“Nee, I don’t. It’s just all that traveling from yesterday, I guess.”
Sadie walked her into the bedroom and they both saw Mr. Grover curled up on the middle of the bed.
“Mr. Grover, out!” Sadie ordered.
Mr. Grover opened his eyes just slightly and then closed them again. Sadie then lifted him off the bed, and Mr. Grover gave a disgusted meow as he slinked out of the room.
“I’ve disturbed him.”
“Ach, don’t worry about him. The fire’s on now. He’ll curl up and sleep in front of that.”
Once Jane was lying on the bed, Sadie put a hand on Jane’s forehead. “You do feel a little hot. Can I get you anything?”
“Nee. It’s okay. I just need to close my eyes for a couple of hours.”
“You do that, dear.” Sadie leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Call out if you need anything. I’ll come back and check on you in a little while. I’ll leave the door open for the warmth of the fire.”
“Denke.” Jane breathed deeply and let it out slowly.
When Sadie slowly backed away, Jane placed her hand over her swirling tummy. Visions of Abigail, and a girlish figure who represented Marcy, troubled her mind. How could she recommend any woman to him? The only woman she could truly see him with was herself.
A tear trickled down her cheek. Who was she kidding? Anyone would be happy to have a man like Matt. He’d be a perfect match for any woman. No wonder there were five women who wanted to marry him—six including herself.
The only thing she could do was go away. Run away like she’d done years ago. Only this time, she’d never come back. He hadn’t been romantically attracted to her years ago, and he certainly wasn’t now. The only saving grace was that he didn’t know how she felt. That would’ve been embarrassing. She could not let him know the extent of her feelings.
What excuse would she give for leaving?
She put a hand to her aching head. If only she were more attractive. No. Not even that would be likely to make a difference. When he looked at her, he never seemed to see a woman—a possible fraa. All he saw was his old childhood friend. The one he climbed trees with, and collected acorns and pine cones to paint to make Christmas decorations. The one who played in the tree house with him and swung from ropes and played at the edges of the creek.
Christmas had always been their favorite time of year and he was going to ruin it by marrying someone.
He was coming tonight for dinner. She’d talk privately with him and make some excuse why she couldn’t do it. That was what she should’ve done in the first place. He could figure things out by himself.
It was too much responsibility.
She wouldn’t make a good choice anyway.
No, she had to think up a better excuse. Perhaps say that she'd thought he wanted her there for a more important reason.
After all, she had left her home and her job because he’d made it sound like some kind of emergency. Now that she knew it wasn’t, she should go home. Why prolong the agony? If her heart was broken now, how much more pain would it be to see Matt with someone he was going to spend the rest of his life with?
Chapter 4
Matt didn’t know how to read the situation. Jane had seemed hesitant to help, but she eventually said she would. Why the hesitation? he puzzled.
His mind traveled to a possible life with Jane. Would she ever have any idea how much she inspired him? If she were willing to be by his side, they would have a great life. They could even build the bed and breakfast business together. She was quiet, but she had such a nice way with people. She’d be ideal.
Now, back in the present moment, he wasn’t pleased. He'd desperately wanted to ask her to marry him just now, but there’d be that chance of rejection, and how would things be repaired once she’d said no? In any other part of his life he was bold, charged like a bull chasing a red flag, but Jane turned him into a quivering mess. He’d never heard of a woman doing that to a man. Jane certainly had that effect on him.
There’d been many times he’d made plans to visit her community under some pretext or other, just to see her. Each and every time, he’d canceled those plans in case he got there to find she was planning a life with someone else.
He’d dissected each and every word of her letters, looking for a hint of a man in her life. So far, there had been none. His best chance and probably his only chance of a life with Jane was to carry out the plan that Lanie had helped work out.
The plan was for Jane to see him as a popular man—wanted and valued by other women. He needed to do something to cause Jane to see him in a new light. He had to be more than the boy that she grew up with. If all went well, she would finally see him as a man. A man worthy of being her husband—a man with whom she could raise a family.
Lanie had said Jane would let him know of her feelings if she felt he was the one for her.
And, surely she would realize they were meant to be together when she was analyzing who would be the best wife for him?
It had been weeks since Lanie had helped him brainstorm the plan. Then he’d sat on it wondering and praying whether he should carry it out. Finally, he realized that if he never did anything he’d lose her one day for sure.
This way, there was at least a chance.
As soon as he’d sent the letter asking her to come, he felt better. Doing something was necessary, rather than waiting for something that might otherwise never happen.
“Is it a secret why Jane is here?” Sadie asked at the dinner table that night over a meal of asparagus and chicken pie.
Matt looked up at his mother, appearing shocked. “Nee, not at all.”
Sadie glanced over at Jane before she looked back at Matt. “Well is anyone going to tell me? Matt?”
Matt interlaced his fingers together and swallowed hard. “I have asked Jane here to help me. You know how you’re always saying that I should marry?”
“Of course. Go on.” A smile lit Sadie’s round face.
“Jane is going to help me do just that.”
“I knew it, and I'm delighted to hear it. At long last. I thought the day would never come.” She jumped up and kissed Jane and then threw her arms around Matt’s neck. Then she wiped a tear from her eye. “I always knew you two would be together in the end. You both never saw it, but I did. I saw it from the beginning even when you were young. When will the wedding be?”
Matt’s eyes opened wide. “Ach nee, Mamm.”
“You've got it wrong, Sadie.” Jane was embarrassed that Sadie had said all that.
Sadie’s eyebrows pinched together as she turned to look at Jane. “What have I got wrong?”
Matt cleared his throat. “I have asked Jane here to help me select a bride.”
“Select a bride?” Sadie screeched as she sat heavily on her chair.
“That's right. It's not as bad as it sounds.”
“I can't believe my ears. Why have you done this to me? And, to Jane?”
Jane didn't want anyone feeling sorry for her. She raised her hand and lightly touched Sadie’s arm. “It's quite alright. I'm willing to do it to help Matt be satisfied with the choice he made … will make, I mean.”
“This is the silliest thing I've ever heard.” Sadie shook her head.
“I’ve always been a practical man, Mamm. It's a practical thing to do.”
“You're right. I'm not practical, though, not when it comes to matters of the heart. I fell in love with your vadder and he fell for me. We didn't calculate it off some silly checklist or have our friends approve of each other.” She glared at Matt with fire in her eyes. “Is that what you’re doing? Are you giving Jane a checklist for each woman?”
“Nee, not at all. I just thought it would be something far different and a good way to choose someone suited to me. I want Jane to get to know each of the women and then make a recommendation.”
“I don't know who you take after in the family, Matt, but it certainly is not me or your vadder.”
M
att looked down at the table and shook his head. In a quiet voice, he said, “I'm sorry if I've upset you.”
“Jah, you have.” Sadie stood and took the plates from Jane and from Matt even though they hadn’t finished. Then Sadie walked the unfinished plates into the kitchen.
Jane had never seen Sadie like this.
“I've upset her,” Matt whispered.
“She’ll be alright. She’ll see it's not such a bad idea.” Jane had to say that so he wouldn’t know she was devastated.
He smiled. “You understand me.”
No, I don't, she thought, but she managed a smile nonetheless.
“I wouldn't do this … I wouldn't ask anyone else apart from you, Jane.”
“Denke. It's an honor to be asked to help you.” She wished he’d asked her a very different question … like, obviously, to marry him. How many times would this rejection be thrown so directly in her face over the next few weeks? Jane was a little bit pleased Sadie thought they’d be a good match, but that wasn’t any use if Matt himself couldn’t see it.
Sadie stormed back out of the kitchen and sat down again. “And how long is this process going to take? I'm sure Jane has better things to do with her time.”
“It's quite alright. I’m taking time off work and I am willing to do that to help Matt out.”
Matt reached over and grabbed his mother’s hand. “Mamm, I need you to be okay with this because I want you to invite two of the ladies to dinner soon, so both you and Jane can get to know them better.”
“Do I get a say in which one I like best?” Sadie asked.
Jane didn’t like the sound of that. A bad situation had just become worse.
“I didn't know you’d want to be involved with it,” Matt said.
“Well maybe I should have a say if Jane’s having one. I know you too, don’t forget.”
“Okay. You can give me your opinion too, but I already knew you would.” Matt smiled at his mother.
“I think it’s a silly way to go about things. You should choose with your head as well as your heart.”
“Many would disagree with you, Mamm. I am making the final choice but I will take what you both say into consideration.”
“I never thought any child of mine would disagree with that. Choosing a fraa shouldn’t be this hard, Matt. You’re making a chore of it.”
“Nee. I’m making it easier.”
Jane sat there quietly, listening. She wanted to defend Matt, but she found the whole thing just as ridiculous as Sadie did.
“Who's ready for apple pie?” Sadie asked.
“Me,” Jane said with all the enthusiasm she could muster.
“Jah, me too, Mamm. I love your apple pies.”
“And let's hope these ladies can cook a good apple pie. We should also be sampling their cooking.”
Jane burst out laughing before she could stop herself. Then she covered her mouth and looked down. “Sorry,” she mumbled, almost under her breath.
“I don't think I need to do that,” Matt said. “I think all Amish women can cook, can't they?”
“Jah, I suppose they can,” Sadie agreed, “but it wouldn't surprise me if you make both of them deliver a pie for a tasting.”
Jane realized Sadie thought there were only two contenders. What would she say when she learned there were five?
“Mamm, you’re being ridiculous.”
Sadie picked up a serving spoon and shook it at him. “You’re not too old for me to spank.”
“I am,” Matt said calmly, with a twinkle of amusement in his eyes.
Jane had never seen Sadie like this. Now, she wasn’t even joking. Just when Jane considered excusing herself from the table, Matt spoke again.
“All I need you to do is have two women to dinner with you and Jane. Then you can tell me who you think would be best suited to me. Friday night or Saturday night, or even earlier, during this coming week.”
“And who would they be? Marcy, I'm guessing?”
“Yes, Marcy and her cousin, Abigail.”
Mamm scrunched up her face. “Abigail?”
“I know you think she's too young, but she's not.”
Sadie’s mouth twisted to the side. “There’d be a good ten years difference.”
“And that's fine,” Matt said.
“Is she even interested in you?”
“Jah, she is.”
“So it's out of those two?”
“Actually, there are five of them,” Jane said trying her best to hide her disapproval.
Sadie’s mouth fell open as she continued to stare at her son. “I've never heard anything like it. But, if that's what you want to do then I'll go along with it and I'll even help you.”
“Denke, Mamm.”
“I just hope that it doesn't blow up in your face.” Sadie stood up again and went to the kitchen.
Jane half stood. “I should see if I can help.”
“Nee. When she's like this it's best to let her be.”
“Oh, do you think so?”
“I do. I should’ve told her sooner. She hates secrets being kept from her.”
Sadie brought the pie back to the table and cut it in front of them. As she served the slices onto plates, she said, “I thought Jane was here for a very different reason.”
Jane was so embarrassed she couldn’t even look at Matt.
His mother spoke again, “How much will my opinion matter if it differs from Jane’s? Have you thought about that?”
Matt picked up his fork. “If I’m honest, I’d rather have Jane’s opinion. It’s just that you like everyone, Mamm. Jane would have a better idea of who I like, and who would suit me. She knows me and—”
“All right, I know what you’re going to say. You’re not really interested in my opinion. You just want me to sit quietly at the dinner table while Jane gets to know them both.”
“That would be good, Mamm. I know you’ll like whomever Jane chooses.”
“Hmm.” Sadie pushed out her lips.
Once Matt had eaten dessert, he mumbled something about collecting them for the meeting tomorrow and him needing an early night, and then he left.
Sadie and Jane were still sitting at the table when Matt closed the front door behind him.
“Oh, Jane, I’m so sorry. I thought you were both going to tell me you were getting married—to each other.”
“Don’t be sorry for me. I have someone back home.” She stretched the truth. There was Isaac who lived next door. A widower with an adorable little five-year-old girl, Rosalee. They were friends, nothing else. Why was it all the good men saw her as only friend material?
“I didn’t know. You didn’t say anything. Forgive me.”
“There’s nothing to forgive. He’s a lovely man. His name’s Isaac. It’s not very serious between us at the moment.” Jane giggled to hide her disappointment over Matt. “Isaac and I are not getting married tomorrow or anything like that. In fact, we haven’t even talked about marriage, but we do like one another.” She didn’t want to stretch the truth too far.
Sadie’s shoulders drooped as she stared at the table. “This is not turning out the way I wanted it to.”
“Whatever happens will be Gott’s will. It’ll all work out in the end.” As she spoke, Jane smiled through her doubts. It would work out for someone else, like it always did. She would never marry. If it couldn’t be Matt, there was no point in marrying anyone. It wouldn’t be fair. How could she marry another when her heart would always belong to one man? And if she didn’t marry, she’d never have a child. The whole thing was so unfair.
Sadie quickly wiped a tear from her cheek, and turned to Jane. “All my kinner are married except for Matt. He’s so good at making decisions, so why is finding a fraa so hard for him? He’s making a chore of it. It shouldn’t be this way.” She turned her face upward. “His vadder wouldn’t approve of this.”
Then and there, the last speck of hope left Jane. She’d harden her heart, find Matt the woman most suited to hi
m and then leave there forever and never return. Not even for Matt’s wedding. “You go to bed, Sadie. I’ll finish up in here.”
“I won’t hear of it. You’re a guest.”
“I’ll be staying for a few weeks by the sounds of it. You’ll wear yourself out if you don’t allow me to help.”
“I am a little tired.”
“Go to bed.” Jane stood up, and looped her arm through Sadie’s. Sadie stood and Jane walked her to her bedroom. Once they were at the door, Jane let go of her arm and gave her a hug. “Denke, Sadie.”
“What for?”
“For making this whole thing easier for me.”
Sadie searched her face. “So you are in love with him?”
“I told you I have someone at home.”
“But ….” Sadie pushed out her lips. “Jane, are you sure you're not in love with my son?”
“Of course I love your son—as a friend, and I told you …”
“I know you told me about someone else. Isaac. It's just that I always thought that you and Matt would marry. Even when you went away, I was sure he would follow you and bring you back home.”
That was exactly what Jane had been hoping for, but it never happened.
“All I can do is make sure I give him my best and honest opinion of who’s the most suited to him. I've been away so long I don't really know any of these women any more. Abigail was just a young girl when I left. I’ve never even met Marcy and I’m not even sure who the other three are.”
“You don't need to say anything more about Abigail. I know exactly what you mean and I agree. Do you think Marcy would suit Matt best?”
“Probably any one of them would. Matt is a wunderbaar man and he’d make a perfect husband.”
“I know, that's what I think too. I have no idea why he’s left it so long to think about marriage.”
“Didn't you say he should only marry for love? Perhaps that's the answer? Maybe he hasn't gotten married yet precisely because of the whole notion of love. Now he’s in his early thirties, and he’s taking a different approach.”
“You could be right, Jane. Age does make us view things differently.”
“I just want to do a good job for him.”
Amish Christmas Bride Page 3
