I inwardly roll my eyes. I grab my burger that I wrapped in some paper towel and head out the door. I haven’t changed out of my scrubs, but now I just feel like I don’t want to be here anymore.
I drive to the hospital. On the way, I call my old friend Halo. She lives in Chicago with her husband, Thomas. Thomas and Liam served together. He was with Liam when the IED explosion happened. When Liam died.
She answers after two rings. “Hello?”
“Hey there,” I say.
“Avery, oh my gosh. I’m so happy you called. I was just thinking of you this week,” she says.
“Really?” I ask. “What’s going on?”
“Thomas and I were thinking of spending Thanksgiving down in Jersey. We’d love to see you and Jessy,” she says.
“Halo, you know I live with Liam’s aunt and uncle. I can’t really accommodate,” I say, feeling kind of stupid.
“We aren’t inviting ourselves over.” She laughs. “My friend Jenny has an aunt who lives in some crazy mansion in Jersey. They’re coming with their kids too. I was thinking you and Jessy could join us.”
Getting away from Aunt Bee and Uncle Jim on Thanksgiving would be a dream come true but . . .
“I’ve kind of been organizing a big Thanksgiving shindig at the hospital. I hate that all the patients have to eat alone in their rooms. I’ve managed to get a few sponsors and we are holding a huge dinner. I’d love to see you guys though. I haven’t seen Brandon and Macy for eons. They must be so big now,” I say.
“They are. Brandon is growing literally by the minutes. Twelve-year-old boys are something special and Macy is sweet as sugar. She’s taking dance and texting her friends all the time.” She laughs. “Do you think we could crash your Thanksgiving meal at the hospital then? It would be really great to see you, and you know how Thomas is. He feels like he hasn’t seen Jessy enough over the years and it’s starting to eat away at him,” she says. “I’d love to contribute to the meal and Jenny would too. Just let us know what we could bring.”
Thomas was really good about coming around when Jessy was little. He is the only father figure she’s really had in her life. Him and Liam were close. He would come and tell Jessy that her dad was a superhero and when he left, my daughter always felt good about who her daddy was.
“That sounds really great, Halo. I can check in at the hospital and see what we need. I’ll text you. I can’t wait to see you guys,” I say. It isn’t a lie. I love Halo and Thomas. They are a great couple, but being around Thomas makes old memories rise and it’s painful.
“Me too,” she answers.
“See you in a couple of weeks,” I say. “Have a good night.”
“See you soon.”
Jessy is going to be super excited about their visit. I can’t wait to tell her. As I close the call, I pull back into the hospital parking lot. I eat my burger quickly in the car and down a bottle of water. On some level I know that I need to get a life even if I am making some patients happy.
I head over to the second floor first. There’s a new patient a female medic named Julia who was injured in the line of duty. She has broken bones in her hand, among other injuries, that will take some time to heal.
“Hey there,” I say, walking into her room.
“Isn’t it late for therapy?” she asks, wincing. Her face and body are black and blue. She has some stitches on her arm and close to her eye, and her right hand is in a brace.
“Just wanted to check in to see how you’re doing,” I say.
“I guess as good as I can be, considering.” She shifts a little and winces.
“Well, we’ll work hard on getting you better fast,” I say.
“Thank you,” she says. “The pain isn’t too bad. I’m more upset that my husband and daughter were supposed to fly in tonight, but they couldn’t make the flight.”
“Where are you from?” I ask.
“Well we live in Cali. I’m originally an Ohio girl though,” she explains.
“Hopefully they’ll be able to come see you soon,” I say.
“Yeah.” She sighs with a far-off look on her face. She blinks. “This place is pretty freaking boring.”
“I know. I’ve been working here for seven years. I watch military men and women come and go. There’s an entertainment room—they call it a media room—on each floor, but I know that isn’t always accessible with certain injuries,” I say. “Have you tried Netflix?” I ask. I swear, there is something with soldiers and Netflix. They think TV watching is a waste of their time.
“Hell no,” she answers.
I laugh. “I thought you might say that. You’ve got a choice of audiobooks, which can be cool; you should give ’em a try, or Netflix. You’d be surprised by the quality of programming they offer. I know sitting around and not being able to do anything is against everything your body knows and wants, but for right now, you need to heal.”
“Okay, then show me how to turn the dang TV on.” She snickers. “It’s my right hand that’s fried. I’ll need to maneuver with my left.”
I access Netflix on her television. I show her how to scroll through shows and then I say goodnight.
“Thanks for stopping in.” She smiles.
It’s these moments with my patients that give me purpose. I didn’t think I needed anything more than this and Jessy—until I met Bennett.
I head up to the fourth floor. I shouldn’t go to see Bennett, but I did tell him I would stop by, then I chickened out. I figure I will drop by Sutton’s room to say hi first—that way Monica won’t be on my case. Then I will have to slip into Bennett’s room briefly.
I knock on Sutton’s door but there’s no answer.
“He’s in 4B,” a voice says from behind me.
I startle and turn around. It’s Monica. “Sutton’s become good friends with Mr. Sheridan,” she says.
Since when? Of course, I don’t ask that question out loud.
I walk over to 4B, knock, then push the door open. Sutton is telling Bennett a story about something and he’s so animated that neither of them stop to notice my presence.
“Hello there.” I smile, looking between these two men. If I didn’t know better, I’d say it looked like they were old-time buddies.
Sutton pauses and looks at me. “Avery,” he says excitedly. “I wasn’t expecting you tonight.”
“I had a change of plans and decided to drop by,” I say.
“Hi Avery,” Bennett says with his deep timbre.
“Hi Bennett,” I answer, hoping to hide the shiver his voice sent down my spine.
Sutton looks between us and lets out a big over-exaggerated yawn. “I’m beat. It was nice talking to you,” he says to Bennett. He turns his attention to me. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m exhausted. My physical therapist made me work my ass off today.” He grins.
I smile. “You have yourself a good night.”
“You too, Avery,” he says, and then wheels himself out of the room like he’s been doing it all his life.
When the door closes, I turn to Bennett. “Did you say something to him . . . about us?” I can’t hide the accusation from my tone.
He shifts up the bed and I can see the pain move across his face. “No, but I swear that kid is super smart—like, I think he’s figured out life’s secrets and everything.” He chuckles, deep and throaty.
“He is special,” I admit, exhaling.
“Glad you came in,” he says, but his smile falls fast. “Why did you come in? Is your daughter out or something? I was expecting you this afternoon,” he says, and my stomach dips.
“I’m sorry. I wanted to come see you but I’m paranoid after what happened . . . I can’t lose my job,” I explain.
“I’m sorry. I know. I’d never want that. I just wanted you to know that I don’t make a habit of hitting on my nurses or therapists. What happened last week . . .” He scratches his beard. I feel like I’m sitting on pins and needles. “I like you. I’ve never wanted to kiss a woman so bad bef
ore.”
My heart kicks up a notch. I don’t know how to stop this giddy feeling. “Bennett I . . .” I’m not sure what to say. I surely can’t admit it was the best kiss of my life.
“Don’t worry; I get it. You’re my therapist,” he says with defeat.
“I like you. It’s just, there are rules,” I explain.
“I understand, I do. Can I ask for visits whenever you drop by at night? Sutton mentioned you visit often. I’d like you to drop by my room too. Of course, for friendship reasons only.” He smirks deviously.
“Of course I’d like that,” I say.
“Good. So take a seat,” he says.
“Okay.” I take a seat by his bed and take off my jacket.
“So, I don’t mean to get personal on you, but do you not like where you live or something? Every time your daughter is out you leave,” he says. Of course, I shouldn’t be surprised that he’s perceptive; he was a SEAL, after all.
“Huh . . . well, it’s a long story. Jessy and I live with family,” I say.
“And that’s a bad thing?” he asks. “I don’t mean to pry, but I would like to get to know you better,” he says.
I don’t know why, but I find it easy to talk with him. At least, it’s easy when I’m able to keep my gaze leveled at his eyes and not wondering down to his thick lips. “I moved in with them after my husband died,” I say. He flinches.
“I’m sorry. I hadn’t realized . . .”
“No, don’t worry; there’s no way you could’ve known. He was a SEAL. Died when Jessy was two. It’s been fourteen years. We are both fine,” I say.
“Do you mind me asking if he died on active duty?” he asks, and the question doesn’t surprise me. I’ve spoken to other patients about Liam. Some of them figured it’s why I chose to work in a veteran’s hospital. Maybe his death played a part in that.
“Yes, Afghanistan back in 2006. IED roadside. Only one man made it out alive,” I say.
“Shit,” he hisses. “I lost my best friend in the incident that put me in here. It’s messed up.”
“I’m sorry. I know it’s hard, and everything seems dark and bleak to you right now, but it does get better,” I say.
“Were you two high school sweethearts or something? You must’ve been young,” he says.
“I became a widow at twenty. No, we weren’t high school sweethearts,” I say, not adding anything more.
“That’s rough. My friend that died wasn’t married. Didn’t have kids,” he says.
“What about you? I ask, and he raises his eyebrows. I manage a laugh. “Not do you have kids. Have you ever wanted them?”
“Nah, not after the way I grew up. Jumping around from foster home to foster home doesn’t make for a memorable childhood. I always thought, what’s the point?” he pauses and looks at me.
“My childhood wasn’t all that great either,” I say as I cross my legs. “My parents had me when they were older. I’m pretty sure I was conceived when they got back from a Rolling Stones concert. Spent all the money they had on the tickets and then found out that wasn’t the only gift they gave themselves.” I laugh.
“Are they still alive?” he asks.
“No, they died in a car accident when I was in high school,” I say.
“Shit. I’m sorry,” he says. I look at Bennett. He is so easy to talk to.
“It’s fine. My life wasn’t all that bad. I had good friends. Hung out with their families. Then I got pregnant at sixteen and my friends’ parents didn’t want their kids around me. Catholic neighborhood and all,” I explain.
“I’m sorry Avery. That couldn’t have been easy. I know all about living a hard knock life. My mom was a drug addict. I don’t remember much. I’m pretty sure I was in school one day when social services came. That was the end of it. Never saw her again. I’m pretty sure she’s dead,” he says, staring out to the space in front of him.
“I’m sorry. That sounds really hard,” I say.
He extends his hand to me. “You too, Avery. It sounds like you had a hard time too and here you are, just . . . amazing,” he says. I give him my hand and he gives it a light squeeze and we stare into each other’s eyes. I feel like I’m swimming in the depths of his mocha gaze when the door to his room opens. I pull my hand from his and clear my throat.
“Well, I’m glad I got a chance to come in tonight,” I say.
Monica walks into the room. “Just wanted to check your vitals, Mr. Sheridan.”
“Okay, well, I won’t keep you. Have yourself a good night, Mr. Sheridan,” I say.
“You too,” he mutters, and I grab my jacket to leave.
My heart feels like it may beat out of my chest. That was a close call. I head down the elevator and straight out to my car. A sheen of sweat coats my skin. Even though it’s cold outside, I don’t wear my jacket, my overheated skin welcoming the cool November air.
When I get to the car, I call Halo. There is no way I can talk with Cindy about this. If she accidentally slips up and says something at work, it would be the end of me at the hospital.
The phone rings once.
“Avery. Are you okay?” Halo answers, sounding worried. We usually talk once a month, not twice in a day, but she is the only one I can talk to about this. I know she won’t judge me.
“I’m fine,” I exhale. “I just needed someone to talk too.”
“What’s going on? You know I’m always here for you,” she says. She’s truly amazing. Thomas had suffered from severe PTSD from his deployments and Halo was a rock, pregnant and alone. She took care of Brandon by herself. She’d understand me.
“I’ve gotten myself into a bit of a jam. I don’t know what to do,” I say. Halo knows that my relationship with Liam was dysfunctional. Liam would tell Thomas what a screw-up he felt like.
“Tell me what it is,” she says softly. “The kids are asleep in their own beds; you have my attention.”
“I’ve met a man,” I say, as if I’ve contracted a horrible disease.
She laughs. “Congratulations. Finally. Is that so bad?”
“He’s my patient.” I pause, my tone heavy. “There are strict rules at work about fraternization.”
“We have strict rules about that at work too,” she says. She’s a teacher. “There is this couple at work. They met at school and were dating secretly. They are both teachers and we also have a fraternization policy,” she says.
“And what happened to them?” I ask.
“It came to the principal’s attention that something may have been going on . . .” she says.
“And . . .?” I urge her to continue. I bite my nails, and I’m not much of a nail biter.
“They eloped and got married.” She laughs.
“Halo. That scenario is so not happening to me. This man . . . he’s injured. He’s vulnerable. I could lose my job,” I say.
“Do you really like him? I mean, you said he is a man, so he is clearly of age. You’re both adults. I get why there are fraternization policies in place but when two adults like each other I don’t see the problem,” she says.
“He’s an injured SEAL. He’s been given a medical discharge. We . . . I don’t know . . . I like talking to him and he listens, and I just feel this bond with him I can’t explain,” I say.
“I’m happy for you, Avery. It’s about freaking time you found someone to be with. You’re young and beautiful,” she says.
“I can’t be with him though,” I say.
“He won’t be your patient forever,” she says.
“I’m guessing he has another four to five weeks of therapy,” I say.
“Then wait,” Halo says. “That way you don’t risk your job.”
“I . . . I kissed him at the hospital,” I say, my voice shaking, but my insides burning as I remember the kiss and what it felt like.
“And is he a good kisser?” she asks excitedly.
“So good it felt like fireworks. I’m scared, Halo. When I see him, I want to kiss him and . . .”
/> “You’re scared of messing up your job because you can’t keep your hands off him,” she says knowingly.
“Something like that.” I sigh.
“I don’t know what to say that would be good advice. This guy must be something special. I mean, you literally refused every blind date I’ve tried to set up for you. I don’t feel right as your friend to tell you to wait or control whatever is happening, because it sounds like it’s happening and I’m happy for you, friend,” she says.
“Gah, that isn’t helping,” I groan.
“Sweetie, it should help you. Even if you do lose your job, you have a great profession. You can work in another hospital or clinic,” she says.
“It’ll be on my references that I messed up,” I say.
“Then let’s hope you marry the guy—that way, it won’t be a messed-up situation, just a completely adorable love story,” she says.
“I don’t even know what to say.” Halo isn’t helping. My anxiety is increasing, along with my want for Bennett. “I get you, though. After what you went through with Thomas, I get why this is your advice.”
She blows out a breath. “Exactly. I have the man of my dreams, but our road was bumpy as hell. I got my happy ending; I want you to have yours.”
“Thank you. I just don’t know what headspace Bennett is in. He was injured in an IED explosion and lost a friend; he’s in a lot of pain. What if I’m some temporary relief to him? He said he doesn’t make a habit of hitting on his caregivers, but he’s also never been in a real relationship,” I say, pinpointing the source of my worry.
“There’s always a chance of heartbreak. It’s scary, but if you don’t take that leap of faith you’ll never know. This is perfect timing, Avery, honestly. Isn’t Jessy leaving for college next year?” she asks, and I want to scream.
“It’s over a year and a half, thank you very much,” I growl. “Why does everyone have to remind me? Sheesh.”
She giggles. “Hey, I hear you. I’m not looking forward to my kids moving out either. All I’m saying is I want you to have love, to experience it.”
“Thanks, Halo. I’m sorry for calling so late,” I say, letting out a yawn and shiver. I start the engine.
“Call me anytime and keep me posted,” she says.
Irresistible: A Salvation Society Novel Page 7
