Chapter 11
I try to stay away from the club. I’m terrified that I’ll run into him there, and I’m not sure what I’ll do if that happens. Breaking down would be the worst, and that’s exactly what I’m afraid I’ll do. It’s best to just stay away.
When Dave calls and tells me he still needs to do an exit interview with me, I tell him I’ll come if he makes sure that Clint’s interview appointment is nowhere near the time of mine, and that Clint won’t know when I’ll be there. He sounds like he wants to try to change my mind, but in the end he promises that he’ll honor my wishes. I go in and refuse to answer most of the questions he asks.
As I leave, he reminds me that the collaring ceremony is two weeks away on Saturday night. I shake my head but he tells me, “I hope you’ll consider coming. Maybe there’s someone who’ll collar you.” My mouth won’t make words to answer, so I just run out the door, get in my car, and leave.
The days drag by, and I stop being sad and start to get angry. The second stage of grief, right? If he’s so sorry for how he treated me, why hasn’t he even called to check on me? Knowing how hurt I was, he doesn’t even bother to follow up? The confusion I feel threatens to take me down, and my self-worth is at an all-time low, even lower than after Ron pulled his stunt. It’s past time for me to job-hunt, but no one would hire me with in shape I’m in now.
On the Thursday before the collaring ceremony, my doorbell rings. I’m afraid it’s Clint, but when I open the door, there stands Dave. “Hi, sweetie. Can I come in and talk to you?”
I say nothing, just push the door open wider and motion for him to come in. I point to a chair and he takes a seat. “Would you like something to drink?” I ask and realize my voice sounds hollow and disconnected.
“No, no, that’s okay. I just wanted to check on you. You doing okay?” He does look genuinely concerned.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“You don’t sound fine.”
“I’m fine.”
He waits for a bit, looking around and tapping his fingertips together. “You know he’s hurting, don’t you?” he finally says.
“He’s hurting? Oh, wow, whatever shall we do?” I spit back. The pain that drifts like a cloud over Dave’s face makes me instantly sorry. “That wasn’t like me. I don’t want him to hurt. But there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“Could you at least talk to him? Just for a few minutes? I know he’d like to hear from you.”
And that’s it. I can’t take any more, and I jump up and start to pace. “He’d like to hear from me? You know, he hurt me, emotionally and physically, and then brought me here and walked away. I thought he’d call in a few days, check on me, see if I was okay after he left me to seize on that bed, but he didn’t. He hasn’t. He won’t. I know what he told me happened to his wife, but that’s no excuse for treating me like shit.”
“Trish, he just . . .”
I stop and glare at him. “Oh, stop it! Stop making excuses for him. He’s a grown man.” Dave drops his eyes to the floor. “So he had a crisis, an unfortunate thing happened to him. So what? Happens to people all the time and they don’t treat the people around them like shit. I’m sorry. This conversation is over. I don’t want to hear any more about him and I don’t want to talk about him. If you’ve got something else to say, we can talk, but I’m finished with this.”
He stops, then looks up at me. “I wanted you to know that a few of the Doms at the club have asked about you. They wanted to know if you and Clint had worked out a permanent contract, and I told them no. I think one of them will probably offer to collar you if you show up Saturday night.”
I knock a knee out and fold my arms across my chest. “Yeah? And who might these Doms be?”
“Well, Steffen for one.”
“What about the sub he was paired with?”
“They didn’t get along too well. I think she was too young, just not mature enough.”
“Oh. I see. Who else?”
“One of our regulars, a guy named Gary.” Yeah, Gary from the grocery – of course he’d want to collar me. “Said he’d met you and he’d love to have you in his home.”
“Anybody else?”
“Yeah. Do you know Hank?” I shake my head. “Master Hank” sounds too much like Mr. Hankie the Christmas Poo from Southpark to me. I don’t think I can do that. I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but no. “He’s been around for awhile. And a young guy named Trevor. Nice looking, maybe late twenties, early thirties. He’s seen you in the club and wondered if you were collared. I think he’s interested. The subs he’s worked with have told me he’s very good, especially for his age.”
“Anybody else?” I can’t think of anything else to say.
“Nope. Not that I can recall. Don’t you think those are enough?” He smiles at me. I’m not smiling.
“I guess. If I come, I can’t guarantee I’ll accept from any of them.” I can’t believe that many men would want me. Me? Really? Come on.
“Well, I wish you’d consider it. A couple of them would be really good catches. Come tomorrow night and check them out before Saturday. They’ll be there, I’m sure, scoping out the uncollared subs.”
I shrug. “Maybe I will.”
“Fair enough.” He stands and takes my hands, then puts his arms around me and holds me. “Remember when you asked me if we all held the subs afterward?” There are tears in his eyes, and I nod, feeling mine start to burn. “Well, that’s kind of what I’m doing right now.”
I can’t help it. I start to sob. I’m so tired and weak and brokenhearted that I just can’t hold it in. “My adventure didn’t turn out so good, I guess.”
He rubs my back and it feels good, so good that I’d like to ask him to keep it up. “I think the adventure was fine. But it’s like they say: It’s not the fall that gets you – it’s the sudden stop at the bottom.”
That’s certainly true.
On Friday night, I put some decent-looking fetwear in my bag and climb into my car. When I get to the club it’s really, really busy. First thing I do is look around; no Clint. Good. I head to the locker room and change, then walk out into the big room and go to the bar.
“Hi, honey!” Dave sings out and comes around the bar to hug me. “I’m so glad you’re here! Have a cosmo.” He never forgets. Before I can even take a sip, someone says, “Trish?”
I turn to find Steffen standing beside me. “Hi, sir. How are you?”
“I’m good.” He takes a long look at me. “You, however, don’t look so good.”
“Gee, thanks. Just what a girl wants to hear, sir.” I take a big swig of my drink.
“I didn’t mean it that way. So will you be here tomorrow night?”
Another swig and I reach out to Dave with my empty glass for another round of high-proof amnesia. “I’m thinking about it.”
“Good. I think you’ll be happy if you are.” He grins at me.
I glare back at him. “And why would you think that, sir?”
He’s a bit taken aback by my expression, I can tell. “Oh, no reason. Just want to see you show up, that’s all.” I take another swallow and he looks at me again. “I think I’m going to go mingle. It’s good to see you though. Take care of yourself.” With that, he gives me a peck on the cheek and walks away.
Dave hears me chuckle under my breath. “You’re quite the dragon, aren’t you, little one?” he asks.
“Yeah, that’s me. Fire-breathing and man-eating. I’m a bad, bad girl.”
“Listen to you. There’s something I think you should know.” He walks up closer so I can hear him better.
“Yeah? What’s that?”
“He hasn’t been here since he took you home. I don’t think he’s coming back.” I think he wants me to say something, but I don’t know what. “I’ve told him I think he needs to come on back, keep himself out and around people, but he’s just holed up in that house. The girls are still at his mother’s.” He stops for a minute, tries to read my face, and then ad
ds, “Trish, I’m worried about him.”
“Yeah, but nobody was worried about me, especially the one person who should’ve been. I guess now you’re going to tell me that he’s in love with me.”
“Yes, he is. He’s admitted it to me. More than once. Trish, that’s rare. We only get so many chances at happiness.”
That’s when I start laughing. I know part of it is the liquor, but it just strikes me so damn funny. “Happiness? Seriously? You know, Dave, what I saw when I was there was a man who wasn’t happy. He was a man who wanted the woman in his home gone. Guess that’s just a pattern with him, huh?”
The minute the words are out of my mouth, I regret them. A pained expression flashes across Dave’s face. When he speaks, he cuts right into me. “Gee, Trish, I never had you pegged as someone who could be so cruel. I guess I didn’t know you at all.” He throws down the cloth he’s been wiping the bar with and stalks off, leaving the two younger guys to manage the drinking crowd.
Shit. Now I’ve hurt Dave. I didn’t mean to do that. I head out the side door to find him and apologize and, when I do, I hear a phone ring around the corner of the building. I stop to listen before I round it.
“Hello? Oh, hi. Yeah, I’m outside. I really don’t want to . . . yeah, she’s here. I did, but she’s made up her mind. Look, if you want to have a relationship with somebody, you’re going to have to be open with them.” Then I hear him say, “Can I ask you something? I know what you said, but what was so important about her staying out of the office? So important that you’d do something like that to her when all she did was try to help you?” There’s silence, and I wish I could hear the answer to that one because Dave responds with, “Well, that’s the damn dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. That’s what it was? For god’s sake, Clint, this was supposed to be a relationship, not a goddamn emotional obstacle course! The woman is wounded down deep, maybe too deep. She doesn’t trust anybody now, not even me, and I don’t blame her. You need to know that I rigged the drawing. I wanted the two of you to be . . . Oh, shit. Does she know too? Damn. No wonder she doesn’t trust me either. I don’t have any right to call you stupid. I’m pretty damn stupid myself. Now I know why she kept saying that I was wrong to throw the two of you together.” He stops, then says, “I don’t know. I’m trying to get her to come, but I doubt she will. Her heart’s frosted up pretty good. She said some things a little while ago that were so mean I couldn’t believe they were coming from her. I think there’s been too much damage done, son. You need to just get over her and go on, but I think you need to wait a while longer, maybe get some professional help. You’re not ready.” There’s a long silence. “Yeah, son, I’m sorry too. Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you. I love you, you know that. Yeah. Okay, talk to you soon.” I hear him let out a deep sigh and I hightail it for the door before he can know that I’m there.
I go straight to the locker room, change into my street clothes, and walk back out. Dave’s not back at the bar, so I don’t have to say anything to him as I leave. I just get in my car and drive away.
At about two o’clock on Saturday afternoon, I decide I’m going to the collaring ceremony. I’m not sure why; I have no intention of saying yes to anybody. Next thing I know, I’m in my car, driving to the fetwear shop. I want something new to wear.
The girl who’d waited on me before is there. She seems glad to see me, and she helps me go through the racks. I find a pretty peacock-blue dress that’s cut very low in the back, ass cleavage low, and has cutouts in the front. The color is beautiful, and they even have some platform stilettos to match, so I get them too. I’m looking for jewelry to go with it when I notice that the expensive collar is gone. “Hey, did someone buy that collar?” I ask her.
She smiles. “Yeah, they sure did! I couldn’t believe it. Some lucky sub is going to be very, very happy.” Not me, I want to scream.
I pay for my outfit and head back home. By six, I’m ready to roll. The collaring ceremony is at seven, so I climb into my car and head downtown. I still have no idea why I’m going.
I’m guessing I’ll find out when I get there.
Chapter 12
I’ve never seen the place so crowded. We’re elbow to elbow all over the club. I sit at the bar, drinking a cosmo served to me by a cute young guy. Dave is nowhere in sight.
Before I can get half of it down, I hear a voice beside me. “Well, well, well – don’t you look beautiful!” It’s Steffen, and he’s all smiles.
“Hi, sir.”
“Hi yourself.” He looks me up and down. “That’s quite a body you’ve got under that dress. Oh, wait – I’ve seen it before, haven’t I?” he whispers as he leans into my ear. “I wouldn’t mind seeing it again. And again. And again and again.”
“Uh-huh. Okay.” That’s all I say, my voice flat and face blank.
Apparently I’ve stunned him so badly that he can’t speak. He finally croaks out, “Okay, well, I’ll talk to you later.” When I turn, he’s gone. Did I scare him off? I have no idea.
There’s still a problem with getting my drink down because next in line is Gary. He sidles up to me at the bar and says, “Well, hello there! Remember me?”
“Yes, I do, sir,” I say, looking down into my drink. “As I recall, you work in a grocery store.”
“I manage a grocery store.” He looks quite proud of himself. Nothing like produce to give a guy the big head.
“That’s right. I remember now.”
“I remember you well,” he assures me. “So rumor has it you’re here for the collaring ceremony.”
Wow, genius, how did you ever guess? “Well, I’m here. And I think there’s a collaring ceremony going on tonight. So yeah, I guess I’ll be here while the collaring ceremony is going on, sir.”
“Good! I hope I see you later tonight,” he says. Before he walks away, he takes my hand and kisses it. I think that was supposed to score him some points. It does not.
A couple more guys are watching me from a distance. One of them is a gorgeous young guy, maybe twenty-four to twenty-eight, not quite thirty. Ah, Trevor, I’m betting. The guy Dave told me about. That’s all I need, a man to raise. He is cute, though, but I don’t think I could be a sub to a guy young enough to be my son.
I just sit there, sucking on my drink, when I feel a presence beside me, and I know who it is before I even look up. “Good evening, Dave,” I say into the glass.
“Hey, honey. I didn’t think you’d be here.”
Before I can stop myself, I snort, “I didn’t think I’d be here either.” I hesitate for a second, then say, “Hey, about the other night, I . . .”
He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. Really. It’s okay. And by the way, I know you know about the pairing. I’m sorry, really I am. I had no right to do that.” There’s a long pause, and then he says, “Trish, you don’t owe me anything, and the same goes for Clint. But please, honey, if he shows up tonight, could you at least be kind to him? Sorry, but I’m begging here. If not for him or me, do it for yourself so you have no regrets later on, okay?”
“Don’t worry about it. I won’t have to be kind. I’ll just leave.” My cosmo is gone, so I hand the glass to the bartender to refill. “I don’t think either of us should have to be that uncomfortable, and he was here first, so I’ll gladly step aside.”
Dave’s sadness wraps around me, and I wish I could turn back time. I wish I’d never opened that door, wish I’d just let Clint lose that account, wish I hadn’t cared so much, but I can’t take any of it back. “Trish, honey, just do what you think you have to do.” I turn to tell him I don’t feel like I have a choice, but he’s gone.
In a little while they begin the ceremony. One by one, subs go up and stand on the stage. Each one waits and eventually a Dominant comes forward and asks her to accept his or her collar. Some of them are obviously very much in love, and some look like this is their last hope and they’ve been backed into a corner. Vance comes up when his name is called. An older, very
attractive Domme starts toward the stage, but out of nowhere, the big Domme comes rushing up, pushes her away, and runs onto the stage to claim him. He looks like he’s going to burst with joy. I guess it’s true – there really is someone for everyone.
We all get a surprise about halfway through. The mean-looking Dom who got the pretty young girl in the pairing? He offers her the pricey collar from the fetwear shop and, to my relief, she looks thrilled. When he puts it on her, his features soften, and I see the man she probably saw during her two weeks with him. They look very happy, and I’m glad for them both.
There’s a hand on my shoulder, and I turn. The guy standing there is someone I’ve never seen before. “Hi. Can I help you with something?” I ask him quietly so as not to interrupt the ceremony.
“Yeah, uh, yes ma’am. A guy asked me to give this to you.” He hands me a box and, before I can thank him, he’s gone.
It’s a flat box, about twelve inches square and less than two inches tall, with a wooden hasp and a hinge. I look around but I don’t see anyone I know. There’s a card on top of the box, so I pick it up with shaking hands and open it. The spotlights above the bar are my only source of light, so I move into one pool of brightness to read it. As the words come off the page and into my mind, my heart breaks all over again.
Dear Trish,
Words can’t begin to describe the way I feel. I’m so sorry and so broken that I don’t know how I’m going to get through tomorrow. I already had enough regret for one man, and now I have enough for two. I know you can’t forgive me, and I don’t expect you to. Just know that what happened wasn’t what was in my heart. It was just a man trying desperately to not love a woman and failing miserably.
The item in this box doesn’t belong to me. It belongs to you. It has since the day I first saw it. I won’t tell you when that day was because you wouldn’t believe me anyway. But know that every day for the rest of my life I’ll think of it and what it would’ve looked like on you. And I’ll remember how badly I messed up and hurt you. If there’s anything I learned in my time with you, it’s that I don’t deserve a woman like you, and I’ll never try to find another.
Adventurous Me Page 16
