Chapter forty-five
I always knew that Rufus wasn’t a traitor.
I got used to the antiseptic smell in the hospital after a few days. I slept for hours trying to forget. When I woke up I felt emptier than I ever had before. The guilt hung on my chest like a heavy a handsaw. I kept telling myself that I was only protecting the people that I loved, but deep down I was a killer. Dad looked like he was on the edge of nervous breakdown.
‘It’s over. Come on, Dad, you don’t have to worry anymore,’ I said, hoping that after three days of collecting evidence, worrying about what could have happened to me and cleaning up the mess he could finally let go.
‘You can’t trust anyone these days, absolutely anyone,’ he yelled. The nurse reminded him three times already that he had to be quiet. I couldn’t take this anymore. Dad had to calm down otherwise I would start screaming.
‘He was in McGregor’s pocket. You wouldn’t have known,’ I told him.
‘That’s the point, I should have known!’
He was stressed and tired of keeping me away from Mum. I sighed, ignoring the pain in my neck. I was slowly recovering. My shoulder was dislocated, my neck was nearly torn apart, and if not for Jasper I would have been raped as well. I had to give that statement. There was a warrant issued for Jasper. I owed him my life, but he needed help and he had to answer for his crimes. Police had been trying to track him down, but he vanished.
‘We need to move on from this mess. We all just need to get back to normal.’
Dad paced around the room, talking to himself. He had a lot on his mind; bodies had been piling up like bricks. His investigation was slowly moving forward, his neck was on the line.
Nathaniel was on the intensive care floor. His injuries were severe. He had broken wrists, ribs, and a brain concussion. He had deep wounds all over his body and he’d lost large amounts of blood. He was in bad shape. For over a week he wasn’t allowed to have any visitors as the elves were trying to patch him up. I found out that McGregor sent his people for him. They nearly killed him. He was lucky that he survived that hell.
Rufus was in a much better state than Nathaniel. He had been kept in isolation for several months, but apart from scratches and deep cuts, he was recovering quickly enough. He was back on his feet within days, but he wasn’t allowed to leave the hospital. I couldn’t stop myself from being overly emotional when I finally saw him.
‘Hey, boss, how are you feeling?’ I asked, sitting on the chair next to his bed. His face was still swollen and bruised.
‘Fine. I had my first decent meal in months and my wife doesn’t want to divorce me.’
‘I’m so sorry, Rufus,’ I said and started sobbing.
‘Hey, what are you sorry for?’ he asked, laughing. ‘I’ve never seen you cry. Come on, stop it, it’s disturbing.’
‘It’s all my fault that you were kidnapped,’ I howled. He embraced me with his large arms.
‘Don’t be silly,’ he said. ‘They would have taken me anyway. I should have known that it was a trap.’
‘If it wasn’t for me, this wouldn’t have happened.’
‘I will fire you if you don’t stop talking nonsense,’ he said raising his voice. I wiped my tears away, looking at his bruised face.
‘I’m sorry,’ I repeated, blowing my nose. ‘Tell me what happened? Why didn’t you go to the police?’
‘I couldn’t. They were watching me. I had to act quickly, so I sent my kids and Elena abroad to keep them safe. I was planning to talk to La Caz, but then Fiorillo called me asking me to meet him and I had done it for old time sake. I should have known that they would bug his phone.’
I always knew that Rufus wasn’t a traitor.
‘They were waiting for you?’
‘Yeah, Fiorillo was nowhere to be seen and then I was surrounded. I didn’t stand a chance, but I think I killed one of them.’
I dropped my head feeling sick.
‘They took you away trying to gain information,’ I said. ‘I guess they were violent about it?’
‘Don’t worry about it. It’s all in the past. They needed me, so they had to keep me alive.’
Rufus explained what kind of information McGregor was trying to get out of him, but he was reluctant to tell me about the tortures that he was subjected to. Rufus never showed any weakness, but I couldn’t even imagine what he had to go through when he was isolated for over three months.
‘I wanted to live for Elena and for the kids, so I played tough. They were getting restless with me.’
I wanted to ask more questions, but Elena arrived with Tommy and Jessica, so I took my leave.
Ella arrived later on. She stood in the entrance to my room, looking lost and unsure if she should enter. We both stared at each other in silence. Ella hated hospitals, but she was here for me and I was so glad to have her.
‘Julia, I hope that you don’t mind that I came over?’ she asked shyly, finally letting go of her fear. She looked much more like the Ella that I used to know. Her red hair was worn straight, her fake tan was back along with long nails and eyelashes.
‘Don’t be ridiculous, of course you can come over. You’re my best friend. How did you know that I was in the hospital?’
‘I called your Dad and he mentioned that you were going through a rough time.’
She handed me a box of chocolate and sat on the chair next to me. An uncomfortable silence settled between us. I was so glad to see her; after this hellish week I needed to feel normal.
‘What happened to your face?’ she asked.
‘It’s a very long story.’ I sighed.
‘I want to hear it,’ she demanded.
‘Are you sure? It’s all over now. It’s better to forget and just move on,’ I said, massaging the nape of my sore neck. Ella was making progress and I didn’t want to scare her off.
‘No, I’m fine, you can tell me. I won’t freak out’
‘Oh Ella, I don’t know.’
‘Shut up and start from the beginning.’
I swallowed the giant lump in my throat. Maybe she was ready to hear about McGregor and his master plan. She was part of the chain, witnessing the murder during the networking event. I didn’t have to lie to her anymore. I took a deep breath and went through everything that happened after Ludwig Spencer was murdered. I told her about Rufus, Nathaniel, and the damp basement. It was hard to go through the part where I was nearly raped. Once I finished, she hugged me tightly.
‘He saved you, after all that, he showed up,’ she repeated. I knew how she felt about my ex-boyfriend. Now she probably hated him even more.
I nodded.
‘I’m sorry that I’ve been such a bitch to you.’
‘It’s not your fault. I lied to you.’
‘When you told me about who you were,’ she began, playing with her fingers, ‘I was afraid, I didn’t want to go out. I had nightmares about that night.’
‘I should be the one apologising. I had no idea that you would be immune to a memory spell. It all went wrong from there,’ I said.
‘I still don’t know what happened during that night. I feel sick when I try to remember.’
Dad’s investigation hadn’t revealed anything new. He had a couple of suspects but no one that he could charge with murder. Ella was the only witness, she was aware of bits and pieces but we needed a description.
‘Nathaniel hired a troll to look after me, and someone murdered him, and you are the only witness,’ I explained chewing on my bottom lip.
‘I feel like I have a hole in my head,’ she said, tensing her body.
I squeezed her palms and brushed her hair away from her face. She didn’t need to go through that nightmare again, but Ludwig deserved justice and so far no one had been arrested. McGregor’s rotten body was burning in hell, but the case was still open.
‘Listen, we can try something if you want. I can help you remember,’ I suggested.
She nodded, looking slightly taken back by my words. ‘Okay, if
that will help your father to find a killer.’
I touched her palms and concentrated. ‘Close your eyes and imagine that you’re back in that room; try to remember small details like the smell, the noise, or the colours around you.’
Ella squeezed her eyes and I waited. I didn’t use magic, I didn’t know if this would help her but I had to try.
‘I was trying to find the toilet. I was with Christina, but she was chatting up the waiter,’ said Ella, frowning. She tightened her grip. ‘Then I felt sick. The light was too bright. Someone was screaming.’
She started shaking and I knew that I should stop.
‘Open your eyes, Ella, it’s OK,’ I told her.
‘I’m sorry it’s not working,’ she cried, sitting back. ‘I can only remember that odd cinnamon smell. Nothing else.’
‘Cinnamon?’ I asked, frowning.
‘Yes it’s that spicy, oriental fragrance and cinnamon, I think I recognize it but—’
‘Jasper,’ I whispered, feeling all the blood rush to my ears, and I was pretty certain that I was going to collapse.
‘Oh my God, Julia, what’s going on? Should I call the doctor?’
I was so fucking stupid. I should have known that Jasper killed Ludwig. It was obvious all this time McGregor was talking about a wizard that had been helping him. Jasper had been sniffing around me, and probably he came to the networking event to talk to me but the bodyguard must have stopped him. I had to keep Ella out of this nightmare; she couldn’t know that it was Jasper she saw that night.
‘No, I’m fine, ‘I replied breathless. ‘I was a little dizzy.’
‘You said something about Jasper.’
‘He saved me so I kind of owe him, you see.’
Ella wasn’t stupid but she didn’t know that Jasper was a killer. Her memories were in pieces. When the nurse came in announcing that visiting hours were over I was relived. Ella left and I kept staring at the wall wondering why I hadn’t figured it out earlier. Jasper was unpredictable, but I couldn’t believe that he was capable of murdering an innocent man. Ella had recognised his cologne but I wasn’t fully convinced. Maybe he was there that night and he lost control. Maybe he killed Ludwig accidentally. I hated his guts and I hated that I had learned the truth.
***
After a few weeks, life went back to normal, well, as normal as it could get. Rufus went back to work acting like he hadn’t just suffered through any trauma. I was just glad to be busy in the office, knowing that McGregor was dead.
Nathaniel recovered well, but since that terrible evening we had been growing apart. He threw himself into his busy schedule, forgetting about me and his responsibilities in London. He left the country as soon as he was back on his feet. His business in Geneva was flourishing. I assumed that he still couldn’t come to terms with everything that went on with McGregor, so I left him to deal with his own pain. I kept telling myself we both needed space after such a trauma, but I was disappointed that he ran away.
I spent more time with Nicky, babysitting her kids and pretending I was happy that way. Kelsie kept dragging me to wild parties hoping I would snap out of this depressing mood. It was soon clear that Nathaniel didn’t want to rebuild what we had. Kate was there for me as always, assuring me that everything would be back to normal soon. I believed her, at least I hoped that I did.
Chapter forty-six
This is it; he is going to tell me how much he loves me.
After days of not hearing from Nathaniel, he arrived at my apartment unexpectedly. I heard rumours through Kelsie that he was due to fly back from Geneva next week, so I was surprised to see his car outside of my apartment on this gloomy Monday evening. He stood on threshold of my door for several moments before he scooped me up into his arms and kissed me.
‘I missed you,’ he muttered.
‘What are you doing here?’ I asked, pulling away. ‘It’s been days since I have heard from you.’
He cocked his head to the side, watching me intensely. I shivered, remembering how much happier I used to be with him before that shifter tricked me into his car. Nathaniel looked tired but still breathtaking standing in front of me in his grey suit.
‘I have been thinking a lot lately,’ he began. ‘I caught an early plane because I wanted to tell you something.’
This is it; he is going to tell me how much he loves me.
I wanted to tell him that it was too late. He had his chance, but he chose to leave and run away. He approached me, smiling and I melted, realising that I didn’t have the strength to throw his emotions back at him. I was still in love.
‘I’m taking you away this weekend,’ he said, kissing my neck. ‘We need to relax and forget about what happened. I shouldn’t have left you alone, but I needed some time to think. You mean so much to me.’
‘Weekend away,’ I said, forcing back the tears. ‘That’s great.’
The disappointment washed over me like a light rain in the summer, but there was a thunderstorm crushing me from inside. My heart was pounding. He took me to the living room and talked about the hotel and all the plans that he had for us. I was nodding, forcing myself to smile. Deep down I kept wondering what the hell was I still doing with him. If he truly and unconditionally wanted to be with me he would have said that he was in love with me.
‘So pack now, we are leaving in an hour,’ he ordered, checking his mobile.
‘What? We can’t go now. I have to be to work tomorrow.’
‘I spoke to Rufus, and he is fine with it. Besides, he told me himself that you need a break,’ he explained, leaning against the table.
‘No.’ I stood up. ‘I can’t just leave him now. If someone deserves a break it’s Rufus. He was the one to be tortured.’
‘Julia, don’t be so dramatic. We haven’t got time for this, our plane leaves in an hour.’
‘Fine,’ I said.
Part of me wanted to agree with him. We both needed to a break from this mess, we both had to forget. I wasn’t in any danger anymore and we had each other. I went to my bedroom and started packing. Nathaniel was on the phone in the living room talking in French, probably sorting the details about our flight.
He didn’t tell me where he was taking me, so I sat on my bed for a moment wondering if I was making the right decision. We had both been through a nightmare so it was obvious that he finally made the decision to come back to me. Everything made sense. We both made sense, so why did I doubt myself?
Maybe my grandmother was right all along. My relationship with Nathaniel was false. He only wanted me for my body and my blood; otherwise he would have behaved differently. I closed the suitcase, taking a long deep breath.
My palms were damp with sweat when I came back into the living room.
‘Please tell me that you didn’t change your mind?’ he asked, switching off his phone.
I stood there watching him, thinking about the attraction that pulled us together when I showed up in his office for the first time. We were drawn to each other straight away, but I refused to believe that the chemistry that evolved between us was real. He always cared about me, but he would never love me, much less say so.
‘Tell me that you love me.’
I had no idea where this came from, but I had been choking on those words inside me for so long. We both needed to find a way to be happy, and I had to know.
His posture tensed as soon as those words left my mouth. He ran his hands through his hair and looked away. In that moment I realised that he wasn’t going to tell me how he really felt about me—and in that moment my world ended.
‘Julia.’ He began to approach me, but I took a step back. I searched for confirmation of my own feelings in his eyes, but I found nothing. He wasn’t in love with me. He wanted me, but it wasn’t love.
‘Say it, Nathaniel. I can’t go with you unless I know that we are on the same boat,’ I told him through gritted teeth. He’d humiliated me enough, and I just wanted him to tell me that I was the one.
The
shadow of doubt passed over his handsome face. ‘My firecracker, please don’t do this to yourself.’
I clenched my teeth, staring at him, trembling with exhaustion. Emotion rocked through my heart. I felt like I was walking through fire. My anger was escalating and I was burning alive.
‘I’m sorry I can’t go, not like this,’ I whispered, looking away. Tears welled in my eyes.
We were over.
‘Julia, please, let’s just forget about this. We can just jump in the car and have a wonderful time together,’ he said mechanically.
I shook my head.
‘I can’t do this, Nathaniel, I just can’t.’
‘It’s not about love, firecracker.’
‘It’s always about love, Nathaniel,’ I said, blocking the new hot pain from that statement. ‘I don’t want to pretend that you feel the same way. Just move to Geneva and be happy. You don’t have to worry about me.’
He stood in my living room for several moments not responding, only watching my misery and pain that had been clenching inside my heart. We both knew that he was capable of love. I guessed it just wasn’t meant for me. I felt like I had a balloon in my chest, the air kept swelling until it exploded, leaving me deflated and used.
***
6 months later
‘Are you sure that you don’t want to bail? We can get out of here?’ Kelsie asked for the seventh time while I was trying to enjoy my champagne. ‘I’m bored, this party sucks!’
Paranormal Personnel Saga Box Set - Books 1-3 Page 50
