Daniel’s heart surged with compassion, and this time, instead of holding it back, he let it surge through him, filling him with an urge to reach for Miss Crosby’s hand and to press it lightly so that she might have encouragement or a sense of his understanding. Instead, however, he put his hands behind his back and gazed at her, seeing how her gaze roved over the other guests, how her smile became sad as she looked at each one.
“I do not think your presence here this evening will be ignored, Miss Crosby,” he found himself saying, seeing how her eyes jerked back to his, fixing themselves upon him as though he were her anchor in a tumultuous storm. “I was wrong to have treated you so disparagingly last time we met, and I hold that blame to myself without question.” Gesturing towards her, he let his gaze sweep down over her and felt his heart quicken into a furious beat. “To any gentleman who does the same, Miss Crosby, their behavior is their own shame. It has naught to do with you.”
To his horror, Miss Crosby’s eyes filled with tears, and she looked away, turning her head so that he could not see it. A swell of fear rose up in his chest, frightened that it had been he who had brought her such distress, but Miss Crosby, blinking rapidly, tried to smile at him without catching his gaze. Regaining herself, she gave a small shake of her head as she turned her head back towards him, her smile now a little wobbly.
“I am not about to turn into a watering pot before you, Lord Ruddington,” she said with a wryness about her tone that had him somewhat relieved. “You need not look so horrified. I am just a little overcome with your kind words, that is all.” Her eyes gentled as she finally looked back into his face. “You are quite a compassionate gentleman, I think.”
Shame roared loudly within him, threatening to devour him if he did not speak the truth
“You are the only gentleman who has, thus far, shown me any particular interest—aside from Lord Havisham, who has been encouraged to do so by a mutual acquaintance.” Her expression softened all the more as she glanced at Lord Havisham, who was still in deep conversation with Miss Marks. “Thank you, Lord Ruddington, for your willingness to admit your fault and for your eagerness to converse with me. It has meant a great deal, I assure you.”
Daniel’s jaw worked hard for a moment as he looked down into Miss Crosby’s face and saw the underlying pain she was trying so hard to hide. He recalled how she had described herself before—a companion, a poor cousin—and wondered if that was all she saw herself as being. Did she think of her future at all? She was of age to marry, surely? Or was it merely that Miss Marks had to come first? Did she have to marry well before Miss Crosby could think of her own happiness?
“What say you, Lord Ruddington?”
Daniel, who had been about to speak again to Miss Crosby, was interrupted by the voice and the touch of Miss Marks, who put one hand on his arm as though to draw him into her conversation with Lord Havisham.
“What say I?” Daniel repeated, throwing a glance towards Miss Crosby and seeing how she bowed her head, her cheeks red and her eyes downcast. Miss Marks laughed and quickly explained what she and Lord Havisham had been discussing, but Daniel paid no attention. He realized Miss Crosby had, in that moment, been swiftly disregarded by her cousin for Miss Marks had made no attempt to engage Miss Crosby in the conversation she had been having with Lord Havisham but had only sought to bring him into it. Was it that Miss Marks was jealous that Miss Crosby had been speaking at length to Daniel himself? Or was it merely that Miss Marks sought to have all the attention placed upon herself?
“I think Lord Havisham is correct,” he stated, seeing how Miss Marks looked at him expectantly and praying this was the correct response. “That is my opinion.” Desperately, he gave Miss Crosby another glance, but she had not looked up. “Why not ask Miss Crosby what she thinks also?”
This brought Miss Crosby’s head up at once, her expression startled.
“Oh, I highly doubt my cousin has much to say about the matter!” Miss Marks exclaimed, laughing as she squeezed his arm gently. “She would not know anything about the ton and whether or not such a thing would be appropriate or not.”
Daniel lifted one eyebrow in silent challenge towards Miss Crosby. Her gaze he held tightly, seeing her swallow hard and then, finally, draw in a long breath and pull herself as tall as she could.
“That is a little unfair,” she said, directing her words to her cousin. “I know a good deal, Miss Marks. Pray, what is it you have been discussing?”
A sense of pride filled Daniel’s heart as Miss Crosby practically forced herself into the conversation. He had not liked seeing her so hidden, so pushed aside by her cousin, and yet feared that this was the situation Miss Crosby had become used to. Changing her gown was one thing but changing how she reacted to her cousin’s demands and sharp words would be quite another.
Resolve grew in his heart, despite his urge to thrust it aside. Resolve that he would aid Miss Crosby whenever he could, resolve that she would no longer be treated so dispassionately by her very own cousin.
A cousin who you are meant to be trying to court, said a small voice within him, twisting up through him. You cannot focus your attention on them both.
His jaw worked hard as Miss Crosby gave her opinion on whatever it was Miss Marks had wanted to discuss. His desire was, for some inexplicable reason, to help Miss Crosby in whatever way he could. Perhaps it was the evidence of her kind, forgiving heart that drew him, or mayhap it was because he did not like seeing her so easily pushed aside. But if he were to do all he could to help her, if he were to allow this strange sensation within his heart to grow, then, most likely, he would be pushed from what had been his sole intention since he had returned to society. Miss Marks was meant to be the only one he considered, the only one he had to focus his attentions on. Again came that burst of anger in his heart as he considered all that had gone before, reminding him he was to do this to set things to rights.
He could not give his attention to them both. He had to make a decision. Was it to be Miss Crosby or Miss Marks?
Chapter Five
“Are you quite ready to accompany me?”
Sarah nodded her head, well used to accompanying her cousin whenever she was to walk out with some gentleman or other—although, invariably, they changed almost daily! In fact, Sarah did not think she had ever seen her cousin walk out with the same gentleman twice in one week, for Miss Marks considered that to be far too much of an encouragement to any gentleman.
“Good,” Miss Marks said briskly, her hands tight together in her lap as she looked up at Sarah, who stood by the hearth. “You are to walk quietly and not interrupt our conversation.”
“I have never behaved in such a way before,” Sarah replied, a little stung by her cousin’s sharp words. “Why should I do so now?”
Miss Marks sniffed and turned her head, her eyebrows burrowing low. “Because you and Lord Ruddington appear to be quite interested in conversing with each other and I shall not have any interruption in what is meant to be my time walking with him.” Turning her head back, she fixed her gaze upon Sarah, whose heart had suddenly twisted in a most painful fashion. “Do you understand?”
Sarah hid her pain and arched one eyebrow, keeping her voice cool. “I have never done so before, Miss Marks, and you need not fear that I shall do so now, just because I am fairly well acquainted with the gentleman,” she told her cousin, keeping all she felt pressed down hard within herself. “When should he be arriving?”
Miss Marks, who looked a little relieved, waved a hand and suggested Sarah go to the window so that she might look out and see when Lord Ruddington’s carriage arrived. They were to go to Hyde Park, she was told, during the fashionable hour, which was to be quite a wonderful experience.
By the window, Sarah listened to her cousin with half an ear, finally allowing herself to look into her own heart and examine what it was she felt. There had come a wave of pain crashing over her at the mention of Lord Ruddington’s name, hating that he had chosen to court he
r cousin when, Sarah had thought, there was a slight interest between herself and Lord Ruddington. She had thought him kind, had found him to be considerate and generous in his speech and, of course, there had been the inevitable sense of desire for more of his company, more of him, that had grown within her heart with almost every passing second. Even though he had slighted her at the first ball they had attended together, he had then gone on to prove himself both sincerely apologetic and amiable in his manner towards her. It had been the first time since attending her cousin that a gentleman had shown her any true interest, and she had found herself blossoming in the joy that was brought to her by such attentions.
That had faded the moment Miss Marks had dragged him back into her conversation with Lord Havisham—although Lord Havisham had done his best to keep Miss Marks attention for as long as he could, of course. How kind she had thought Lord Ruddington as he had insisted on seeking out her opinion, drawing her into the discussion whether her cousin wished for it or not. Perhaps, she had thought, he had seen her sorrow at being so easily discarded by Miss Marks and had not wanted her to suffer any longer. Or mayhap he had seen his behavior in that of her cousin, and it had brought such a sting to him that he had been forced to act. Either way, she had thought well of him and had appreciated his company and his conversation, which had occurred at various points throughout the evening.
Now, however, she was brought back to her true circumstances with a shock of awareness that had her wincing in mortification. As kind as Lord Ruddington had been to her, he had obviously then gone on to seek out her cousin and beg to call upon her. He had not sought to further their acquaintance, and she should not even have had a single flicker of hope that such a thing would occur.
“You are not paying attention, Sarah!”
Miss Marks’ sharp voice made Sarah jump in surprise, turning to see her cousin glaring at her.
“I apologize,” she said quickly, a little surprised at her cousin’s demeanor. “I did not mean to ignore you; I was just thinking.”
Miss Marks scowled. “You are not here to think, Sarah,” she replied harshly. “You are here to accompany me, to present me to various gentlemen and to ensure I make an excellent match!”
Blinking in surprise at the anger that was coming through her cousin’s words, Sarah wisely chose to hold her tongue, wondering if there was more to Miss Marks’ fury than met the eye.
“I should not feel required to draw you into conversation with me,” Miss Marks continued, her gaze roving around the room. “Nor should I have to look about for you to see where you have gone when you ought to be right by my side!”
“If you are speaking of last evening, cousin, if I have done something wrong, then I beg of you to speak of it,” Sarah replied carefully. “You appear upset.”
Miss Marks glared at her for another moment or two before sighing heavily and dropping her hands to her lap. “I have never had to encourage a gentleman’s interest in me before,” she said slowly, her angry tone fading. “Certainly never have I been required to pull a gentleman into my conversation and out of yours.”
Sarah’s breath hitched, but she remained silent, knowing full well her cousin was speaking of Lord Ruddington.
“I enjoy my flirtations, Sarah,” her cousin continued, sounding distracted now. “I enjoy the company of gentlemen, enjoy conversing and dancing, and for myself, I feel no eagerness to marry. And yet my mother insists I am to do so—and this only my first season!” She turned her head towards Sarah, now looking quite desolate. “Is it truly terrible of me to feel such a way?”
Moving away from the window, Sarah sat down carefully opposite her cousin, trying to think of what would be best to say.
“Most young ladies do not become engaged until their second season,” she replied, choosing her words with great care. “And yet your parents are eager for you to do so during this season, and that must surely be because they care about your future.”
“Or that they care for the attention that will be drawn to them should I marry someone of great title and good fortune,” Miss Marks replied, a trifle bitterly. “However, given I had to speak directly to Lord Ruddington last evening in order to have him listen to what I had to say, I fear my ability to draw a gentleman’s attention is already beginning to wane.”
A kick of anger burst in Sarah’s heart, realizing just how selfish her cousin was. She had not even considered that Sarah was interesting or compelling enough to draw a gentleman’s attention, believing it was her own lack of beauty or charisma that was failing her in some way. Her heart twisted in frustration and in pain, looking away from her cousin, who was sighing in a most dramatic fashion.
“Mayhap Lord Ruddington will do,” Miss Marks sighed, looking directly at Sarah who, whilst seeing her cousin’s direct gaze from the corner of her eye, could not quite bring herself to look back at her. “He is handsome, titled, and wealthy enough, I am quite certain.” She lifted one shoulder in a delicate shrug. “Enough to satisfy my parents, at the very least.”
“Whilst you feel nothing in particular for him.”
Her cousin’s expression grew a little astonished. “Of course I do not,” she answered after a moment, waving a hand and chuckling as though Sarah were being utterly ridiculous. “I barely know the gentleman, but he appears amiable enough. Although he is certainly not the most handsome gentleman of my acquaintance.” She sighed, although it appeared to be a little more happily this time and turned her head away as if she were thinking of all the gentlemen who fell into that particular category. This seemed to buoy her spirits, for she was soon smiling at some fond memory or other, leaving Sarah with nothing else to do than return to her post by the window and watch for Lord Ruddington’s carriage.
***
“Of course, my cousin will remain in the carriage whilst we take a short stroll through the park.”
Sarah winced and looked out of the carriage window, feeling heat climb up her neck and praying her cousin would consider what she was saying before she made a fool of herself.
“It is busy enough, and I do not think I shall need a chaperone, for everyone will be able to see us walking together,” Miss Marks continued, whilst Lord Ruddington cleared his throat. “And if it is a great weight on your mind, my lord, then might I suggest we stay in full view of the carriage so that Miss Crosby can keep watch over me no matter how far I might stray into the crowd.”
Sarah dared a glance at Lord Ruddington and saw he was looking back at her with a mixture of confusion and resignation on his face. Her face burned with embarrassment, knowing her cousin ought not to have been so forward and certainly should not appear eager to walk with a gentleman without her chaperone. It made her seem a little improper, which was not the impression Miss Marks ought to be making on any gentleman—particularly upon one that had come to walk with her especially.
“What say you, Miss Crosby?”
Frustrated that Lord Ruddington was placing this burden directly upon her shoulders and fully aware that her cousin would tear into her should she refuse to allow such a thing to occur, Sarah frowned heavily at Lord Ruddington, who was, she noted, appearing more and more uncomfortable.
“My cousin is well aware of what is expected of her,” she answered, coolly. “I trust her to make the correct judgment and to behave appropriately.” This was said for both Lord Ruddington’s sake as well as for Miss Marks, for Lord Ruddington would understand the decision had to be made by Miss Marks, whilst Miss Marks understood what Sarah was implying—that there was difficulty in suggesting she step out unaccompanied from Lord Ruddington’s carriage.
This did not, however, have the effect Sarah had hoped for.
“You see!” Miss Marks exclaimed, patting Lord Ruddington’s arm as though he were a small child in need of cajoling. “We are to be quite all right. Do come along, Lord Ruddington. I can see a dear friend of mine I must greet!”
Lord Ruddington gave Sarah one long look, which sent a frisson of heat down her spine as
she held his gaze. Her stomach tightened, her awareness of his nearness to her heightening suddenly, but then he was gone, and the moment passed from her quickly.
She was alone.
Sighing heavily to herself and knowing she was duty-bound to keep a watch over her cousin and Lord Ruddington, Sarah shifted her seat so that she sat close to the window, able to see the way her cousin took Lord Ruddington’s arm. Lord Ruddington himself was stiff-backed and did not appear to be greatly enjoying himself, for he continued to throw swift glances over his shoulder towards the carriage as though he wanted her to follow them regardless of what Miss Marks said.
Sarah wrapped her arms about her waist and tried to contain the sharp edge of sadness that broke through her heart. The new light green gown she was wearing had made her feel more aware of herself, more poised and refined. Lord Ruddington had, it seemed, noticed her again given his glances towards her—but now she realized he was so near to her and yet clearly caught up with her cousin, even if Miss Marks was overly forward and a little improper. The only reason he looked to Sarah was in an attempt to ensure he behaved with absolute propriety with Miss Marks. There was no other reason for it, and she was foolish to have allowed her heart to feel so much for him already.
And yet, the sensations remained within her still. Even though she knew it was nothing more than foolishness to think of him so, it lingered within her, growing all the more steadily as she watched him walk with Miss Marks.
“Foolishness,” she muttered to herself. “Utter foolishness.”
“What is?”
Sarah shrieked aloud, one hand clasped to her heart as a sudden face appeared at the window, clearly having overheard her mutterings.
A Gentleman's Revenge (The Spinsters Guild, #3) Page 5
