by Prerna . K
We both not said a single word but as those beautiful rockets blast in the air, in their noise, all the hooting and clapping coming from the ground, we loosed ourselves. I cried whatever I was holding in. all overdramatic depression that was evolving in me. He also griped my waist, and I could feel his sniffs, he was trying to hide it but couldn’t. My chest could feel his cries, though I couldn’t hear him. I was sure he could also feel me.
I was not even in the position to ask him what was going on in his mind, why was he sad, maybe this was the end, of this story. Maybe he was not James. Maybe the life that was going to start was still far away and he was just an illusion. I cried more thinking my chase was again started. Hugging him tighter in sniffs, I thought, I stopped for some time but again for James I have to carry on this sole existence. I was feeling really miserable, since the first day I was sure of everything between us, and today every single thing was pilling out of this relation. I could not accept, he was also the one who came to be left by me one day. I was really into him, why even after winning James position, he is leaving my life. I was just not ready for this type of end. I said to myself crying more.
After a lot of sobbing, we swept our tears and left each other’s arms and warmth.
I got him somewhere inside me,
If he got me somewhere inside him.
This whole thing was imaginary, as I was really frustrated when his thoughts again started running up to my mind. I fucking need to speak them all out. So I did,
I built this situation, said all my dialogues and imagined his. To no doubt I m a great imaginary. And I have shouted on others in anger or frustration more when I’m alone and by myself. These things bring the most peace to me, then thinking about it. It’s like a treatment a therapy to let my frustration out, I felt a lot better after I did this.
I literally broke down, as I did it, I was fucking irritated. I knew there was something in me that needed attention, so I gave. I went too anxious, overdramatic and frustrated in the imagination, and felt it all with whole heart. And finally I cried, those forceful tears made me feel more relaxed then million of fight or debate won.
At last it make things more clearer. As it was, I was just stressing on his reactions and words said today. They were somewhere hurting me. Also the same connection thing about which I was always sure, it was missing. That single thing was making me doubtful even when my mind, my intutions were trusting him so much, But relief did come after bursting out, to an imagination.
My mind calm down, and slowly I loosed the anxious grips, and relaxed in a deep sleep that came, as I got lost in the song, afterwards.
When I came out of my deep nap, the song was echoing in my head, I felt quite relaxed, my head ache was better, I was calm and sober. I felt empty, I looked at the roof, but before anything could come to my mind, I again closed my eyes and slept.
Under the ocean
the best thing happened.
The night was not at all easy until I fall asleep.
The next day when I woke up, my head was unbelievingly light, though my eyes were swelled up, I felt a lot fresh and all reason I was crying for felt very light to carry, they weren’t that breaking today.
I went to my sis room first, and slept for some time with her. I really love her; she is the best gift I ever got. Di called others, when I said I wanted all of them here, knowing my mood was not as usual they came really fast.
Literally, they were the only ones who mostly know everything about James and still trust him, belief in him. And I know the day he will be with me they will be the craziest people on earth. No asylum could treat them, they will go that mad.
(I love them; we don’t have much together time, so attachment between us is less but love for each other in heart, always survive. Time can’t judge our love for each other.)
They all were literally hugging me, we looked like sisters at that time, I love such a time. I promise I will never forget to love them no matter how dark or dim my lights are. They are just like forever alive in my heart, as my lovers of all time. I felt a little heavy, but it still felt wonderful, I always love them.
We all walked to the beach, James was with Ben and Maira, Kim was bringing with him volleyball. He shouted we gonna play volleyball today. So we all found a volleyball net for ourselves, Joseph, Shubh, Neha, and Kim drew all the lines, to make a volleyball ground. There were not too many people on the beach so it was comfortable and easy for all of us to play, even the one who didn’t know this sport.
Basically the match was between boys and girls, but because boys were less than girls, Maira and Ash went to the boy’s team.
We started the match, Ben served the ball high enough that it could fly, as it landed down after long seconds, Neha bounced it back to Ben, higher as it was. Ben was not expecting such a shot, Joseph rushed and picked up the ball, and said, “Don’t underestimate her. She is a champ of volleyball bro.”
Jas threw the ball low, cutting the net and falling straight in their block. Maira tried to lift it up, but it was a smash. Maira picked up the ball, took the position of the service person, and threw it with such a speed and strength; that it flew like a powerful rocket, and fall in our block.
“She is the second pro,” James shouted, giving her a high five. I hooted for her, Jas petted my shoulder, relax she is not in our team. I stood back.
The match continued, many times we saw amazing pro shots of Neha and Maira, like in one, she jumped high in the air and smashed the ball with her whole strength in their court. We also had players like me, who threw the ball in a way that it went straight up, in a vertical motion and came back in my hands. But altogether it was fun. We all played it for approx two hours which is really long, boys t-shirts were looking like they were dipped in the water, all of us were very sweaty, red, our leg and feet were dressed with sand and our body looked tane.
The funniest part of this match was, no one counted the scores. Lame but alright.
Then I don’t remember how it started, but we all were playing with sand as if it was snow. We all were throwing it on each other. Ben went to Lisa in his wet t-shirt, to give her a hug. Lisa was moving away from him, because no girl will like a really sweaty smelly hug.
Kim also started doing this with Ash, and Joseph with Neha. They all were walking towards the girls and girls were walking fast backward. It looked like three zombies were behind three girls, exactly. This drama went on for long, and then we started our sand fight.
We all were too dirty like little kids on the beach. Our hands, feet, were all covered with sand. Our clothes were in a very bad condition and our hairs were shining with that sand. We were almost dripping with sweat. Already our skin was in a bad condition, so slowly we all gave up this game, and went in the sea.
Sea was not still, it was a little wavy, leaving Christina and Lisa we all swim med a little far from the crowd, but not too far. It was safe. Their water currents were stronger, as the depth and density increased.
I remember a moment when James and I were in front of each other, he lifted his eyebrows.
We said together, “nothing”, and from the other side Ben shouted “James, Ritz come back,” we turned towards him, “yeah coming,” James shouted, and a big wave broke over us. We were pushed inside the water; James gripped my hand, when our eyes matched, inside the water.
Netted and shiny,
Was that vast sea,
Where our eyes trapped each other,
We saw each other, through that light translucent glass,
The waves crossing us were smoother,
The place under,
It seemed calm and patient.
Forgetting everything,
we caged time,
holding hands here.
We stood there in each other’s eye, another wave pushed me towards him, I didn’t deny.
My hand on his shoulder, the wave still pushing us closer, he wrapped me in between his arms, I saw his lips, and eyes. Like a restless couple, I touched
his jaw, his fingers pulled back gently my hairs, those were light like feather, stuck on my cheek and ear. His touch raised me, I also griped his neck as he did, we looked again into each other eyes, our bodies were already tangled, on us, water currents were still heavier.
This time, no one waited, no one denied, our lips were on and over, my breath on his feelings, he raised his eyes, and we smiled. His lips were light and soft, some sweet water on them, I tasted better and all. His hands were one duty, no tuck was less close. Even in the depth of pacific, we felt the warmth of other’s blood, water currents mixed us in a way together, that all our shame, wept like a stranger.
we were once pushed out of the water, his lips really slowly and unwillingly loosed his tuck on my lower lip, I looked him, taking some breaths in, his eyes shined, but his hands were losing my body, he slided his hand down from my cheek, my neck was again naked.
but I wanted more of it, I got my grip back on his neck, my other hand placed on his heart, I kissed him once his neck twice, and left myself in the force of gravity, locking my arms around his neck, pushing his head inside the ocean, this fluid was breathable, in this moment who fear, I crossed my legs around his waist, his lips touched my neck, I looked him again in the eyes, we went deeper, water held two feather-like us, and our start of making some love, some more kisses.
In short, we had our first kiss in a whole unbelievable way, and that time was so perfect, that both of us just did what we wanted without thinking about anything. And seriously it was the sweetest, lightest and softest kiss that I could imagine.
We both didn’t want to stop, but the clock that had calmed our mind, again started ticking; suddenly our rusted mind started thinking and then was when we loosed each other, and controlled our self.
He looked at me taking some breaths. We both look in each other eyes, and smiled in a little abashment.
"I am your james"
we were leading some where.
I looked towards our group, they were leaving the shore,
“You kissed me.” he said with a teasing smile.
“No you kissed me first,” I said swimming towards our group.
He held my hand and pushed me back.
“Listen girl, you kissed me.” he said pointing his finger towards me, smiling.
“Yes I did. You had also tried earlier.” I said defending myself.
He pushed his head inside the water, and said bringing his head up, shaking off the water.
“Listen, if James killed me, I will haunt you when I’m ghost.”
I made a face, like he cracked a horrible joke.
I pushed him back in water, and said when he came out.
“Why will you kill yourself bloody fool, don’t you get”
He took my neck around his arm and pushed me inside the water.
“What the fuck.” I said balancing myself, it was terrible water went in my nostrils, and that’s the worst thing during swimming.
I pushed him inside the water, and griped him in, I said
“Stop behaving like a stupid person, James.” then I left him, swimming towards the shore.
“Hey,” he shouted, held my waist, pushing me back in the waterwith him,
“stop here. Explain me what is this going between us.” He said when we were out of water again face to face.
“Why you need an explanation,” I said taking breaths.
“Why will I not need an explanation? What is this between us?”
“You are James damn it, what will be between us, siblings relation.” I said.
“Oh I’m James, can you stop playing this prank on Me.” he said balancing him in the water.
“Ugh, ridiculous, why will I play prank on you stupid?” I said.
“You know better.” he said.
“Go to hell,” I said slapping the water, swimming back to the shore.
He pushed me back, “stay here, I want answer.” he said coming in front of me,tips of our feet could touch the sand, the water was up till our neck.
“I’m not able to understand, what answer you need.” I said.
He came closer to me, “in one day which lightening cracked on your head, that you are seeing James in Me.” he said.
I pushed him away, and then swim med towards him, “since the first day you are here, I’m showing you my interest. Are you that big fool?” I said.
“Oh you did, but you get annoyed when I talk about James.” he replied.
“That” I said in frustration, but he interrupted me and said,
“Shut up, listen to me.”
“You don’t react when I say I’m not your James, you don’t say anything, when I say Calvin is your James. No reaction, I try to kiss you no reaction, on that night we were on street, you were annoyed realizing I was going to propose you. After all this, why should I feel I am more than your crush, why should I believe I’m James for you since the day one?”
“Gosh,” I said turning my back, trying to stamp my feet.
“Come back, I want to talk to you.” he said.
“Yeah say,” I said this time, it was actually leading us somewhere.
“Rather I was always keeping you close to me, holding your hand, calling you babe, like I don’t do that with every girl. Even after coming closer to me, you not said I was your James. like why, everything was perfect between us, I was waiting you to say I am your James, because I could see you were the one I was finding, like, your reactions made me doubt whether I was or not.”
What? I asked in astonishment.
"What? what? you know I like you, you know, I know that you like me. I know you are the one I'm looking for, now all call is on you, if you know..."
I held his head, he was still speaking but I pushed him towards me and kissed him, he was literally stone, I knew that.
I came back, looked at him, until his eye opened, he smiled sweetly, my hands were on his shoulders, he was going to say something, but I said earnestly, “I’m playing no prank James,” gently I again griped his neck looking him in the eyes and kissed him, this time he was in his senses, he grasped me in his arms as I grasped him in mine, and we kissed each other nicely as much we wanted.
When our lips left the tuck I lifted my eyebrows, and said, “Now got your proof, I have so many receptors, which will pull me back. But with you they don’t,” I dropped on more kiss, and said, “I was not reacting because I was enjoying that friendship love story, and was waiting for a romantic moment to tell you. I distance myself from my feelings, in your case, did you felt that, anytime. As closer I was with you, I never let myself go that close to any one else than James.”
“And wait a minute,” I said coming back, “you also not reacted sweetly when I told you last night you are James, and on the street when I said I liked you and so many times when I said I love you James. And mister you were always talking like he is a third person between us, And after I had confessed it you not attended the party, like that was ridiculous of all, you also added to its complications.” I said, though I sounded frustrated but I wasn’t, rather I was trying to control my smile, pressing my lips.
He smiled still shocked holding his sides said, “Do you think I’m in any position to give a answer.”
I smiled, he went in the water, and came out again sweeping off the water, “better, it was real, nice.” he said, chuckling.
“It is real. Babe,” I said smilingly, pressing my lips.
He held his sides again and said, “So you also agree I’m your James.”
“Yeah,” I said, as my chest tickled. We both looked at each other and laughed blushingly, absurdly, I felt more emotional in those laughs, in between those waves and shine we both had.
“So are you my girlfriend now, I mean”
“No, not at all your sister bro”
He snuffed and again went in the water, I just can’t believe this.” He said, chuckling.
“Come here,” I said blushingly.
“Pause.” He smiled and stood still, I went clo
ser to him, breathe out in relief, touched his jaw line, He smiled sweetly.
I passed my fingers through his hair gently, he held my waist and got me closer. Touching our nose I said, “one day, I found you somewhere inside me,” I looked him into his eyes without any doubt, any pull any resistance, with a lot of confidence in him I said, “And I found you, in this world again.” These lines were more than words, I had weirdest kind of happiness running in me. Seriously I understood what it is like to cry in happiness. Goddness such a longing dream was a reality now.
He smiled with such lovely expressions lead on his face. I kissed his forehead.
then I went closer to his lips, he brought his lips closer to mine, tip of my nose touched his nose gently, and I kissed him.
He grasped my neck, I held his chin gently, very slowly we tucked our lips, feeling every breath of that moment, my body tickled because we were not losing the tucks, we didn’t rush to the other lip. We were enjoying this intensity. He continued kissing me softly, and griping every tuck.
He said "I too found you, again.”
I looked at him; his eyes were shining because of the sunrays, and looked very naïve, as they were beautifully wet and cleaned because of the water.
He kissed my forehead and said "I did girl"
After the kiss we swim med towards the shore, he said, tumbling on the wet sand, “Ohk, babe, but you made things complicated.”
“I will kill you.” I said coming behind him.
He put his arm around me, and said kissing my forehead, “you are a wonderful kisser.”
“Hmm I have practiced it so many times in my dreams with you.” I said looking at him.
“Isn’t it way too cool, I cant believe this.” he said.
“You said you know you found the one, what was that.” I asked in amusement.
"you never gave it a thought, why I was not too surprised listening to your prince charming thing and why I was so excited to know about him."
"no way don’t tell me that you also." I said, laughing in bewildered excitement
