Although, she realized, she did have a certain amount of control over her life. She had made the decision all those years ago to move to a different community.
After thirty minutes by herself, with the thought of the whole day stretched in front of her, she paced up and down in front of the fire wondering what to do with herself. She wasn't used to having free time apart from on Sundays.
Now she had nothing to do but think of Matt and what the outcome of his mission would be. Which woman would he marry and how much would he listen to her opinion?
After a full hour had dragged past, Jane was regretting her decision not to accompany Sadie. It might have been boring talking about their Christmas sewing projects, but it would've kept her mind off Matt.
Just as she was boiling the kettle to make herself a cup of coffee, she heard a horse and buggy. A spark of excitement fluttered inside her, and she hurried to look out the window hoping it was Matt. It was Lanie.
At that moment, Lanie was most welcome. She left the kitchen and opened the front door for her. “Hello, Lanie.”
“Hi, Jane. Care for some company for an hour or so?”
“Sure. I’d love that. Come inside.” When Jane saw Mary-Lee wasn’t with her, she said, “You’re fortunate to have your mudder look after Mary-Lee so often.”
“Hmm, I haven't worked out if that's a good thing or a bad thing yet. What if she grows up thinking that my mudder is her mamm?”
Jane laughed. “I don't think that will happen. She's already five, you said.”
“Jah, I suppose you're right. It is convenient sometimes.”
“I just got the kettle boiling. Would you like a cup of coffee?”
“I brought chocolate cake, only I left it in the buggy.”
“You brought some with you?”
“Jah.”
“Quick, go and get it! I could do with a piece of chocolate cake.”
Lanie giggled at Jane, and hurried back out the door to the buggy.
Soon they were sitting down with a heavily frosted chocolate cake decorated with colored sprinkles, a sharp knife, plates and forks, and two cups of coffee.
“I’m glad you came here, Jane. I find you such an interesting person.”
Jane was surprised. “Who me?”
“Jah. You're so brave. You moved away to another community by yourself. I could never do that, all alone.”
“I don't think it was brave. There was nothing left for me here after my folks died. I was on my own and I guess I wanted to see what else was out there, what life was like in other communities.”
“And you had to start your life again.”
Jane nodded as she pushed the knife through the cake. “It was a bit daunting at first, but everybody was very friendly. I made friends in no time and I still wrote to my old friends.” Jane placed a slice of cake onto each of two plates.
“Denke,” Lanie said pulling her plate of cake toward her and picking up a fork. “So do you think you might move back here in the future?”
“I don't know, depends what Gott has planned for me.” She sipped her coffee. “Sometimes it’s hard to make decisions.”
“I think those are part of being human. We have to be sure to make the right ones, though, and some are life changing and some aren’t that important.”
“That's true. I’m glad you came today. I nearly went with Sadie to the ladies charity meeting.”
“Ach.” Lanie waved a hand through the air. “I never go to those things. I have my own sewing to do and I’m paid to do it. If I was old and didn’t need the money to live on, I’d do it to pass the time.”
“That's right, you're a seamstress.”
“Jah. I sew night and day and that's why I'm not very interested in doing it in my spare time, if you see what I mean.”
“I do. And I don't blame you. Otherwise, you’d be sewing all the time.”
“That's right.”
Mr. Grover walked into the kitchen and meowed loudly, then jumped into Lanie’s lap.
Lanie bolted to her feet, and Mr. Grover landed on the floor. “I'm sorry but I don't like cats. I didn't hurt him, did I?”
“Nee, he was able to land on his feet.” With a little smile, Jane watched Mr. Grover stalk out of the room, looking as though he was disgusted.
Lanie sat down and noticed Jane’s expression. “Don't tell me you like cats.”
“I love cats. I'm going to get one some day.”
“That's your goal in life, is it, Jane—to get a cat?”
Jane giggled. It did sound perfectly ridiculous. “It is one of my goals. I always think that pets make a house feel more like home.”
“I think children make a home. The laughter of children. I only wish that my husband and I had been able to have more than one.”
“I'm sure you'll marry again and have more, if that’s what you’d like.”
“That's what I'm hoping. And that's why I want to have a talk with you so you could put in a good word for me with Matt.” Lanie was fishing to see where Jane’s heart lay.
Jane broke off a piece of chocolate cake with her fork. “Would that be fair? Wouldn't that give you an unfair advantage?”
“Phooey, I don't care about that. I can't see Matt really being interested in the twins or either of the others.”
“I guess he just wants to get my opinion so he can assess things from a different viewpoint. The decision’s up to him, you know that, don't you?”
“I do. Of course you wouldn't have the final say-so, but I know he will put a lot of store on your opinion. He respects you.”
“That's good to know. Anyway, let’s not talk about men.”
Lanie was upset. That was all she was there to talk about.
“I should go soon anyway. Mamm has Mary-Lee with her while she hosts the charity thing at her house, and I know Mary-Lee will be non-stop with her chatter. I’ll need to rescue her.”
“Oh, the same one as Sadie’s going to?”
“Jah.”
“Won’t you stay for another cup of coffee?”
“Oh no. I should get going.”
“Would you like to take the rest of the chocolate cake with you? Sadie doesn't like chocolate and I'm sure Mary-Lee would like a piece.”
“Oh, if you don't mind I will take it with me, and I'm sure my mother wouldn't say no to a slice either.”
Jane reached for the box the cake had come in, and placed what was left back inside.
Then Lanie stood up. “I've enjoyed our talk, Jane. It’d be nice if you move back here. Do you think you ever will?”
“I have no idea. My life is so … up in the air. Sometimes I feel I have no roots anywhere.”
“I hope you move here. Enjoy the rest of your day.”
“I will, at least I'll try to.”
Lanie walked through the door. “Me too. I’ll try to.”
Jane leaned against the doorframe and watched Lanie leave.
Lanie got into her buggy, picked up the reins, and realized she was totally confused by Jane. She moved her horse forward, and gave a little wave to Jane before the horse headed down the driveway. Jane said she had no roots, and that sounded to Lanie like she wasn’t in love with anyone—not Isaac and not Matt.
Poor Matt, the feelings Jane once had for him were no more. Now all she could think about was Isaac. She wouldn’t let him get away, not when he felt the same about her.
Her next stop was to meet him at the farmers markets and tell him she would marry him. Now that she’d spoken to Jane, her conscience was totally clear.
Chapter 28
Jane closed the door.
Alone, again.
She walked over to the fireplace, picked up a poker, and jabbed at the fire. Then she settled back into the couch feeling full of chocolate cake. She closed her eyes and drifted into a deep sleep.
An hour later, Jane woke and saw from the clock above the mantle that it was half past twelve.
It was time for lunch, but she wasn't hungry af
ter those two pieces of chocolate cake and the coffee. It was too cold to go outside and wander around and she couldn't write letters because she only wrote letters to Jessica and Matt and they were right here.
When Sadie arrived at four, driven in Matt’s buggy, Jane couldn’t have been more pleased to see them. Matt must’ve collected Sadie from wherever the ladies were having their get-together. She opened the front door smiling, until she saw their faces.
“Is something wrong?” she asked when they got closer.
“We do have news,” Sadie said.
“You haven’t heard any ‘news’ yourself?” Matt asked.
Jane frowned. “About what?”
Sadie sighed and looked over at Matt. “She doesn’t know.”
“What is it?” Now Jane was worried.
“Let's all go inside and we’ll tell you.”
When they were all seated, Sadie said, “I was at Elsie’s place.”
“That’s where the charity meeting was held?” Jane asked wondering if she’d already been told.
“Jah, that’s right, Lanie’s mudder’s.”
“Okay, go on. What happened?”
“Just as we were about to go, Lanie arrived with Isaac and they had a very odd announcement to make.”
“About what?” Jane looked at Matt hoping he’d tell her. He looked away.
“Isaac …” Sadie's voice trailed off.
“Just tell me.”
“It’s okay, Mamm. I’ll tell her. Isaac and Lanie are getting married.”
Jane sprang to her feet. “It can’t be. She was here this morning. We ate chocolate cake and talked about …. Nothing in particular. Nee. It’s not right. He asked me.”
Sadie stood up. “I’m sorry, Jane. I need to lie down.” Sadie patted her shoulder and then left the room.
“Are you okay?” Matt asked.
Jane didn’t know how to answer. She opened her mouth but no words came out. This was the man she was going to consider marrying when Matt married someone, but now that option was gone. Soon, Matt would marry and there’d be no hope for her. Her mouth turned down at the corners and she couldn’t stop the tears.
He moved toward her and wrapped his arms around her and she sobbed on his shoulder. In between her tears, she managed to say, “I’m sorry. I’m being so selfish. You might’ve been about to choose Lanie and now she’s gone. It’s all Isaac’s fault. If only he hadn’t come.”
He smiled at her and pushed back some golden-red strands of hair that had fallen over her face. “I wasn’t going to choose Lanie.”
She put her head back onto his shoulder and sobbed some more. Jane was too upset about Isaac for Matt to tell her the truth.
He’d promised his mother this coming Christmas was going to be her best ever. The thing she wanted most was for him to marry. He’d let everyone down, most of all Jane. It was his fault that Isaac had come to this community and met Lanie. He wrapped his arms tightly around Jane, feeling her pain. “It’s okay. It’ll all be okay.” All he could do was comfort her. If only she loved him as much as she’d loved Isaac.
“Let’s sit over here.” He guided her back to the couch. “I know this has all been a shock to you Jane, but I need to confess something to you.”
She held her head. “I don’t know if I can take any more surprises.”
“Okay, I won’t tell you.”
“Nee. You have to tell me now that you’ve told me there’s something to tell me.”
He smiled at her. “I know I’m not Isaac, but I need to tell you… Jane, I’ve loved you all my life. When you left you broke my heart.”
She stared at him not able to believe her ears. “Why didn’t you ever say …”
“I figured if you loved me you wouldn’t have left. I thought long and hard about going to see you and telling you how I felt, but I couldn’t bear the thought of a possible rejection. I knew that if you loved me you would’ve stayed.”
“So, what are you saying? I don’t understand. You love me?”
“I do, Jane.”
“What was all this about me helping you choose a fraa?”
“Don’t be angry. It was an elaborate ruse to get you back. I thought if you saw I was serious about marrying someone else, that might spark some jealousy in you. Or you might look at me with different eyes.” He shook his head. “It was a silly idea. I know that now.”
“I don’t know why you didn’t just come out and tell me.”
“Fear. Plain old fear. Would you have rejected me, Jane, all those years ago?”
“Nee. I wouldn’t have. You’re the reason I left.”
“Me?”
“Jah. We grew apart and I saw no hope. The only thing I could do was leave and see if you missed me.” Jane held her head unable to believe what was going on. “What do these five women think?”
“They’ve been in on it the whole way along. Lanie even helped me refine the plan.”
Jane shook her head. She wanted to be angry, but he had done all this because he loved her. “It was a crazy thing to do.” Tears filled her eyes, but this time they were happy tears.
“Love has made me crazy.”
“Love?”
“Jah. I’m in love with you, Jane. Since we were children. I always thought we’d marry, assumed it even. Then we grew apart. I thought you weren’t interested and then you left me.”
“It was you who showed no interest in me. A man should pursue a woman and not the other way around. I was waiting for you.”
“What you say is right, but back then I was too scared, too nervous and I put it off. I’ve lived for the letters you sent every week.”
“Me too. For yours, I mean.”
He smiled and took her hand. “Do you mean, you feel the same?”
“I do,” she said through her tears. “I don’t think I was crying about Isaac. I was crying because of …”
“It doesn’t matter. I never saw you with him. It didn’t mean that I wasn’t jealous. The first time I’ve ever had that emotion in my life.” Then, he reached out his hand and she took hold of it. “Jane, will you marry me?”
She looked right into his eyes. Her heart pumped so hard she felt she was going to burst. This was all she’d ever wanted. Was it really happening, or was she going to wake up and realize it had all been a dream?
“What do you say, Jane?” he asked.
“I say … jah, I will marry you, Matt Yoder.”
He laughed and pulled her to her feet, then he lifted her into his arms and swung her in a circle, as though she was as light as a feather. He placed her down and they looked into each other’s eyes. “I love you, Jane, always have. Now, everything is right with me.”
“That’s something I’ve always wanted to hear because I love you, too, and I always have, too.”
He lowered his head slowly until their lips touched. Then he encircled his arms about her and held her close.
“I can’t wait to start our lives together. I feel we’ve wasted so much time, when we could’ve been married already.”
A giggle spilled out of Jane’s lips. “I know what you mean.”
“Let’s tell my mother.”
“She’ll be so shocked. She’s upset with you for having me here to help you choose a fraa.”
“I know. She’s made that quite clear. She’ll be delighted to know the truth.”
“I can’t believe that all of this was made up. Mind you, I didn’t think it made any sense.”
He laughed. “It made no sense at all. I saw the disapproval on your face and I’m so glad you didn’t turn around and leave on the next Greyhound out of town. That was when I saw there might be some hope for me.”
“I thought about it. None of the women seemed a good match to me. Except maybe Marcy, or possibly Lanie. Now, Lanie’s marrying Isaac.”
“Maybe that’s why we had to wait.”
“What do you mean?”
“What other reason would Isaac have found to come here? If he never came, he n
ever would’ve met Lanie.”
“That’s right. I never thought of that.”
“Everything happens in Gott’s timing and for His purpose.”
“It used to annoy me so much when I heard people say that. I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like to wait. It seemed I was the one who had to wait for things all the time. But now I know that He does answer prayers even if sometimes we have to wait a little longer.”
“There’s no more waiting for us, Jane. Let’s get married as soon as we can. You will move back here, won’t you?”
“I will. I never really wanted to leave.”
“Does that mean … I can’t believe it’s all happening. I made crazy plans trying to jolt you into loving me. Trying to make you jealous, trying to make you think about me as a possible husband.”
“You didn’t need to do any of it.” She took a deep breath. “I’ve always loved you and no one else.”
The corners of his lips turned upward just slightly. “Not Isaac?”
She shook her head. “He’s a neighbor and a friend. I don’t know what he was thinking when I left, but there was certainly nothing between us, ever.”
“Why did you move away from here? Tell me exactly what went through your head?”
“I was twenty-five, Matt. I don’t know how you remember it. I felt there was nothing here for me. My parents were gone. My siblings were gone. You never looked twice at me back then.”
“You might be right. I was focused on building up the produce business.”
“Whatever you were doing, it didn’t involve me.”
“I was stupid. Senseless. Forgive me. I never meant to ignore you. I think I never expected you to leave.”
“You had some girlfriends.”
“Never.”
“I saw you with Molly and Meredith Schultz.”
He grunted. “I forgot about them. Their bruder asked me to show them some attention. I was never interested in either of them. I only had each of them in my buggy the once.” He smiled at her. “You loved me back then, so long ago?”
“I always loved you.”
“I wish I had known that back then. It seems that so much time has gone by, like water rushing under a bridge. We can’t stop the rushing water, but maybe we can jump in the river and see where it takes us.”
Amish Christmas Bride Page 15
