by Daisy Allen
A month ago I would’ve told you that laid up in bed for a half a week, what I’d miss most was my kids. But it turns out, all I could think about was the band and missing rehearsals. Missing the banter, missing the music, and yes, missing Sebastian.
What was I going to do when he wasn’t going to be a part of my life anymore?
“Watcha thinkin’ about?” Sarah asks me, her attention still on the road.
She’s offered to take me to rehearsal, and I couldn’t refuse, after everything she’d done for me.
“Um, nothing, just hoping I haven’t become too rusty after no practice for the last few days.”
“You’ll be fine, honey, they’ll understand.”
“I know, but they shouldn’t have to. I don’t want to set them back because I haven’t been up to it, this is serious stuff. It’s just some fun for me, but they’re big business. Big money.”
“Don’t we know it.” Sarah winks at me, and I cringe a little inside. Now that I know the band and the kind of people and musicians they are...and how much fun I have spending time with them, I would’ve done all of it for the experience alone.
The money is the right thing for the school. I just wonder if it was the right thing for me.
***
“He’s not here?” I ask when I get upstairs, not seeing Sebastian around.
“Um, no babe. No big deal, he, er, wasn’t feeling real well this morning.” Brad says, patting me gently on the arm.
“Is it because of me?” I ask, knowing the answer already.
“Wha? No! Jez’s paranoia’s rubbing off on you.”
I know he’s not telling the truth, but I’m not ready to make a thing of it yet.
I scared him off. That night in his bedroom after the incident, I pushed him too far. He had to help me, he’s too good to have just left, but I haven’t seen him since. He just wants to make it clear that he’s holding up his part of the bargain.
I can’t complain, I’m the one who’s held him at arm’s length for a month. And now I’m getting what I wanted all along. And now suddenly five more weeks sounds like a sentence in hell.
***
“Miss Bray?” Jenny, the orchestra’s first flute comes up to me after our weekly Friday rehearsal. A small, sweet Taiwanese girl, I’ve heard her speak maybe ten words all year. But I feel like I know her just as well as any of my kids. It’s just all our communication is through the music. She wears her heart on every note she plays.
“Jenny, is everything all right?” I feel bad once I say it, not wanting to seem so alarmed that she’s come to talk to me.
“Um, no, I don’t want to bother you but...?”
“What’s going on?”
“I don’t think I can be part of the orchestra anymore.”
I am momentarily shocked. She’s been a part of the band for four years, since year eight and now, in her final year, she’s thinking of leaving?
“But, why?”
She goes quiet, looking up at me, and I can see tears starting to fall.
I lay my hand gingerly on her shoulder and lead her to some chairs. She sits down and I reach over to squeeze her hand.
“You can talk to me.”
“My parents just said I...I can’t have flute lessons anymore, they say I have to get a job instead, and, and they’re not going to be able to afford the cost to go to Nationals either. We, we just don’t have the money.” She says the last words and drops her head down, her hair falling to cover her face but I can still see it burn red with embarrassment.
“Oh, Jenny.” I don’t know what to say to her. I’m devastated for her. The problems with not being able to play flute is just part of it, I can’t imagine the burden on such a young girl to have to worry about her family’s financial problems.
I take a chance and reach out to hug her. She doesn’t pull away. Her head is still dropped but I can feel sobs wrack through her body. I don’t blame her, if I’d been told I couldn’t play in the band any more I’d react much the same way.
“Hey, hey,” I lift her chin up. “There’s nothing that says you can’t keep playing in the orchestra. We can work it out.”
“We can’t,” she whimpers, looking at me her eyes sad and wet. “My parents were very clear. I either had to be at school or working. No time for music lessons or rehearsals. And no way to afford the fee for the trip to Nationals anyway, so what’s the point in being in orchestra? Leave that spot for another student who can go, they said.”
“Would you like me to talk to them? Maybe we can work something out, I’m happy for you to have a pulled back rehearsal schedule. You are so talented, it would be such a shame for you to miss it after all the work you’ve put in.”
She just shakes her head and covers her face as her sobs grow louder. I know it’s not just about the music but that the other parts of her life weighing on her as well. It’s moments like this that make being a teacher, being so close to my students so hard. You can only help them so much.
“It’s just so unfair,” she whimpers softly and my heart breaks for her.
“Oh, Jenny,” I stroke her hair gently, letting her have her safe space to let out her frustrations. I have to bite back my own tears. Their losses and disappointments are just as much mine as their wins and achievements.
“I’m so sorry, Miss Bray, I’m so sorry,” she stands up suddenly, looking at me for a moment, then grabbing her bags and running out the door.
“Jenny!” I follow and call after her, but she’s halfway down the hallway before I even get to the doorway.
“Goddammit!” I yell to the empty room, angry that I didn’t get to help her at all.
I stand for a moment, and something breaks inside me. And the utter injustice of it all floods me.
“Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!” I grab a chair and slam it down on top of another, stacking them to tidy the room.
I can’t help but let the tears fall. The poor girl. So, so talented, so very hardworking to get where she has with her music, and now, because of...what? money, she has to stop! I have no doubt about the family’s financial difficulties, it’s a common theme of all the kids in the school, being in a low income district. But seeing the impact on the kids and the decisions they have to make, when they should be encouraged for every aspect of their future is so disheartening. And days like today make me wish I didn’t have to see it.
“ARGHHHH!” I yell again, the scream helping to relieve the tension in my blood. I collapse onto my piano stool and sob, for a moment wishing I had the power to save the world.
“Cadence?”
I whip around, there shouldn’t be anyone left at the school and I’m horrified that someone has heard me.
“Sebastian! What are you doing here?”
“Are you OK?” He takes a hesitant step into the classroom, and I wonder how much of my meltdown he witnessed.
I turn back to the piano and quickly try to wipe away the tears. How many times is he going to see me like this?
“Um, yeah, I’m a, I’m fine. What’s going on?”
I turn back around and he’s right there next to me, kneeling down next to the piano stool, staring me right in the eyes.
“Something’s wrong, tell me. Is your...um, is your cheek hurting?” He reaches up, and with a feather-light touch, runs the back of his cool hand against my bruised cheek.
I close my eyes and enjoy the soothing feel of his cool skin against mine. It’s the first time I’ve seen him since that night, almost a whole week. A whole week to process and obsess over what happened. Only to find that it doesn’t matter what I tell myself, when he’s here, in my presence, touching me, nothing else seems to matter.
“Cadence?” He whispers and my eyes flutter open.
“Um, no it’s, it’s not my cheek. I’m OK.” I pull my face away, a little embarrassed that I succumb to his touch so easily.
“Then tell me.”
“It’s just something with one of my students.” I stand up and walk away, trying to
put some distance between us so I can think. “Wha- why are you here, Sebastian?”
“I just wanted to check that you’re OK.” He stands up, turning on his feet to follow me around the room.
“You could’ve checked while I was right there, lying in your bed. Or at the last two rehearsals that you missed.” I say to the empty side of the room, wondering if he can hear the hurt in my voice.
“I know. I’m sorry. I just...I had to take care of something. I had to sort something out.”
“Something...more important?”
His head whips around and he frowns.
“Something more important than you?” And then he mumbles something under his breath, and it sounds like, “If only there was such a thing.”
“There is. The band.” I remind him, “I know the band comes above all.”
He doesn’t answer and I know he knows it’s true. And I’m not surprised, I’m not even hurt. Of course it’s the most important thing to him, definitely ranks higher than me, someone he’s only known for a month.
“Not anymore.”
And then, out of nowhere, he takes three steps to cross the room to stand in front of me. Dragging a long deep breath into his lungs, he slides his hands to up cradle the sides of my face, staring into my eyes for a moment before he leans down and presses his lips against mine.
Chapter Sixteen
SEBASTIAN
I’m kissing her. I’m finally fucking kissing her. And I don’t think I can ever stop.
Her mouth, slightly opened in surprise from my unexpected kiss, is warm and soft against my lips. Her breath is sweet and doughy, like freshly baked bread. And that addicting scent of orange blossoms from her hair is awash over my face, and I’m trying to devour her, with kiss after kiss after kiss, my hands cradling the sides of her face.
I don’t know what I expected when I took those steps across the classroom to her. Just that, it was time.
And now, her cheeks, so supple in my hands, and her hands gripping the sides of my head and tangled in my hair, I wonder how I’ve managed to restrain myself for so long. How we both have. I can taste her desire, she’s been wanting this just as much as I have.
“Sebastian,” she moans, as we pull apart for breath.
We stare at each other, panting. And then reach for each other again. As if pushed together by unseen hands that have long planned our fate and are frustrated by our folly in insisting on staying apart.
This time it’s her lips that press, urgent, against mine, pushing them open, her tongue pushing deep into my mouth. A soft moan vibrates from the back of her throat when I slide my hands to run down her back and grip the fleshy cheeks of her ass, pulling her against me. Her body moves against me just as I’ve imagined it all these weeks, fitting in along the angles and curves of my own body.
She was made for me.
“Oh, god, Cadence,” it’s my time to moan. And she sighs in response.
And then suddenly the kiss is over.
She stiffens for a split second and pulls away from me, covering her lipstick-stained mouth in horror.
“Oh my god, no no no no no.” She stares at me, with a look of regret in her eyes.
“Well, um, that’s not quite the response I was hoping for.” I say, blinking, still trying to figure out what’s happening.
“We can’t do this.” She’s still shaking her head. I’m almost afraid it’ll shake her brain loose.
“Yes, we can. In fact, we just did.” I remind her.
“No, I can’t do this.”
“Um, then who was I just kissing?”
“Sebastian!”
“Cadence, I’m serious. This dance we’re doing, has got to stop. I’m going to put a stop to it.”
“What?” She screeches, and I can’t tell if it’s out of fear or pent-up frustration.
I walk over to her and pull the envelope out of my pocket.
“This is for you.”
“What is it?”
“Well, read it.”
“It’s...it’s a $50k check.”
“Well, it’s a receipt. Yup.”
“For $50,000.”
“Yes.”
“To me.”
“Well, to the school. That’s what this money was meant for, wasn’t it?”
“Yes, but.”
I press a finger to her lips.
“Just...just shush for a minute.” And I move a finger to her temple, “And shush up here, too, and just listen to me, hear me out. And then decide.”
She starts to say something, and then bites down on her tongue. And nods.
I lean over and press a gentle kiss to her lips and she sighs.
“You’re no longer tied to me for any reason. And the money is no longer contingent on any contract. I wanted to donate this money to the school, and it’s done. You couldn’t send it back if you tried. So now...we’re not bound by any contract. You don’t have to play in the band if you don’t want to, and I don’t have to keep my hands off you to make you stay. We can make decisions based on what we should’ve done this whole fucking time.”
“What’s that?”
“What we want.”
Her head whips up and her eyes lock on mine. I can see a sparkle coming to life deep in the deepest pit of her pupils.
“I never thought you wouldn’t come through with the money, Seb, it wasn’t about that, the contract. It was about...it was about...it was about not giving you the chance to break my heart.”
“I’m not going to do that, sweetheart. I promise you.” I grip her soft hand in mine, squeezing it with every word, hoping she’ll believe me.
She looks down at the cash receipt, and up at me. “Can we really do this?”
I tuck my finger under her chin, lifting her pure, sweet face to look at me. “Is it what you want?”
She nods and my heart does a backflip.
“Then yes, we can, just trust me.” And I lean in and kiss her softly.
I pull away and she shakes her head sadly. “I don’t know how.”
I smile and graze her cheek with the side of my finger.
“I’m going to show you.”
And before she can change her mind, I grab her hand and pull her to her feet.
“Come on!” I pull her out of the classroom. “Come on!”
“Where are we going?” She pants, trying to keep up with me.
“Does it matter?” I ask.
And her sweet laugh tells me it doesn’t.
***
“Are we there yet?” She asks for the tenth time, twisting around in her car seat, trying to figure out our destination.
“Where is ‘there’?”
“I don’t know!” She yells and faux glares at me.
“I know, so stop trying to get me to tell you!” I laugh.
She pouts and I lean over to kiss her and she melts against me. In the space of an hour, somehow kissing her has become like the most natural thing I’ve ever done. More natural than sleep, more natural than playing the cello. I was born to kiss her.
“Green light, asshole!” She pushes me away, laughing. And I’m glad that there’s no testing for being drunk on sound.
“Oops, SORRY,” I wave to the car behind me honking its horn.
They say you never really know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone, or that you don’t really know the best part of your life while you’re living it, but someone must’ve imbibed me with some sort of hindsight superpower, because I know, this last hour, sitting in this car and being in her presence, is easily the best hour of my life so far.
After she’d finally stopped fighting me and let me lead her to my car, we’d stopped for a moment, looking at each other, wondering if we were really going to do this. She’d reached up and touched my face, and I’d turned my cheek to press a kiss to her palm. Taking her palm and then pressing my kiss to her heart, and I knew what she was thinking, whatever happens, it’d be worth it for that moment.
“Sebbbbbbbbbbbbbb, where are we
going?” She moans and I can’t help but chuckle at her childlike curiosity.
“You’ll see...in...about....fifteen seconds,” I tell her.
We pass a sign and I see her head whip around, trying to read it.
“Bankkkkstownn… Airport...Wait. Airport? Where are WE GOING?!?!?!” Her excitement level gets turbocharged and she jumps up and down in her seat.
“Huh? Who said anything about the airport?” I say, trying to hide the excitement in my own voice.
“Oh.” She instantly deflates, and I have to turn my head away from her so she doesn’t see my grin. She goes quiet as she tries to hide her disappointment.
That is, until she sees me turn into the Bankstown Airport driveway.
“OMYGOD, we ARE going somewhere! WHERE?!”
I ignore her and drive down until we’re just outside the main entrance.
She jumps out of the car before I can get out and open the door for her. Her eyes are bright as she searches my face for answers. I wrap her up in my arms, pulling her jiggling body up against me, enjoying her softness, her warmth.
She stops her jumping for a moment and lifts her face to mine, kissing me softly, letting out a soft sigh. Then she whispers, ”Where are we going?” Her relentless curiosity is so sweet and I can’t help answering. “Anywhere you want.”
She pulls away, confused, “What? How?”
“We can go anywhere in the world you want.” I reach into my back pocket and pull out our passports. She takes them from me, staring at me openmouthed. I press a kiss to her forehead and continue, “All you have to do is tell that pilot. He’s been waiting. Now I’m going to have to pay him extra because you took so long arguing with me in your classroom.”
She opens her mouth even wider. And closes it. I can see her mind working, and I press another soft kiss to her temple.
“I know where I want to go!” And she pulls out of my embrace and runs off to the pilot.
“Wait, where?” I call after her.
“Ha! Now it’s your turn not to know.” She pokes her tongue out at me and skips off to whisper in the ear of the pilot I’d pointed to.
“Witch!” I shout to her, running up to catch up with her, my body feeling lighter than it ever has.
