“A ‘kind of’ boyfriend? That sounds interesting.”
“Not really. It's a developing relationship. I've known him for quite some time.” Jane shrugged her shoulders. “We'll just have to see what happens.”
“Tell us about him please,” asked Abigail.
“I think Jane wants to keep that to herself,” Sadie said.
“Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to pry. I'm just interested in that kind of thing. I'm interested how couples get together. It seems a complete mystery to me.”
“That's because you're still young,” Sadie told her.
Marcy smiled. “Well, when you find out let me know, will you? I’m still waiting for someone to fall in love with me.”
“Maybe someone already has fallen in love with you, Marcy, and you just don’t know it yet,” Abigail suggested.
“Maybe. I'll just be like Jane, I'll just wait and see.”
“Good idea.”
Jane didn't like where the conversation was going. She had to steer it away from love. “And what do you do for work, Marcy?”
“I work two days a week at my cousin’s cafe.”
“And I make candles that my cousin sells at the cafe,” said Abigail.
“It’s a mutual cousin,” explained Marcy, “since Abigail and I are cousins, too.”
“Oh, I love making candles,” said Jane. “I haven't done that for so long. I love putting the different fragrances and the oils in the melted wax before dipping the candles.”
“I'm making some tomorrow. Why don’t you come to my place and we can make some that you can take home with you?”
“Oh, I couldn't do that.”
“Why couldn't you?”
“I just couldn't.”
“Why don't you, Jane? I don't think you have anything planned with Matt tomorrow, do you?” asked Sadie.
She had been hoping to see Matt tomorrow, but now it didn't look like it was going to happen. And she would get to know Abigail a bit better and that was the purpose of her being there. “Sure, I'd love it. That's very kind of you, denke.”
“I can't wait. It’ll be fun.”
Over dinner, Jane was slowly changing her mind. Marcy didn’t seem any more mature than Abigail.
The conversation shifted back to Matt.
“So you've been spending a fair bit of time with Matt while you’ve been here, have you?” Marcy asked.
“Little bits and pieces.”
“They were best friends growing up,” Sadie told them. “They were always together. Two peas in a pod they were, except one being male and one being female. They were with each other every day until they were young teenagers.”
“What happened then?” asked Marcy.
Sadie ignored the question, and continued, “You see, they only lived half a mile away. Jane was always at my haus or he was at hers. If either of the two of them went missing, we always knew where they could be found.”
Jane had to smile. “Most of my childhood memories were the ones at your old place, out in the fields or on the rocks near the river. We had such fun.”
“Sounds like you were very close,” said Marcy.
“It wonders me you didn't marry him,” Abigail added.
“They might have,” said Sadie. “Only the elders suggested they were too close when they were in their early teens. They thought it was unhealthy that they were spending so much time with one another.”
“Oh, that's sad. And so unnecessary sounding.” Abigail put her fingertips to her mouth. “Oh, I didn't mean to sound like I was speaking out against the oversight.”
“Nee,” Marcy said. “It just sounded like you were stating your opinion, am I right?” Marcy stared at Jane and Sadie.
“That's what it sounded like to me,” Sadie agreed, while Jane nodded.
“So, Jane, who became your best friend to replace Matt, all those years ago?”
“Jessica. Jessica who is now married to one of Matt’s brothers.”
“She’s now my dochder-in-law.”
“Jah, we know Jessica.”
Abigail said, “I didn't know she was a good friend of yours, Jane. I remember you in the community when I was a young girl, but then you must've left.”
“That's right.” Jane was starting to feel very much every one of her thirty-one years.
“I remember when you left. Everyone was a little startled, but they said you moved back to where your family was originally from.”
“That's right. My extended family are back there, but my two siblings who are older than me both left the community soon after our parents died.”
“Oh dear! I'm sorry to hear that,” said Abigail.
“Yeah, me too,” added Marcy. “How did your parents die?”
“I can't remember,” said Abigail, “but I recall it was sudden and they died one soon after the other.”
“Ach, I’m sure Jane—”
“It’s okay, Sadie. I don’t mind talking about it. My vadder went first from pneumonia, and six months later my mother from an aneurysm. I think it was her way of being with him. They were always together, always holding hands when they sat together. We used to giggle about that when we were younger. We saw no other married couple doing that. They only did it inside the haus though.”
“Jane’s bruder and schweschder soon left the community because they said Gott didn’t save their parents from dying young. They were stripped of their faith,” Sadie told them.
“I can understand them thinking that way, but they have to know that God might have wanted them home early.”
“I don’t think words like that gave them much comfort.” Jane said. “They had one good talk with the bishop and the elders, but that didn't stop them from leaving. I haven't heard from them since.” Jane felt tears stinging behind her eyes. In a way it hurt more than her parents dying because her parents didn't have a choice in leaving her. Her brother and sister had the opportunity of making a choice and they had both just turned their backs on her and the community. Jane cleared her throat and willed the tears not to fall. On this visit, she was getting good at hiding her emotions.
That night after everyone had left and Jane was in bed, she couldn’t stop crying as painful memories surfaced. She’d been left alone in their house when her brother and sister left the community. She was only seventeen, and they were nineteen and twenty. She’d gone from having a family of five, to being utterly alone in six short months. The pain and isolation she’d felt back then was like nothing else.
Chapter 14
Jane spent the next day with Abigail, making candles. She came home with a half-dozen rose scented beeswax candles and another half-dozen of lemongrass scented ones.
“How was your candle-making session?”
“Lovely, and she let me have all these. I’ll share them with you.”
Sadie laughed. “I have so many candles. Just give me one.”
Jane put the box down on the kitchen table, and told her which ones were which. Sadie reached in and chose a rose one. “I’ll light it tonight in the living room and put it in the window. Now, I have something for you.”
“What is it?”
“I have a letter for you. It came today.”
“A letter for me?”
“Jah, unless I have another Jane staying with me who has exactly the same last name.” Sadie giggled.
“That's odd. The only person who has this address is the bishop.”
Sadie turned the envelope over and looked at the back. “Hmm. This person could've got the address from the bishop. Know someone with the first initial of I? I for Isaac, maybe?”
“Isaac’s my neighbor. Oh no, I hope there's not something wrong with my haus, but then I suppose since it belongs to the bishop it would be he who’d write to me.”
Still holding onto the letter, Sadie said with more than a hint of mischief, “Didn't you tell me you and Isaac were a little more than friends?”
Jane felt bad for deceiving Sadie, and even worse now that he
r fabricated stories were coming apart at the seams. “That's right. But that doesn't mean he would write to me … necessarily. It’s a very new relationship.”
Sadie put the letter down on the coffee table and placed her hands on her hips. “You're not fooling me for one minute, Jane. You're not even excited to see you have a letter from Isaac, your supposed boyfriend.”
“I don't get excited easily. I don't even know what it says yet.”
“You're in love with my son, always have been.”
Jane had no words for that comment. She reached forward and grabbed the letter. “I should read this.”
“You read it. I'll put the coffee on, and then when I sit back down, we can talk.” Sadie headed off to the kitchen.
Jane sat on the couch with her fingers trembling, half due to the cold and half from nerves about what the letter might say. Carefully, she ripped open the envelope.
* * *
Dear Jane,
This is a difficult letter to write. We've lived beside each other for so long and I knew I liked you, but it was only when you left to help out your friend that I knew the true extent of my feelings …
* * *
Jane read on. In the rest of the letter, he expressed his feelings toward her. Feelings that she didn't return. Maybe, just maybe if she hadn't seen Matt again, she might’ve fooled herself into thinking something could happen between them, a courting kind of relationship that would lead to marriage.
She folded the letter into three and set it onto her lap, and then she looked into the crackling fire as it sent off sheets of golden amber flames into the darkness of the chimney above. Isaac was a good man and he had that darling little girl who could keep her busy. A little girl who needed a mother so badly.
Maybe this was the right choice, the perfect choice.
Gott was giving her a lifeline so she could have children. Isaac was such a good man.
It would be silly to refuse him. Her own marriage to look forward to would certainly quell the pain she’d feel when Matt got married by his deadline of Christmas.
Sadie brought out a tray of coffee items and placed them on the low coffee table and then sat beside Jane. “Well?”
“He misses me.”
“He tells you that, does he?”
“He does.”
“Has he proposed to you yet?”
“Nee. Not in a letter.”
“So he hasn't done so in that letter?”
Jane shook her head.
“Well, what is he waiting for?”
Jane decided it was time for the truth to come out. “I guess he's waiting on me to show some signs of liking him in return.”
“That’s simple, isn't it? Do that. Show some signs of liking him in return.”
“You're right. Things sound so simple when they come out of your mouth, Sadie.”
“Love shouldn't be so complicated. In my mind, if love is complicated that means there's a problem. When he’s the right one, you don't have to ask anyone their opinion because you know it in your heart.” Sadie shook her head.
Jane looked at the large white coffeepot, knowing that Sadie was really talking about Matt. “Shall I pour?”
“Nee, I'll do it.” Sadie poured out two coffees and then topped them with milk. “Two sugars for you isn't it?”
“Jah,” Jane said feeling more like five spoonfuls of sugar to give her some much-needed energy.
“Don't look so worried all the time, Jane. You’re making wrinkles on that pretty forehead of yours.” She passed the coffee mug over to Jane.
“It's a little late for that, I’m afraid.”
“Jane, it's not. You're always putting yourself down. I can hear it in the little things you say.”
“Better to put myself down before other people do it.”
“Nonsense. Let people say what they will.”
Jane took a sip of coffee. “They probably wouldn't say it, but they’d think it. I'm too tall and I have red hair, which no one seems to like. They like dark hair or they like blonde, anything but red.”
“Golden red hair is delightful, so unusual, so dreamy-like. And your skin is fair with sparkles here and there.”
Jane smiled. “You've become a poet.”
Sadie laughed. “I'm not trying to be. What's inside a person, that’s what counts and you have that Jane. You have beauty on the inside and on the outside. What man could resist that combination?”
Jane sighed. She was doing a lot of that these days. “Only every man I've ever met so far.”
“Rubbish.”
“Well, I'm not married.”
“Perhaps it's you who’s your own worst enemy because you don't know your true worth. If you don't realize your true worth, how do you expect anybody else to?”
Jane’s gaze dropped to the letter in her lap. “Perhaps Isaac realizes it.” And for that reason maybe he deserved a chance. “I'll see what happens with him when I get back.”
“Well don't take too long, will you? I don’t approve of what Matt’s doing.”
“I won't.”
“I just want you to both find happiness and love. I thought you’d do that together, but I guess it’s not to be. Surely Matt must know which one he likes in his heart.”
“I agree, Sadie. He's just waiting on my approval for the one he's chosen. I'm sure that's it.”
“It wonders me he’d need anybody's approval if his love is love, truly love.”
Jane sighed for the fifteenth time that day, feeling sorry for herself. She was over thirty after all and had never even had one single marriage proposal. She was an oddity in her Amish community. “Perhaps I'll never be in love, not with anybody.”
“You might be right, Jane. Not everybody finds love. It would be nice, but I know that not all find it.”
Jane stared down into her coffee. The worst thing was that her love for Matt wasn’t returned. It would’ve been far easier if she had never found anyone to love. That, she thought, she could’ve lived with.
Chapter 15
Lanie looked out the window of her house and waited for the twins to arrive.
She had to take their measurements for their new dresses—something she’d promised them for going along with the ruse that she and Matt had created. She’d asked them to come promptly at three in the afternoon. That was naptime for her daughter. It was fortunate that at five years old Mary-Lee still had a one-hour nap in the afternoon.
At fifteen minutes after three, Lanie was starting to get upset. If they came when Mary-Lee was awake, she’d find it hard to concentrate, and concentration was something that was vital when it came to taking measurements.
The twins finally arrived at 3:25. Lanie stood at the door and beckoned them over. When they got closer, she asked them to be quiet.
“Is Mary-Lee asleep now?” asked Anne.
“Jah.”
“I was hoping to play with her.”
Lanie gritted her teeth. “But remember, I asked you to come at three because that's what time she goes down for her nap.”
“Isn't she too old for a nap?” Beatrice asked.
“Don't tell her that,” Lanie said. “You don’t want me to make any mistakes with these dresses, do you?”
“Nee.”
“That’s why I specifically asked you to get here at three on the dot.”
“We’re sorry. It’s her fault,” Anne said, nodding to Beatrice.
“I was finishing off a chore for Mamm and she wouldn’t allow me to leave until it was done.”
“Anyway, come in and please don’t speak loudly.”
While she took their measurements, she questioned them. She wasn’t making them dresses for nothing. She needed information. “How was dinner with Jane and Sadie?”
“It was okay, but I don't know if we convinced Jane enough.”
“Of course we did. She was totally convinced we’re in love with Matt. And if he was interested in me, I wouldn't say no and that’s the truth.”
“We
ll he's not interested in you, Anne!” Lanie snapped.
“I know, but if he were …”
“He's not, so there’s no point talking about it. This is all just pretend, make-believe.”
Beatrice placed her hands on her hips. “And we still don't know why, or what this is all about. Is Jane supposed to like Matt, or what?”
“You don't have to know anything. That's why I'm making you these dresses. Ask no questions and you'll not be tempted to reveal secrets.”
“Lanie’s right, Bea. That's why we’re getting these dresses, silly. So keep quiet.”
“I was only asking.”
Lanie stood up, rolling up the tape measure. “Do you want a new dress each or what? Don't forget they'll probably be the nicest ones you’ve ever had.” She looked up and down at the dresses they’d no doubt sewn themselves. “No offense to you or your mudder or anything, but I am good at what I do.”
“Jah, we know you are, Lanie.”
“We are sorry. My schweschder is sorry and everyone is sorry. We won't ask again.”
“Good! See that you don't.” She leaned down once more and took a waist-to-floor measurement of Anne, and then jotted it on her notes. A few minutes later she asked, “And what did you both think of Jane?”
“So beautiful, just like a fairy,” Beatrice said.
Anne screwed up her nose. “A fairy? Have you actually ever seen a fairy?”
“Nee, but that’s what one would look like. That’s what they look like in my mind all beautiful and elegant. She’s tall and willowy, and when she walks, she glides like a swan.”
“Why didn’t you say she’s like a swan, then?”
Beatrice giggled. “You can call her that. I say she’s like a fairy. A garden fairy.”
Lanie wasn’t even sure what a fairy was, but now she was sure she wouldn’t be able to get the idea of a garden fairy out of her head. Did Matt think Jane was swan-like, or fairy-like too? As a woman, she found it hard to judge the beauty of another woman. Wait. What did it matter? He was already in love with Jane. There had to be something she could do about that … for the sake of Mary-Lee.
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