.
“How do you mean?” he asked.
She looked away from him, turning her head toward the tent where the band was playing, a pensive look on her face. “Maybe I’d find a man I wanted to know and regret that I didn’t and that would make me wonder why he never wanted me. What was wrong with me?”
“Darlin’, nothing is wrong with you,” he said briefly, wondering if he should make a joke and lighten the mood. But he had the feeling she hadn’t had a chance to ever talk about this and he didn’t want to stop her.
“It’s not rational to think that, is it? But there is a part of me that can’t help it. And this makes me feel petty and spiteful. But I don’t want to understand him, Cal. I need to hate him. It’s the only thing that keeps me from really losing it.”
“Let’s get out of here,” Cal said. “Unless you want to be alone?”
“I’d like to go somewhere with you,” she admitted.
“How about the river?” he suggested.
She nodded. Delilah’s restaurant, Dragonfly, was on the river, built on platforms with stilts to protect against flooding. But the rains hadn’t started yet and the river was low so it would be nice to go and sit by its banks. Actually, even sitting in a traffic jam would be preferable to listening to this cover of Jax Williams’s music and thinking.
Cal carefully picked up his nephew and the drowsing child settled easily on his shoulder. Amelia folded up the quilt that she’d purchased at one of the vendors earlier. She followed him to his truck and he drove the few blocks to the river parking in Red’s Outdoor Outfitters’ parking lot. They got out of the truck and he carried Lane in his arms down to the river.
“When I left Last Stand, I swore I’d never come back or allow anyone to get close to me again,” she said. “That’s why I never contacted you. I know you didn’t ask, but it wasn’t you. It was me trying to be strong and prove that I didn’t need you. But you know what? There were times when I really did.”
Chapter Twelve
It was Good Friday night. Almost two weeks had passed since she’d slept with Cal, one week since the Bluebonnet Festival. Delilah had a rare night off. She and her sisters had decided to have a girls’ night out. It had been a long time since they’d hung out without one of them having to rush off to work and Amelia had to admit, she was really looking forward to it.
They were meeting at Emma’s place because she lived closest to the Last Stand Saloon. She walked into Emma’s house through the kitchen door and heard Ariana Grande’s ‘God Is A Woman’ blasting, and saw her sister dancing around the kitchen counter while mixing up martinis.
“Hiya, Ems.”
“Hey!” Emma said, with a big smile. “I got off early so I’m making some of Memaw’s secret moonshine and lavender cocktails.”
“Oh, it’s going to be one of those nights,” Amelia said with a laugh. She could use a night out like this. She’d been avoiding Cal because she felt like she’d been too raw with him. And in all honesty, he didn’t need her messy life on top of everything that was going on with him. She had to decide if she was staying in Last Stand and she couldn’t do it for Cal. She had to come back because she wanted to live here, wanted this life. And frankly, she wasn’t ready to risk that. Even though she knew that she was never going to love another man the way she did Cal.
“I know you don’t mind,” Emma said. “I just finished reading a book that was so…so me. The protagonist is always waiting for something to happen in her life and misses the fact that there are events and situations all around her. And people…”
“You okay?” Amelia asked her sister.
“Yeah. Just feeling not…me lately. I’m glad we are doing this,” Emma said. “I want to hear about your thing with Cal, too. You two seemed to really be getting along at the Bluebonnet Festival.”
“I think we were too, but we’ll see.”
“Are you two talking without me?” Delilah said as she came into the kitchen. “You always do that.”
“We haven’t said anything important except to establish it’s a moonshine and lavender kind of night,” she said.
“Perfect. I need it. I have a new chef at the Dragonfly who is getting on my last nerve. It’s like he doesn’t realize what I hired him for.”
“You’ll whip him into shape,” Amelia said.
“I certainly will,” she said taking a highball glass from Emma and handing it to Amelia first.
When they all had a glass, Amelia lifted hers toward her sisters. “To the bond of sisterhood and the friendship that never ends.”<
br />
They clinked their glasses and took a sip. Emma had mixed them strong, but they went down smoothly. “Yum. So, Ems is feeling restless, you have a new chef who’s annoying and I slept with Cal and then left in the most awkward way possible.”
Delilah blinked at her, then took another sip of her drink. “I think we’re going to need a few more of these to get through all of that. Also, Mom saw her doctor today and it’s not good news.”
“Well, hell,” Emma said. “She was supposed to text me.”
“Dad told me when I stopped by to drop off some blackberry cobbler I made earlier,” Delilah said. “Guess we should start with Mom.”
Amelia felt that cocktail of guilt and fear and anger that her mom always stirred in her. She walked into the family room and sat down on one of the large padded fabric recliners, taking a sip of her drink while her sisters followed her into the room. “Okay, Dee, what do you know?”
“She’s not showing any improvement and they still can’t commit to a diagnosis. Dad says she can’t sleep and sometimes, she feels like the walls are closing in on her. So the doctor has recommended she exercise more. Dad wants us to have a family meeting tomorrow morning. He was going to text y’all but I said I’d tell you. I’ll stop at Kolaches and get breakfast. We’re meeting at Memaw’s because Dad wants Mom to walk over there,” Delilah said.
This didn’t sound good. It sounded scary. Amelia was afraid for her mom. She felt her hands shaking and it seemed to her that maybe moving back home permanently was what she needed to do so she could be surrounded by people she cared about instead of a career that had lost its glamour. “Did they say anything in particular? Name any condition that Emma can research and I can ask my doctor friends in New York about?”
“No. Her symptoms aren’t exact enough for the doctor to feel confident…”
“You said that,” Emma said.
“I know. It sort of pisses me off. If someone ordered, say, a chicken fried pork chop at the Dragonfly and I gave them meat loaf, they’d be angry. It’s the same thing. They are trained—they should know something,” Delilah said.
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