by Daisy Allen
Chapter Eighteen
Brad
“Brad!”
Emily waves to me when I come back after about fifteen minutes wandering around the children’s ward. I can’t help but admire the work that goes on here, not to mention the children themselves. Everywhere I hear giggling voices, only to peek into the rooms to see tiny little babes with wires and tubes coming out of their bodies. Indestructible little angels. I make a note to come back here sometime with the band. We’ll have to brush up on our Disney covers, I guess.
“Hey, any news?” I ask as I stroll over to her.
“Yup, I’ve talked to the doctor, and they’re setting up a room for him. He should be out soon.”
“And about his injury?”
“They said he’s pretty lucky, the truck just kinda clipped the front wheel of his bike and he fell back over onto the road in an awkward position and broke his arm. He’s young so he should heal pretty quickly.”
“That’s great!” I say, genuinely relieved. It feels weird to be so happy about someone I’ve never met.
“Yeah.” She lets out a long exhale. “I have to tell you something. Before Ben comes out and it’s all about him.”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you. Thank you for everything. You, Dennis, whatever powers-that-be you guys conjured to get me here so quickly, thank you. I don’t know how to pay you back…financially or otherwise, but I will.”
I wave her words away.
“Shushushushushush. You want to thank me for somehow being lucky enough to have the resources to get you here? Fine. You’re welcome. But no talk of ‘paying back.’ Financial or otherwise. This is the last time I’m going to remind you of this—we’re Brad and Butter, and this is just the shit that we do for each other.”
“Well, Brad, of Brad and Butter, thank you.” The smile she gives me makes everything I’ve ever done in my life to get to this moment worthwhile.
“You’re welcome, you little brat. You’re welcome.”
“Mommy!” A little voice speaks up out of nowhere.
Emily’s head whips around, and we see an orderly pushing a bed down the hallway toward us.
“Baby!”
She runs over and then skids to a sudden stop, as if afraid to touch him.
“Oh baby, Mommy’s here! Are you okay? I’m so sorry I wasn’t here when you had your accident, but I’m here now!” She hovers over him but without touching him.
“Can I have my ice cream now?”
She turns to me, blinking, then faces her little boy again.
“What?”
“The doctor said I could have ice cream if I was good and didn’t cry when they put the needle in, and I didn’t so—where’s my ice cream?”
“I’ll…Mommy will go ask, but, are you okay? How are you feeling?” she asks him again.
“I’m feeling like…I need ice cream, Mommy!”
“Oh, okay, okay. Sheesh, what about a hug? Mommy’s been gone for three days now.”
“Sure, Mommy!”
She leans down, careful to avoid touching his wounded arm, and buries her face in the tiny crook of his neck. There’s a soft gurgling noise from them, and I smile at their happiness to see each other.
After almost a minute the orderly clears his throat and she finally pulls away.
“Oh, sorry.”
“No problem, ma’am, I’m just gonna get him set up in his room right over here. Then we’ll get you all comfy.”
She steps back and lets him push the bed with her precious cargo into the closest room. I wander over to her, wrapping my arm around her shoulder.
“You all right?” I say, giving her shoulder a squeeze.
“Yeah.”
“And Ben?”
“Apparently, once I get his ice cream he’s going to be just dandy.” She lets out a relieved chuckle. “Kids, huh?”
“I wouldn’t know, babe. But I’ll take your word for it.”
“Mommy!” Ben calls out to her from his bed. “Come look, I have my own TV! Can I watch a Transformers movie?”
She rolls her eyes and holds her hand out in surrender.
“Ben: one. Postman’s truck: zero. Come on, I guess it’s time you met Ben.”
I hang back, not sure if she really wants me to. “You sure?”
“Yeah, I might need a babysitter sometime. It helps if you’ve met him so you can say no.”
I can’t help but laugh and follow her into the room.
The room is bright and airy. It’s a single room and the walls are plastered with cartoon characters and happy, funny, positive sayings. Ben is propped up on pillows, his arm slung up to keep it out of harm’s way. He grins at us as we walk in, and I’d know he was Butter’s child a mile away. The same warm, open face. The same blue curious eyes. The same mop of dark hair that has a life of its own.
“Are you a firefighter?” are the first words he speaks to me.
“Um,” I falter, not sure whether to disappoint him now or later.
“This is Brad, Mommy’s friend from when she was little.”
“Little like me?”
“Hmm, maybe a bit bigger. When she was about thirteen years old.”
He giggles and doesn’t stop for quite some time.
“What’s so funny, huh?” Emily goes over and strokes his hair.
“You’re too old to ever have been thirteen years old, Mommy!”
She pretends to look offended, her mouth falling wide open. “Mommy is not old!”
“Is your firefighter friend old?”
“Yes, yes I am,” I tell him as I approach the bed, unable to resist this little mini Butter firecracker. “But I’m not a firefighter.”
“Oh.” His face falls.
“I’m better!” I tell him, nodding seriously.
“Better than a firefighter?” He looks incredulous…and unconvinced,
“Sure. I get to travel around the world, and meet lots of cool people.”
“Like who?”
“Like you, Ben. You’re pretty cool.” I give him a wink and hold out my hand for a high five.
He lifts up his good hand and gives my hand a hard slap. “Oh, thanks, Brad. You’re cool too. Not as cool as if you were a firefighter, but pretty cool.”
Emily bursts into laughter. “Ben: one. Brad: zero.”
***
It’s 9 p.m. and the ward is quiet. Visiting hours are over and the nurses’ station is the only lit up part of the floor. I smile at a couple quietly leaving their child’s bedside, looking exhausted, and probably headed for home. I don’t know how they do it. But I guess you just do what needs to be done.
It’s been a long day, and my body is aching in places that didn’t just a few years ago.
“I really am an old firefighter,” I mumble to myself. “Oh wait, not even as cool as a firefighter.”
“Cooler than a firefighter to me,” Emily whispers, as she closes the door to Ben’s hospital room and wanders over to sit next to me in the row of chairs.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
I lean over and bump my shoulder against hers. She surprises me by leaning her head to rest on it.
“Tired?” I ask her softly.
“Like even more than when I gave birth to him. He didn’t wriggle as much then.”
“He’s definitely a bit of a wriggler now.”
“No kidding.”
“He’s a pretty cool little dude.”
“Yeah. I’ll keep him.”
She sighs and I look down to see her eyes close. As long as it was for me, I can only imagine how hard the day has been for Emily.
“Brad?” she says, he eyes still closed.
“Yeah?”
“I’m not going back with you on tour.”
Her words jolt me out of my fatigue.
I move around to face her as she opens her eyes. “What? Why?”
“It’s…it’s just not right.”
“If this is about Ben, of course I understand…”
Reluctantly, but I do.
“It’s partly about him, yes. But…I’d already made the decision last night. I was going to tell you this morning that today was my last day. But then all this happened. I have Phil sending someone else to take over for me for the rest of your tour. I’ll help them do the write-up and I’ll make sure…you know, that it’s going to be a good piece. But I just can’t go with you guys.”
Even after everything we’ve been through today, I can’t help feeling selfish that this is the worst news I could hear at this point.
“But…if it’s not Ben, then why?”
“Things are so complicated between us, Brad. What happened before, what’s happening now…even today, that kiss in the fitting room. That can’t happen.”
“Okay, I’m going to ask one last time. Spell it out for me. I’m a clueless male.”
She opens her mouth. Then closes it. I don’t push her; I want her to have the space to tell once and for all. “I can’t be…I never could have been…just one of many.”
“One of many what, Butter?”
“Girls. Women. Just another warm body in the ever-revolving door to your bed!” she almost yells, and the nurse at the station gives her a look.
“What the fuck?” I whisper, struggling not to raise my voice.
“I know about Felicity, Felicia, whatever.”
“What about her?”
“I know you slept with her,” she finally says, her eyes narrowing and her hands balling up into fists.
I can’t really believe what I’m hearing. “That’s news to me!”
“You were flirting with her all through the interview yesterday, and then I saw her come out of your trailer, and Seb and Cadey said …you know, they could hear you in the room next to theirs!”
Her voice is rising again, so I take her hand and lead her into the empty hallway.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, firstly, I was flirting yes, but that’s just my job, plus I was pissed because I heard you talking to your boyfriend or whatever on the phone.”
“Wait, what? I don’t have a boyfriend.”
“You said you missed him and you love him and you wished he was here.” Now it’s my turn to narrow my eyes and ball up my fists.
“That was Ben, you idiot!”
“Oh.” I feel the large ice boulder on my chest melt completely away. She’s not involved with anyone! That’s the chance I need. Now to make her realize her mistake. “Sure, I flirted with Felicia. But that was it. I’m guessing it was Jez who was hosting Felicia last night, considering it’s his room next to Sebastian’s and I was passed out in your bus last night after dragging you to bed.”
“But…you weren’t there when I got up.” There’s a look of doubt in her eyes.
“I woke up around five and dragged my sorry ass back to my bus.”
“Huh. So you didn’t...?”
“I didn’t… no.”
“And you’re not intending to?”
“Not intending on anything with anyone, if you and I are in the same universe.” I reach down and take her hand and she doesn’t wrench it away. “And you don’t have a boyfriend?”
“I don’t.”
“Huh.”
“Yeah, huh.”
“So, tell me again what the problem is?”
“Brad.”
“Because all I know is that it’s taken me eight years to find my way back to you, and I don’t ever want to leave your side again.”
“I…but Ben.” She shakes her head and pulls her hand away.
It’s a lot to process. And she’s had enough to deal with today. I can give her some space, if it means there’s a chance for a future. And I have an idea.
“Just…okay, just shush. Forget the you and me stuff for a while, okay?” I say, and relief floods her eyes.
“Okay.”
“Get some rest. I’m getting them to set up a cot for you in Ben’s room. I’ll be back tomorrow. With a surprise.”
“Oh God.”
“No, not God, Brad,” I say.
“Just go away, cheesy ball-sack,” she says, shaking her head, unable to hide the grin on her face.
“That’s my girl,” I say as I pull her into a hug, and ignore her playful struggling. She stops and lets my body warm hers for a moment, and I feel her body relax against mine when I say, “I mean it. There’s no one else in the world for me.”
Chapter Nineteen
Emily
Every sound during the night wakes me. Ben’s morphine wears off and he spends the night alternating between moaning softly in his sleep, calling out for me, and waking himself up whenever he tries to turn. With his arm slung up in the air to keep it still for the next twenty-four hours while his cast sets and everything settles, it’s hard for my baby boy to get comfortable.
Needless to say, when the sun rises, I’m awake to greet it.
But blaming my sleepless night on Ben and the hospital is as unfair as it is untrue.
It was Brad. Brad with his promises, Brad with his declarations, Brad with his way of making things right. Brad, with his eyes that barely need to glance at me to know what I’m thinking, how I’m feeling, what I’m wanting, needing. I presume it’s why the one night we spent together was so amazing. Even at eighteen, he knew how to touch me, when and where and how.
Now, as an adult, I can only imagine what he’d do to me if I let him.
And those are the thoughts that kept me awake.
“Mommy, is Brad coming to visit today?” Ben pipes up, as if hearing my thoughts, as embarrassing as that would be.
“Yes, sweetheart, he is. But he probably won’t be able to stay. He’s very, very busy. It was very nice of him to be here yesterday, but he will probably have to go back to work soon.”
“Ooh, do you think we can visit him there?”
“Well, let’s get you well first, okay?”
“I’m okay, Mommy. I feel better than I did last night. I don’t want to stay here much longer.”
“Well, we’ll see what the doctor says, okay?”
“Okay. I wonder if he’ll let me have ice cream again, if I’m a good boy.”
“You and your ice cream!” I ruffle the tuft of hair sticking up at the back of his head, my heart almost bursting with love for my little creature.
“Did someone say ice cream because…oh…wait, what? What is in this bag?” We hear a deep male voice call out to us from the room entrance.
“Brad!”
“Hey there, Benny Boy! How are you feeling today?” Brad asks, strolling into the room like he owns it. Confidence oozing from every pore. I can smell his cologne from across the room, and I wonder if they’ve approached him to advertise for them, because if every woman reacted to men like I was reacting to him, they’d make a freaking fortune.
“I’m super great! The doctor says the nurse is going to give me some markers today so I can get everyone to draw on my cast. Will you write something?” I hear Ben chattering away to Brad when I turn my attention back to them.
“Of course—it probably won’t be as good as what your mother writes, but I’m sure I can think up something. Now, weren’t you helping me get something out of that bag?”
Ben pulls a container out of the bag Brad puts in his lap. “It’s…oh! It’s…what does that say, Mommy?”
I lean over and read off the label. “It says…Dippin’ Dots.”
“What’s ...deepy dods?”
Brad’s laugh fills the room. “Dippin’ Dots, just the best ice cream ever. And the salesperson even told me it’s extra good for growing broken bones. So, you better eat up, quick! Or else the doctor might find out, and he’ll want you to share with everyone.”
“Oh, that’s okay, I’m happy to share if it’ll help the other kids around here too,” Ben says.
“Dude. What crazy, well adjusted, mature, kinda kid did you give birth to?” Brad asks me and I can’t help but beam proudly.
“Brad? You wanna know the worst thing about my broken arm?” Ben as
ks.
“What’s that, kiddo?” Brad pats him on the head.
“I can’t pick my nose anymore, which is probably good, ‘cause Mommy says it’s yucky and I shouldn’t.”
It’s almost a minute before Brad stops laughing and tells me, “Never mind.”
We watch TV with Ben for a few minutes while he eats his Dippin’ Dots and then Brad motions to me.
“You going to be okay in here by yourself for a moment, buddy? I just want to talk to your Mommy. We’ll go outside so we don’t disturb your Pokémon, okay?”
“Okay,” Ben says, eyes still glued to the TV.
I follow Brad out the door, cursing him as I notice how handsome he looks, as if he wasn’t affected by yesterday’s goings-on at all. “Stupid, sexy fucker,” I mumble under my breath, then accidently bang against his back, not realizing he’d stopped walking.
“What?”
“Um, nothing,” I say, although I can feel a hot flush rising up my neck and onto my cheeks.
“How are you?” he asks.
“I’m…I’m okay. I didn’t sleep much, but Ben seems to be doing pretty well. When the doc said that he can leave in a few days if he eats all his food and gets strong, he ate all his breakfast—even the yogurt, which he hates.”
“He must hate being all cooped up in the bed like that.”
I nod. “I don’t know who it’s worse for, him or the nurses!”
“So…let’s get him out of that bed soon, what do you say?” Brad says, and there’s a glint in his eye.
“What are you saying?” I ask.
“I’m saying, once he gets the all-clear, let’s really let him stretch his legs. I want you to take him on tour with us.”
“Us, who?”
“Us, the band, and you,” Brad clarifies.
That’s the last thing I expected him to say. “Brad, I told you last night—”
“I know what you told me, bossy britches. But now I’m telling you. You’re coming back on tour, and you’re bringing Ben and we’re gonna have the best fucking time ever. Like, Dippin’ Dots galore fun.”
I can’t help but burst out laughing, even with the ridiculousness of it all, the image of the three of us twirling around while Dippin’ Dots fall from the sky is too funny an image not to indulge in.
