With a snap of my fingers, I could clear out all the trees, birds, and wildlife. Finally make things even quieter.
But while the sensory side of me might welcome it, the other half grounded in Pittsburgh needed the landscape I’d grown up with even more. Craved it. Parts of this city were now mine, in Jinn terms. I could feel Malda nudging against those little spaces I’d taken from Kiran. She wasn’t happy, but I really didn’t care. Happiness wasn’t a guarantee for anyone.
I shoved thoughts of her out of my mind, strolled over to the line in front of a target, and rubbed a little chalk dust on my palms from a stash in my coat pocket. No matter how many times I threw an axe, my hands still sweated like nobody’s business. Reaching out, I teleported the axe to my hand from the closet. Gripping the bottom end of the handle firmly, I put my left foot forward, lined up my shot, and raised both hands above my head.
Deep breath in. Exhale. Center myself into the ground. Swing back, keeping wrists locked. Release.
The axe flipped end over end in the air and planted itself in the bottom center of the target. I smiled. Not bad for a first throw. I almost snapped my fingers to teleport the axe back to me, then stopped and ran over to grab it out of the target instead. Cendric had a good point about the easy way being less useful. The more I got accustomed to the axe handle in my grip, the easier it would be to throw it comfortably.
Cid had a lot of good points, really. He was an awesome guy all-around. Smart, handsome. Absurdly caring. Loads of life experience, and he adored me. A little too much.
“Only you would have issues with someone being too good to be true.” I rolled my eyes as I got back behind the line. I assumed the stance. Breathed in. Elbows up, I raised the axe behind my head. Released.
Closer to the center this time. I did the same retrieval routine, the physical activity letting my thoughts settle. It wasn’t that my mate did anything wrong, but he was a bit nuts with the protectiveness. He’d been willing to throw away everything in the Dreamscape because I was hurting. That wasn’t good. Maybe I wasn’t helping things by complaining. He’d encouraged me to show my feelings through our bond. But if he was going to freak out whenever I was in pain and go into protective mode at the cost of the mission, then maybe it wasn’t worth it. Maybe Kiran was right. Cendric couldn’t house my magic.
The ending thought sank within me, so heavy I couldn’t even articulate it fully, because it shouldn’t be that way. We were supposed to be a team, but every time I put myself out there, he got twisted up in knots.
At that moment, I threw. My stupid wrist flicked, screwing it all up. I glared at the axe in the ground, then stalked over to grab it.
Time to practice one-handed throws. I’d been doing some lifting to make this easier, although axe throwing was mostly momentum.
I breathed out a sigh, centering myself once more in the ground and feeling magic pulse up through me. Huh. Magic. I’d been able to enchant the turpentine bottle to tie Kiran to it. Could I do something like that to the axe? Tie it to the target? After all, Terezal had done that with her razor blades.
Couldn’t hurt to try.”
I swung back, letting my sapphire magic consume the axe, handle and all. Then I released. It hit the target just north of center. Sapphire flames leaped from the axe to the target, setting the whole stump ablaze with smokeless flame. Don’t burn up. Just soak it in.
My magic obeyed. I grinned and ran to the stump to retrieve the axe. Now to test the theory.
I stopped short on the way back, attentive to the sudden rush of blood through my veins. Cendric was close by. I looked up to see him standing at the edge of the clearing clad in
his dressed-down goth fashion of black cargo pants, a t-shirt with Beaker from the Muppets on it, and the boots of many buckles. A black duster hung from his form. The whole effect was enough to make me almost drop the axe.
He gestured to the stump, still flickering with bluish flames. “Is this why you sneaked off? To destroy something without consequence?”
The vampire’s tone was light, but I shrugged. “Just trying something new, Cid.”
“What is it?”
I forced the words out, trying to match his tone. “I thought if I charged the target and my axe with enough magic, I could tie them together.”
He nodded. “Like a homing beacon.”
“Right.” I cleared my throat. “Get back.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Why? Allis, what are you doing?”
“Something dangerous. The exact opposite of what you’ve taught me about throwing an axe.”
A glint of intrigue showed in his eyes as he stepped away.
I stood with the side of my boot on the line and held the axe in front of me, blade parallel to the ground. Then I swung it out sideways toward the target, releasing it the wrong way, wrist flick and all, while at the same time willing the blade to hit the center of the target.
The axe spiraled around impossibly. The full edge hit the center of the target with a solid thwack. I grinned. “Yes!”
“Impressive,” Cendric said, striding back onto the field. “That would be exceptionally helpful in assassinations.”
I nodded, glee over my success overcoming the weird feels from being around Cendric. “Yeah, and tranqing someone. Or even trying to get them supplies or something. I got the idea from Terezal. She did this against me with razor blades.”
Cendric’s look of approval vanished. “You shouldn’t have had to endure that alone.”
“Hey, it turned out all right.” I walked over to the target to grab the axe.
“You were badly injured.”
“Yeah, and in helping me recover, so were you. Par for the course.”
Deep disappointment showed on his face. “It shouldn’t happen again.”
“Dude, that doesn’t mean it won’t! Divide and conquer is the name of the game for baddies. And in case you haven’t noticed, I survived thirty-three years on my own without a ceaseless raven shadow trying to protect me.” I gripped the axe in my hand, suddenly unable to stop the words. “It’s not like you let me help all that much in our dumb training sessions. They’re in the Dreamscape where nothing I do matters.”
He frowned. “We’ve only been working together for seven weeks. Your magic has only been unlocked for that long too.”
“Yeah. It’s just, every time I freak out, you say to lean into things and trust my intuition. But you don’t give me a chance to do that. Honestly, I’m glad crap keeps hitting the fan, because it actually gives me a chance to prove myself!”
“You’re the one who is constantly fearful of hurting others and losing control!” His gray eyes darkened. “That fear is constantly at the top of your mind. I feel it all the time.”
“Yeah, because I’m trying to be careful! Yeesh, is this what happens when I let you into my head? You just get more ammo to continue treating me like a child?” I shook my head. “Your first wife was a dhampir. How’d you put up with that?”
His jaw worked. “My first wife was killed because I wasn’t there to protect her and our children.”
“Still blaming yourself for that, I see.”
“She had a lot more training in defending herself and others than you do, even when I first met her.”
I nodded. “Got it. Playing the age card again as well.”
He winced. “Allis, I didn’t mean it that way—”
“Oh, I get it. Trust me, I’m very aware that my life experience means nothing to older immortals. It’s one of the ways I used to trick them because they thought so little of me. I thought you were different.” I swiped a hand across my eyes. “So this is what it comes down to. Unless we’re in life or death situations, you’re going to keep benching me and scolding me when I get involved on my own, despite the fact that I studied all I could to save your life, including how to capture and kill a Jinn. From Melrose, by the way.”
Cendric glared. “Yes, I spoke with him about that. You did exceptionally well, but you learn
ed things you can never unlearn.”
“It wasn’t your choice. It was mine! Mine to save you, just like I let you drink my blood in the nyctophage when we first met. I know you’re scared of your vampire side, but this is ridiculous!”
He fell silent. Great. I’d made him shut down.
“And as much as I hate Casimir pushing and snapping at me, at least he isn’t insulting me by trying to wrap me in a damn bubble.”
Magic pulsed from me. This time, I didn’t care. Let it do whatever. The sapphire flames streamed off me and arced into the leaves around us, turning each one into soap bubbles. Many, many soap bubbles, each of them tinted with the shade of leaf it had been originally.
Figures. This was what happened when I got angry.
Cendric watched as they floated around us, his mouth open.
Despite everything, I couldn’t resist. “Keep doing that, and you’ll end up swallowing one, Cid.”
“Indeed.” He shook his head—and then his shoulders started shaking. A quiet, rasping laugh escaped him and grew louder by the minute. “You are truly as insane as I am, aren’t you?”
I fought the urge to smile and lost that battle. “Hey, my brain is unique.”
“And I’m a birdbrain, as you are fond of reminding me. You’re only as unique as everyone else.”
Then we stared at each other and burst into peals of laughter as hundreds of soap bubbles floated around us. The big, scary outburst of my anger. Well, I didn’t really want to hurt Cid. Him least of all.
He rubbed at his eyes. Tears from laughter—or just tears? My vampire walked toward me, his expression bright and sharp. “Allis, I’m sorry.”
“Yeah?”
Cendric took my hands in his. “I’ve been so consumed with trying to care for and protect you, and help you master your mind, that I haven’t shared the truth of mine.”
I nodded, pressing my lips together to let him speak.
He sighed. “My soul is that of a cruel raven with powers over death, and my vampirism includes a lust for blood. When you struggle against your magic, I understand that struggle. I have experienced it, the fight between your heart, your will, and your magic. My raven self often desires one thing, and the vampirism wants another. Often, their only agreements are on loathsome activities.”
“Yeah, I understand. I mean, as much as I can, since I’m not a raven or a vampire.”
“I know you do. In fact, the more I saw of your struggles, the more I felt your fears and desires, the more I understood that we were very similar. Ravens only mate with a strict compatibility. And yet, I feared you seeing that I was the same. That I couldn’t always be your strength or protector because our weaknesses are the same. Resisting the monster. The madness.”
I watched a bubble pop on his shoulder. “You think we could turn evil together?”
His expression darkened. “It happened before. With Lilah. I was desperate for company, for family. She twisted all that under the guise of offering me herself.”
“Twisted how?”
Cendric’s lips twisted. “You do insist on knowing. Very well. At one point she and I held an underground army of thousands under our thrall, along with the citizens of several cities. Everywhere I went, people desired my favor and quaked under the slightest suggestion of my wrath. I took lives as easily as breathing—and sometimes, I even allowed the individuals the grace of dying. I feared little, held all in contempt, and lived for the adoration of that woman. Never seeing how much she pulled my strings, effortlessly using me in her diabolical plans.”
“Aha.” Okay, his ex was way worse than mine.
“You’re entirely unlike her. I didn’t want to fear it occurring again.” He made a disgusted sound. “But I did, and I am ashamed of that. Controlling you was controlling myself, after a fashion. Controlling your ability to see my darkness. Caring for your pain to keep you from temptation or harm. Making an excuse of your lesser years to rationalize my actions.” His expression turned sour. “Casimir’s words in the cave were more accurate than I wanted to admit. And my recent conversation with Melrose only affirmed those statements and went far deeper.”
A faint smile escaped me. “Good ol’ Melrose.”
“Hmph.” Cendric made a little squawk. “He’s always had a way of showing me the truth of matters, even when I don’t want to see it. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have treated you as incompetent and kept myself from you.”
“I forgive you.” I squeezed his hands. “I’m sorry my freaking out made it harder for you to see what I really needed. Honestly, I’m scared of leading people, even if it’s only for this mission. I’ve always felt that others looked down on me. I’ve kept myself to the side—not really following anyone, but also not sticking my neck out.”
He chuckled, dropping my hands to cradle my face. “Allis, you stick your neck out all the time. You were the one who assembled everyone to face Neil Halverson.”
I wrinkled my brow. “I thought that was you. I was in the shower.”
“They all came because I mentioned your name. Because they wanted to stand behind you.”
“I don’t understand. After all those years of Fae and Unspoken lording their age over me …”
The vampire traced my cheekbone with his thumb. “No one ever said magical beings were rational. As a blood binder, like me, you are already in a place of authority and leadership. You have great power.”
“I’m not even bossy.” I ran my hands up his arms, letting my fingers trail over his collarbone and chest. Comforting gestures that reminded me of who stood before me. Who would always stand beside me. “I just try to get everyone together because it’s easier to find solutions.”
He rested his forehead against mine. “That, I understand perfectly. Considering how Jack, Theiya, Gideon, and the rest are very independent, your lack of ‘bossy’ is probably what inclines them to listen to you. You make choices out of fairness, not merely to assert your will for your pleasure. Each of them is secure knowing that you will help them in whatever way you can. I’ve already seen you do that.”
“Hm. Okay.”
I could see it. I really could. And later, I would ponder that more. I’d get out the throwing knives. Maybe attach water balloons filled with paint to a canvas, to make it more fun.
Maybe even have hard conversations with Cid about housing my magic.
But right now, all I wanted to see was Cendric. Preferably with less clothing on. What with him being captured, and then a few days of exhausted recovery, it had been a while since I’d fully gotten to know my husband.
“Allis? What are you thinking?”
The fierce passion in his eyes made it all to clear he knew the answer. I reached up and tugged at a lock of his black hair. “I’m thinking that making up doesn’t require this much clothing.”
“Agreed.”
Our lips met in a deep kiss. His hands slipped beneath my shirt, and I managed to work off his duster. Finally, we broke away for breath. “Teleport to the bedroom?”
He pulled off the t-shirt, allowing black wings to emerge from his back. “I have a far better idea.”
My mouth dried. “Not arguing.”
With a grin, he scooped me up in his arms and flew off into the trees. My heart beat wildly as I clung to him, the trees rushing by us. I felt a flash of the magisphere and a brush of foliage against my face. I blinked and saw that there was a small platform suspended among the highest trunks, shielded from the outside world by a curtain of thick vines gleaming with broad, silver-edged leaves. The platform was a little larger than our king-sized bed, generously cushioned with bedding—and entirely without railings.
My mouth dropped open. “Wow.”
“Do you trust me?” Cendric whispered in my ear.
I looked up into his eyes. A man who had denied himself so much, even deep companionship, all in the name of keeping me safe.
“Absolutely.”
I kissed him again, and any remaining fear vanished.
There was only now.
And him. And us.
Afterward, curled up next to him, I idly traced one of his wings. Capable of being so sharp, even deadly, yet I felt nothing but gentleness. “You really are an incredible birdbrain.”
“Thank you.” He gave a soft, contented warble as he ran his fingers through my hair.
I felt a desire rise within him, very different from the one we had just sated.
“You miss flying as a bird, don’t you?”
“Yes. Those moments, when I left the Dreamscape to find you.” He sighed. “I’m not sure how that happened. But the moments were gone too soon.”
“I bet I can get them back.”
He tilted his head. “You do?”
“Maybe.” My mind drifted to Casimir and to all the Jinn knowledge he claimed to have. “The light elf might be able to help.”
Cendric made a face. “He’s insulting. Not killing him takes more effort than I’d like.”
“But he means well, and he gave us insight to work together. We need all the help we can get to depose Malda.”
My mate nodded. “Agreed.”
I paused. “Cid, a lot of people have pointed out that you’re a shifter and I’m not.”
“They should win prizes for observation.”
“I know, right?” I swallowed hard. Forcing the words out as I traced his bare chest. “At the same time, it seems that you holding on to some of my Jinn magic could be bad. All that chaos inside you, when you’re already a raven and a vampire, could be making things worse.”
He edged closer to me. “Yet that is part of the mate bond.”
“No. It’s not. Kiran said it actually puts me in a place of subservience to you. As though I’m a Jinn and you’re my master.”
“He has no reason to tell the truth.” Cendric’s eyes narrowed. “Unless you’ve felt subservient?”
Augh. Could this get any more awkward? Just say it, Allis. “Um. Yeah, I have. Sometimes, doing what you want me to do feels more important than anything else. I resist, but … it’s weird. I don’t like it. It feels better when my magic is grounded in, well, the ground.”
Shadows passed over his face as he suddenly drew away. “I never meant to put you in a place of servitude—”
Wish You Weren't Here Page 18
