by S. K. Lessly
I started not to answer, hoping she’d leave me alone. In the end, I gave in and replied back thinking may be if I did, she’d go away.
“In a minute,” I said gruffly.
“Okay, no problem. Just let me know and I’ll make you a plate. I’ll even bring it down to you if you like.” Ah what?
I grunted my reply loud enough for her to hear and heard her shut the basement door. Wow! That shit was new. I looked at the ceiling, as her footsteps faded away from the basement door, in stunned silence.
In the past, if I would have told her that, she’d been downstairs giving me grief. I could be trying to decompress from work and she’d make it about herself and say things like, ‘why didn’t you want to talk to me?’ and ‘why can’t you spend time with me?’, shit like that.
Since Samson's party, she hadn't done any of those things. Shit, maybe she did change. Or maybe this was all an act and it was just a matter of time before she’d show her true colors.
I took another healthy gulp of Cognac then decided to finally call it a night. I was tired of thinking about my fucked-up life and just wanted to rest. I’d deal with Sabrina and Lauren tomorrow.
I rose from the couch slowly and put the bottle back on my bar. I hadn’t eaten all day and knew I should put some nourishment in me before I retired to my room. Before I left the basement, however, I needed to pull my car inside the garage.
I stood at the entry of my garage and pushed the button to lift the garage door. I waited patiently until I had room enough to get through before I headed towards the entry. I sluggishly walked to my car, but stopped when I heard voices coming from next door. I kept in the shadows as I watched Lauren embrace a brown-skin man outside her house. I couldn’t see the guy she greeted because the angle of the street lights had him in the shadows. But I didn’t miss the body language they shared; knowing, familiar, and comfortable.
Lauren smiled brightly, I didn’t miss that, couldn't. She looked happy even, unlike my sorry ass right now. The man led her to his car, still in the shadows damn it, his hand clasped with hers. I couldn’t move from my spot, willing for just a glimpse of the man that has taken my very heart away from me. The man helped her inside and I knew he received one of her signature, dynamic, and awe-inspiring smiles as a thank you.
I narrowed my eyes on the pair and tried not to allow the anger simmering inside me to boil over. This couldn’t be what I think it was. Was she going out on some date just days after we broke up? No, that couldn’t be, but as I watched the giddy sap practically run to the driver’s side to get into the car, eager to be with her, I knew this was exactly what I thought. She had moved on, just like that.
I sighed heavily and felt my anger turning into blind rage. I had recognized that look of happiness in his body language. I couldn’t believe this shit. So this was the real reason for her wanting more time? She found someone else?
I quickly turned around, closed the garage and headed back inside. I went upstairs to where Sabrina was washing dishes and did what I knew or hoped would remove Lauren from my heart and mind. I turned Sabrina around, trapped her face between my hands and kissed her. She immediately opened up to me and kissed me back, her tongue slipping into my mouth with ease. I plunged one hand into her hair, the other on her ass, and gripped her tight. I took over the kiss, taking what I needed from her. I was hoping against hope that this would work. If I could get up the desire for this woman, I’d fuck Lauren out of my mind. Yes, that’s what I’ll do, push her out of my mind like she was doing me.
I kissed Sabrina for what felt like forever, mentally willing my body to react. I even resorted to imagining it was Lauren kissing me instead of Sabrina. I willed my body to imagine what it felt to have Lauren's hands touching me, to have her soft body flush up against mine, running her fingers along my scalp, but the moment I heard Sabrina moan I stopped.
“What’s wrong?” she asked me, her eyes hooded, her lips swollen, and breaths coming quick. I blinked and shook my head.
What in the ever-loving fuck are you doing, Logan?
I stepped further away from the biggest mistake of my life as she moved closer. She reached out to me, first caressing my chest then she went south and I caught her hands before they touched my dick.
“Please, Paul, let me make you feel better?” she cooed. I fucking hated hearing her voice. What was completely messed up was that no matter what Lauren was doing, moving on without me, I couldn’t move on without her, at least not with the woman in front of me. Just thinking about her touching me, made my skin crawl with disgust.
I cleared my throat and instead of dropping Sabrina's wrist, I guided her to the kitchen table.
“Sit down, Sabrina. We need to talk.”
Hours later, Sabrina long gone, I was still sitting at my kitchen table trying to figure out what to do. The last few hours consisted of a bunch of tears, yelling, throwing shit and more begging, all from Sabrina. I silently watched her until she was done with her performance to say one thing to her. “I’m done.”
And that was it. I had enough and I she saw it. She saw it in my eyes, my body language, in the harsh, coldness of my voice. It was a part of me that I never directed at her, my indifference. My father, yes but her never. No matter what she did to me in the past or the ignorant shit she said to me, I was never cold and detached toward her, until now.
I guess I should be thanking Lauren for finally settling this divorce. If she never asked for more time, pissing me off, I would’ve still been fighting with Sabrina. Well, I doubt it would have lasted long but it would've been a pain in my side. Now, I was free. She signed the papers before she left, finally ending us.
I sighed and stood. I was heading to my room to crash, when I remembered I hadn't put my car in the garage. I made my way back downstairs and out the garage door to my vehicle when I noticed a car parked across the street in front of Lauren’s house, facing the opposite direction of traffic. I thought about my neighbors around me wondering who the person in the car was waiting for. Most of our neighbors were much older and in bed this time of the night. Why was it sitting there, engine running?
I continued to stare at it and something popped into my head, a memory. I had seen this same car the other day, parked in the same spot. I started to walk toward the car when its engine revved up then it sped away. I watched it cut down the street and make a sharp left turn before disappearing into the night. I made a mental note to watch out for that car again. Something didn’t feel right about it.
I turned and headed to my car when caught sight of a man emerging from Lauren’s house. I frowned, feeling myself getting angry all over again. I jumped in my car and pulled into the garage. I vowed tomorrow, I’d end this final chapter in my life and truly start fresh.
29
Lauren
My brother took me to a very nice restaurant called Empire Steakhouse, a few blocks from Time Square. The dress and boots I wore didn’t make me feel underdressed for the atmosphere but I wasn’t overly dressed either.
We talked a lot during the ride over here. He told me about my nephew starting his first year of football and my niece, his twin sister starting dance.
He also told me that Maria was pregnant and due in five months with twins again. I practically made him swerve into oncoming traffic by hugging him. He said it wasn’t a planned pregnancy, but they were happy for the blessing.
My brother really seemed happy and he beamed when I told him so.
“Thanks sis, you’re right, things are just easy sailing for us.”
He hinted there was something to them being happy and his sly grin was evident to that fact.
I gave him a side eye. “Ummm why does it feel like there's more?”
He shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t know. Maybe it has to do with the fact that were blessed with the ability to add to our family or it could be we haven’t seen William and Janet since you left.”
My eye grew wide. “No shit? My dreams were finally answered and they we
re eaten alive by wild lions who escaped from the zoo with their sole lot in life was to hunt Brian and Janet down and tear them apart.” I was leaning over the center console, my eyes filled with excitement.
Mark looked stricken as he shook his head. “Woman, you really need help for that.” I shrugged my shoulders and he held up his hand. “No, seriously. Who thinks of shit like that but you? I was just saying that I hadn’t seen them in a while because we go our parents’ house for dinner on Saturday now.”
Visibly deflated, I gave him a small smile. “Oh, okay. Well good for you guys.”
I kept the smile on my face as he went on explaining how much of a relief it was for them as a family to separate their time with our parents from the circus that was Brian and Janet's family. I understood that. Besides the fact that their kids were terrors, it was a relief to not have to deal with Brian for hours on end, in an enclosed environment.
Even though I received the blunt of Brian's meanness, Mark got his share of Brian's winning personality too. He ridiculed Mark about how he ran his practice, if Mark shared some of his struggles with the business side of it. He gave him shit about his investments, the type of car he drove, stupid shit like that but to Mark it wasn’t a big deal. I felt sorry for him and sometimes I butted in, which always brought the attention back to me. As I said before, I was a glutton for punishment.
Anyway, the ride didn’t last very long and soon we were at our destination. Mark pulled up to the valet station and we climbed out of his rental. We headed inside and came to a podium full of cheery greeters.
The place was your typical overpriced restaurant with a mix of round tables, covered in white linen, strategically positioned all over the restaurant with simple place settings, adding flare to the ambiance. Beautiful tan suede high-backed booths aligned the walls of the restaurant allowing privacy for patrons if you wanted it. The place was dimly lit, with decorative gold sconces provided lighting and dark brown, tan and gold wallpaper adorned the walls. Beautiful cherry color hardwood floors spread out beneath my feet that added to the romantic feel of this place, which caused my mind to immediately go to Paul.
We didn’t have to wait to be seated, since Mark called ahead and booked a reservation. We were quickly escorted to a booth toward the back of the restaurant. Once seated, Mark gave me this very strange look.
“What?” I asked him while I perused the menu.
“What’s going on with you? I can tell something is off.”
I kept my eyes on the menu, debating on if I should deny, deny, deny or tell him everything that happened since I left home that fateful day. It would be easy to deflect, lie and change the subject. I could tell him I was stressed out about my new job, that’s plausible. However, in the end I wanted to tell him. Maybe he would be able to tell me what to do and how to fix what I messed up.
I let out a long breath, dropped the menu and told my brother everything. I told him what went down with Sebastian after I left Philly, how I caught him getting cozy with someone else and kicked him out. Mark was surprised Sebastian was even capable of cheating. When I told him who he was cheating with, the surprise morphed into more of a knowing look.
“What?” I asked incredulously.
My brother shrugged. “What? Come on, sis. You can’t tell me you never wondered if he was playing for the other team.”
I shook my head, disbelieving. “No, I never thought that. You did?”
He shrugged. “Yeah, in the beginning. But it changed when he asked you to marry him. At that time, I just thought he was metrosexual, that’s all.”
“Unbelievable.” I bit out and rolled my eyes.
Mark reached out his hand and clasped my forearm. “I’m sorry sis, I figured you knew but didn’t care.”
I narrowed my eyes at him.
“Listen, from now on, don’t assume I know anything. Whatever you know, spill it. You got me?”
Mark laughed and put his hands up in surrender. “Okay sis, easy. There's nothing else to tell. Please continue with your story.”
I eyed him suspiciously at first not believing him. However, in the end, I cautiously finished telling him about the troubles Sebastian and I had and all of the insecurities I felt ever since I moved to New Jersey. After we placed our food orders, I broke down and told him about Paul.
I admitted everything to him, adding to the story everything that had happened on the trips to the Poconos and the beach. Some of the things I confessed I was sure he didn’t want to know, considering he’s my brother, but to his credit he didn’t let on. He asked me clarification questions throughout dinner and into dessert, but not once did he judge me.
Talking about everything felt good. I didn’t realize how easy it was to talk to Mark. Maybe it was because I didn’t see judgment in his eyes like the rest of my family that made it easy, I couldn’t say. All I knew was that I was grateful for him and glad he got me out of the house.
I was playing with my chocolate cake after I told him the last thing Paul had said to me before he walked away and left me in the parking lot. My brother was silent for a while. I dare not look at him for fear if I did, I would finally break.
“Sis,” he called out and I looked up at him finally. “I just have one question for you.”
I waited expectantly.
He sighed and said, “Where is the sister I’ve known for twenty-eight years and what have you done with her?”
“Huh?”
“Woman, please tell me when you started caring about what anyone thought of you?”
I huffed out a breath and dropped my fork to my plate. “Mark, this is different.”
“I’ll say. You’ve got it bad for this guy.” He chuckled and sipped his wine. “I mean I’ve never heard you talk this way and for you to really put your life on hold because you think it will cause someone else grief is astonishing.”
“Come on, Mark. You make it sound like I’m some heartless person.”
“No, I’m not saying that you are, sis. All I’m saying is you’ve never let anyone dictate how you lived your life. Look, remember you told us that Sebastian’s mom didn’t like you? That she felt you were no good for her precious son. And you said the hell with her and her feelings. You and Sebastian were in love and nothing was holding you back. This is the same situation.”
“No, it’s not,” I protested, weakly I might add but I attempted to argue.
“Yes, it is,” He countered then leaned over the table, pining me with his gaze. “Look, no matter how you two got together, the fact remains that it happened. And the fact that you clearly have been the happiest I have ever heard you be in a long time; that makes it different. Lauren, it’s clear you’re completely in love with this man. Don’t look at me like that. I can tell that you are. He has this power over you and I can tell you actually love it. And it’s clear to me that he doesn’t realize what kind of hold he has on you or you’d be sitting here telling me about the wedding.” He laughed and I threw my napkin at him.
“Mark, you’re right, I do love him, but I screwed up and I can’t fix it.”
“Yes, you can. Knock on his door, punch Sabrina in the face and take your man.”
I started laughing. “I love you, Mark!”
He grinned. “I know you do.”
Our drive back to my place was the best conversation we had in a long time. We laughed about our childhood and he brought me up to speed on some of the gossip in the neighborhood. I wanted him to stay with me instead of going back to the hotel, but he wasn’t able to tonight. He had to get up for some convention in the morning and he needed to get back to the hotel. What he did promise was to come and hang out with me tomorrow night.
The next day I received a call from Eugene. Do you remember him? He was the guy I had met at the bar. The rebound guy? Anyway, that night at the bar, he told me he was a thirty-five-year-old investment banker for a very large firm in Newark. He was originally from Brooklyn but he lived in the upper part of South Orange for eight years now. He s
eemed very nice and by the end of the night we exchanged numbers. I know what you’re thinking and to be honest I really wasn’t interested. But I took his number anyway hoping that he would be a small distraction from missing Paul. Yeah, that shit didn’t work.
The guy was cool to talk to, though, I wasn’t ready to date someone and I told him as much. He was cool about it, saying he just wanted to get to know me. He had a great sense of humor and made me laugh all the time, which had been something that I needed.
I had seen that he called me last night, but I didn’t have the energy to talk to him. I had been feeling sorry for myself and had no desire to talk to him. Then my brother called and he was forgotten. Now, it was mid-afternoon and I was cleaning my house. It wouldn’t hurt for me to take a quick break and talk to the guy, right?
“Hey, Eugene. What’s up with you?” I tried to sound light and airy as I answered the phone. I collapsed on my couch and hooked my leg on the side of couch.
“Hey there, beautiful. I was just checking on you. How's everything with you?”
“Nothing much, cleaning that’s it. What about you?”
“Oh hey, cool. Nothing much with me. I’m chillin that’s all. Yeah, I ah called you last night, you know to see if you felt like getting a drink or something.”
My eyebrows shot up on that note. I had told him I wasn’t interested in dating so that was odd he'd call me to ask me out. I started to call him on it but stopped myself when he added. “Just as friends of course. I remember you said you didn’t want to date anyone, which I respect.”
I sighed and smiled. “Thanks for understanding. And I didn’t do much yesterday.”
“Really? You stayed home all night?”
“No, actually my brother came into town and he took me out to dinner.”
“Your brother? I thought your brother lived in Philadelphia.”
I sighed and stared into space. See this is the reason why I should remain single.
