by Cole Denton
“I’m sure you found it helpful when your mom died,” I said and patted his shoulder.
“And my brothers.”
And?
I closed my book that I had been pretending to read and looked into Andrew’s eyes.
“Did you say your brothers died too?”
“Yes, Mistress Elise.”
The first thing that came to mind was possibly a car accident. Suddenly, I was drawn to listen to him.
“What happened? Car accident?”
“My brother Allen died in a car accident ten years ago when we were nineteen.”
“You and your brother are twins? You insinuated that you were both nineteen.”
“I was a triplet. Allen and Adam were my brothers. Allen died in a car accident. The weather had been bad, and he swerved to avoid a jaywalker, and he ended up rolling his car on the wet roads. The three of us had been very close. Our parents raised us that way. A few days after Allen died, Adam took his own life. He couldn’t deal with the loss of Allen. He hung himself in our garage. Less than two days after Adam took his life, my mother overdosed on pills. My dad found her in their bathtub.”
Andrew turned his head briefly and picked up the book. He opened it and showed me the inside cover. In messy blue ink scrawled across the inside cover, it read, Andrew – I can’t lose you too. Love Dad.
“My dad gave me this book. I got him one too. We’d read it and then would try and talk about some things in a chapter. We’d try to do one chapter at a time. By the time we got to the end of the book, we’d start it all over again. We did it for months. Each time it didn’t hurt as much, and our bond grew.”
I felt so sorry for Andrew and the loss he endured in such a short amount of time. I had been wrong to assume that he knew nothing about loss. It was clear that he knew quite a bit, though very different from my loss.
It also hit me how he could have parted with this book. He sent it with Liz to give to me when I was nothing more than a customer. Hearing his heartbreaking story of how his family went from five people to two people in a matter of weeks, tied the pieces together about the tattoos on his shoulder blades and the necklace with the letter A’s that I almost tore off his neck. They were a memorial to his brothers. His words came back to me from his first night here.
“You know how some people wear a cross? This means that much to me.”
I reached out and touched the tattoo on the shoulder blade that I could reach.
“These tattoos are for your brothers,” I assumed out loud.
“Yes. I put them there as a reminder that they always had my back.” He paused and then smiled. “The three of us were best friends.”
“You lost your mother and two brothers at nineteen and within two weeks. I can’t imagine what that would be like,” I admitted.
“This book helped me out a lot. Even years after their deaths, I’d still pick it up and read through sections and reflect on how I feel now opposed to how I felt back then.”
Andrew had such a mature outlook. He was proof that time just might be the healer that everyone says it is.
“Your father was probably worried sick about you. I imagine he watched over you like a hawk.”
Andrew laughed as he nodded and stroked the stubble on his face.
“He was strong and there for me, but inside it about killed him. He not only lost two of his three boys but the love of his life,” Andrew recalled.
I exhaled a heavy sigh and looked over at the fireplace mantle at the flags I was given at Jacob’s funeral.
“Just like you, Mistress Elise,” he said quietly and set his big hand on my forearm.
Tears began to fill my lower eyelids. Bile rose in my throat, and my heart felt as though it was being squeezed. I wasn’t ready to have this kind of conversation with anyone, let alone my plaything. I reminded myself that that’s all Andrew was.
He was not a friend.
He was not a lover.
He was only my plaything.
The only thing that I could do was smile smugly at him.
“I’m sorry you lost your husband, Mistress Elise. What this book showed me is that you can still love them, grieve their loss, but still live your life too,” Andrew offered. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes.
My emotions were boiling over, and I refused to let this plaything see me upset or think he’s touching some part of my heart. He wasn’t. My heart belonged to Jacob, and he had been ripped from my clutches. Andrew meant nothing to me.
“Get up,” I instructed.
“Yes, Mistress,” Andrew said and was quick to obey.
His willingness to obey and follow orders made me angrier. Why was he so loyal to me? Why was he so liberal with giving me his trust?
“It’s okay to be angry, Mistress Elise.”
“Shut up!” I yelled and jumped off the couch.
“Don’t act as you know me! Don’t act as you know just how much I lost when he was taken from me!”
“I’m sorry, Mistress.” Andrew barely got the title ‘Mistress’ out before I slapped him across the face.
I felt a stinging sensation in my finger that I wore a ring on. He brought the back of his hand up to rub his cheek. He could have said a million things to me. He could have said hateful things to me.
“It’s okay, Mistress Elise,” he repeated. “It’s alright. The pain you feel will subside, and until it does, it’s okay to feel angry and hurt.”
I had a feeling that Andrew was talking about more than the annoying pain I felt in my hand.
“I understand that it’s the pain that causes the anger. You haven’t been told that it’s okay to hurt. I’m telling you that it’s okay.”
I was so angry at that moment. He was trying to tell me things I refused to believe.
“I will absorb whatever you need to expel. I understand that you need to release your pain, and I am willing to accept it. I will be here for you, Mistress Elise.”
Rage spilled out of me when he told me that he would absorb my pain, just as I had done for Jacob. Andrew was very much like I had been; a loyal, understanding masochist. Uncontrollable anger seeped from my pores.
“Get on your hands and knees now!” I stormed down the hall and grabbed the wooden paddle.
When I returned to the living room, Andrew was on his hands and knees, waiting for me. He knew that I needed to get rid of what I had been feeling. I had willingly done this time and time again for Jacob. And now my plaything would absorb the pain and anger for me that Jacob had left me with.
I thought about how angry I was that Jacob had made the decision to go to Australia without including me in the decision making. His huge heart ended up ripping mine apart. I paddled Andrew’s ass until I cried. The crying made me angrier and more oblivious to what I was actually doing. I had never understood the phrase, ‘blinded by anger’ until today.
Andrew had started mumbling something, but I had been ignoring him and tuning him out. He had been carrying on and on about something until I finally snapped out of it and heard him.
“Red, Mistress Elise…Please, Mistress, red.”
Red.
“What, Andrew?” I roared as I put all my strength into striking his ass with the paddle. “What are you bitching about?”
“Red, Mistress. It’s my safe word. I put it on the contract in the comments section, Mistress,” he urgently informed me.
“So?” I hit his ass again with the paddle.
“You’re supposed to stop when I say it, Mistress Elise,” he declared. Andrew’s voice revealed that he was clearly in distress. His head hung down lower than his shoulders, and his hands were balled up into fists.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“Yes, Mistress. Please,” he stammered.
“Too bad. Life is full of disappointments, Andrew,” I sneered.
I continued to paddle him until I glanced at the clock. I needed to leave in a few minutes for my appointment for the massage that I desperately needed. I swat
ted his battered ass one more time, and then before I left the room, I remembered his cock cage. Andrew had to leave for work soon.
“Get up on your knees so I can remove the cage,” I hissed.
I pulled Andrew’s hair and guided him to rise off his hands. I crouched and quickly released his cock from the confinements of the cock cage. I wasn’t very gentle releasing his cock, and I even spanked it out of my way before I stood. When I glanced into his eyes, his sparkling blue eyes were gone and replaced by darkness. His pupils were massively dilated; had he enjoyed this?
I left the room and returned the paddle to the spare bedroom, and then went to my bedroom. In the mirror, I looked myself over. My eyes were swollen from crying, and my hand was red from squeezing the handle of the paddle. My ring finger was completely red from slapping Andrew, and by the time I got to my car, the skin was puffy and swelled around my ring. I pulled the visor down, looked in the mirror, and broke down crying again.
“Why did you leave me, Jacob?” I bawled.
11
Andrew
Leaning over, I braced the weight of my body on my forearms close to my knees. I didn’t dare sit back on my heels. I waited until I heard the garage door close before I pushed myself up off the floor. I knew that she’d be gone for a while and that I needed to leave for work within thirty minutes.
Each stride to the bathroom pulled just enough at the muscle to remind me how banged up I was. I had never endured a paddling like that, or any impact play for that matter. Though I had enjoyed aspects of it, I began to question why.
Why had I been turned on by being hurt so badly that I had to force myself to say the safe word?
The aspect of having lost control over being able to stop the paddling had also left me excited. Her decision to ignore my safe word both excited me and concerned me.
I gripped the sides of the bathroom counter and tilted my head to the side so I could see the mark she had left on my cheek. I had a small cut on my left cheek where her ring had cut into my skin.
I felt angry when I saw the mark. I specifically put on the comments section of our contract that I didn’t want marks or bruises to my face so that I could go to work and not have any questions asked. But now I was facing that exact scenario. Elise chose to ignore my request in our contract.
That wasn’t the only thing she had ignored. Ignoring safe words was something that clearly wasn’t acceptable. I knew this. James had taught me that on day one. I knew that if she had done this in Club Oxygen, she would have been banned right then and there. That was a danger for members and wasn’t tolerated.
As I pressed a cold washcloth against the cut on my cheek, I thought about how dangerous it would have been for Brandon to have negotiated anything with Elise on his own. Especially since he was just re-entering society and had been brainwashed, he wouldn’t have questioned her tactics much or ethics on safe and healthy play. She would harm Brandon without him understanding what was happening. Thankfully, I knew what was happening.
I was certain that I did.
Elise was still very sad and angry over the loss of Jacob. She needed to release her feelings of anger by inflicting pain. It was a dangerous dance of the minds and bodies. I knew from my own experience of loss that that is where I found my need to receive pain. Elise was the same. Through her loss of Jacob, she discovered that inflicting pain relieved her own pain.
I knew that I needed to be careful and cognizant of what was going on so neither of us ended up hurt. I set the washcloth down on the counter and took a step back. I turned my body and then looked over my shoulder as my ass.
“Holy fucking shit,” I said under my breath.
I felt a little uneasy now that I saw what she had done today. I hadn’t been healed up yet from all the other times…which set off a whole other warning bell. The repetitive beatings had left me bruised, but what she had done today, made my ass completely battered. I was able to look past the ugly damage she had left on my skin and reminded myself that she was new to the topping side.
“She should know that when a safe word is spoken, it all stops,” I whispered to my reflection in the mirror.
My heart began to race as I touched a painful welt. Fuck. If I left these welts untreated, they could open and get infected. Then I’d have another problem on my hands. I raced to Elise’s bathroom and opened the cabinet doors under the sink. I looked around for some aloe or a medicated lotion. When I didn’t see anything under the sink in the cabinets, I quickly opened drawers and looked around, but I couldn’t find anything that I was looking for.
“Fuck,” I murmured.
I decided that I was going to go to Club Oxygen and get the lotion I had there in my locker. While I couldn’t bring it back here, I could put some on, which might literally save my ass. I called work and told them that I was feeling under the weather and wouldn’t be able to make it in. As I hurried out of the room, my arm bumped the handle of the crop that was sitting on the dresser.
“Dammit,” I swore as I carefully bent down to pick it up. I could feel skin pulling around the welts. I desperately needed the lotion.
In my hands, I examined the crop closer before putting it back on the dresser. The leather tongue was in dire need of some conditioning. It was cracked in a few areas, but I thought it would come out of it with a cleaning and some leather conditioner. The shaft of the crop seemed to be in good condition and free of cracks, though there were some places where the paint was chipped. The leather-wrapped handle was in the worst condition, followed by the thin, stretched leather wrist strap. The wrist strap showed a lot of use and looked like it had maybe been replaced at one time, ages ago.
Elise loves using the crop, but this one was starting to really show its age. I bet James could repair the crop. Or if he couldn’t, I was willing to bet that he knew someone who could. It’s probably been a long time since someone had done something nice for her. This would make her smile, and she’d see that I cared for her. It would also show her that I wasn’t holding a grudge, nor was I angry about her ignoring my safe word. I was slightly concerned about that, but not pissed to where I was holding a grudge.
I took the crop to the garage with me and hurried to get dressed. I made sure to wear the uniform as if I were going to work. My plan was to go to the club, get some first aid care for my ass, and maybe sit down and have a drink.
My mind was all over the place as I drove to Club Oxygen. I was eager to do something nice for Elise, but the closer I got to the club, more of those warning bells began to ring louder in my head.
“She’s new to the topping side,” I told myself out loud as I parked.
Despite the pain in my butt and lower back, I walked as normally as possible into the club and checked in at the registration desk.
“Hi Andrew,” Ali greeted me from behind the desk. Occasionally Ali helped out at the front desk a few evenings during the week.
“Hey Ali,” I said and carefully set the crop on the counter.
“Are you playing this evening, Andrew?” she asked me and glanced at the crop.
I shook my head and thought of my burning ass that was covered in welts from days ago.
“No, I came to see Master James. I was hoping he’d be able to repair this crop or know someone who specializes in the craft,” I explained.
“You know how he is. He has lots of people in his pocket. He’s inside with Brandon.”
“Are they having a session?” I asked.
It had been a while since I had watched James play or have a session with someone. He was amazing to watch because he took so much pride in what he did. He also cared so much about his play partner and took good care of them. I missed that.
Elise is new and will get there.
“I don’t think they are having a session. James didn’t reserve a room or anything, but they may have found one,” Ali informed me as she looked at the room reservation sheet.
“Okay. I’ll roam around and see if I can find him and will wait fo
r a good time to talk to him.”
I picked up Elise’s crop and headed inside. James sticks out in a crowd, so I glanced around for him in the main room. He’s tall, but it isn’t his height that catches attention. He has a presence about him that instantly draws eyes to him. I thought that if I spotted him now and if he didn’t look like he was in the middle of something, I’d talk to him about the crop.
When I didn’t spot him right away, I headed down the hallways past some of the rooms to the men’s locker room. My ass was aching badly, and I was in dire need of the lotion. As soon as I turned a corner, I could hear his deep voice and came to a stop. A short distance away, James stood in a doorway to a room with Brandon.
James wore black pants with a white button-down long-sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled up just past his elbows. His arm was around Brandon’s shoulder, and his hand hung loosely down Brandon’s chest. James was explaining something to Brandon about aftercare. The tone James was using sounded as though this might be a delicate topic. Brandon was watching whatever was going on in the room while sporting a hard-on.
I wasn’t able to make out more than a few words that James was saying. As I watched James’ hand flatten and then pat Brandon’s chest reassuringly, I couldn’t help but feel a longing ache in my chest. As much as I loved the fact that I had grown into my own in this kink world, I still missed being under James’ care and protection. It was times like these when I saw him mentoring and caring for someone else, that I felt the loss the most.
Elise will get there.
I quickly went into the locker room to take care of my main reason for coming here today. I opened my locker and spotted the medication lotion quickly. I set it on the bench, and then I pulled off my shoes and pants before I stuffed them in the locker. After I put Elise’s crop in the locker, I closed it and went over to the section in the locker room that had padded massage tables set up. Thankfully, no one was around because I didn’t want anyone to ask me anything.
