“Yeah?”
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I tried to smile but failed miserably. Finally, the tears fell. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug. I grabbed on to his shirt tightly, using the soft fabric as a barrier against my fingernails and palm.
Heat covered my back as Bryce joined us, giving me his comfort too. I was in a sandwich as all my emotions poured out. I didn’t make a sound as I cried, but my body shook hard, my muscles aching with each involuntary movement. Everything that I had suppressed for so long bubbled up and found its release. The fear and anxiety needed to be purged out and my body did so through tears.
No one said anything, no one tried to comfort me with words. They let me let out my emotions and I loved them for it. In that moment, I truly did love them.
“It’s over,” I whispered. “Everything will be okay.”
Funny how I didn’t really believe those words until this moment.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Kenni was waiting when I pulled into my parking spot. Her smile was strained as the twins got out and ran to her for her undying attention. She hugged and kissed them, and if there was a sheen in her eyes from unshed tears, no one dared to point them out.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“After the kind of day you had, why wouldn’t I be?”
My smile, though sad, widened. Kenni was a constant in my life. Mandy used to be, but she was gone. Kenni, she’d stick by me, no matter what happened. Her actions, her support, her existence, it all proved that she was as dedicated to me as I was to her.
Once we got back to the apartment, I made the twins sit on the couch, and I sat between them. Needing to feel their existence, I wrapped my arms around them and pulled them close.
“Ugh, Sissy, you’re squishing me,” Lawson said.
“Hush, no I’m not.”
“Are too,” Lee added.
Rolling my eyes, I said, “Stop being so dramatic. Just give me a moment.”
Settling into the couch with my head tilted back, I closed my eyes and held my boys. They fell quiet, sensing that something was up even if they didn’t understand what it was.
My eyes stung with unshed tears, my chest ached with an odd combination of emotions that I didn’t know what to do with. I needed to destress, to use those coping mechanisms I paid so much money for Dr. Adam to teach me. But for now, all I wanted was my boys at my side.
“I talked with your grandmother,” I said. “She has agreed that you guys are better off with me.”
“What does that mean?” Lawson asked.
“It means you guys are mine. Forever and ever. You aren’t going anywhere.”
“You mean, you aren’t going anywhere,” Lee said.
I chuckled, loving his silliness. “Never. If I have anything to say, I’ll always be here, even when you’re old and sick of me.”
“I’m okay with that.” Lee snuggled into my side.
“I’m not. I want freedom!” Lawson tried to dive away from me, but my hold on him was firm. I needed more time holding him. He ended up settling into me too, telling me that he felt the same.
Snuggling time was very important in our family. Touch fueled our existence, made everything okay, and showed that we had each other’s back. Frankly, I was glad they were on my team. I wasn’t sure where I’d be without them.
“Don’t forget about me,” Kenni said. She held a hot chocolate mug—no way did coffee mugs exist in my apartment—and realized I didn’t have a free hand to grab it. Not wanting to disturb our moment too much, she put it on the coffee table.
“We’ll never forget about you, right Honey Bunches and Oats?” I gave them a gentle shake.
“Right,” they replied in unison.
The smile on Kenni’s face was one of pure happiness and contentment. Then it morphed into something more sinister as her gaze met mine. “So, while this is amazing and today is a good day, you need to get ready.”
“I do?”
She nodded. “You do. I’m not only here to celebrate but also to watch the twins. You are going out.”
“No, I’m not.”
“The three men who should be here in an hour say otherwise. It’s your date night. Or evening.” She shrugged. “Either way, I get the twins, and you get to spend the rest of the day and night with three delicious looking men.” She pretended to fan herself. “Can’t say I’m not jealous.”
“Kids!” I red-flagged her.
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry. I won’t say anything weird. But you need to get up and get ready.”
The twins removed themselves from my grasp and I moaned, wanting them back. “But… but… I’m not ready.”
“Oh, you will be. Spend time with them without the twins around. You deserve it. And let me have fun with my little munchkins. I have our whole night planned. Don’t ruin my fun.”
“Fine.” Dragging myself to my room was hard. It would be so easy to call the men idiots and cancel on them. They’d deserve it for springing this impromptu date night on me. I wanted to spend it with Lawson and Lee. For today, I wanted to choose the twins over the guys.
Date nights were fancy, right? That meant digging out my little black dress, which was really a black tulle skirt with a black top that had sparkles weaved into it to give it a shimmering appearance. With the black heels, I created the appearance of owning a black dress. For jewelry, I wore a silver chain around my neck and a simple silver bracelet. Then I spent the next while fixing my hair. It ended up being a double-braided side-do that ended with a ponytail.
Hard, but my dexterous fingers were up for the challenge, and so worth it once I finally finished.
There was a soft knock on my bathroom door. “They’re here.”
“Okay,” I called out, working on my makeup. The soft warm tones I settled on made my brown eyes look redder, and I totally nailed the kissable lips look.
Walking out into the living room and seeing the three guys standing there in their black tuxedos did me in. They were gorgeous, all of them putting in the extra work. Whatever they had planned for me was not casual.
“Are we going to a ball?” I asked, all my childish hopes and dreams coming to the forefront.
Dayton grinned. “Not quite.”
“But if we don’t want to miss it, we do need to keep going.” Leave it to Koen to be the one to be the shepherd in our group.
It took a while to say goodbye to Lawson and Lee. They wanted to come, and I wanted them to. But this was apparently a ‘no kids’ date.
“I give Kenni permission to spank you if you misbehave,” I called out as Bryce got me out the door and Koen closed it.
Sighing, I let them lead me out of my apartment building.
“Are you okay?” Bryce asked. The illustrious question that became more common than my hot chocolate intake these last few weeks. Frankly, it was nice to have people always asking me, even if I got annoyed with the question. Every time someone asked, I was reminded that people cared.
I smiled, putting a little extra energy in it to prove that I meant it. “I’m excited to see what should be a ball but isn’t quite one.”
“You’ll like it.”
“Uh huh.”
We all piled into Koen’s fancy car, Bryce and Dayton giving me the front seat while they pretended their legs weren’t too long for the back.
The drive was quiet, no one daring to break the silence. It allowed me to get lost in my thoughts, thinking of the future with Lawson and Lee, and with the guys. It excited and scared me, but we had all agreed to take the plunge together. So far, everything was going great.
I only needed to remember to talk to them when my insecurities reared their ugly heads. Practice. It was going to take a lot of practice.
A car honked in front of us as a taxi cut them off. It pulled me out of my thoughts, and I glanced around at our surroundings.
“Are we going to Faneuil Hall?”
Koen chuckled,
as if what I was suggesting was silly. It kind of was, with the way we were dressed. Definitely over-dressed for a tourist spot.
“Our destination is much better,” Dayton said as Koen pulled into a parking garage.
They ended up bringing me to the harbor, where all the fancy boats were. As we got closer, I began noticing other people as fancily dressed as we were. I followed the trail of sharp tuxedos and shimmering dresses until my gaze landed on a boat.
“Oh my God.” My eyes had to be practically bulging out of my head. They felt like they were.
“Are we going on a boat?”
“We are,” Bryce said, reaching for my hand. “A dinner cruise.”
My mouth popped open, excitement bubbling out of me. I did a little skip hop to expel some of my energy and only Bryce’s hand holding mine kept me from taking off. He knew me too well.
“There’s our girl,” Dayton said.
“I didn’t go anywhere.”
“You’ve been in your head since we left. I’m glad we can get you out of it though, even if only for a couple of hours,” Koen said.
I shrugged. “It’s been a long day, and I have to admit, I wanted to stay inside.”
“Probably keep the twins attached to you,” Bryce said.
The only response I had for that was a grunt. Saying no would be a big fat lie, and saying yes meant I was one of those parents who refused to let their kids go. I couldn’t do that. It was unhealthy and dangerous, no matter how desperately I wanted to super glue them to my side. Dr. Adam already said I couldn’t do that when I asked if it was allowed.
The ship was three floors, many of us choosing the middle deck, knowing it was going to be cold on the top one. Though I planned to go up there and reenact the Titanic scene. Life was not complete until I did that scene, and I had three men to do it with.
Inside was super fancy and warm. Tables were set up, and while it wasn’t a ball or a fancy dance, it was second best. I felt like royalty as we were seated.
“I’m almost afraid to touch the silverware,” I said. “Is that crystal? What if I break it?”
Koen grabbed the glass cup I was lifting up to the light and placed it back on the table. “If you handle it like that, I’m sure you eventually will.”
The ship didn’t take off until half an hour later, once everyone boarded and got comfortable. It ended up being more than just a dinner, but also a show. There was a small play, the actors moving around the room, making the whole area their stage. It was amazing to have them moving from table to table, frightening some people with their abrupt appearances.
The main character wept in front of me, lying on the floor, her pink dress fanned around her as her lover left her for another woman. As the show moved on, we got our appetizers. In the middle of it, we got our main course: a juicy steak, cooked to fall apart. I didn’t need a knife to cut through it, but proper etiquette meant I held a knife and pretended to know how to cut my steak like a gentlewoman.
If cutting steak was supposed to look like a battle, I generally succeeded in making it a bloody one. How did others make it look so effortless when I spent more time chasing my steak around my plate rather than cutting it into pieces.
By the end of the play, when the woman yelled her success in the face of the man who scorned her, we were given dessert. Heaven in the shape of a strawberry cake. It wasn’t chocolate, but it was still perfect.
Once it was all over, I was sporting a food belly that my blouse barely hid, and I was pretty sure if they wanted me to move, they’d need to roll me off the ship. If they threw me overboard, would I float like an empty barrel?
“I’m dead,” I said.
Bryce wiped his mouth before saying, “You’re not dead.”
I moaned and tried to move before giving up. “Yup. I’m dead. Definitely dead. Just leave me here.”
A chair scraped as Koen got to his feet. He smiled. “That’s okay. We can go up on deck without you.”
“It’s too cold anyway.”
“You brought a coat.”
“I’ll shrivel and die.”
“There’s a live band up there.” Koen raised an eyebrow.
“I’m up. Let’s go. Dayton, you’re my first dance partner.”
“I’m more than willing.” Dayton’s voice was low and teasing as he accepted his sacrifice.
The moment we got on deck, I contemplated what I’d have to do to go back inside. It was freezing. But then the band was there, already warming up, and if they could brave the cold, then so could I. I’d just need to dance more to keep my body warm.
Servers weaved in and out of the crowd, offering flasks of champagne. Not a fan of them, I went right for the area reserved for those of us crazy enough to get our groove on. Dayton wrapped his arm around me, and we went right into a slow dance, his body against mine.
“Are you having fun?” His lips were right by my ear as he asked, his breath warm enough to chase away some of the chill. The heat from his body did the rest of the work, keeping me warmer. Maybe that was the trick and the whole purpose of having the band on the deck? So that we could use it as an excuse to cuddle our dates. The organizer was brilliant. I’d need to hunt them down and shake their hand.
“I am. More than I thought.”
“I bet you wanted to stay in with the twins tonight.”
I nodded against his chest. “After everything that happened, I need to reassure myself that they’re mine.”
Dayton rubbed my back and we continued to sway, not really talking, and not needing to. The next song started up. It was at a faster tempo. Bryce came over.
“My turn,” he said.
Smiling, I gave him my hand and let him lead me to a different spot on the dance floor. He moved to the beat of the music in a sensual way, but still proper enough for public viewing. The man had moves. Smooth, confident, and fun. Everything needed in a dance partner.
By the time the song finished, I was laughing, letting him twirl me around. It was so fun, my tulle skirt flaring from the movement. I was glad it was long enough so that I didn’t have to worry about flashing anyone.
Koen took the next dance. After the fast-paced one, the band slowed it down. The entire time, Koen’s expression was of a man perfectly content with how things were. It was nice to see him so relaxed and happy.
It almost felt like it was just him and me there, in our own little world. The questions wanted to come, to rear their ugly heads, but I pushed them down. Before I could second guess my decision, I went up on my tippy toes and kissed his cheek, inches from his mouth. My cheeks burned when I pulled away.
“What was that for?” Koen asked, his fingers flexing, tightening his hold on me.
“Just because. Is that okay? Allowed?”
The smile that graced his lips turned into a massive grin and his boyish side came out. “More than okay. Anytime, sweetheart, I’ll take a kiss from you. Maybe next time you won’t miss.”
I giggled, happiness bursting through me. “I didn’t miss.”
He hummed and twirled me around before pulling my back into his chest. “Then I need to work harder so you’ll target my lips next time.”
Biting my lip, I fought against my laughter.
The rest of the night went as perfectly as the dinner and dancing. After a while we went back in so I could warm my bones. We talked about everything and nothing, growing closer with each other.
If I had to come up with a perfect day this past year, it’d be tonight. We meshed so perfectly together, no one feeling left out.
If this was a glimpse of our future, I wanted more moments like this. So much more. Was it okay to be greedy like that?
Epilogue
My apartment was invaded by the guys on Saturday. The entire week felt like a dream, and it was continuing through the weekend as Koen took over my kitchen to make snacks, and Dayton helped the twins decide which order to watch all the movies.
We were going to have a superhero marathon. They had quickly vetoe
d the princess marathon I wanted. Maybe I needed to rethink having five males in my life. The sneaky bunch were going to always outvote me if I didn’t play my cards right.
I was trying to convince Bryce to join me in my plan to hide the movies. He didn’t need to do much. All he had to do was yell fire, and while everyone was distracted, trying to get out, I’d swipe the DVDs and hide them under my bed.
The stubborn man was not on board with my plan. Coming up with another plan was proving difficult. It was hard with the open floor plan. There were too many bodies around. My apartment was not meant to accommodate six people. If this kept up, I was going to have to get a bigger place. Maybe once Olivia paid me what she owed me, I could think about upgrading.
I was planning to lure Lawson and Lee into their bedroom when the intercom buzzer went off. After jumping from the obnoxious noise, I ran over.
“Yeah?”
“Madison, it’s your dad.”
“Oh.” I bit my lip and considered what I wanted to do. After realizing I was being silly, I hit the button to let him in. There was a soft knock shortly after.
Dad stood on the other side in light blue jeans and a coat. He tried to smile, but it wavered, before he decided to stop.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“Can I speak to you?” Sounds from behind me caught his attention. No doubt, everyone was gathering around to watch the show.
I sent a glare over my shoulder to warn them all off, and the guys quickly decided they had other things to do.
“Yeah.” I stepped out, forcing him to back away. “This is as much privacy as we’re going to get. What’s wrong?”
Dad shoved his hands into his pocket. “I’m separated from Livvie.”
The shock of his news had my eyes widening. “You’re getting a divorce?”
“No.” He shook his head desperately. “No.” He ran his hand through his hair and looked everywhere but at me. “We always had issues in our marriage and this whole situation, with her trying to take the twins, it made me realize I wasn’t being fair to her. We have a lot that we need to talk about and work through.”
“You mean me, don’t you?” I was born from an affair after all.
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