by Rosie Clarke
It explained his wild jealousy, of course. It made sense of his obsession that Paul wasn’t his son – and it made his lusting after Rose a little easier to understand, but it didn’t make her feel any less dirty. The thing she’d liked so much about Jimmy Morgan was that he’d made her feel special, put her on a pedestal and treated her like a lady, something she’d never known before.
Her father’s customers had sometimes looked at Rose with those hot eyes that seemed to pierce her very skin, stripping her bare. She’d had to fight off more than one – and it was because they’d known she was the daughter of a woman who was no better than she would be. They’d believed that her mother had gone with other men, both before and after her marriage – and so they’d taken it for granted that Rose was the same, but she wasn’t interested. Rose’s mother had never confided in her and so she didn’t know who her real father was or whether the gossip was true or false – what she did know was that she wouldn’t allow men like that to get near her.
At the Pig & Whistle, Rose had received only respect from Peggy’s customers. One or two soldiers had tried to flirt with her, but none of them had looked at her in that sly hot way that told her they thought she was easy. Jimmy had taken her to tea at a posh hotel and told her she was special. Rose had begun to think she was special – until Mr Ashley looked at her that way. She couldn’t have stayed under the same roof as him after that because she didn’t trust him to stay out of her room. She hadn’t liked having to tell Peggy, but she’d had to make her see – and perhaps she ought to know what kind of a man her husband was. She hoped she hadn’t hurt Peggy or made her unhappy, and yet she’d sensed the tension in the house ever since his return. It was a pity he’d come back.
*
‘When did you get back?’ Peggy asked as Anne knocked at the kitchen door and then came in. ‘I wasn’t sure if it was today or tomorrow…’
‘We came back on the earlier train because it was so cold,’ Anne replied. ‘My uncle’s flat has a good range to heat it and Kirk is getting it going now – and I’m going to fetch our things from Mavis’s house and take them home…’
‘I shall miss you popping in and out,’ Peggy said. ‘But never mind, I’ll see you as often as we can manage– did you have a lovely time at the sea?’
‘It was wonderful,’ Anne said and her eyes sparkled. ‘Even better than our honeymoon, if I tell the truth. Kirk is just the man for me. I was right to marry him, even though I did it in such a hurry that Christmas we met.’
‘You’re lucky to have him home again so soon, some of the men don’t get back for ages, and those in a prison camp can be unheard of for years,’ Peggy said. ‘You’ve got another week to get settled into the flat before he leaves. Do you think you’ll stop at the flat or will you sell?’ For a moment Peggy’s thoughts went to Able. She’d often wondered whether the enemy might have picked him up when his plane ditched in the sea… but perhaps that was wishful thinking. If he was alive he might return one day and she longed for him with all her being.
‘Kirk says it’s fine until we have children, but then he wants a house with a garden for them. He’s going to be based down south for a while now, Peggy, so perhaps he’ll get home for short breaks – and maybe I’ll be lucky this time.’
‘It’s going to happen,’ Peggy assured her, because she knew how much Anne wanted a baby. ‘Just be happy that Kirk is around for now, and then, before you know it, you’ll be making baby clothes.’
‘Yes, I know you’re right,’ Anne agreed. ‘It’s just that I want a baby so much.’
‘Yes, of course, and I’m sure it will happen for you…’ Peggy smiled at her.
‘Maureen didn’t look too happy when I saw her going into the shop just now,’ Anne said. ‘She hasn’t lost the baby, has she?’
‘Gordon has been badly injured,’ Peggy said. ‘She’s very worried about him. They haven’t told her much yet, but he’s being transferred to a military hospital. She will go down as soon as they let her know he’s settled.’
‘Oh, that’s awful for her,’ Anne said, obviously upset. ‘I’m so sorry. I’ll go and see her as soon as I can…’
‘She needs a bit of comfort.’ Peggy sighed. ‘Like you, she hasn’t had much time with her husband. He got home in the autumn for a couple of weeks but… well, we mustn’t look at the bleak side of things. We have to hope he will get better once he’s here in a good hospital.’
‘Whatever would she do if anything…’ Anne stopped abruptly and shook her head. ‘No, he has to get better. He can’t die… she couldn’t manage with three kids if Gordon wasn’t around…’
‘We’ve had enough sorrow and death in the lanes these past years. I don’t think I can bear another death – it’s too soon after Mike and the others…’ Peggy’s voice broke on a sob.
Anne nodded, her eyes spiked with tears, because Mike’s death had affected them all. ‘Alice told me Laurie is back. That means you won’t need me to come in in the evenings, or will you?’
‘I might.’ Peggy shook her head. ‘Maureen was saying we should all go out together – but she won’t feel like it now.’
‘She might if he’s not too bad – to cheer herself up. I know I was glad of her company while Kirk was away. It just gets so damned lonely, especially at night when you draw the curtains…’
‘Yes…’ Peggy sighed. ‘That’s exactly what it feels like – lonely. You can have friends, but if the person you love has gone…’ She shook her head, swiping away a tear. ‘Laurie is back but I miss Able…’
‘I’m sorry, Peggy. I didn’t think…’
‘It’s harder than I thought it would be, Anne. I’ve always thought Laurie would be away until the war ended, so I had plenty of time to make up my mind what I should do when he got home – but it happened so quickly… You’d think it would be easier with him home, but Rose has moved out and the twins have been playing up – and I’m not sure whether I can carry on as if everything is fine.’ Tears trickled slowly down her cheeks.
‘Oh, Peggy, I’m so sorry, love.’ Anne came over and hugged her. ‘I’m always on the end of a phone if you need me.’
Peggy nodded and brushed away her tears. It was stupid, but she felt as if everyone had suddenly left when she needed them the most. Maureen would be away for days at a time visiting her husband in hospital; Anne had been just across the road but now she would be a bus ride away; Nellie wasn’t far off and she’d see her every day and Rose would come in for a few hours in the mornings… but it wasn’t the same. It would be just her, the twins and Laurie sleeping in the pub at night and somehow it didn’t feel right… and she was a bit nervous of being alone with him.
No, she was being stupid! Peggy struggled against the feeling of oppression that had come over her since Laurie returned. Something was wrong; she knew it but didn’t know what it was or what to do about it.
Oh, Able, she thought as Anne left her to fetch her things from across the road. Able, why did you have to leave me? I need you… I really need you here with me now.
She heard a sound behind her and turned to see that Tom Barton was standing at the kitchen door armed with his paintbrushes and a can of paint.
‘I bought pale blue, Peggy,’ he told her with a cheerful grin. ‘They’d got white, cream or a ghastly mauve and this blue is pretty, so I thought you would like that better.’
‘Oh Tom,’ Peggy said, relief flooding through her. She was so pleased to see him that she wanted to hug him. ‘I’d forgotten you were going to start on the spare room tonight. I’m so pleased you’ve come… and I’m sure whatever you’ve picked will be lovely.’
Tom grinned at her and said, ‘Shall I go straight up? I’ll stay late for a couple of nights and get it finished for you – just in case your Janet decides to come home sooner…’
‘Yes, thanks, Tom,’ Peggy said, her spirits lifting slightly. She wasn’t entirely alone. Tom was always there, as were Alice and Maureen’s grandmother – and Doctor Michael Bailey.
She hadn’t encouraged his visits, but he still popped in every now and then to ask if she was all right, and she knew she only had to lift the phone and he would come. Besides, Laurie wouldn’t harm her. She’d known for a long time that he no longer loved her, but he counted on her to help run the pub. Peggy hadn’t decided what to do with her life yet, but she would hang on here until she made up her mind.
Chapter 13
‘You know I’ll look after Shirley while you’re away,’ Gran said when Maureen asked a little diffidently. ‘Are you certain you can manage Robin? It isn’t easy takin’ a young child on the train and the hospital won’t let you take him into the ward…’
‘I know. I thought perhaps I could find a nursery for him while I visit Gordon – or perhaps the hotel will have a service…’
‘Robin is used to me,’ Gran said. ‘Please let me take care of him for you, love. You shouldn’t have the worry of a young child when you have a sick husband to think about, Maureen. You don’t know how bad he is yet. No, Gordon is your first concern for the moment – and the child you’re carryin’. Besides, Peggy would always help me if I asked.’
‘Peggy has enough to do,’ Maureen said.
‘Everyone has enough to do these days,’ Gran said, ‘but I’m here for you, my love. You don’t need to do everything yourself.’
Maureen looked at her uncertainly, because she didn’t like putting so much responsibility on her grandmother, but what she said made sense. ‘Yes, perhaps it is best if I leave him with you, at least this first time. I’ll find out what facilities there are in Portsmouth for childcare and perhaps I can take him next time – if Shirley wasn’t at school I’d take her, because she is so capable with him…’
‘Exactly, so she will help me in the mornings and when she gets home after school. Stop fussing, Maureen. It’s bad for you and the baby.’
‘I know…’ Maureen’s eyes filled with tears. ‘I’m just so worried, Gran. Gordon has been badly hurt…’ She caught back a sob. ‘I keep thinking about what happened to Mike. Janet was so happy to have him back and then…’
‘Now stop that this instant!’ Gran said sharply. ‘Your husband hasn’t lost his memory… but he may have lost something else. You have to be prepared, Maureen love. He didn’t tell you what the trouble was and that means he’s nervous about telling you… so it may be bad burns or the loss of a limb…’
‘Yes…’ The feeling of loss and distress threatened to overwhelm her but she held back her tears. ‘I know I have to be strong for him, Gran. It won’t stop me loving him, no matter what has happened… He will need reassurance.’
Gran looked at her with her wise old eyes and nodded. ‘Yes, very likely. It’s hard for men who are desperately wounded. They lose their pride too if they can’t work the way they used to. I knew quite a few who came back from the last war; it was pitiful to see them losing the will to live. You make sure your Gordon knows he has plenty to live for Maureen.’
‘Yes, I shall,’ Maureen said and checked her bag: purse, ration card, comb, a handkerchief, her compact with face powder and lipstick, and her gas mask. Also, she’d packed some cigarettes, matches and a packet of humbugs for Gordon, plus a small case, with underwear, socks, towels, shaving kit, soap, shoes, slippers, trousers, shirts, jumpers and a dressing gown. ‘I think I have everything I need…’
‘Paint a smile on your face when you visit him, love,’ Gran advised. ‘He’s alive and the rest of it can be faced, however bad it is…’
‘Yes, Gran, thanks…’ Maureen hugged her impulsively. ‘I’ve no idea what I’d do without you. You’ve always been here for me.’
‘And always shall be while I can,’ Gran said stoutly. ‘Now, stop fussing, go and catch your train – and you can ring me and let me know how things are when you have time.’
‘Of course I will.’ Having left her adored son sleeping in his cot, Maureen picked up her case and left. She walked to the bus stop, but she hadn’t been there five minutes when a large sleek black car drew up and a man leaned over to open the passenger door.
‘Can I give you a lift, Mrs Hart? I didn’t know your name the other day when I scared that brute off, but Ellie told me about your husband…’
Maureen remembered the large man who had helped her when Rory grabbed her arm. Ellie had told her how good he’d been when her little girl had to be rushed to hospital.
‘Sergeant Coleman,’ Maureen said and smiled as he got out and lifted her suitcase into the boot. ‘This is so good of you. I have to catch the train down to Portsmouth… Gordon has been taken to the hospital I nursed at for a while at the beginning of the war.’
‘At least you know he’s in good hands,’ the soldier grinned. ‘I was in hospital abroad for some weeks and it is much better when you get home. He’ll be feeling more like himself already – and when he sees you it will cheer him up.’
‘I hope so,’ Maureen said. ‘This is a lovely car. I’ve never been driven in anything this posh before.’
‘It belongs to my general, but he’s in a meeting until six this evening and he told me I could take a couple of hours off, so he wouldn’t mind my doing a good turn – and after I’ve dropped you at the station, I’ll get it cleaned and polished for him.’
‘But it already shines like a new pin…’ Maureen smiled.
‘My general likes it that way – and he’s an important man, so I make sure everything is just so for him.’
‘Yes, of course you must,’ Maureen agreed. ‘Do you like your job, Sergeant Coleman?’
‘Please, call me Sid. We’re all friends in the lanes, aren’t we? And yes, I do like what I’m doing. It makes a nice change from being shot at by the Germans and the Japs.’ He grinned at her. ‘Almost worth gettin’ injured three times for… but once I’m fully fit again, I’ll ask for overseas service.’
‘It sounds to me as if you’ve already done your share,’ Maureen said. He was a big man and seemed strong, and he wouldn’t have been sent home and given a job like this unless he was considered to have done as much as any man could be asked to do, and a lot of battle wounds didn’t show on the outside.
‘Let’s say I know my way round a military hospital.’
‘You’ve been hurt a few times then?’
‘In and out of theatre like a dose of salts, I was,’ Sid confirmed. ‘My lungs failed at one time and they thought I was a goner – might’ve been if it hadn’t been for the tenacity of one doctor who was determined he wouldn’t let go. I pulled through after some months of intensive nursing so don’t despair over your husband. He will probably come through fine. If we manage to get back home, it makes us fight for life.’
‘Yes, and talking to you has made me feel better.’ She smiled.
They had arrived at the station. Sid got out, opened the passenger door for her and got her case for her.
‘Thank you, Sid. It was kind of you to bring me here.’
‘No trouble,’ he said and tipped his cap to her. ‘Good luck. I’ll be sayin’ me prayers for your Gordon – and so will everyone on the lanes…’
Maureen’s eyes filled with tears as she walked away. Her friends had all wanted to help her, but what she needed was for Gordon to come back to her and be strong and well again, and only the doctors and nurses could tell her how likely that was.
*
Tom was unpacking a box filled with cigarette packets and chocolate bars when the shop door pinged and he turned round to see Laurie Ashley standing there. He was surprised, because the pub sold cigarettes and it was unlike Peggy’s husband to do the shopping.
‘Morning, Mr Ashley,’ he said. ‘What can I do for you, sir?’
‘I wondered if you’d got a nice box of chocolates for Peggy, please? I’ve not been around to buy her presents for a while now and I wanted to give her a surprise.’
‘Ah, I see…’ Tom grinned and reached under the counter. He knew it wasn’t Peggy’s birthday, because that was in June, and still three months away, but a surprise gif
t was even better. ‘I keep these out of the way, because we can only ever buy a few at a time. You’ll need coupons, of course, but the price is seven shillings and sixpence…’
‘Yes, I’ve got the ration card they gave me when I was released from service…’ Laurie Ashley coughed slightly, putting a handkerchief to his mouth and turning away for a moment. He turned back to Tom afterwards and frowned. ‘It’s my chest. The cold weather didn’t suit me up there and it has got steadily worse, so they said I’d done my bit. I dare say you’d like to join up, wouldn’t you, Tom?’
‘I’m going to be in the reserves soon,’ Tom said because he couldn’t keep his excitement inside. ‘I got the word this mornin’. I’ve got to go along this evenin’ and be enrolled and then I’ll be given a uniform and I’ll go regular for drills and trainin’ – on Sundays they take us to a shooting range and teach us to fire a rifle. I’m eighteen next month so I hope to get in the Army…’
‘Well, that is good news,’ Laurie said and paid for his purchase. ‘You won’t have so much time for helping everyone out once you start your training, Tom.’
‘No, but I’ll finish Peggy’s room for her on Saturday,’ Tom said. ‘After that, I might not have as much time as before – but if I’m needed I’ll fit it in somehow, as long as I’m in London.’
Laurie nodded. ‘You’re a good lad, Tom, but I’m home to help Peggy now, so she won’t need to call on you.’
‘What about your chest, sir? I don’t mind givin’ you a hand…’
‘No, that’s all right, Tom. I can still do most things – and not a word to Peggy, remember. We don’t want her worryin’, do we?’
‘No…’ Tom frowned as Laurie Ashley took the large box of chocolates and left the shop. There was something odd about the way he’d told Tom he could manage – almost as if Tom was being warned off, as if Laurie Ashley didn’t want him going round there too often. Surely he wasn’t jealous of Tom? Tom would have laughed, it was so daft, and yet he had a cold feeling at the nape of his neck. There was something he didn’t quite like about Laurie Ashley since he’d come home.
