by Jazz Jordan
CHAPTER 3
“What do women want? Tall, dark and devilishly handsome,” Kevin said. He was a short, stocky man with gray eyes, wearing a professional black suit with a loud, bright green tie. Sporting his Jersey Shore tan and blond hair, he resembled a surfer past his prime. Despite it all, or perhaps because of it, Kevin had managed to make partner at QMI Global, and he had the well-earned reputation of being a barracuda. Kevin was the guy who would do anything to close a deal with a client. Don Cheadle in House of Lies had nothing on him.
“And what’s the biggest lie ever told? Size doesn’t matter.” Kevin raised his eyebrows and winked.
Most of the old, white men seated around the boardroom table chuckled. The executives at Morgan & Morgan looked like they were straight out of the Mad Men era. Angelique was sure that she had traveled back in time and was anxious for the presentation to be over. Equally disengaged was her colleague Mona De Napoli. She was a Sicilian girl from Hackensack, New Jersey who possessed the rare combination of an Ivy League education and street smarts. Despite their talent and expertise, Angelique and Mona were stuck playing the role of backup singers for Kevin.
“So without further ado, I want you to brace yourselves for the future of Morgan & Morgan. Behold, the product that’s going to make you a household name.” Kevin clapped his hands. “Lights please!”
The lights dimmed, and the large flat screen TV filled up with an image of a buxom blonde with full lips saying, “I don’t know what I’d do without out it.”
An attractive sista with a long, straight weave smiled and said, “I’d go crazy without out it.”
A Filipino woman with long hair said, “I’d do anything for it.”
“Please…”
“Please…”
“Please…”
“Give me some Big D!” The blonde woman said as she took a big bite of a chocolate candy bar that had the round-tip shape of a man’s penis.
“I’ve got to have Big D!” The sista took a bite.
“I just love how Big D melts in my mouth.” The Filipino woman took a bite and licked her lips.
The camera showed all three women eating the chocolate and a man’s voiceover concluded, “Big D…it’s what women really want.”
The video faded to black. Someone turned the lights back on in the conference room. Most of the executives applauded, and Kevin took a bow like he’d just given an award-winning performance. “Thank you gentlemen. Thank you. I knew you’d love it as much as I did. To be honest, we might have to end this presentation soon; I’m getting a little excited here.” Kevin playfully placed his hand over his crotch.
Angelique and Mona glanced at each other, raising the corner of their mouths in disgust. Both of the women longed to smack Kevin upside his chauvinistic skull, but somehow, they managed to stand there calmly. This shit is almost over, Angelique thought to herself. It was close to noon, and Kevin was never one to miss out on an extended lunch.
“Excuse me, Kevin, I have a question,” one of the executives announced. He was the only male in the room who wasn’t grinning. In fact, he looked as upset as Angelique and Mona felt on the inside.
“Go ahead,” Kevin said.
“Are you seriously proposing that we stop manufacturing our signature chocolate brand? You really think it’s a good idea to forsake ChocDrops for…what are you calling this atrocity? Big D?”
“Let’s face it, ChocDrops haven’t had viable sales for years. Nobody wants to buy candy with a little freckled-face kid on the wrapper. Our focus groups proved to us that it’s best to go in the direction that Dove went. They marketed directly to women with Special Dark, and look how their sales exploded. No pun intended. Listen, I know it’s not easy to change course, but trust me when I say…”
“Now you hold on there! My great-grandfather founded this company in 1894, and that little freckled-face kid is my grandmother. Morgan & Morgan has always been a family company with wholesome values. What I saw on that screen there borders on sacrilegious!”
“Calm down, Randall,” one of the other executives chimed in. “You’re missing the whole point here. What Kevin is proposing here is a matter of our very survival. A couple of things have changed since 1894 if you haven’t noticed.”
“Well, since we’re marketing to women now, I’d like to ask the women on your team what they think about this,” Randall said.
“This is a group presentation,” Kevin explained. “Angelique and Mona helped me come up with this whole idea. That’s the brilliance of it.”
Bullshit, Angelique thought.
“Well, if you value women as much as you say you do, why don’t you allow them to speak for themselves,” Randall said.
“That won’t be necessary,” Kevin retorted.
“Nonsense!” Randall shook his head and turned to Angelique and Mona. “What do you think, young ladies? And I’d like your honest, unadulterated opinions …”
“I think…” Angelique cleared her throat. Kevin had a bewildered look in his eyes. He knew that she and Mona didn’t like his idea, and he’d allowed them to have very limited input, which is how the Big D train wreck came into fruition. On the other hand, Kevin was still her boss. There would be a cost to pay for making him look bad. It might even cost Angelique her job. As a black woman in corporate America, it wouldn’t take much for her to be handed a pink slip.
“It’s offensive,” Mona said. “You’ve got these multi-cultural Barbie dolls screaming about Big D chocolate. It’s the worst, actually.”
“She’s kidding.” Kevin flashed an exaggerated smile.
“No, she’s not,” Angelique chimed in. “I agree with Mona; it is offensive. I can honestly say that I would never buy chocolate or any other products from your company if you aired that commercial. You might even risk being boycotted by women’s organizations.”
“Very funny ladies.” Kevin laughed. His face flushed red as he turned back toward the executives. “What can I say? I’ve got two comedians in my pod.”
“I’ve heard enough from you,” Randall said, dismissing Kevin. “Go on ladies. What do you think would we should do?”
“Hold on a minute, Randall,” one of the executives interrupted. “We’ve been working with Kevin for over ten years…”
“Ten years too long, if you ask me.”
“Well, I didn’t ask you!”
“Calm down, gentlemen,” one of the other executives said. “You know what, I have an idea...why don’t we all meet back here in a few weeks’ time? Then Kevin and these two lovely ladies can present us with a new idea.”
Suddenly, Kevin started smiling again. “That would be freakin’ awesome!”
