Sienna
Ten years ago . . .
I’ve never been away from home for longer than a day. It’s been longer than a few days, going on a few years. Growing up in a small town never prepared me for life outside of small-town USA.
It weighed on my heart that I couldn’t be there to help with the farm or go grocery shopping for my grandma. Two years and I’ve seen more than most of my friends will in a lifetime, dead bodies included. It starts to weigh on you and I need something to look forward to.
I guess that’s why I’m in a pet store, not quite sure what I’m looking for.
“Hey, soldier, we got some new puppies,” the man behind the counter calls out. I guess he’s talking to me since I’m the only one in the store and I’m in uniform.
“Okay.” He takes me back to a room and in the corner is a pile of black and gray striped puppies.
“The color is called brindle.” He points out as he must see the curiosity on my face.
“They’re cute.” Right as I say that one comes waddling over and I know she’s the one, she picked me. Not that the others aren’t cute, but this little girl picked me out of seven boys and girls she’s the only one who even woke up to take notice I was there.
“Oh my, you’re a cutie.” With her little scrunched nose.
“They’re a pug/Boston terrier mix,” he informs me.
“I’ll take her.” I smile at the bundle of joy that throws up on me.
The man chuckles. “Might be from the deworming medicine.”
“I’m going home anyways. Not a big deal.” I wave him off as he goes and collects the food she’s been on. I browse the store and I know right away she’s going to be spoiled.
“I put the food by your car,” he says as I hand him my credit card. I know you’re supposed to adopt not shop, but she needs a home too and I already love her.
“All set.” He waves as I walk off, carting a dog bed behind me. Don’t know why I bought it; she’ll be sleeping with me.
Once we get back to my apartment, I let her sniff around as I put out food, water, and potty pads. I watch as she tries to jump on the couch, and I can’t help but laugh because she can’t quite make it but she keeps trying.
The love of a dog can change your whole outlook on life. I guess in a way like children do with parents. I had something to look forward to whenever I left for work. And I had something to live for, to come home to.
There were a few times where I wanted to end my life because life is rough. Life has been hard on me and my mental well-being has been put through the ringer. Not even my soldiers know about what I’m feeling. And I don’t want them to know, I don’t want to bring them down, I want them to excel, to be better than me, to gain rank, to just thrive.
But now with this little bundle of joy, I’m happier than I have been in a long time.
Chapter Three
Sienna
Present Day . . .
I can see that Walmart hasn’t changed, meaning it’s where people go to congregate in this town. We’re not even to the front door and we’ve been stopped five times. I get it, it’s a small town and people want to see how I’m doing, see if I’m whole. I’m not but I keep smiling.
We finally make it to the pet aisle, and I pick out a few things, just to get me through the week. My parents still have a schedule and every Friday my mom goes grocery shopping for the next week. I figure I’ll need some stuff, like soap and hair products by then. I travel light and have maybe enough to last through the week.
My mom wants to browse the aisles to make something for dinner, not just any dinner, my favorite—dumplings. If you haven’t had dumplings, you’re not living.
“You’re here.” I hear from behind me and I instantly recognize her voice. My best friend from childhood, Ava.
I spin around and plaster a smile on my face. “Yep, just got back.”
“You didn’t call me.” She pouts.
Ava is a bit of a drama queen. We’re exact opposites. She’s outgoing and I’m the quiet wallflower. I guess that could be one reason no one thought I would make it in the military. Joke’s on them, though.
“I was going to in the morning. We stopped for litter and cat food.”
“Oh, I get to meet the famous Mystic?” She chuckles.
“Yes.” I nod.
“I’ll call you in the morning and we can set up lunch or something.” She waves to my parents and gives me a hug, I try not to stiffen up. They won’t understand why I don’t want to be touched; I don’t even understand it myself.
“See ya.” I wave as we round the corner, ignoring the looks from my parents.
I think my dad understands, but my mom, she’s always been the hugging, welcoming type.
My few friends loved coming over to my house because my mom would make cookies or sandwiches. Since we’re in a small town there weren’t too many in my class, but the ones who came over loved it.
“Looking good.” I hear from behind me and I shiver, and not in a good way, on top of the feeling of throwing up.
I turn to find him. The once love of my life. The one who I thought I’d marry, who I’d follow to the ends of the earth.
That wasn’t the case. But, I can see that the years have been kind to Hawke. He looks even better now. No wrinkles like the rest of us have, and his hair is still dark brown, not a strand of gray. And he looks pretty fit.
“Hey.” I wave awkwardly, not sure what to say after not seeing one another in this many years.
“You’re back?” He asks, seeming surprised to see me in one piece and right now if I could, I would punch his face.
“I am.” I answer him matter-of-factly.
“Just passing through?” Hawke questions.
“Nope, I’m home for good,” I reply with a tight smile.
He nods like I’m nothing and walks off. That hurts since I loved him my whole life. His ass is nice and tight in his wranglers and it really cements the fact life isn’t fair.
We had it good. He was the one who made me live out of my comfort zone and try new things. I fell and I fell hard for the rodeo king. But before long I told him I was leaving and I found out how much I really meant to him. Or rather, how little I did.
Chapter Four
Sienna
Fifteen years ago . . .
I graduated and now I can blow this town. I hang my cap and gown in my closet and throw on some jeans and a t-shirt, and head out to talk to Hawke about what happens after school, what happens now that I’ve graduated. We’ve been so busy with finals we haven’t had much time to talk.
He’s sitting on his truck in his front yard. Ava and another girl are sitting with him.
“Oh good, you’re both here,” I say softly.
“What’s up?” He leans over and kisses me swiftly on the lips.
“I’m joining the military,” I whisper.
There’s nothing but silence until Ava’s friend, not mine, starts laughing.
“You? You can’t even run a mile in gym class.” The girl chuckles.
“That’s what basic is for.” I look to see what my best friend and boyfriend think.
“Sienna, do you really think this is good for you?” Ava asks.
“I think it will be,” I say.
“Okay, well, I support you and your happiness.” Ava nods.
“Well this was fun while it lasted,” Hawke says.
“What?”
“I’m not following you if that’s what you think. This, us, it was fun while it lasted. We all knew it would end sometime,” he snaps, like he doesn’t even give a damn about what I just said.
“I love you,” I state, ready to pour my heart out to this man and fight for our relationship. He might think he can just close the chapter in our book, but no, not now, not when I’m making such a huge sacrifice for our country. Not when he’s my soulmate.
“I don’t,” he sneers and takes Ava’s friend’s hand, tugs her to him until she’s toppling over Ava and forces
a kiss on her lips. I stand in disbelief at what’s happening before my eyes, until the tears come, and suddenly all the fight I had in me dissipates in thin air. I turn and run as fast as I can hearing Ava screaming my name, but I don’t stop, and I certainly don’t look back. I can’t believe this, but more than that, I can’t believe how love can hurt.
Chapter Five
Sienna
Present day . . .
Seeing him brings up memories I don’t want to remember, not even the good ones. Five years later after all of that, and I’d have not only a couple deployments under my belt but a new puppy and a kitten.
I’ve found that guys don’t want to date military girls. I’m not sure for their reasoning behind it, but I’ve tried those dating apps and once I say I’m in the military, the guys stop talking to me. They just completely ghost me, which is fucking insane. And hurtful at times. I mean if you don’t like someone, have the balls to say it, just don’t ghost. It’s a dick move. As for the guys online, I guess it’s because I don’t need them to come kill a spider for me, that I’m not good enough because I can stand up tall and handle my own. Or maybe it’s because I can kick their ass. I snicker to myself, getting a good laugh out of that one. Or maybe it’s because I’m a little bit bigger than other girls. Some would say fat, I say pleasantly plump.
At the end of the day, I don’t know what it is, but I won’t let a man make me feel inferior. I walk back over to my dad and he pays. We head out to the car, again, stopping to talk to everyone who realizes I’m back. Oh, what a joy.
I turn when I see Ava coming out of the store and she’s holding hands with Hawke. My stomach burns with anger, betrayal, and worst of all . . . heartbreak. It’s crazy how all these years have flown by and I still have feelings for him. Yet here in this Walmart parking lot, my life is shattering all over again.
“Sienna?” My mom looks at me with concern.
“Let’s go home, please,” I’m practically begging.
Now that I think about it, I should’ve seen this coming. I don’t know why I thought that he’d wait for me. Although, a part of me wishes he did. But for Ava to do this to me, knowing that I still loved him, that’s downright cruel.
She always talked about him when I talked to her. I should’ve seen through my clouded lovesick haze to see she was into him.
“There will be others.” My mom smiles sadly at me.
“Yeah.” I nod. I’ve been single for, well, ever since I left home.
Don’t get me wrong, I tried. When Hawke wouldn’t return my calls, I gave up. I tried to get over him, but I just couldn’t forget him. Maybe now is the time I finally forget about him and all the pain he put me through.
We leave the Walmart parking lot and within fifteen minutes we’re pulling down our long driveway and I perk up a little bit. I see that my dad’s cattle business is still thriving, and there are some little calves out there in the paddock. I can’t wait to meet them.
As soon as we park, I get out of the car and before I even shut the door I’m knocked to the ground by a slobbering mouth.
“Copper, down!” My dad yells, offering a hand to help me off the ground.
I finally see who Copper is. He’s cute and I have no doubt he’s going to be huge.
“He’s a mastiff, but we’re training him to help herd,” Dad says as he pats the puppy’s head. Next thing I know this black ball of fur shoots out of the house and launches into my arms.
“Bug!” I squeal. She remembers me and tears well behind my eyes. God, I’ve missed her so much. I laugh as she licks my face and finally, I’m feeling a little bit better. I can’t wait to snuggle up with her tonight after being gone for so long. Mystic meows from her cage and Bug barks in response.
“Let’s get you settled and I’ll start dinner,” Mom says with a smile.
As I make my way into the house not much has changed. I head down the hallway and go straight into my old bedroom. It’s exactly the same lavender walls, my bed, the same floral curtains. My bed is my favorite piece of furniture. It’s like a rustic wooden sleigh bed with posts. I tied sheer sheets to each post to create a bubble around the bed when I was in high school, I thought it was romantic and as I look at it now, I still do.
My sheets and comforter are new, a gray color. The pictures on the wall are of me in the military and pictures I sent home when I traveled.
Pics of me and Hawke, I tore those down the night before I left and burned them in the firepit out back. I didn’t want any reminders of him when I came home to visit. I put Mystic down and she winds herself around Bug. I chuckle and set up the litter box and then put her food and water in the bowls I have for her. After she says her hellos to Bug, she jumps up on the bed and lays down. Ah, the life of a cat.
“Shit.” I hear behind me and I wheel around to find Chance Everette staring at me.
“Chance?” I know it’s him, but better to be sure.
“Sienna, good to see you. I didn’t mean to stare. Your dad told me you were home. I was going for the restroom,” he says sheepishly.
“My dad?”
“Oh, he didn’t tell you?”
I guess not so I shake my head no.
“I work for him. Me and Bear.”
“You and Bear?” I ask, batting my eyes like I’m in a totally different world. Why didn’t Dad, or Mom tell me any of this? God.
Bear Franklin, he puts Hawke to shame in rodeo. I still follow them online and I watch videos on the Rodeo Channel.
“Yeah. Good to see you.” He smiles and I can’t help but smile back.
“Good to see you, too.” Since he’s working here for my parents I’m guessing I’ll see a lot of him and Bear.
“Wait, does Hawke work for my dad, too?” Please say no.
“No. Your dad doesn’t trust him and for good reason,” Chance says as he walks away. How weird. I wonder why my dad doesn’t trust Hawke but fuck it. Hawke’s my past, the only thing I need to do is move on and put myself back out there.
I breathe a sigh of relief. Hawke, Bear, and Chance were frenemies in school. Friends until a rodeo was coming, or they were on the circuit and then gloves came off. Regardless, so much has changed these days, maybe that has too.
Chapter Six
Sienna
Ten years ago . . .
“She’s so cute,” Ava says over the phone, talking about the pictures of Bug I sent her. If you ask me, she’s the cutest damn thing, but I might be a bit partial when it comes to her.
“Thanks. She’s a really sweet dog,” I say with a smile, staring straight at her on the edge of my bed where she’s snoring like a motor. It’s annoying and cute all at the same time.
“How is the dating life?” Ugh, I should’ve known she’d ask this question. It hasn’t been long since Hawke and I split ways and the pain is still aching in my chest. I don’t want to go out on dates, not when everything is so fresh and new.
Sucking in a deep breath, I tell her the truth, “I haven’t been on any dates.”
“You need to try,” she urges, “he’s not waiting.”
I cringe when she says that Hawke isn’t waiting. It’s like my best friend just doused me in acid, burning me to my fucking core. I’ve been made very aware he isn’t waiting. Hell, I’ve even seen him walking around town with some of the girls. But that being said . . . it doesn’t make things easier.
“I can’t just forget him,” I whisper.
“Try. Go on those dating apps, you never know what’ll happen. You could find someone better than him. I’m certain of that,” she suggests, a bit of sassiness in her tone.
“Dating apps? Do those really work?” I’m skeptical. I’ve heard so many stories about guys only wanting one-night stands and I want something more.
“Oh yeah. Gladys found her man on a dating app,” Ava says, cocking a brow. Well, if Gladys found someone . . . I can too. Gladys is a girl that graduated a year before us. She’s super nice and we were decent friends before she graduated.
> “Really?” As much as I want to try, I’m still a bit nervous about it.
“Yeah. She talks about him on social media all the time and about how they met. Take a chance, Sienna. You never know what’ll happen and you deserve someone who treasures you. Now, I hate to cut this short but I have to get going.”
“Okay, thanks for being such a great friend,” I tell her as we end the call.
Maybe she’s right. I sigh as I look up a few of the different apps and download them. It can’t hurt giving different options a try. I’m sure I’ll delete the additional ones after I try them out for a bit.
I sign up, putting my job as government and hardly putting anything down for interests or in my profile. I don’t know these guys and I’m really not looking for some sort of stalker. Even though I’m giving this a try, I’m not going to expect anything to happen. Plus military is my life which means I have no hobbies.
After all, this might be a lost cause and if that’s the case I might end up comparing them to Hawke and that wouldn’t be fair. But, I should try and get over him. I mean look at what he did to me when I told him about joining the military. He acted like a typical douchebag. God, why am I even still hung up on him?
It’s time for me to move on and just as the thought pops in my head, my notifications go off for one of the new apps. Furrowing my brows, I see it’s a message notification. Already?
From: Texasguy80
Hi
I bite my lip and decide to take a leap. After all, we only get one life.
Chapter Seven
Sienna
Present Day . . .
My pride. Everything that happened all those years ago hurt my pride. I was in my prime and couldn’t hold down a man. I’m even ashamed to say that I jumped at four proposals and married them, but of course they were all the same. They were no good, lying, cheaters. It really screwed with my head because I obviously can’t ever trust myself to choose the right type of man, or maybe it’s just bad luck. I don’t know.
No Man Left Behind: A Veteran Inspired Charity Anthology Page 17
