I didn’t hear again from Luke. Or from Erik, of course.
At first, I walked to school nervously. I looked from side to side, looking for that longed-for face on everyone I saw. I wished with all my being to see my angel again, but it didn’t happen. After two months on the lookout, hoping to see him again, I gave up. Erik wasn’t coming back and neither was Luke. It was illogical but it didn’t make me feel any feel better that Luke had taken me at my word and gone.
Deep down, way down inside, I missed that impudent, red-haired liar.
The months passed quickly, taken up with my finals and looking for a place at college. In seven days’ time it was graduation. There were posters everywhere announcing the long-awaited event.
It still wasn’t clear what I would do after graduating. Studying abroad, as my father had always wished, would be a good choice so I could get away from the scene of my nightmares. The problem was that I was in no mood to make plans. One thing was to face the immediate future, like finishing the course, and quite another to plan my long-term future.
At that time the only thing that concerned me was putting an end to my daily torture, in other words going to school, the most painful place in the world for me. Every corner of the old building reminded me of him, the bench where we saw each other for the first time, the cafeteria where we exchanged our first words, the literature classroom where I sensed his presence two rows further back.
Everything screamed his name. I was drowning there.
Thank God it had an expiry date. In a week, I’d have served my sentence and I could banish this last school year to a hidden corner of my mind.
I went back to my job at the restaurant. Mr. Benet had been really understanding and allowed me to go back to my old job. I quickened my pace; I had to hurry if I wanted to be on time. The last class had gone on for ages because of the results of some recent tests and I was going to be late again, for the umpteenth time that month.
I didn’t see it coming. I only realized what was happening when I was lifted up in the air. Someone was holding me tightly by the waist and covering my mouth with one hand. I was terrified. I summoned up my courage and bit his hand, clenching my jaw, until I felt the pressure of my lips and teeth on his skin.
“Oww! Are you insane?”
I didn’t expect to hear that voice. My body was completely paralyzed. I stopped biting.
“Luke?” I shouted, trying to get a look at his face.
“Shhh! Shut up!”
He dragged me to the parking lot of the restaurant and let me down onto the road, between the parked cars. He was on his haunches in front of me.
A mixture of joy and disbelief came over me at the same time.
“What... what are you doing here?”
“I see you haven’t changed. Same old same old. How about something like ‘Hello! How’s it going?’ Or why not ‘thank you for what I just did’?” he replied sarcastically.
“What the hell are you talking about? You want me to thank you for throwing me around like a rag doll? For kidnapping me?”
The initial shock was becoming the usual irritability I felt when he was around
“They're waiting for you in the restaurant.”
“Who?” I asked, intrigued.
“Rudolf and Erik. Apparently, they’re not satisfied with emptying my brother’s head. They don’t trust you, and to be honest, neither do I. You do have a very bad temper,” he said, looking at the pink mark my teeth had left on his hand, his skin punctured.
All my nightmares and my happiest dreams came to my mind in a rush and I relived them vividly. As if I’d been in a dark room for these last few months and suddenly someone had turned the light on all those little things that had been hidden in the dark. It had been real. Erik was real. My heart stopped for a moment, recalling what Luke had just said. Erik was here, he’d come back! I stood stock still, even though my heart was telling me to run to him.
“Erik’s... here?” I ventured in a faint voice to be sure that what I’d heard was true and not just my imagination.
I still couldn’t believe it. My mind had created a barrier to filter my memories, to erase them until right now; painfully they all came back to me.
“Yes, but it’s as if he wasn’t,” replied Luke. “It’s not him who’s come to find you; he doesn’t know you exist,” he said pointedly, drilling holes in my chest with his words. “Rudolf doesn’t want to leave any loose ends, and you’re one of them.”
“You're totally out of your mind. I’m getting out of here and I’m going to the restaurant. If Erik is there, I need to see him now,” I cried, standing up.
He pulled my arm fiercely and made me lose my balance. I ended up falling onto him.
“No way! You're not going anywhere. Didn’t you hear what I just said?”
“Yes I did, and just so you know, you’re talking nonsense.”
“Okay. Come with me, I want to show you something.” He began to crawl between the cars. “Follow me and keep down.”
I looked down. I was wearing a knee-length linen dress. How was I going to crawl on the asphalt? My knees would get skinned.
“I can’t,” I said, pointing at my clothes, as if the reason for my refusal was obvious.
“Well in that case, you'll just have to trust me.” He saw from the look on my face that I didn’t like that option. “Rudolf is using Erik as bait to find you. They’re in the restaurant, at a table by the entrance.” His voice was so deadpan that he could have been talking about the weather, not my impending death.
“But if Erik... can’t recognize me like you say, why did Rudolf bring him here?”
“Precisely; Erik can’t recognize you,” he admitted, “but you'd recognize him and your reaction on seeing him would be the perfect trigger for Rudolf. In any case, I made quite an effort to keep you safe and hide my mind from him at the same time, so don’t throw it all away doing by something stupid.”
I was stunned. Sitting on the asphalt for so long was hurting my backside. I shifted uncomfortably. Luke recognized the look of discomfort on my face.
“You’d be more comfortable here,” he grinned, patting his legs with a half-smile.
My God, he was handsome! I’d almost forgotten it during this period of apparent normality. His turquoise eyes shone with the last rays of the sun and his hair glowed like fire. It was longer than I remembered.
“No thanks,” I barked. “I'm just fine where I am.” My crimson face gave me away. I needed to talk about something else. “How can you be so sure that Rudolf has come looking for me if you couldn’t read his mind?”
“Some things are obvious. There’s no need to be inside someone’s head to know their intentions.”
I had a sneaking feeling that he was answering a question that I hadn’t asked him. Luke wasn’t talking about his friend; he was talking about himself, his attitude towards me. I was sure of it. Things were getting more awkward by the minute. Luke was back on the attack. I was shattered. Erik was gone, at least the Erik I needed. However, Luke remained the same, provocative and shamelessly attractive. How could I put all that in the mix and expect some good to come of it?
I had to concentrate on the one thing that was really worrying me right then: Rudolf and his efforts to get rid of me.
“There's something I still don’t understand. Don’t they know how to track me down? Don’t you have your victims’ details or whatever? I don’t understand why they haven’t found me if that's what they want.”
“Because Rudolf is a maverick. I know him, and I also know nobody has ordered him to finish the job and get you out of the way, but he feels he has to. He enjoys demonstrating his superiority, imposing himself on you humans by force. That’s something we’re not allowed to do, except in extreme cases of life and death, but he won’t let that stop him. We managed to outsmart him once, and that won’t go unpunished. Rudolf doesn’t give people a second chance.”
I shuddered at that. Months ago, I’d feared for my l
ife. I’d felt the threat of death over my head. But with Erik gone, everything had lost its meaning for me. People from other planets didn’t fit in to my dull daily routine. Sometimes I lived my life thinking all that had been a dream.
Now it had become real again. And I was terrified again.
Luke relaxed beside me when he finally saw the panic on my face.
“Calm down. I told you I'd be here. Did you think I’d let myself be duped like my brother?” he said smugly.
“They didn’t dupe Erik, you lied to him.” I protested.
I couldn’t believe he thought he was better than his brother, when he’d sold him out at the drop of a hat. I’d never forgive him for that as long as I lived.
“It seems incredible that you still hold a grudge over that trivial little thing,” he replied peevishly.
“So you think ruining our lives is a trivial little thing? “ I said, standing up.
“It was the only way to keep you safe,” he said apologetically.
“I don’t believe you. So far, you've only tried to hurt me.” I was bringing out all the hate that had been building up all those months. “Why should it be any different now?”
“Stella, I swear I never wanted to hurt you, but that sacrifice was necessary; anyway, you’re not alone, you’ve got me,” he added, raising his hand to stroke my cheek softly.
I fell apart when I saw his blue-green eyes gazing into mine. He was being honest. There was nothing dark or shadowy in that look. It was transparent, sincere, like my angel’s eyes long ago. The ground under my feet began to spin. I felt Luke catch hold of me, stopping me from falling onto the asphalt.
“Come with me.” He looked around. “This place isn’t safe. Come on.”
He grabbed my wrist and pulled me over to his bike. It seemed redder and more dangerous than before. Contrary to what I’d thought; I felt strangely comforted when the bike began to gather speed. The warm, late-May wind enfolded me as Luke rode into the forest. I knew he was slowing down when the air stopped whipping my face, turning into a gentle breeze caressing my skin.
“Why are we stopping here?”
“Because we're safe here and I think you need to take all this in before we go any further.”
I was surprised at this new Luke I was beginning to discover. It wasn’t like him to have so much consideration for my feelings. Did I really know him, or Erik? No; I didn’t even know myself.
“What I need to know is why you betrayed us. And don’t give me that ‘it was for your own good’ stuff, either.”
It was time to dish the dirt and I wasn’t going to back down. He stared at me for a moment. He scanned my face, trying to work out if he really did have to tell me. He finally relented.
“Because I couldn’t bear to see you with him,” he said, like a bolt from the blue.
I was shocked by his honesty. It took me a few seconds to recover from the impact that his words had on me.
“You managed to take Erik away from me, but you haven’t made me stop loving him. You’ll never manage that. Ever!” I said, rudely.
“I know. That's why I'm here.” He looked crestfallen.
“Is there anything else, I mean apart from saving my life?” I asked scathingly.
“I want you to forgive me. I can’t live knowing I’m responsible for all your suffering.” Luke looked sorry; I was bewildered.
“Help me get Erik back, then I can forgive you.” The words flowed from my lips as the idea began to form in my mind.
“How do you want me to...?”
“I have an idea,” I interrupted him excitedly. “Have they really erased the memories from Erik's mind or have they just buried them?”
“You’re scaring me. What are you thinking?” he frowned.
“Erik hasn’t forgotten me,” I said, curtly.
The idea took shape in my head. Erik hadn’t forgotten me. No one could erase someone’s life, just like that. They’d just banished his past into a dark corner of his mind. Erik’s memory might be a blank, but his heart wasn’t. He loved me, and that couldn’t be changed overnight. The pressure that had been crushing my chest began to ease and allowed my heart to beat wildly.
“Haven’t you heard anything I've said?” The exasperation in his voice made it clear that his patience was wearing thin.
“I have to see him again.” My sixth sense had never failed me and something told me that I was right about this too.
It was like the case of temporary amnesia I’d heard about from Nicole. Maybe if Erik saw me again, if he heard my voice, if I touched his skin, he might get our beautiful memories back. There was only one thing I was sure of: Erik loved me, although he didn’t know it.
“That's crazy. And too risky.”
“So don’t come with me. I’m going back for him so if you’re really sorry for what you did, help me and start the damn bike up.” I was filled with renewed confidence thanks to the train of thought that had just lit up my mind.
“Okay, I'll help you,” he muttered.
“Well let's get going then.” The blood was boiling in my veins. I wanted to run to Erik, to hold him tight and breathe in the scent of his skin.
“Just let me say one more thing before we voluntarily commit suicide,” he added, fixing his eyes on mine, even greener in the spooky, damp forest. “What you’re walking into now won’t be easy; it can be devastating to realize that the person you love doesn’t even remember your name, and that he doesn’t think about you in the slightest. Believe me; it's really tough to find that you mean nothing to them.”
His eyes darkened as he spoke. For a moment, I wondered if we were talking about him or me. He seemed so certain, so tormented. His feline gaze made me feel guilty as his eyes met mine.
“I can take it,” I muttered, looking away.
“All right, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He got onto the bike, adding. “If this doesn’t work, I want you to know I'm still here.”
FORGOTTEN MEMORIES
“Sighs are air and go to the air!
Tears are water and go to the sea!
Tell me, woman: when love is forgotten,
Do you know where it goes?”
Gustavo Adolfo Bécquer
Double Moon Page 18
