“Do you think spring is wonderful this year?” Jill interrupted his anxious thoughts.
“It’s a miracle to be with you, leave alone the brilliant weather,” he said.
“What colour will be the eyes of our kid?” Jill changed subject abruptly.
“I think he or she will have your beauty, your intelligence and good character,” Araon answered squeezing Jill’ hand tightly. “But now we have to hurry up before the shops take their lunch break,” he said.
“We have all day for us. I propose to have lunch in the first bistro we bump into,” she said.
They crossed the street in a fraction of a minute leaving their shadows behind them. Albert and Sylvanus appeared on the horizon but they were running so quickly that Araon and Jill hardly recognized them. But why run so fast? The young couple was nonplussed, disorientated. It was not the first time that the two perceived something fishy about Albert and Sylvanus. They were strangely dressed in black with studs everywhere. They were as fast as thieves running away with their loot. Araon and Jill had been caught in such astonishment that they hardly recognized their two friends.
“Maybe they were not Albert and Sylvanus,” Jill thought.
Araon looked pale. Grumbling was not an exception for him and Jill was always the one to have the last word. It was a proof of her deep love for him. “But here we go,” said Araon while entering the shop whose crowd and throng left any worry behind them. They were again the happiest couple under the sun. Jill was on the top of a happy pile while checking one by one all the maternity dresses. In those moments of vulnerability, she found Araon’s proximity necessary. She already saw herself with a big belly under Araon’s protection. Araon and Jill were flabbergasted by the construction of a big fountain within the shop chain. Sparkling water killed the moments of boredom and loneliness that such a place could provoke. Blending themselves with a lot of other people had always been seen as a hazard by Jill. It didn’t happen to them to be there just by accident. The brief appearance of Albert and Sylvanus caused a little shock to them. The more Albert and Sylvanus entered their minds the more they sounded fishy and a little dangerous to them. Araon was constantly asking himself where the two could have disappeared. Jill, on her turn, started to be a bit superstitious and she saw the vision of blood and dust, of which Araon had talked to her as a forewarning. Premonitions were not always Jill’s prerogative. Blood and dust could have secret meanings. Blood could represent fertility but even menses, which meant she could have difficulty in becoming pregnant. But Albert and Sylvanus had nothing to do with this. And then there was the sand. What a fuss! Luckily, she was there in the shop hand in hand with Araon.
They had the liberty to watch everything with great surprise. There was always something new about the surrounding faces of the people to be revealed. It was a vivid experience which had the power to affect them strongly. Even the sight of those wonderful dresses was seen under a new and different light. Jill picked one in particular and asked Araon some advice whether to wear it or not. It was a very large article of clothing and Jill hadn’t the slightest idea on how she could be once pregnant. It was quite expensive but extremely beautiful. It was white with drawings of flowers. Araon wasn’t just pretending to being interested in Jill’s choice. At the end he was supportive of her idea of buying it at the proper time, which could be now.
All that distracted Jill from the fear of giving birth. She had always heard by the mother-to-be of certain pains. She was anxious beforehand. Araon realized it by the slight suffering that was depicted in Jill’s face. But the main emotion was the one of an extreme joy. Hopefully it would arrive soon, a day when Jill would be elated with Araon. Araon was very excited by the idea of becoming dad. The thought of it made his mind release endorphin over endorphin. “Enchanted, bewitched, captivated… This is what I am now,” cried Araon.
“What?” was Jill’s instinctive reaction. “What’s going on, darling?” she said.
“You can understand it by yourself. You know I ‘m usually the lead of a stream of consciousness. Let me express myself better: I am so ecstatic by that dress that I already feel all the beautiful emotions that I’m supposed to share with you during your pregnancy. You cannot imagine what is going on in my mind right now. It’s something pretty wild. But I know that the strongest elations belong to you. I am embedded. Just joking, of course. Sorry if I talk too much. I must be silent for the sake of your mental health. You’ll see, everything will go well. Just imagine myself cutting the umbilical cord and all your anxieties will soon disappear,” said Araon disillusioned by an apparent opacity of Jill.
She started to sparkle with her brilliant skin colour again when she saw a pair of good shoes. “Sweetheart,” started Jill, “do you think this pair of shoes will fit me? I am here with you confident in your advice concerning my shopping. Not that I want to spend money now. I just want an opinion from you about what I’ll buy in the future.”
“They seem to have been made on purpose for you. Their softness will help you to bear your big belly. Probably they will have a new collection very soon but I can say I’m happy with this. I’m so focused on the shoes you have just shown me. Their heels are high enough to give you a figure of supreme beauty. I wouldn’t lose the occasion to take them before they will be out of stock. I would buy them now,” said Araon with enthusiasm.
“OK, I’ll do it. I trust you push me to make the right choice all the time I need it.”
After the purchase they went in the bistro. They asked for a cake and a can of coke. “Sweetheart,” started Araon. “Do you think we will be blessed by the gift of parenthood very soon? We are looking for a baby but now it doesn’t seem he want to arrive. I think over this anxious subject all the time. You would be enough for me but I’m not that kind of man who dare shunt his plans. I have undergone a fertility test and I learnt happily that there is nothing wrong with me. And I’m confident for you is the same. Probably, I need to be more patient. I have never been foreboding in my life but now I have to change policy. By the way, are you enjoying our day here? I notice some strain in your face,” said Araon.
“I’m fine. You know too many worries inevitably change my mood. We both want to be blessed by the joy of parenthood as soon as possible. I’m sure we won’t have any problem to having our child. I’m just concerned about what happened earlier to us. Albert and Sylvanus crossing the street as fast as a dart. I wonder if they saw us and decided to disappear from our sight on purpose. I’m also a bit embittered about your constant thought of the blood (which could mean menses) and dust you have told me of earlier. I am not good at analyzing dream’s content but I’m starting to become a bit superstitious. To be here with you is like party time and I don’t want to spoil our moments with pessimistic perspectives,” said Jill.
“As far as I’m concerned, I’m bit worried about work. We should go to the yard and check if the workers are working properly. I hope this won’t annoy you. Be serene, do not think about the blood. Right now, I feel I haven’t done the right thing to talk about it to you. You are a very doting, nurturing woman and this helps me to be quiet,” said Araon.
“Oh! Here is the cake. All decorated with strawberries. I adore cakes adorned like that. Yes, they are my favourite ones and I have not to fight with the calories. It tastes wonderful!” said Jill.
“You are quirky sometimes. I’m sure you are not like my mum who broke the scale down the first months of pregnancy. After my birth she weighed eighty kilos. It was a miracle she regained the right shape after one year,” answered Araon without hiding his slight agitation. He couldn’t explain even to himself the reason for that fluster.
Suddenly they had to stop their lovely chat. Albert and Sylvanus were there in front of them. This time they approached the couple with thrilling manners. “Hi, Jill, hi Araon. How are you?” said Albert instinctively
“Hi Albert. Hi Sylvanus. It’s always a pleasure to meet you,” said Araon and Jill together. “Let me tell you something.
This morning we were walking in the street nearby and we saw your back. You were walking so quickly that you immediately disappeared from our sight. I wondered if you had done it on purpose because you didn’t want to stop and say hello to us. I mean, you are always pleased by our presence, but now there is something I am not able to understand,” said Araon disturbed.
“We simply didn’t see you. We were in a hurry because of special matter we had to dispatch. Now we are happy to see you. Can I offer you a beer?” said Albert
“No, thanks, our meal is enough for us today. Simply sit here and have a chat,” answered Jill.
“We have been recently involved in a manual job and we came here for a rest. We learnt only now that we are endowed with deftness,” answered Albert.
“I don’t know about you, but spring brings me a sense of torpor. I wake up very early to go to work, this is true, but there is something about me… Guess what? I nearly fall asleep every day at noon. I am not able to enjoy the good weather the season brings to us,” he carries on.
“That’s interesting,” answered Jill. “And what is the job you are doing now? The last time I saw you, you were involved in philosophical matters. It’s easy to be fed up with something if you are not really fond of it. But it is always a pleasure to hear you are busy all the time. Tell me more about your job?” said Jill.
“Well,” answered Albert, “We are working as bricklayers for a foreign company. It’s a hard job. I happened to know about it through a newspaper advert. We sent our CV as a try and here we go. We are working as expected. Sylvanus didn’t fail an answer and I got the job because of a sort of compassion from my employer. It was the first time that somebody has shown pity for me,” said Albert.
“I see you are very busy,” answered Araon. “But I’m happy you are enjoying your job now. Me and Jill are still busy with our brand-new company, but we always find time to spend together. We have to announce to you good news. We are trying to have a baby soon. Actually, we came here looking for maternity dresses and whatever’s useful for a mum to be. It’s the kismet that allowed us to meet each other here in order to announce to you the good news.”
“It’s fantastic,” answered Sylvanus. “I wish it will be a boy because I know you want a cadet with whom play soccer with. I’m joking, of course. I just see you have been blessed by destiny.”
“We will have a special party soon and you will be our special guests. There will be at the very most forty people. Our tiny flat is not suitable for big parties but it will do. It will be all a matter of cake and champagne. It is not made to be hackneyed but I hope you’ll accept to be the godfather of our little baby. Take your time and, at the end give us a passionate answer. We do not want to burden you with responsibilities which are not appropriate to your character. Actually, there are the two of you. If you turn down my proposal there is Albert who will replace you. I don’t want to make discrimination. The funny game of the coin will decide who of you will be our baby’s godfather,” said Araon.
“That’s fantastic. It will be a pleasure to help you to raise your child,” said Albert. Albert tried to be prim and proper to avoid going against the flow. An excellent discussion on the subject of parenting arose. Albert and Sylvanus were exhilarated. The four friends carried on chatting about whatever until evening arrived. The four departed from each other, happy to have reached a mutual commitment. Jill went out of the shop not realizing she had a ladder in her stocking. A funny little accident that provoked laughing from Araon.
What followed was not trivial at all. They started to be serious. Jill fell instinctively in panic. The idea of having a baby upset her mood badly. Araon couldn’t even imagine how her mood could be. He continuously touched her belly as if there was already life inside. Jill reacted softly. Once at home they plunged onto the sofa remembering the stress of the day. They pretended to have forgotten they met Albert and Sylvanus beforehand. They were far too exhausted to talk about the usual issue of the two mates’ oddity. They rather switched on the telly to listen to the breaking news. The announcer brought them good news. The leader of the main party had found the funds to build a new train line from Amsterdam to London. It was a matter of harsh competition with the Eurostar. Jill was listening and crunching some chips while Araon reminded her that that could be one of the last times she would have such a treat before pregnancy would change the shape of her body.
Jill felt very upset but, at the end, she agreed with him. She was a woman who could lose confidence very easily and the remedy against it was to watch in the void unaware of what was happening next to her. She wasn’t interested at all to listen to the rest of the news. She was obsessed by the constant thought of being large and filled in with life. Araon exceeded in being involved in her current state of mind and teased her fondly after some doting cuddles.
“Destiny has always been cruel to me,” said Jill shedding a tear.
“What’s going on love? Where did our happiness of the day go?” answered Araon.
“Nothing special. I was worried that I never will get pregnant and that stupid news didn’t help me at all with my bad mood. They have embittered me furthermore. I cry because I think I’ll never fulfil my dream to become three. I feel depressed by the idea that that will never happen,” said Jill.
“I think you need a rest. I suggest you that you go to bed before the usual time. I’ll make you lay down before eight pm,” said Araon.
“I don’t want to go to bed so early. Things won’t change. I believe that it was the presence of Albert and Sylvanus that made me so sad. I always see blood and sand in my imagination. That’s not fancy. That’s not fantasy. That’s a blinking taste of reality. I don’t know if our two buddies inspire in you some sense of guilt as it happens to me,” said Jill.
“I have repeated several times that I see something fishy about them. But they are our favourite friends. We have not to deny it. Actually, I confess they didn’t seem very sincere today. That happens all the time, something special rings the door of my mind. I also believe that their mentioning their recently acquired manual job was an expedient to provoke envy in us. Firstly, I didn’t get the ploy but I changed my mind utterly afterwards. After all, friendships start and end quickly at the same time. But now listen to me: go to bed. You need it. Tomorrow will be another day full of surprise. We must remember we have to go at work to see if things are going steadily. We have also not to disregard how the hormonal situation will affect you,” said Araon.
“You are right love,” said Jill gradually falling asleep on the sofa.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“Araon where are you? Listen to me: where are you?” Araon’s conscience started to talk to him when he got off the bed. To have such feelings was a reason of discomfort to him but he was willing to carry on listening to what his conscience was telling to him. He isolated himself from the rest of the environment and he abandoned himself to the sound of the words of his conscience. “Araon, listen to me. You are a good chap but where are you going now? You are planning to have a baby with your wife and this is good, but what are you going to teach to him? You are darkened by a Hamlet dilemma: talk or not to talk to Jill? You shouldn’t be like this. You should be bright and clean as you have always been. I’m talking to you right now to prompt you to face a dilemma in an excellent way. You are right to carry on your investigation on the Van Gogh Museum case but why make Jill totally unaware of it? I mean, you shouldn’t talk to her about the murder but you should be emotionally available when she talks to you about her vision of blood and sand. You have never shed a word of comfort to her about this issue. And do you know why this happens to her? Because you are one thing only with her and she learns everything about you unconsciously. You know Doctor Van der Baast is helping you but you should show more independence from him. You know now you are surrounded by a river of ideas. They abundantly run through your mind, sometimes with no reason. You compared yourself with your soul here and you appear to be a tiny little man. Your mind
is obsessed by the idea of death. Everybody has to pass that border and you are no exception. Why are you so frightened of dying? You are also so childishly in love with your wife. She is your reason to believe that life is beautiful. She is your bastion against the strangers, your beginning and your end. And then there are Albert and Sylvanus. You have always considered them as your best friends, if not your only friends. But do not worry about them. You are lucky enough to have married your soulmate. Your friends disappear from the horizon of your intellect. Think carefully about this: you may be right when sometimes there is something fishy about them. You are a free spirit, as white as a dove. You do not know what calumny is. You do not hold heavy weapons of defence no matter the circumstances. You constantly ask yourself if you will be a good father and if you are a good enough husband. Your strolls around Amsterdam are your object of pride. But your place of pride goes to your trips outside your beautiful city. Blood, blood, blood. Blood everywhere. Now this image is a source of conflict not only in your mind but also in Jill’s. They are not disturbing thoughts but they have a dreadful meaning. You take at disposal all your wisdom to subvert the order of conflicts that may arise between you and Jill. You see no enemies in front of you but sometimes you are moody and controversial enough to perceive a bit of hatred from people. How many people have you bumped into while walking through Amsterdam? St. Luciensteeg is your point of arrival of your dearest hopes. You also forget to be hungry and thirsty when you are busy with your meditation. Sometimes you think it’s a bit too risky to be so busy. You are not a meddler but a simple citizen involved in an interesting case of murder. What would you say about your sense of justice? You are not able to decide what is right and what is wrong in your moments of depression. You inspire Jill with confidence. And what about your sense of danger? You have a collimating sight without any sense of pretense at this regard. Now listen to me carefully. Go and do what I’m asking you to do. Go to the Van Gogh Museum next to the Sunflower painting and draw a cross in the floor with a piece of chalk. I know it’s something that undermines your conscience but you have to do it for the sake of human defence. Everybody should see it and meditate upon its meaning. You shouldn’t consider it an alarming situation. Nobody will understand what happened. Everybody will just observe the painting with a troubling inspiration I know you are tempted to disobey me but you are a gentle, wise man. How many times have I tried to get in touch with you and you were not there? Jill who is busy with all the motherhood things seems to be a galaxy distant from you. But now is time for you to get up. Go and do what I have told you to do. I’ll come back to you in the future.”
The Red Box Page 18
