Apocalypse Hero: A Dark Fantasy Gamelit (The Adventures of Dan Book 1)

by Andrew O'Kelley

  I got all of five feet off my porch before some sort of crawling undead nightmare grabbed at my ankle. It was horrible timing too, as I had just laid into the first of the undead in front of me with my bat and couldn’t defend myself from the monster at my feet, being mid-swing like I was. I screamed, high-pitched and terrible, as I watched that monster tear a bite out of my calf in a split second, shredding flesh and sinew all the way down to the bone and causing my health bar to dip into the yellow. Which, if I hadn’t been in the most horrible pain I’d ever felt, I’d have thought was super useful.

  Notification: Experience Gained - +12 experience, next level in 66 experience. +6 Sol.

  Current Experience: 34/100.

  Sol: 6.

  No items have been dropped.

  Let me tell you, tunnel vision can be a real killer. Speaking of which, as cool as it was watching the zombie’s head explode with a clang, the little visual upgrade wasn’t worth the pain. Opting in to Mature Mode seemed like one of the bigger mistakes I’d made in my life. This list of mistakes included drinking a little cactus water before a Zombie color fun-run, and a list of ex-wives.

  When the prompt informed me that the gore restrictions and visual interface had been lifted, they really meant it. Gone were my slightly recolored neighbors, replaced entirely by monstrous ghouls with spidery limbs and rotting, sagging flash. They looked nothing like before and every bit the part of rotting undead. I’ll spare you most of the gory details. Just know I looked down at that bastard who had taken a bite out of me, and swung my bat down in a complete rage, pulverizing it.

  Notification: Experience Gained - +12 experience, next level in 54 experience. +6 Sol.

  Current Experience: 46/100.

  Sol: 12.

  Crawling Dead has dropped “Dead Man’s Finger - Unidentified”.

  “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I must have screamed it a hundred times as I looked at the damage to my leg. The only time I’d ever felt pain like that was when I got the flu or a cold. I knew things were only going to get worse from there. But I had no intention of dying that easily.

  But sometimes, well, a lot of times, what we intend to do and what actually happens doesn’t quite work out. As I hobbled forward to attack the next nearest undead, the rest of them collapsed in on me, and just like that I was swarmed. Apparently, me yelling expletives and screaming in pain didn’t help; this was definitely a situation where a little noise discipline would have worked.

  Panic set in, sheer and utter terror, and I glanced behind me, thinking I’d retreat back into the house, but the way was blocked off by more of the crawling undead that pulled themselves out from under my house. I bolted for it, thinking that maybe, just maybe, if I was able to clear the street I could put enough distance between me and the undead that I could work out a better plan, maybe get help or a better weapon.

  Like a bull or a football player who peaked in high school, I ran with a shoulder down, trying to force the undead out of my way through sheer force, and where force didn’t work, I tried to use the bat and my backhand to clear a path.

  All I managed to do was fuck myself over more by being a jackass and trying to brute force something that required a more elegant and thought out solution. Instead of breaking through the ranks of the undead, I ended up smack in the middle of the horde, swinging my bat around frantically as I tried my damnedest to make space. Literally looking like a madman with both hands firmly wrapped around the handle, trying to do what I could to keep a low posture and a low profile to beat back the undead. It completely failed and I had no one to blame but myself.

  You remember that Emblem I got? The one that basically prevents deathblows? Surprise. It totally worked, and that sucked a lot for me. I had been taking pretty consistent damage, but it was mostly just cuts and minor bites, nothing major aside from the massive injury to my calf. That was until one of the undead was able to get past my guard. I’m not sure if it slipped past me, or if it was just the sweat making my eyes burn from all the wild swinging I was doing, but I noticed it coming at me too late.

  The undead lashed out and lunged for my throat with a vicious set of moldy canines in a mouth full of rusted braces. But because of that damn Emblem, I wasn’t going to bleed to death. The wound, while mortal, wasn’t mortal this time. I had to suffer in agony, waiting for all of another five seconds for one of the surrounding undead to finish me off. That part took much longer and hurt even worse than when my calf was bitten into. They all fell on me with tooth and nail and, as you might imagine, it hurt. I was lucky that it didn’t last as long as I’d feared. I felt this searing pain in my back and watched as a bony claw erupted through my chest and started to pull out my entrails and my still-beating heart with it. Death was pretty instant at that point. Even now, it still gives me nightmares.

  Notification: You have died. Respawning in 60 minutes at location “My Room.”

  Details: You have retained all current experience but have forfeited all earned Sol. In the future, please consider establishing an account with the Crusaders Guild.

  You have lost 12 Sol.

  Chapter 14: To Tame A Mimic

  This respawn was different for me. What was it? My third death in a four-hour period? I should have been a traumatized wreck, but mostly I was just pissed. I had a literal monster horde camped on my spawn point, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it without an intelligent solution, something that wasn’t my forte. I could almost hear the whisper of my father’s ghost rolling over in his grave, trying to say, “Work smarter, not harder.” Yeah, no shit, Dad.

  With apologies to the drywall, I needed to vent a little anger I was feeling from that chip on my shoulder. Five, maybe six holes in the drywall later, I’d calmed down enough to try to think things out logically.

  I leaned over and looked out the window and saw the group of undead that were still hunched over, busy with consuming my fallen body in the street. But judging by the bones I was seeing, not much of me was left. Nauseated, I slumped down in my chair and massaged my temples as I tried to come up with a solution. I really didn’t need to see that.

  The problem seemed bigger than I could handle, so I did the only thing I could think of besides just running back outside. I grabbed a pen and some paper from the desk and started to write. My mind just went blank as I tried to channel the answer for fifteen minutes, until I looked down at what I’d managed to write so far.

  I was mostly able to articulate the problem, that I was stuck inside, surrounded by undead, and I had no real workable ideas for how to escape or what to expect even if I managed somehow to get free from here. Besides that, the paper was mostly half-finished words crossed out and scribbled over, full of what could probably be called incoherent ramblings.

  I groaned and crumpled up the paper. Yeah, that didn’t work at all. It happened. I wasn’t the only one who ever procrastinated when they needed to just buckle down on doing something. Alright, let’s try something else. Who would know what to do? I thought as I tilted back in my chair and tried to think of somebody who would know what to do. The answer came to mind: my old friend Jake. He’d been military along with me and made a career out of it and always seemed to have an answer for everything before he passed.

  Drawing in a deep breath, I did my best to sit up straight just like Jake would do and adopted a rigid posture and muttered on the exhale, “Alright, what would Jake do?” I imagined him clear as day sitting on the bed next to me.

  “It’s simple, Dan, if you just stop and think about it.” Yeah, that sounds like something Jake would say. “You’ve got to make a distraction, something that can take the attention off of you and either draw them away or distract them long enough for you to escape.”

  “Alright then,” I replied, talking to no one beside my imagination and the memory of a friend I’d lost years before. “But how exactly am I supposed to do that, and then what?”

  “Dan, Dan, Dan. The answer is so simple. Set off the alarm on your car and slip away
; all you need are the keys. Let them all group up and start picking off the stragglers until you feel ready to take on more of a challenge.”

  “That’s actually a really good idea, thanks.” I was sure the real Jake would have had better answers, but it was a start.

  Thirsty from all that thinking, I gulped down a soda I’d found behind the monitor on my desk and then went to work to try to find my spare car keys. I’m pretty sure I lost the main set after dying to the horde outside the first time. I wanted to make sure they weren’t in my room before heading out. I went through most of the clothes in my room, even the clean ones, but didn’t find them.

  I went through my desk again and couldn’t find them, but what I did find was another bag of chocolates and shoved it into my pocket for later. I’m not sure how or why, but my desk seemed to “refill” every time I respawned, and I wasn’t going to question it too hard.

  After finding the chocolates, a horrible realization dawned on me; if the keys weren’t in the room or in any of my pockets, I must have left them somewhere else. The only place I could think of was on the counter or on the key hook. Though with my luck, I knew they would probably be on the counter right next to the mimic. A monster I wasn’t strong enough to destroy and would kill me without hesitation if I got too close.

  “Hey Lirai,” I asked as an idea began to form in my head, a reminder flashing on the computer screen in front of me as lingering quests updated. Apparently, one of the “neighbors” I’d been charged to save had already been killed. “How do you tame a monster?”

  Notification: Query - How to Tame a Monster

  Details: Most, though not all, monsters can be tamed through the use of gifts of items, spoils, food, or tamer specialties. After each gift, you may be given a small chance to bond with the monster. A bond is secured by a blood seal, given freely from the tamer, in the form of token drops of blood. If the monster accepts the offering, you will be informed and the monster tamed. Based upon the rarity of the monster and difference in overall level and strength, more blood and food might be required.

  Alright, so now I had an actual plan. I was going to try to tame the mimic, get my keys, set off the alarm, draw the undead in, and get out of here for a little while until I could figure out a better way to kill them all. As for taming the mimic, all I had was a bag of chocolates and the hope that it didn’t attack me outright.

  Chapter 15: Essential Oils Save Lives

  With no other choice but to lounge around and stare at the walls, I left the comfort and safety of my room behind me to head out into the living room to look for the keys to my car. Just in case I could find them and skip the part where I try to convince the monster that’s already killed me once to join my party.

  As soon as I swung open the door of my room and stepped out into the living room, the atmosphere around me changed. The spider webs had dramatically expanded, covering nearly everything, leaving only a small trail from my room towards the kitchen and heading out to the exit. Through the thick webs, I could see spiders. Some were small, but most I could see were at least the size of a cat. Moving non-stop as they crafted and wove their webs. I shuddered. Why does it have to be spiders? Why not change it up? How about marshmallow men? It was a legitimate question, but I knew I’d never get an answer out of Lirai so I didn’t bother to ask.

  Overall, I was tense and the hairs on the back of my head stood up as I looked around, trying to find the keys to my car which I hoped would be hanging on their hook near the kitchen counter.

  Much to my disappointment, the keys weren’t there, because something going my way would have been way too easy. A quick glance in that direction reminded me of the damage Ur’Goth had done to my house, and a large gash in the wall pretty much let me know the keys were gone, ripped off of the wall along with the hook.

  Almost as if it could sense my thoughts, the mimic on the counter shifted. Subtle and slight, like it was trying to get my attention. I looked and I was pretty sure I saw part of the lanyard sticking out of the top of the box as the mimic tried to lure me in closer, probably wanting seconds and another chance to kill me.

  “Alright, you cheeky fuck,” I laughed nervously as I approached it, pulling out the bag of chocolates from my pocket. “I’ll make you a deal. You can have these chocolates and anything else delicious I can find, and in return, join up with me, and give me my keys back.”

  As you can imagine, the mimic didn’t respond. It just kept laying there pretending to be a box, not that I thought it would do anything else. “Alright. Fine,” I told it as I approached, tense and ready to bolt at a moment’s notice. I held out the bag of chocolates, shaking it back and forth a few times for good measure before lightly tossing it over onto the counter. I watched with a real sense of accomplishment as the bag landed on the counter next to the mimic, and I backed off to see what would happen.

  Within seconds, the mimic’s true form was revealed as it leveled a suspicious and hungry look at me and reached out, tearing into the bag of chocolates and shoving them into its mouth.

  Notification: Offering Accepted.

  The mimic greatly enjoyed the offering of “Chocolate.”

  +71 to Esteem points.

  Current progress: 71/100.

  Threshold achieved: 50 Esteem.

  This monster is no longer hostile towards you but will still attack and kill you should you touch it.

  Next threshold unlocked at 90 Esteem.

  You require 29 more Esteem points before the monster will allow you to try to offer it your blood to tame it.

  “Alright, alright, now we’re cooking with butter,” I told the monster as its demeanor towards me changed. “I can work with that, just let me see what else I can find.”

  I’d already eaten everything else that was in the kitchen on my first go through. But maybe I could find something else. I slipped past the mimic as it reset itself back into its box form. It might no longer have been hostile, but I still didn’t trust it not to attack me.

  My search of the kitchen was pretty quick and mostly just included the ruined refrigerator and a few drawers. All my intensive searching turned up was the jar of expired mayonnaise, a case full of essential oils my mom had bought before she passed years before, and a thing of mustard which I couldn’t even find the expiration date on. It’ll have to do.

  I wasn’t exactly proud of what I’d scrounged up, but I hoped the mimic wouldn’t mind as I offered it the condiments and stepped back. Just like before, the box opened up, showing off the monster underneath, and it reached out and tore open the mustard container and ate it. The response seemed lukewarm and I couldn’t blame it; it wasn’t even honey mustard.

  Notification: Offering Accepted.

  The Mimic has consumed the offering of “Mustard.”

  +6 to Esteem points.

  Current progress: 77/100.

  Next threshold unlocked at 90 Esteem.

  You require 23 more Esteem points before the monster will allow you to try to offer it your blood to tame it.

  Alright, not great, but not terrible, just a few more points and I’ll be able to put this bullshit quest behind me and get on with my life, I thought with a grimace as I watched the mimic hesitantly and cautiously open up the jar of mayonnaise and shove it all into its mouth. I knew as soon as a piercing scream went out that I’d made a mistake.

  Notification: Offering Accepted.

  The Mimic has consumed the offering of “Mayonnaise.”

  The Mimic hated it.

  -42 to Esteem points.

  Current progress: 35/100.

  Threshold lost. The monster is no longer neutral towards you and will attack at its own discretion.

  Next threshold unlocked at 50 Esteem.

  You require 65 more Esteem points before the monster will allow you to try offer it your blood to tame it.

  “Well shit,” I muttered as the mimic turned to look at me with eyes I could only describe as full of hate and rage. I got it, I totally did, I hated
mayonnaise too. But my newfound empathy didn’t stop the mimic from crawling off the counter towards me, dragging its body along with its creepy little appendages.

  “Hey listen, man, I’m sorry about that, I didn’t think you’d hate it, but man do I have a treat for you. It’s called Lavender Luscious and you are going to love it, I promise you that. It will calm you right down, you’ll see.” I grabbed one of the oils and threw it at the mimic, but the mimic paid me no mind. It started to reach out towards me and I dodged to the side, making sure to keep out of its range.

  The mimic came at me again, but this time I felt something brush up against my back and with my focus on the mimic in front of me, I tried to brush whatever it was away and found my hand had gotten stuck. The spiderwebs, I realized in horror as the mimic approached, its terrible-looking arms and legs sticking out as it drew closer, hunger in its eyes.

  I saw a stinger-like tongue come out of the mimic’s mouth, and it lashed out, darting towards me. I flinched and shut my eyes because, honestly, who wants to see that thing coming? But when I heard a crunching sound and realized I was still alive and not in pain, I cautiously opened one eye and then the other to see the mimic’s tongue had impaled itself into the carcass of a dog-sized spider that had been creeping up behind me. Within seconds, the mimic started to loudly consume the spider—that reeked suspiciously of lavender—and the surrounding webs like they were cotton candy on New Year’s.