by Ian Hay
CHAPTER II
INTRODUCES THE HEROINE OF THIS NARRATIVE
It has been said by those who ought to know that, if the most painfulquarter of an hour in a man's life comes when he is screwing himself upto proposing-point, the corresponding period in a woman's is thatimmediately preceding her first dinner-party in her own house.
Granting the unpleasantness of both these chastening but necessaryexperiences, a mere male may be excused for inquiring why the secondshould be ear-marked as the exclusive prerogative of the opposite sex.There is no more morbidly apprehensive creature under the sun than theundergraduate about to give a state luncheon-party which is to be gracedby the presence of his beloved.
Hughie Marrable sat back in his hansom with knitted brow, and checkedsome hieroglyphics on the back of an envelope.
"Let's see," he murmured to himself, "_Dressed crab_. Can't go wrongthere. Told the cook to be sure to send it up in the silver scallopswith the College crest on. After all, it's the trimmings that reallyappeal to a woman. Not the food, but the way you serve it up. Rumcreatures!" he added parenthetically. "_Prawns in aspic_. That alwayslooks nice, anyway, though not very filling at the price. I rememberlast year Kitty Devenish said it looked simply--"
Hughie checked his soliloquy rather suddenly, and, if any one else hadbeen present in the hansom, would probably have blushed a little. MissKitty Devenish was what cycle-dealers term "a last year's model," and atthe present moment Hughie was driving to meet some one else. Hecontinued:--
"_Cutlets a la reform_. Quite the best thing the kitchens turn out, butnot so showy as they might be. Still, with old Huish's Crown Derbyplates--it was decent of the old man to lend them; I hope to goodnessMrs. Gunn won't do anything rash with them--they ought to do. _Grassycorner pudding_. That always creates excitement, though it tastesrotten. _Fruit salad_; _creme brule_. That's safe enough. _Macaroni augratin_. She won't touch it, but it'll please Uncle Jimmy and Jack Ames.Wish I could have some myself! Never mind; only about six hours more!"
Hughie smacked his lips. It is hard to sit among the flesh-pots and notpartake thereof. His fare at this feast would be cold beef and drytoast.
He turned over the envelope.
"H'm--drink. Don't suppose she'll have anything, but I can't take thatfor granted. There's a bottle of Berncastler Doctor and some Beaune. Iwonder if it would be best to have them open before I ask her whatshe'll drink, or ask her what she'll drink before I open them. I'll have'em open, I think. She might refuse if she saw the corks weren't drawn.Anyhow Mrs. Ames will probably take some. But, great Scott! I must askMrs. Ames first, mustn't I? That's settled anyway. She'll probably takewhatever Mrs. Ames takes.
"Then there are the table decorations. I wish to goodness I couldremember whether it _was_ wall-flower she said. I think it must havebeen, because I remember making some putrid joke to her once about likeattracting unlike. Anyhow, it's too late to change it now. I've plumpedfor wall-flower, and the room simply stinks of it.
"Then the seats. Me at the head, with Mrs. Ames on one hand and her onthe other. Uncle Jimmy at the end, with Ames on his left and Dicky Lunnbetween Mrs. Ames and Uncle Jimmy. Yes, Ames _must_ sit there. Lordknows, Dicky Lunn should be safe enough, but you never know what sort ofman a girl won't take a fancy to. And after all, Ames is married," addedthe infatuated youth.
"Then Mrs. Gunn. I think I've told her everything." He feverishly tickedoff his admonitions on his fingers. "Let me see,--
"_One_: not to put used plates on the floor.
"_Two_: not to join in the conversation.
"_Three_: not to let that wobbly affair in her bonnet dip into the food.
"_Four_: not to breathe on things or polish them with her apron, exceptout of sight.
"_Five_: not to attempt on any account to hand round the drink.
"_Six_: to go away directly after lunch and not trot in and out of thegyp-room munching remains.
"The tea-hamper should be all right. Trust the kitchens for that! I mustremember to stick in a box of chocolates, though. And I don't think Ineed bother about dinner, as they are going to send in Richards to wait.Anyhow, I shall have the boat off my chest by that time. That will besomething, especially _if_--"
Hughie lapsed into silence, and for a moment a vision of love requitedgave place in his imagination to the spectacle of the Benedictine crewgoing Head of the river.
His reflections were interrupted by the arrival of his equipage at thatcombined masterpiece of imposing architecture and convenientarrangement, Cambridge railway station. The platform was crowded withyoung men, most of them in "athletic dress," waiting for the Londontrain. The brows of all were seamed with care, partaking in allprobability of the domestic and amorous variety which obsessed poorHughie.
The train as usual dashed into the station with a haughtycan't-stop-at-a-hole-like-this expression, only to clank across somepoints and grind itself to an ignominious and asthmatic standstill at adistant point beside the solitary and interminable platform which,together with a ticket-office and a bookstall, prevents Cambridgerailway station from being mistaken for a rather out-of-date dock-shed.
Presently Hughie, running rapidly, observed his guests descending from acarriage.
First came a pleasant-faced lady of between thirty and forty, followedby a stout and easy-going husband. Next, an oldish gentleman with awhite moustache and a choleric blue eye. And finally--pretty, fresh, anddisturbing--appeared the _fons et origo_ of the entire expedition, onwhose account the disposition and incidents of Hughie's luncheon-partyhad been so cunningly planned and so laboriously rehearsed--Miss MildredFreshwater.
The party greeted their host characteristically. His uncle, even as heshook hands, let drop a few fervent anticipatory remarks on the subjectof lunch; Mr. Ames, who was an old college boat captain, coupled hisgreeting with an anxious inquiry as to the club's prospects of successthat evening; Mrs. Ames' eyes plainly said, "Well, I've _brought_ her,my boy; now wire in!" and Miss Freshwater, when it came to her turn,shook hands with an unaffected pleasure and _camaraderie_ which wouldhave suited Hughie better if there had been discernible upon her facewhat Yum-Yum once pithily summed up as "a trace of diffidence orshyness."
Still, Hughie was so enraptured with the vision before him that hefailed to observe a small and shrinking figure which had coyly emergedfrom the train, and was hanging back, as if doubtful about itsreception, behind Mrs. Ames' skirts. Presently it detached itself andstood before Hughie in the form of a small girl with coppery brown hairand wide grey-blue eyes.
"Joey!" shouted Hughie.
"She would come!" explained his uncle, in the resigned tones of a strongman who knows his limits.
The lady indicated advanced to Hughie's side, and, taking his hand,rubbed herself ingratiatingly against him in the inarticulate buteloquent manner peculiar to dumb animals and young children.
