by Daisy Allen
I turn and leave, closing the bedroom door behind me and climb back into bed, pulling her warm, sleeping body against mine.
“Mmmhmmm?” she murmurs, her lips against my chest.
“Shhhhh, go back to sleep, sweetheart. You’re safe. I’m here.” I whisper. And I’ll never ever leave you again, I promise her.
Chapter Thirty-nine
Anca
The sun is way up high in the sky by the time I wake up. Everything feels warm and bright. I look down, and a slightly furry arm is wrapped around my side and I smile, pushing back against the body next to me in bed.
Marius nuzzles his chin into the crook of my neck, his cheek slightly scratchy, making me squirm.
“What’s up, wriggly?” he murmurs, his voice still thick with sleep.
“Me, finally. It must be close to 11 a.m.” I say, interlocking my fingers with his.
“Who cares? Let’s stay in bed, order a greasy cheese pizza and watch rich people bitch about each other and eat $60 salads.”
“You mean... you and your bandmates,” I giggle.
“You little witch, you!” Marius rolls me onto my back, pinning my arms over my head as he tickles my chest with his chin.
“No!” I squeal as I squirm, with no intention of being let go.
“Oh yeah, you know you like it, sexy musician beard rash all over your neck, so they know you’ve been ravaged by me and my $60 salad-eating mouth.”
“You make it sound so sexy, tell me more,” I purr.
“See? I knew you liked it, wait until you here about what I can do with my $80 tofurkey- wings-eating fingers,” he growls, making a mock sexy face.
I pretend to shiver and give him a lusty wink. “You really know how to make a girl feel special.”
His face softens into a sweet smile, letting go of my arms as he drops his mouth down onto mine giving me a soft kiss. “That’s all you baby, all the special is you.”
I reach up, running my fingertip over his bruised cheek. It’s still purple and blue, the beginning of yellow edges denoting healing haven’t appeared yet. I lift myself up and kiss his wound gently, my heart aching that he’d been hurt because of me.
“Hey, hey,” he whispers, “why the sad face?”
“How are those wheelbarrow riding gonads of yours today?” I ask, and the smile breaks into a huge grin.
“Care to find out?” he asks, waggling his eyebrows at me.
I call his bluff and reach between us, sliding my hand over his groin. It hardens instantly, and he lets out a choked groan.
“I guess that answers your question.”
“No, I think we need to really make sure there wasn’t any lasting damage,” I say, my hand still running over his growing hardness and tracing my tongue along his neck. It’s sweet and salty like the sea air here.
Marius runs his fingers down my arms and down over my bare sides, digging gently into my thighs. I love the way he touches me. Like he can’t get enough. I sigh, moving my hand to slide under his briefs and wrapping it around him, stroking him as he moans against my mouth.
He hooks his fingers into the sides of my panties and eases them down my legs. I kick them off, and wrap my legs around his waist, rocking gently against him.
“I’m trapped,” he growls.
“You don’t sound too angry about it,” I giggle.
“That’s because you’re a witch.”
“But a nice one, one who lets you see her naked.”
“But I’m not naked,” he sulks, trying to pull his briefs down. I tighten my legs around him, stopping him and he growls again.
“Maybe you should ask the witch nicely to help.”
“Fine. Dear witch,” he starts, then suddenly rolls over, flipping me onto my back. In one movement, he frees himself of his briefs, his mouth enveloping my left nipple. “Beg.”
“Ugh,” I groan, his tongue on my nipple making my body involuntarily writhe. I rock my hips against him, but he lifts his body up.
“No. I said, ‘beg.’” He whispers, his voice suddenly low and deep. He digs his knee between my legs, forcing them apart, as his hand slides down, fingertips caressing me.
“Damn. Marius. Don’t tease.”
“I’m not teasing, I’m telling you. You want it, beg.”
“Fuck you,” I growl, reaching between us and taking him in my hand again.
“No,” he says, brushing my hand away. “Witches need to learn some manners.”
He dips a finger between my legs, finding the spot he knows drives me crazy, and slowly draws circle around it.
“Oh, god.” I groan, feeling my whole body jerk.
“No, he’s not going to help you now. It’s me you need to beg, Anca. So beg,” he rasps, his finger rubbing faster and faster. How does he do this? Make me want him so bad?
“Marius… please.”
“That’s a start. How ‘bout I give you some incentive?” I feel a finger slide itself inside of me, and I bite down hard, tasting blood.
“Oh, fuck. Marius, I want you inside me. Please.”
“You know the words I want to hear, Anca,” he says, his finger joined by another, and I can think is I want to feel him inside me.
“Uh, fuck, Marius, fuck me, I beg you, please.”
“Good girl,” he growls into my ear. He pulls his hand away from me, gripping my hips in his hands and drives himself deep into me. “Uhhhh, Anca. Fuck.”
We fall fast into frantic rhythm, each thrust taking him deeper inside me. I rake his back with nails as he takes me closer and closer to my peak.
I open my eyes at the last minute and see him watching me. “Come with me, Marius,” I plead with him, and he nods, never pulling his eyes away.
“Anca, oh, Anca,” he moans over and over just as I reach my climax. Just watch him, watch as he reaches his, his eyes growing dark and round, as he gives me everything.
He falls against me, heavy but comforting. I wrap my arms around him, and know I’ve never felt more at home.
***
The shower’s running in the next room when I wake up again, sometimes later. My body feels both sore and satisfied at the same time. I try to ignore the bruised parts and focus on the fact that I’m safe and surrounded by people who love me.
My stomach rumbles and I realize I’ve probably missed breakfast and lunch. It’s a day for room service. Room service and sex. I roll over to Marius’ side of the bed and reach for the menu on his nightstand. There’s a scrunched up newspaper on top of it, and I’m just about to push it away when I notice the headline. And the picture.
Jez and Marius, fighting on stage.
In front of thousands and thousands of people.
People who had come to see them, see me.
People who had watched me freeze on stage and then members of the same band punch each other’s lights out. Because of me.
I scan the article.
Oh my god. What’ve I done?
I reread it, every word.
I really have ruined everything.
“Hey, what’s going on?”
I look up, Marius is standing there in just a towel, his hair and chest still wet from the shower.
“Have you… have you read this?” I ask him, holding out the newspaper.
“Yes.”
“When?”
“Earlier this morning.”
“And when were you going to tell me about it?”
He just shakes his head, “Why should I have told you about it? It’s not important.”
I can’t believe what he’s saying. “Marius – this… did you and Jez fight on stage last night?”
“It’s not a big deal, Anca. It was just in the heat of the moment, we were worried about you when you ran off.”
“It says people are going to ask for a refund.”
“So what? They can fucking have it!” He comes over and tears the newspaper from my hands. “Just ignore it.”
“Ignore it? Marius! What are you going to do about this?�
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“I’m not going to do anything!”
“What do the rest of the guys think?”
He squirms and looks away.
“Marius? Have you guys discussed this at all?”
“Look, it’s not a big deal, okay? Everyone thinks that… um, to show that we’re totally behind you, and that you’re going to bring it for the rest of the shows, maybe you should do some publicity.”
“Fine. I’ll do it. Tell me when and where.” I have to fix this. I can’t let anything negative happen to the band because of me. Not because of me.
“No. NO!” he yells, startling me.
“Marius!”
He slams his hand against the wall before turning back to me. “NO! I am not going to have them parade you around, like you have something to prove. No!”
“Marius. It makes sense. I can do it, I don’t mind. I want to.”
“I already told them no, Anca. You’ve been through enough. I’m not going to put any more pressure on you to perform.”
“Don’t you think I should have a say in this?”
“No.”
“Marius.” I say, and I hope he can hear the warning in my voice. “Marius, you don’t get to decide this. I do.”
“Like hell. This is my band. And you’re MY…” He stops.
“Your what?”
“I… you’re just mine.”
Now it’s my turn to get angry. I get up and walk over to him, facing off. “Firstly, I’m not yours. I’m with you and I want to be with you, but I don’t belong to anyone. Not Jez, not the Maestro and not you. When are you both going to let me make my own decisions! This isn’t any different to what happened to me before, Marius! Can’t you see that?” I tear the newspaper from his hand and wave it in his face. “What kind of person do you think I am, that I wouldn’t want to fix what I caused? Do you have that little respect for me?”
“Anca, I’m just trying to protect you.”
“And I appreciate that. But Marius, it goes both ways. I caused this, I get to decide if I want to help or not. And I do.”
“I said NO!”
“Okay, I’m not kidding anymore, Marius. You need to stop treating me like a child.”
“Anca! Do you have any idea how scared I was last night? When we came back here and you were gone? And then seeing you out there with the Maestro? I would’ve given my life to make sure you were safe. And then, to hear that he was feeding your head with all those lies again, about how amazing you are. Do you know how much it KILLED me to think that you could even believe them for a second? Now you want me to tell you to go groveling to the world just because you had a bad moment on stage? NO!”
“Marius.” I place my hand on his chest, feeling his heart beat. I love him so much in this moment for sticking up for me. For trying to protect me. “I know, I know you feel all those things, but you also have to let me make my own decisions. You know how you want the best for me? That’s how I feel about you. Your band – it’s your life. And I have affected that. And if all it takes is for me to go out there, answer some questions and play a few songs? It’s the least I can do.”
He places his hand over mine and squeezes it gently. Dropping a soft kiss on my fingertips.
“Anca. I said no.”
And my heart breaks.
“Are you done?” I ask, already knowing the answer, and dreading what’s coming next.
He nods, his eyes on mine.
“Then, Marius, I’m sorry, so are we.”
I pull my hands from him and without turning back, walk out the door.
Chapter Forty
Marius
She’ll be back.
She’ll think about what I’ve said and she’ll know I’m right, and that I’m just doing it to protect her.
She’ll be back.
She’ll know it’s all because I love her. Because I do.
I’ve never said it. But she knows.
She knows, right?
She’ll be back.
She’ll come back and I’ll tell her then.
Chapter Forty-one
Anca
The car stops by the curb and we sit for a moment, not talking, not looking at each other.
After a few minutes, a car horn pulls us out of the silence.
“You sure about this?” Jez asks, still not looking at me.
“No.” I have to admit.
“Then don’t. Stay. We’ll work it all out.”
“I’m more sure that that’s not the right thing to do.”
He just nods and squeezes his hands tighter around the steering wheel.
“I’m sorry, about everything,” I say, and trying to blink the tears away.
“Shush. There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
“I… ruined everything. You were right to keep me away.”
“Silly Anca. Did you have a good time? While you were with us?”
“I had the time of my life.”
“Then stay.” He says again.
“I can’t. I think we all need some time. Thank you for everything. For saving my life… again. I love you so much, big brother.”
“I love you too, baby sis. Let me know how you are, okay?”
“I will.” I push the car door open, and then stop, pulling an envelope from my pocket and hand it to Jez. “Will you…?”
He looks at it for a moment and then sighs, taking it from my hand. “Don’t do it this way. Talk to him. I mean, I know he’s been an ass, to both of us. But… he doesn’t deserve this.”
“He deserves kindness. This is what this is.”
I lean over and press a kiss to Jez’s cheek.
“Go out there and kill it, big bro. I’ll be watching.”
“Creepy.”
I give him a weak laugh.
“Go, get outta here. Your life’s waiting.” He says. And it makes it even harder to leave.
I close the door behind me, and run into the airport, before I forget that I’m a big girl now, and need to grow up.
Even if the only thing I want is my big brother’s arms around me, telling me everything is going to be okay.
***
Dear Marius,
Do you remember the day we first met?
Not in the bar, but at Guildhall. You were 18, I was 13. The four of you were running around the yard like a bunch of hyper gorillas, bellowing and grunting. Then the school bell rang and we all had to assemble in the yard. For a concert. A performance by you guys, one of your last. But the first I’d ever seen.
I couldn’t believe that the same loons tearing up the soccer field were now creating this exquisite sound. You had everyone raptured.
After you’d finished, I’d come up to Jez to tell him how good it was, you came running up behind him, jumping up on his back, and you’d looked at me and said, “Whoa, your eyes are a wicked color. Are you a witch?”
Did I ever tell you that story since we’ve been together? That even then you’d accused me of my wiccan tendencies.
It’s not surprising, eight years on, I still think that you are capable of magic as well.
Not just on the stage, but in my life.
I don’t have to tell you again, that without you, I don’t know where I’d be, who I am.
You gave me that, by giving me a sense of being again.
And part of that, my sweet Marius, is letting me discover where I want to go and who I want to be, from here. And I need to do that, away from you. Because I could lose myself in you and your protection for a long time. But then who would I be when it came time to finally emerge from that cocoon.
So, let me go, please.
Give me, give us, all of us, the time to heal. We’ve been through a lot. Broken friendship, betrayals and even a kidnapping! We need time.
You need time to heal with Jez, as do I.
And we need time to think about what we are to each other. And how we can best complement each other, and not destroy.
You have my heart, Marius.
&n
bsp; Keep it safe for me.
Your Anca.
Chapter Forty-two
Marius
One Month Later
She didn’t come back.
I waited. But she never walked through the hotel door again.
Not once to say she’d forgiven me. Not once to say she was wrong. Not even once to say goodbye.
I really did think she’d come back.
But the day turned into night. And when I woke up, it was still just me in the bed.
So I got up and pretended like my life was just as it always had been. One day after the other, without her.
One night after the other, reading and rereading the letter she’d had Jez give to me.
“What is this?” I’d asked him, when he’d handed it to me.
“I don’t know, man. She… she wanted me to give it to you.”
Given it to him, when? When had he seen her? “When? Where is she?”
“She’s gone. She’s gone for now,” he’d said. And nothing more.
“When is she coming back?”
“I don’t know, man. Maybe never. I don’t know.”
“Jez… please. I have to know.” I’d pleaded with him.
“I know. I’m sorry. But, it’s what she wanted.”
“Tell me where she is, Jez. Fucking hell, don’t pull this big brother crap on me right now.”
He’d patted me on the shoulder and pointed to the letter. “Just read the letter. I’m sorry, man. I really am.” And walked away.
They found the Maestro a few days after we left Nice. He was still following the tour bus, thinking Anca was still with us and was caught skulking around the parking lot by one of the crew. He was armed. The police have no doubt that with all the evidence we have against him, he’ll be put away for a long time. I thought then that she would come back and join us, at least to be around people who could support her through the legal proceedings, but Jez hired her a lawyer who took care of everything on her side, and she never came back.
