I was aged by the things I had survived through, and I would not forgive. Not yet.
But we reached an understanding.
And for that, Hell would go on.
She lifted her hands and began to draw. They all did. Every single Seelie. They drew in shades of violet and crimson and navy and every color that existed. They wielded their magic with such unity that demons could never manage.
And as they put the floating city back in the sky, I realized that they had something all of demon kind could learn from.
A unity born not only of loyalty and purpose, but of strength.
The strength to survive.
**Julian**
She’d changed. I could see it in her eyes. As she paced before the bed, I noticed a grace in her movements that hadn’t been there before. There was a worry that troubled her despite winning the war. A weariness that only age and time could give you.
My woman was not the twenty-three years her body was anymore.
She had become something far older in a span of days—doing the unthinkable to save us.
I didn’t have words to convey how freedom tasted after being reduced to a prisoner in my own mind. I was simply content to watch her and to know that no matter what happened from here, no matter how much damage had been done…we would find our way through it.
Together.
“Killing her was too kind for what she did to you,” she spat. It wasn’t just fire in her anymore. If you watched closely you could see the shadow too. The darkness that had settled next to the flame. That wasn’t going away anytime soon.
“You made her pay…” Allistair murmured softly.
“It wasn’t enough,” she whispered. “It wasn’t—”
“Stop,” the beast ordered. Ruby looked over to where she sat upon a chaise in the Queen’s Suite. The dresses Lilith loved had been replaced by leather trousers and long shirts. She wore fur-lined boots to go with the discarded jacket on the floor. The white hair of the woman I’d hated had been shaved from her head, leaving her bald.
The beast was more content for it.
She didn’t like being without Ruby, but if she had to reside in this body for now, she planned to make it her own.
Ruby stared at her and something silent passed between the two. The beast’s flat expression softened for a moment. “You saved us,” she said to Ruby. “You ended what so many before you could not. Do not dwell on what you could have done. Focus on what you will do now.”
“I will never forgive myself for the things she did to them,” Ruby said softly. Tears stained her cheeks as she cried utterly silent. These were not the racking sobs of loss, but the cold feeling of shame and regret.
“You did not do those things to them,” the beast growled.
“But they happened,” Ruby snapped. “They happened and I wish they hadn’t. I wish I could have done something sooner. I wish…”
I rose from the corner of the bed and pulled her to me. “Listen to me.” I leaned forward and brushed a lock of her hair away from her face as she leaned into me, resting her cheek on my chest. “The beast is right. What was done, was done. You cannot change it. You could not prevent it. You gave everything you could, Ruby…” I swallowed, searching for the words to help her. To help us. “And in the end, you saved us all. You made sure that she can never hurt anyone again. That gives us closure.” It was the truth, every word. “You did that.”
She looked up at me, her cheeks colored a light blue from the flush of tears.
“Will it ever stop?” she asked me. “The rage. The despair. This feeling of powerlessness. Will they ever go away?”
I opened my mouth, but I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to tell her. She couldn’t just get over it. That wasn’t an option. She’d lived through too much. Seen too much for that to ever be possible.
So, I gave her the only thing I could, even knowing it might hurt her.
“No, my girl, I don’t think they will.” The look in her eyes…it was crushing. Truly soul-crushing. “But with time, it will lessen. They say that time heals all wounds and that’s not quite true. It softens the intensity of them. Until it’s only a memory of the pain, but as you’ve learned, memories can still be quite painful.” She nodded and I knew she was thinking of the Seelie then. Of the thousands of lives she’d lived. “It will get better, though. For all of us.”
Both Rysten and Allistair nodded. Laran was battling a different sort of turmoil. Much like Ruby, he blamed himself because he was spared from Lilith’s touch. He was not the type to grieve as Ruby did, but he had his own way. We all did.
“Do you promise?” she asked, her voice thin from exhaustion.
“I promise.”
And I meant it. It would get better, for all of us.
Her eyelids fluttered as the day started to take its toll. Allistair stepped in front of us and held out his arms. “May I?” he asked silently. I picked her up and handed her over to him.
He held her with a reverence, whispering words meant only for her ears as he carried her to bed. As he placed her in the center and moved the blankets to cover her, her hand snapped out, grabbing his wrist faster than the blink of an eye.
“Stay,” she pleaded. “I don’t want to be alone right now.”
We looked at each other and I knew it then. After this there would be no separating again. Not for safety, or protection, or worry over her life.
Simply because we needed her, and she needed us.
To heal and to live—truly live.
And in my mind I whispered to them all, even the beast. “You will never be alone again.”
**Moira**
“You’re leaving again, aren’t you?” I asked into the darkness. Below me, Inferna was celebrating with a party that took over the streets and raged into the early morning hours. But above—on the rooftop where I stood—there was only me, my thoughts, and her.
“I’ve done what I set out to do,” Sinumpa replied. “The Brimstone City will not fall again. Hell is free. There is nothing more for me here.”
“You know,” I said, turning away from the railing, “you kept that whole bit about the city falling to yourself when you left the first time.” Her eyes were shadowed, but a weary smile sat on her lips.
“Another oath,” she answered vaguely. I nodded.
“And telling Ruby that your siblings were the reason you left?” I asked her, more curious than anything.
A single sigh. It said everything she didn’t.
“They were part of it,” she settled on. “Not all, but part. Ruby didn’t need to know what my being there would have cost her. She’s angry—rightfully so—and I don’t need her approval to move on.”
“Another gift?” I turned my cheek a fraction, grinning at her. A cool breeze whistled around us. This high up it was a world away from the festivities below.
“Maybe,” Sin conceded. “She doesn’t blame me. Not truly. But having somewhere to aim it now that Lilith is gone…it will help.”
I nodded because she wasn’t wrong. “Thank you.” Her right eyebrow twitched and I elaborated. “Thank you for all that you did. For her…and for me.”
Sinumpa stood there and it was like she saw the sun for the first time in a very long time.
“You’re welcome…Moira,” she spoke softly. Intimately. I liked the sound of my name on her lips.
“Enjoy your freedom, Sinumpa,” I told her. It was a goodbye, but not forever. Something told me our paths would cross again. One day.
She turned and then paused. Over her shoulder, she said, “Until we meet again.”
No, not forever. Just for now.
I stayed on those rafters until the break of dawn. A thunderous applause broke out over Inferna at the start of a new day, and I knew it was time.
Time to finally answer that voice that had been speaking to me.
Time to answer the Cerberus’s call.
Chapter 28
Those early days of settling were n
ot easy. Many long and hard meetings had to be held about the fate of Hell, the Seelie, the Brimstone City—and where I fit into all of this. Tempers were short and nights were long. I savored every moment of it because you never knew when the end would come. We were immortal, but not infallible. Lilith had proven that.
The Sins themselves were as divided in opinions as the divisive lines that were drawn between their provinces. Sinumpa had stepped down and vanished into the night, leaving Lust without a representative. Donnach filled that space upon my own suggestion and tensions were smoother for it. He appreciated my willingness to give them their own seat of power and it went a long way in easing the Fae’s worries. The Seelie were given one of the most ravaged parts of this world, and because of that I was going with them when they journeyed there to help with the restoration. I wanted to truly see my mother’s land and make this as painless a transition as I could.
My Horsemen were coming with me, but Moira was not. As much as it hurt us to part from one another, she felt a call to go to the Brimstone City and oversee that rehabilitation as an ambassador on my behalf. Without a true successor to that province, the Sins and I saw it best to hand over the task to the only person who was up for the job. Lilith had kept her children and people as slaves. The physical damage to the city during the falling was sparse compared to the damage to their minds. As a survivor of abuse, like called to like. It didn’t hurt that the Library of Pride had the most in-depth knowledge on legions in all of Hell.
It saddened me, but she had a familiar of her own now who would keep her more than safe. I smiled over at the Cerberus who stood smartly beside my best friend. They’d tied a blue bow around its neck to make it look less frightening for the ceremony. Not that it lasted long. Bandit had taken a liking to the three-headed female Moira named Fate.
The dog was scared of its own shadow, but if she thought you were trying to harm Moira…familiars don’t fuck around.
Yeah, Moira would be in good hands.
I smoothed my dress nervously, running my hands over the feathery soft fabric. After all I’d been through, I refused to wear white this day. It was no longer the color of purity in my mind, and there was nothing pure about me anyway. Instead, I’d opted for a deep blue floor-length gown, the same color as the jewel-toned sky and sea.
My feet were bare as I padded down the long aisle. All around me the demons and Fae of Inferna looked on with respect and happiness. I felt their joy, and while it was fucking nerve-racking to take this last step, they gave me my strength. I stared straight ahead. On the left side of the aisle stood Laran, Allistair, Julian, and Rysten. None of them had truly recovered from these last months of being hunted. We were still seeing shadows when there were none, but after all that had happened, it would take time to get better. The pressure of the beast had changed each of them inextricably those last days.
Julian was gentler. Rysten was rugged. Allistair was…struggling. We all were, but he—more so than the others—was struggling with what had happened to them during their time with Lilith. Struggling with having his choices taken from him. Struggling with what he was as a demon and what he thought I needed him to be as a man. He lost himself in me every night, trying to forget what was done, but there was no forgetting…
Immortality was a blessing and a curse. We would never forget what brought us here, but we would cherish every moment we had. Every image. Every touch. Every sound. Every feeling. We cherished them more.
“Ruby?” Moira asked, drawing my attention. I’d stopped in the center of the aisle. Taking a deep breath, I continued to walk the rest of the way, turning my head and my thoughts to the Sins.
While there was still much to be done—and it would not come easy—the one thing they’d all agreed on was my right to become Queen. I’d earned it, or so they said. It was a bittersweet day for me; I would ascend, but the beast would not be with me. Much as we tried to find a way to free her from Lilith’s body, we still hadn’t discovered a way to free the Horsemen if we did. Neither the beast nor I were willing to risk their lives on anything short of a guarantee, no matter how much it pained both of us to be apart.
She stood at the top of the stairs, watching me. A secret smile twisting her lips that the rest of the world would mistake for a grimace. Not me. For a jealous being by nature, she held no qualms with this arrangement. In her mind we would find a way to reunite us, eventually. It was an oddly optimistic view, truth be told. Not that I told her that.
“Focus, Ruby. This day is important,” she chastised in my mind.
I pressed my lips together to hide my own smile as I started up the stairs. At the top of the dais stood the Sins. The women who had raised me.
Hela was the first to step forward. Her flaming red gown was the same shade as her hair. Lightning struck high above us. The throne room still hadn’t been fixed and most of the ceiling was missing. I didn’t mind the open air one bit.
“A week ago, I watched the young woman before me triumph over our greatest fear. Today, she stands before us to receive the blessing of the Sins and become the next Queen. Ahnika, what say you?”
The Sin of Sloth stepped forward, her light green skin beautiful against the black floor-length number she wore. She came to stand before me and pass her judgement. “I was the last Sin to meet you, Ruby. The last to leave my mark. I have watched you grow from a petulant young girl to a true leader. You are many things, girl, but indolent isn’t one of them.”
I nodded my thanks to her and we hugged. This was a slight deviation to the ceremony I was supposed to have. Tradition said they would brand me, but me being what I was, I didn’t want it. I already had enough power at my fingertips that I needed to master, and unlike my Seelie magic, nothing else came with an ancient rune that could teach me every aspect in a matter of days.
Ahnika stepped back and said, “Saraphine, what say you?”
I’d known this she-demon as an old woman named Martha in my time on Earth, but here in Hell she was known as the fiercest of the Sins. Her long blonde hair trailed in the breeze as she stepped forward. “You are the daughter I always wanted. Those years I got to watch you grow in the plastic seat of a dingy diner have been the greatest of my very long life, child. You are kind, but you don’t let people walk all over you. You stand up for what is right, even when it is not easy. You’ve given up everything to become what we needed you to be. My girl, you are many wonderful things, and you hold no greed in your heart.”
When I hugged her, it felt like home. Black coffee and bacon, the scent of fresh asphalt and baked apple pie. I clutched her slim shoulders tight as tears pricked the corners of my eyes. Saraphine was crying when she stepped away and said with a heavy voice, “Merula, what say you?”
Merula had been like a mother to me once upon a time. She was as strict as they come, but in her heart she truly loved children. I had always believed she truly loved me in her own way. “I was the first Sin to be allowed the privilege of raising you, and for ten years I did just that. I watched you grow from a babe to a scruffy-faced tomboy, into the beautiful woman you are today.” She smiled and there was a sadness there. “Envy is not something we could easily test you on, but I watched you with Iona when you first came to Hell. I watched how she envied and pushed and took from you. But you never succumbed to the same jealousy I myself cannot always control, just as you never coveted what others had on Earth. You are many things, my child, but envious is not one of them.”
I hugged her and I meant it, even though she’d sent Iona to me. While my heart was hardened and the darkness within had not abated, I’d found ways to not let it control me. To not let the ways I’d changed dictate my own happiness. Some days were better than others—but I was trying—and that’s what mattered.
She stepped away and said, “Lamia, what say you?”
I’d known her as Sadie in my old life. She had been the house mother at the orphanage I spent most of my teen years in, and while she hadn’t been nearly as hands-on as Merula or Hela
, she’d let me grow from afar. I met her toe-to-toe. “I watched you experience many hardships while you were with me. Both of you,” she said and glanced to Moira. “Neither of you believed you had any power, and you were content. You did not covet your neighbor. You did not take more than you needed of anything in life. Even here today, you reject the ceremony to take our brands because you do not want the power it would bring you. Ruby Morningstar, you are many things, but you are not a glutton.”
I hugged Lamia knowing without a shadow of doubt that she saw more than she ever said back then. Our connection was brief before she was stepping away and said in a steady voice, “Hela, what say you?”
My blood fizzled with nerves as she stepped forward to stand in front of me. “Blue, I wish I could say that wrath was not a sin you are afflicted with, but it would be a lie.” I inhaled sharply and half the room took a collective gasp before she smiled. “You have a fire inside you that burns. I saw it when you were younger, and over the past few months it has only grown. If you let it, this fire would consume you—and us.” She paused, her index finger guided my chin upwards to look her straight in the eyes. “But, as you well know, it is not the great power itself that matters, but what you do with it. You’ve used that strength to become a woman that I myself wish I could be. Ruby, my friend, you have wrath, but you are not a slave to it.”
I couldn’t hold in the tears as they dotted the corner of my eyes. My heart had split apart in pain and been forged back together by fire, but never had I wept from happiness. I let her go and wiped my tears with the palm of my hand, turning to face the beast. She was the final decider.
Without being told, she stepped up and took the spot Hela had vacated. In her hands was a crown of glittering black metal with sapphire gemstones. She held it between us and I placed my hands over hers. “I made this crown for you myself, in the hope that I might one day wear it with you.” There was a sadness in her voice that was unmistakable, but there was hope too. She was becoming more…human. I wondered if she realized it. “We will be united again. Our soul will heal, but in the meantime, you rise, and you will rule. There is no other as worthy as you.” She lifted the crown and I took the cue to drop to my knees before her. The crown was heavy on my head, but not crushing. I no longer felt constricted or confined. I chose this.
Brimstone Nightmares (Queen of the Damned Book 4) Page 23
