by Frost, Sosie
Lady Barlow was a perfect girl who always had perfect grades, perfect manners, and perfect plans.
I was a guy who lived for my imperfections.
Screw refinement and elegance. Nothing better than muddy shoes and a cold beer, a dirty joke and dirtier intentions. I’d never been on time to anything, missed every deadline, and thrived on getting in trouble just to get out again. The only people who needed a plan were the type who couldn’t improvise themselves out of a boring life.
Life was meant to be full of surprises—everything from a busted pancreas to a chance to seduce a beautiful girl. And flirting with Lady was a hell of a lot better than worrying about blood sugars and insulin injections.
I pretended that Lady hadn’t double checked to ensure no one saw us crossing the parking lot together, and she pretended I didn’t check out her ass.
So far, we were a match made in Heaven.
She slowed as we approached the nearest shop, the Knitter’s Korner. A sign made from needlepoint hung from their display window.
“Knotters Knot Welcome?” She read. “What does that mean?”
“Means the fabric of Butterpond is getting torn apart, stitch by stitch,” I said.
“Little dramatic, aren’t you?”
She had been away for too long. Drama was a dozen little old ladies from the knitting club, threatening to reveal baking secrets and grandchildren’s grades while armed with a twelve-inch spike in each hand.
Craft supplies, they’d called the needles.
Assault with a deadly weapon, Sheriff Samson had clarified.
“Problem here…” I pointed to the sign. “The Knitter’s Korner fell apart after their 24-Hour-Knit-For-A-Carpel-Tunnel-Cure-Knitathon resulted in three more repetitive strain injuries. Crippled their chances to submit a blanket for the Yarn Ball 2018.”
Lady didn’t hide her surprise very well. “You know about the Yarn Ball?”
“Please.” I winked. “It’s only the most exclusive knitting competition this side of the Ohio River. Besides, my sister used to knit before the Knotters split.”
“Yeah. Regent used to knit too.”
“Except she stayed in the Knitter’s Korner. That started most of the problems.”
Lady sighed. “It’s always a Barlow and Payne, isn’t it?”
That’s what made the rivalry fun. “The town’s worried no one will get an ugly Christmas sweater this year.”
“What will everyone wear? Any chance they’ll patch things up?”
“No. We’re lucky there’s no riots yet.”
Lady snickered. “A summer in Butterpond without a protest? The town’s losing its touch.”
She didn’t have to tell me twice. I’d lost money on that bet, putting a fifty down on some sort of demonstration on the new no-parking zones on Main Street.
“Well, there’s still a chance for some excitement,” I said. “Mayor Desmond just increased the rental cost of the park pavilions. Ten extra bucks.”
Lady gasped. “Is he insane? It’s an election year.”
Which made it all the better for my brother, Marius, to lead the march planned for next Saturday. He’d get the publicity for his campaign. I’d win a double-or-nothing bet against Julian. A win was a win.
“We’ve got an event planned for the weekend. Looking for volunteers to lay down in the cross-walks on Main Street to stop traffic.”
“Who is we?” Lady saw through me. “Is this your doing?”
“I happen to be very passionate about the exorbitant costs of our park pavilions.”
“You just want to cause trouble.”
“Absolutely,” I said. “Wanna help? I can reserve a crosswalk for just the two of us.”
“I’ll…pass,” she said. “Hopefully I’m somewhere in Paris by then, lost in the biggest pastry I can eat.”
“Who needs pastries?” I gestured to Lou’s Burgers and his sign for the Coronary Cheeseburger special—four patties, three slices of cheese, two eggs, and one complimentary Heimlich maneuver. “Got good food right here, and all the entertainment you could want.”
“Does a riot count as a form of entertainment?”
I shrugged. “It’s always fun and games until someone loses an eye…then it’s even better.”
Lady didn’t share my bloodlust. “I’ve only been away for two years. I can’t believe Butterpond is so different.”
Wished I could have told her that it was better than it seemed, but I’d never been a great liar.
I’d never met a woman so incapable of hiding how she felt. In a way, it was endearing. When she smiled, it was like the sun kicked a man in the crotch and dropped him to his knees. But when she puffed a sad sigh and scuffed her foot against the cement, what the hell could a guy do but everything in his power to earn that beautiful smirk once again?
“Butterpond’s changed…but it’s only ‘cause no one’s got any sense anymore,” I said. “The knitters tangled themselves in some stupid fight. The mayoral race will end with one of the candidates stabbed with the golden scissors used for ceremonial grand-openings. Hell, the last church picnic was ruined when half the congregation started wearing colors and flashing gang signs.”
“What?”
I shrugged. “Well…the sign was a cross, and the colors were half of the women’s group dressed in white, but it still caused a fuss.”
“It’s all so terrible.”
“You’re telling me.” I pointed to the overgrown path leading away from town and onto Joshua Taylor’s property. “No one even goes to skinny dip in Taylor’s pond anymore.”
Lady stared at me. “You’re kidding.”
“Not a bare ass in sight.”
“You skinny-dipped in that pond?”
“…You didn’t?”
“Never! When would you…” She lowered her voice to a hiss. “Skinny-dip?”
“Like every Saturday night during high school.” I knew the answer, but I asked it anyway. “Where the hell were you?”
To her credit, she peeked down the grass-eaten path with a modest curiosity. “A Barlow would never skinny-dip.”
Another difference between us. “Hard to keep a Payne’s clothes on.”
“Now you warn me.”
“It’s a right of passage in this town to see a naked Payne boy.”
Lady eyed me with an embarrassed glance. “Been there, done that. Your senior prank was streaking at the Homecoming football game.”
Lot of good memories that year.
“And I looked fantastic.” I pointed at her. “But you missed out on one of the quintessencial high school experiences. If you don’t want to streak on the football field, I say it's time you skinny-dipped in Taylor’s Pond.”
“You’re not serious.”
Who wanted to be serious? I wanted to get naked.
I snuck down the overgrown path and waited at the rusted, chain-link fence that hadn’t kept a person or raccoon off the property since the mid-nineties. Lady hesitantly picked her steps between overgrown weeds and uneven gravel.
I peeled back the broken fence and gestured for her to enter.
“This is how you get tetanus,” she warned.
“No, this is where you fall and get five stitches in your chin.” I pointed to the scar that sliced across the cleft. “First time I came out to skinny-dip, just an innocent, clumsy boy of fifteen. Tripped, smashed my face into a rock…but I did get to see my first pair of tits.”
“Was it worth it?”
At the time? Sure.
Now? In full view of one of the most jaw-dropping women in town?
What the hell was I thinking as a kid?
“I don’t kiss and tell,” I said.
“Not sure anyone would believe your stories.”
“Too filthy for polite conversation.”
Lady pushed aside a scraggily shrub. “What’s the saying? Better to stay silent and let them think you’re a virgin than speak and prove you’re…”
“Talented?” I gri
nned. “A god among men?”
“More like…a manwhore.”
“My brother calls me that.”
“Which one?”
“The minister,” I said.
And unfortunately, Varius’s warning was one I couldn’t laugh away. Even worse, now that he was Pastor V once again, I couldn’t flip him off when he broached the subject. Cassi’s rule. And God’s, I guessed. Still sucked.
But all sins and promiscuous pastimes were forgiven at Taylor’s Pond. Problem was, the pond had shrunk since I was a kid. Grass and weeds overwhelmed the watering hole, and, once the kids had moved on, the bugs moved in.
Nothing a good cannonball couldn’t fix.
Lady averted her eyes as I cast my shirt over my head.
“Oh, Lord have mercy…” she said. “You’re actually getting naked in public.”
“Why should I deprive the public of this perfection?”
I flexed my biceps, reveling in the thick muscle that responded to the curl of my arm. My build was the only way my body hadn’t betrayed me. Couldn’t control my blood sugar, but a two-ninety bench press was one hell of a perk. Worth the protein shake that tasted more like glue than sweet.
“Go on.” I invited her close with a wink. “You can look. I won’t tell.”
She covered her eyes but peeked through her fingers as I reached for my belt.
The zipper lowered. She squealed.
“Quint! What if someone sees?”
“Good. You can charge admission to view this panty-stealing, mouth-watering, farm-built machine.”
She groaned. “Perfect. We can use the money for bail.”
“You have no sense of adventure, Lady Barlow.”
She turned away as I ditched the clothes and picked over the stepping stones into the pond.
“You have no sense of modesty, Quint Payne.”
I ducked under the cold water just to wash the sticky, slimy fruit off my skin. The pond did its best to tame what might’ve been an awkward conversation regarding my oversized eggplant. Lady watched me in disbelief, nibbling on her lower lip.
Had a woman that beautiful really never skinny-dipped before?
Christ, had she ever done anything wild?
Lady seemed the sensible type—the kind who’d take her vitamins, set her clothes out the night before, and wake up perfect and smiling every morning at six-thirty.
Wholesome. Responsible. Innocent.
Just the sort of woman I’d learned to avoid. A girl like Lady was out of my league, price-range, and social circle. I had a lot of vices, but nothing seemed as shitty as flirting with someone like her.
Besides, I’d done well for myself lately, slumming it bar-to-bar. Hookups were easier that way. No rules, no complications. Just good, old-fashioned drunken regret I’d do my damnedest to forget in the morning.
But no man could ever forget about a woman like Lady.
I cupped my hands and squirted a jet of water at her. “Come on in.”
“Hell no,” she said. “It’s full of leeches.”
I swatted the water—greenish but clear. “I don’t see any.”
She pointed at me. “What about the big one? Right there.”
I grinned. “Afraid I’ll bite?”
“One of my concerns.”
“I can do much worse. Kiss. Lick. Suck.”
She took a dainty step along the grasses, tracing a shoreline hardly large enough to justify the rotten dock peeking over the mud. Somehow, the old tire-swing was still lashed over a giant oak tree. The rope looked sturdy enough, just itching to toss my naked ass into the water.
“Don’t you worry about your reputation at all?” Lady asked.
“Aren’t you at all curious if what they say is true?”
She delicately crossed to the rickety dock and attempted to sit. “I have a vivid enough imagination, thank you.”
“Your mind isn’t dirty enough to handle me.”
“You’re so modest.”
“Just talented.”
“And cocky.”
She was lucky the water obscured how right she was.
I curled my finger for her to approach. “Get in the pond. I’ll show you why.”
Lady rolled her eyes. “You didn’t lure me to some overgrown drainage ditch to seduce me, did you?”
“Lure?” I chucked as she crossed her legs at the ankles and allowed her toes to dip into the cool water. “You’ve got me all wrong. You followed me here.”
“And I suppose it’s my fault your clothes came off.”
“I’m trying to teach you how to skinny dip.”
“I’m a visual learner.” She kicked and gave me a little splash. “I am not getting in that water.”
“Heartbreaker,” I said.
She smirked. “Tease.”
“Ball buster.”
“Public menace.”
“Snob.”
“Slob.”
“Barlow.”
Her eyebrow arched. “Payne.”
An irreconcilable difference or a challenge?
I smirked. “I think you might like getting into trouble if you try it just once.”
“I have enough trouble planned for me in Europe.” She reached over the side of the dock, tickling her fingers between two cattails. “Have you ever thought about getting away from here?”
“Like…finding another place to skinny dip?”
She sighed. “It’s difficult to have a real conversation with you while you’re naked.”
“I don’t usually talk while naked.”
She cupped a hand in front of her, blocking the more interesting parts of me from her vision. “You’re exactly as I remembered, Quint.”
“Sexy, charming, and devilishly alluring?”
“No.”
Good thing my head was above the water. “Ouch.”
Lady groaned. “No…I…of course, you’re those things…” She kicked again, splashing me with water. “You know what I mean.”
“Yeah. You think I’m sexy.”
“Was there ever a doubt?”
I waded closer to the dock. “I was worried I’d lost my edge. This is the longest a girl has kept her panties on around me for a while.” I flashed a smile. “Unless you aren’t wearing panties.”
She patted her skirt across her thighs. “I’m not like you, Quint.”
“Sorry to disappoint…but I don’t wear panties either. Except that one time.” I ignored her shocked glance. “But that’s a long story and I earned a hundred bucks doing it—even if I’m not welcome at Briarwood Amusement Park anymore.”
Lady cleared her throat. “I meant…fun. Adventurous. Carefree.”
“All it takes is one dip in the pond.”
“Nope.”
“Can’t swim? I’ll hold ya.”
“I don’t want to get wet,” she said.
“Too late. It’s a side effect of being in proximity to a guy like me.”
Her toes swirled in the water. “I’m starting to believe you only think about sex.”
“Makes life worth living.”
She snorted. “Isn’t that a boring life?”
“Only if you’re having boring sex.” I arched an eyebrow. “Sounds like someone’s been a little disappointed lately.”
She warded me away with an outstretched foot. “Easy there, Casanova.”
“How could a beautiful girl like you ever have boring sex?” I asked. “What happened? Guy didn’t know what he was doing? Didn’t think about you? Over too fast?”
“No, no, and no.” She shook her head. “I mean…it’s not like that. I’m still a…”
Now this was an interesting development.
I swam closer, well within range of a kick but willing to take that risk.
“You’re still a…” I asked, the word was too perfect to be true.
She pointed at me. “I didn’t say it.”
“Neither did I.”
“I am not talking about this with you…here…like thi
s.”
“Like how?”
She gestured wildly over the pond. “With you all…naked and stuff.”
I shrugged. “People usually talk about sex when they’re naked.”
And yet she still wouldn’t take a peek.
“You’re naked. But if you think I’m getting in this water and showing off my…” She struggled to stay as modest as possible. “Yum yum to the world—”
Lucky my laughter didn’t drown me. “Your yum yum?”
She huffed, readjusting her skirt. The dock shifted, nearly rocking her into the water.
“You might choose to be indecent,” she said. “But I have a bit of self-control.”
“Damn it, I don’t.” I reached for her feet, tickling her toes under the water. “You can’t tease a man with the promise of a yum yum and then deny him like that. Not when it sounds so…delicious.”
She picked the fluff off a cattail and tossed it at my head. “Don’t you ever lose your appetite?”
“Aren’t you starved for some excitement?” I baited her with a grin. “Especially since you’ve never eaten?”
“Oh, I’ve had plenty of offers to…go to dinner, thank you very much.”
“But you’ve never made it to the main course, have you?”
“I’m not like the girls you date, Quint.”
“And who are they?”
“The whore d’oeuvres?”
Sounded like me, though now I wasn’t so sure. “They’re the cheap snacks.”
“Well, I’m looking for a guy who’s interested in more than the entrée.”
I stole another glance at her lovely legs, wondering how lucky a guy would need to be to get a peek at what was hidden between her chestnut thighs.
“I’m in it for the whole meal, Ladybug,” I said. “Drinks. Appetizers. Dinner. Dessert.”
“Are you asking me out or trying to get to that yum yum?”
“Just hand me a spoon.”
“You come at me with a spoon, and you’ll ruin any chance you have.”
That I loved to hear. “So, you’re telling me I’ve got a shot?”
Lady kept her secrets with a sly smile. “You’ve gotta work harder than that, lover boy.”
“Not sure I can get any harder.”
Another kick. The water splashed my face, but I got a glimpse of a pair of cotton-candy pink panties. Worth the mud in my eyes.
