by Len Webster
“I know Dr. Rodahawe is your favorite living physicist. He wrote one of those journals you left at my apartment when we were dating.”
A smile peeked at her lips as she let his arms go. “I can’t believe you remember all that. But yeah, he has an institute in Zürich, and I was chosen to be his research assistant.”
“That’s why you and he are fighting? That’s why he isn’t here?”
“Yeah,” Alex said as she attempted a smile. “But don’t worry, okay? It’s going to get better.”
“How?” He sounded skeptical.
Alex felt her phone vibrate in her dress pocket. She realized it must be her parents, and that she had to get back to Brooks Fields for the graduation ceremony. “Look, we better go.” She turned around and returned to the bench, picking up her graduation cap and dusting it clean.
Landon was by her side in seconds, gripping her wrist to stop her from leaving. “First, tell me how it’s going to get better? I can’t go back to Phoenix worrying about you, Alex. I care about you … I still love you.”
Her poor heart squeezed, loving and hating that after all this time he still loved her.
“Landon,” she said in a small voice, “I love Evan. I chose to return to Massachusetts instead of going to Zürich. He doesn’t know this yet, but we’ll work it out. We always do.”
He pursed his lips and then let go of her wrist. “Are you happier with him?”
“I am,” she admitted, knowing that it would hurt him to hear. “I love him, Landon. For a short time in my life, I loved you, too, but I’ve always loved Evan. He was always my soul mate.”
“You love him enough to give up an opportunity of a lifetime to live and work in Zürich?”
She didn’t have to think.
She didn’t stutter as she replied, “I love him more than enough. Come on. Let’s get back. I don’t want to be late to my own graduation.”
Landon nodded, and without saying another word, they walked out of the gardens and toward Brooks Fields. She felt awkward, like she should say something, but Alex had no idea what. They had said enough at the bench. In fact, Alex had said more than she should have, and Landon had reacted much better than she thought he would. It slipped from her. In some way, she had expected Landon to have found out years ago. And it surprised her that he hadn’t exploded in a fit of rage. He had surprised her. Landon had grown up a lot since they broke up.
When they made it outside of Brooks Fields and to the crowds of fellow graduates, Alex turned and faced her ex-boyfriend. Deciding this was the best time to finally say goodbye, she smiled at him.
“Thank you for flying all this way, Landon.”
The hurt in his eyes had softened to the light blue gleam she missed. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world. You were a beautiful part of my life, Alex.” Then he bent down and pressed a kiss on her cheek. “I’ll always love you, just know that. And I can’t wait to watch you walk across that stage because I know I’m going to be so proud of you. Maybe we’ll see each other again. Maybe had we … Maybe if I …”
“Hey,” Alex whispered as he stepped back. “Don’t do that to yourself, Landon. We’re where we’re both supposed to be. You should go see your teammates. My family’s waiting for me. And thank you for the flowers.”
“Hey, Landon!” someone shouted behind him.
Landon glanced over his shoulder, sighed, and then faced her. “Guess this is goodbye?”
Alex nodded. “Goodbye, Connecticut.”
He laughed. “Goodbye, Massachusetts.”
Then Alex watched him turn around and make his way to the graduating seniors on the basketball team. A sense of sadness washed over her, hating to see him walk away. She had said goodbye but talking about Evan to her ex-boyfriend left her emotions an utter mess. Sighing, Alex spun around to find her parents before she graduated. She wanted to assure them that nothing had happened with Landon. That a talk was a talk. Alex went on the search through the crowd to finally find her family’s backs turned to her.
“Hey,” Alex said as she put her cap back on.
As she reached them, her parents stepped apart and her heart almost burst through her chest. Tears stung her eyes as she broke into a run, not caring that he may or may not want her right now. Alex threw her arms around him, her cap toppling to the ground as she pressed her cheek into his hard chest.
His arms wrapped tightly around her. “I’m so sorry, AJ.”
Alex shook her head, knowing that right now everything was okay. So long as she held him tight, everything would be okay. “You’re here,” she whispered, fighting back her tears.
Evan grasped her arms and pulled her back. His eyes flashed with an apology she accepted. “Take it,” he urged strongly.
Her brows furrowed. “Take what?”
“The job in Zürich, AJ. Take it.”
“What job in Zürich?” her mother asked behind her.
Alex shook her head as she pressed her palms to his chest. “No. I told you I want to go back to Massachusetts with you after we graduate. I mean, if you still want me to be at your graduation …” Her voice lowered. “And if you still want to be with me.”
Sadness swept his face. “Of course, I want to be with you. You’re all I want. And I don’t deserve it, but I want you at Stanford. I know the past few weeks have been hard on you, and it’s my fault. I didn’t take it well, I know. I’m so sorry, Alexandra. I was selfish. My flight got canceled this morning because of bad weather, so I had to take the next one, and I just got here. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here earlier. I’m sorry I’ve been so selfish. You didn’t deserve that. You didn’t deserve my silence and my coldness.”
Her heart expanded in her chest. He was being honest about his mistakes, and she had to be honest with hers. “I have to be honest with you.”
He blinked slowly at her. “Okay.”
“I just spoke to Landon,” she revealed.
Evan’s lips parted. “Oh,” he breathed.
“I told him that we’re together. That I love you.”
“And how did he take it?”
Alex slid her palms up his chest to settle on his neck. “Maturely. He came to see me and his other teammates graduate.”
Evan’s chin dipped. “And as your boyfriend, I almost missed it.”
“You’re here now,” Alex assured, lifting his chin higher. “I’m so happy you’re here, Evan.”
“I’m so sorry you thought I wouldn’t be. And I’m sorry I walked out on you when I found that letter. I didn’t mean it. Any of it. I’m sorry I made you feel like I wasn’t proud of you because I was. And I am. When I read that letter, I thought you were outgrowing me. That you didn’t tell me because you didn’t want me to be a part of your dreams. And if you don’t, I’m not mad. I don’t deserve to be with how I acted. I do mean it when I say you should take the job as Dr. Rodahawe’s research assistant.”
Alex shook her head as she dropped her hands. “I don’t want Zürich if I have to leave you, Evan. These past couple of weeks are proof that I can’t spend another year without you.”
He took a deep breath as he stepped closer and cupped her jaw in his palms. “If you’ll let me, I’ll follow you.”
“Follow me?” she asked breathlessly.
Evan nodded. “I did some research. I need to apply for a foreign nationals without gainful employment visa, but we have time for that over the summer before you have to leave for Zürich.”
Alex’s jaw dropped. “You would seriously come and live in Zürich for a year?”
“For you?”
She nodded. “Yeah.”
“I would, Alexandra.” Then Evan leaned forward and pressed a kiss on her lips. “I will.”
It was soft.
It wasn’t like the others since he found the letter.
This was meaningful.
The way he kissed her was right.
They fit again.
She felt and tasted his love for her on his lips.
A cough had her pulling away, realizing this was the first time they had been so public in their displays of affections around her family. Alex glanced over her shoulder to find a smirk on her grandfather’s face and her father looking away.
Alex spun around and faced her family. “Everyone who I wanted is here. Let’s get this graduation started.”
“Wait,” her mother ordered. “Someone care to tell me what’s going on? What job in Zürich?”
She glanced over at her parents and then at Evan. Alex inhaled a deep breath and knew she couldn’t keep it from her parents any longer. She had received an email a few weeks ago from Dr. Rodahawe stating that the position would remain hers for a short amount of time if she happened to reconsider. She was never going to. Alex had chosen Evan, but her boyfriend had changed his mind. He wanted them to stay together, and he was going to follow her to Zürich to chase her dreams.
“A few weeks ago, I got a letter from Dr. Vincent Rodahawe from the Rodahawe Institute. He chose me to be his new research assistant at his institute in Switzerland.”
Her father’s eyes widened. “Switzerland?”
Alex nodded. “He’s a Nobel Prize recipient. He’s the world’s leading expert on subatomic particles and velocity. He chose me to be part of his team, Dad.”
“That’s what you were fighting about?” her mother asked, eyebrow raised.
Evan nodded. “I didn’t handle the news very well. But this is Alexandra’s career and journey toward MIT.”
“And you’ll go with my daughter to Switzerland?”
Her boyfriend glanced over and smiled at her. “Yes, Mr. Parker. If that’s what she wants. My life belongs next to hers. I love your daughter, so I’ll go wherever I need to go. And for us to be together, our next stop is Zürich.”
Her grandfather Marcus bent down and picked up her cap, handing it to Evan. “Well, then, son, you have the honors. It’s time to see my beautiful granddaughter graduate from college.”
Evan smiled as he stepped in front of her, pressed a kiss on her forehead, then placed the graduation cap on her head. “I am so proud of you, Alexandra.”
“Thank you for being here.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he said as his palm ghosted down her arm and clasped her hand with his. “Eight protons. Eight neutrons.”
Smiling, she whispered, “I love you, too, Evan Gilmore.”
94 Pu
plutonium
ALEX
Now
“AJ,” Evan whispered as he inched his lips from hers, sweeping her hair away from her face. The small, soft smile on his face had her heart filling with warmth.
Filling with belief.
To the absolute brim with love for him.
“So our lives are here now?”
He nodded. “In Massachusetts, yes.”
“And us?” she asked in a small voice, needing him to confirm where they stood.
His thumb brushed along her cheek. “You’re everything to me. I want us to be together again. I want us to raise our child together.”
Alex reached up and wrapped her fingers around his wrists, pulling his palms from her face. Nerves suddenly rolled through her, making her palms sweaty. It was a question she didn’t expect a positive answer to, but she just wanted the truth from him.
“And you’re ready to become a father?” Alex shook her head, realizing how blunt she had been. “It’s okay to say you’re not one hundred percent ready because I’m not. I’m getting there, though.”
Evan’s face hardened. His serious expression had her straightening her spine, ready to hear the truth. “I don’t think any expectant father or mother is completely ready, AJ. I’m going to be honest and admit that I wasn’t expecting to be a father for some time. I mean, we’re twenty-four.” He reached over and grasped her hands as if he knew she was about to look away and wanted to stop the sting in her eyes from developing any sorts of tears. “But, AJ, you should know that when we were together, I wanted, dreamed, and looked forward to the moment you gave me my first child. I’ve always wanted you to be the mother of my child. And yeah, it was a surprise, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want him or her or you. I want him or her and you. I want to be the man you come home to. The man you plan and spend the rest of your life with. The man you raise your child with by your side.” He inhaled a deep breath, squeezing her hands. “I want to be your boyfriend again.”
He wants to be my boyfriend again.
Her heart swelled like it hadn’t before.
“I want to be your girlfriend again, Evan,” she said in a small voice. “I want everything in life with you.”
The mega-watt smile on his face had her laughing as Evan got up from the window seat and pulled her up from it. “I have to show you something.”
Alex tilted her head. “You do?”
“I do,” he said before he led her out of their baby’s nursery and down the hall to another door. His other hand grasped the brass knob, and he glanced over his shoulder at her. “It’s not quite done like the rest of our house, but it will be.”
Our house.
God, she loved the way it sounded from his lips.
The closest she had ever heard was their apartment.
Their home did so much more to her.
It made her feel complete.
For the first time in six months, she felt whole.
She and Evan were back together.
They still had a lot to work out, but she was sure they could do it together. She was positive that they would and could.
“Evan, I think the house is perfect.”
He laughed. “AJ, it’s a renovation mess. But I promise it’ll be finished before the baby is born. It’ll be complete, and we can move in.”
Alex blinked at him, realizing that all this time he had been moving fifteen minutes away from the house he had grown up in. “Evan, why did you even sell your house? It’s close enough to MIT, and it’s huge.”
Letting his hand drop from the brass doorknob, he spun and faced her. “I’ve never wanted to spend the rest of my life in that house. And I’ve never wanted you to spend the rest of our lives in that house either. Sure, you made it feel like a home when we were growing up, but each time you left, it felt cold. My parents left me alone in that house. So when they transferred the deed to me when I turned eighteen, I knew it wasn’t my home. It was a place to crash at when I wasn’t at Stanford. When I left Zürich and stayed in that room, I knew I had to get out. So I sold the house to Kyle after he told me he wanted to move out of the city with Angie.”
Her eyes went wide with utter shock. “Kyle bought the house?”
“He did,” Evan said as he reached behind him and opened the door, pulling her inside the dark room.
Alex felt his hand disappear from hers, and then she heard him flip a switch before the room brightened. It was larger than the nursery, and from what she could see from outside the window, this bedroom faced the backyard. Then she noticed the bed to her left and the doors that led to what she presumed was the bathroom and closet.
“Is this …?” she whispered.
“It’s our bedroom,” Evan confirmed. Then he stepped in front of her, a smile bright on his face. “I want this life with you. Only you. Well, that’s not true.”
“It’s not?”
He shook his head as he stepped forward and pressed his palms on her stomach. “I want this life with you and him or her. Just the two of you. You’re all I need.” He glanced down at her small bump and then back at her, tears in his eyes. “I used to think that later in life, your children would call me ‘Uncle Ev,’ but I can’t imagine it. It always felt a bit wrong. Your children were always meant to call
me dad. Just like my children were always meant to call you mom.”
Fighting against her tears, she pressed her hands against his cheeks. He was right. Her children were always meant to call Evan Gilmore dad. Her heart clenched when she noticed a tear fall down his cheek, and Alex brushed it away with her thumb.
“Evan,” she said in a soft voice, staring at his glassy eyes through her lashes.
“Yeah, Alexandra?” His hands remained on her stomach.
“Our child is going to call me mum. I’m Australian, remember?”
He laughed as his palms shifted and grasped her hips. “I remember. You’re the most Australian New Englander I know. But our child will also be American.”
Alex pulled her hands from his face and then wrapped her arms around his neck. “She’s going to call me mum, Evan.”
Evan’s brow raised. “She?”
“Or he. We won’t know for about two more months.”
“I won’t miss any ultrasounds,” he promised as he snaked his arms around her back, pulling her body to his. “Or parenting classes. I won’t miss anything, AJ.”
“I believe you,” she said with a smile.
“Are you hungry?” Evan asked as he pulled his arms free from her. “I’ll give you a tour of the house later on if you’d like.”
“Can we stay like this a little longer? It’s been so long since I’ve been with you like this.”
He nodded as his arms circled around her waist. Alex rested her ear against his hard chest, and she heard his strong heartbeats. It felt so right to be with him again. To be in his arms. To hear his heartbeat as if it were calling her name.
“AJ,” Evan whispered as his palm cupped the back of her head, holding her tight.
“Yes?”
“I love you,” he murmured into her hair after he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “So much. I love you so much, AJ. I also love this baby so much.”
Smiling, she tilted her chin up to see him. “I named him or her Little Atom.”
His eyes gleamed with recognition. “Little Atom … you mumbled that name to me.”
“I did.”
