by Ella Fields
“Platonic?” he repeated, tossing my phone across the room. It landed with a thud on the carpet, and then he was stalking toward me. “What’s so fucking platonic about kissing emojis? Huh? Or winking ones? And dimples?”
He was looming over me now, his eyes swimming with cruel accusation. “I didn’t send those, he did, and it’s just a stupid nickname.”
“You’re encouraging it,” he seethed through his teeth. “And a stupid nickname? Like the stupid one I gave you?”
My back hit the wall, and I felt tears arrive with a sting. That he could accuse me of wronging him when I’d done nothing but answer a friend’s texts was ridiculous. “What about Ainsley, Jackson?”
His brows lowered and pulled, and he took a step back. “Jackson?”
I nodded even as my hands shook.
“What does she have to do with anything?”
“You think I don’t see her always commenting on your photos? Liking every one of them, and saying she’ll message you about this new Thai place in town?” I couldn’t believe I’d said all that, my chest rising and falling and my shoulders loosening. I didn’t doubt him, or us, and I didn’t want him thinking I didn’t trust him. I removed my gaze from his thinned one and directed it to the stained carpet. “I’m so—”
“Maybe it’s because she fucking cares about what I’m doing. Instead of spending her spare time with new people, new guys, she still pays attention to me.”
Too far, and the violent change in his features said he knew it. My teeth sank into my lower lip so hard, I tasted copper, and I began to gather my things.
“Shit,” he hissed, then he was trapping me within his arms. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, but this… it’s killing me.”
He knew why I couldn’t love him the way other girls did online. He’d always known. And I feared what’d just happened meant he was growing tired. Tired of the fact that even though everyone knew, we were still in hiding.
We would forever be in hiding.
“You meant it,” I said. “Or you wouldn’t have said it.”
“I didn’t,” he insisted, his hand gripping the back of my head, every part of me touching him as he stuffed his nose into my neck. “I swear I didn’t.”
My eyes closed, my head turning to rest my lips against his throat. “He’s just a friend.”
Jackson said nothing, and nothing else was said as our lips collided and we tore our clothes off again.
Stars twinkled above the crack between the rooftops, and I kicked my feet up, sinking into the hammock.
After months of pestering, I’d finally caved to Flo’s request of attending a party with her.
Other than the surroundings, the scent of cheaper fragrances, and different types of drinks, it wasn’t much different from the parties at Prep.
Dad had taken some convincing, but when I’d promised him Jackson wouldn’t be here, and that he didn’t even know about it, he’d conceded and said to call him if I needed a ride home.
Having Flo over to get ready for the party felt weird. I felt as if I’d been shoved into a different life once and for all, and it was happening whether I decided to live it or not.
Dad hadn’t seemed to approve at first, but naturally, she’d worn him down with her innocuous jokes, smiles that were a little too suggestive, and promises to keep me out of trouble.
Where she was now to hold up her end of the unnecessary bargain, I had no idea. I could guess it was somewhere inside with Green, one of the guys on the soccer team who she’d been seeing since New Year’s.
It didn’t matter, I thought, taking a sip from the too fruity wine Flo had left me with. I’d walked two steps inside the three-bedroom home in the small residential neighborhood by the creek when I realized I didn’t care to socialize one bit. I’d much rather be left alone to wonder and worry what Jackson was doing in private.
It’d been four days since I’d heard anything, since a text that’d said he missed me.
Four days that once seemed like an eternity but had now become our new normal.
“That hammock a two-seater by any chance?”
Todd.
I grinned, my belly warm from the alcohol, and my mind relaxed enough to want his company. I laughed as he climbed on and almost sent me to the pebbles below.
He held the fence the hammock was attached to, and I ducked my head in case I swung into the side of the house.
“Not in the mood?” he asked, tucking his feet close, yet they still touched mine. It was kind of unavoidable.
Taking a sip, I handed him the bottle when he gestured for it, and laughed when he smacked his lips together with a cringe. “Dear god. It’s cat piss.”
I snatched it back. “Beats nothing.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
With his dark eyes grabbing mine, I stalled for something to say that didn’t make me out to be the love-sick girl I was. “Not really in the mood, but I also don’t want to go home yet.” I took another sip. “You?”
“Always in the mood to get shitfaced,” Todd said. “But your proclivity to hanging on your own, even at a party, has me troubled.”
“Is that so?” I smiled.
He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, grinning. “Yeah. Where’s that brother of yours?”
“Probably out,” I said. “I’m not sure.”
He scratched at the stubble on his chin, then ran a hand over his close-cropped hair. “I see.”
“You do, do you?” I could never resist humoring him.
He slouched back, tilting his head to gaze up at the sky. “Been seeing for months, Dimples.”
I didn’t want to respond. Normally, I would ignore any remarks he’d make that crept too close for comfort. Tonight, though, I was just the right amount of drunk to let him wonder. “What is it exactly you see?”
“How’s your mom?”
I frowned, noticing how the scruff on his jaw peppered his throat. Jackson’s did the same, but that was only when he didn’t shave. He always shaved. “My mom?”
“Yeah.” He tucked his arms behind his head, giving me his depthless, glinting eyes.
“You know I wouldn’t know that.”
His long lashes lowered halfway as he studied me. I stared down at my denim covered knees, wondering what he was playing at. “You miss her, don’t you? She’s been a total bitch to you, and your dad’s been awesome, yet you still can’t help but miss her.”
I did. With an acute ache that was slow to fade, her betrayal simmered deep. “She won’t talk to me.” I’d only tried twice since she and Heath had kicked me out, but that was enough to know she wouldn’t budge. Not until she was ready, should that day ever arrive. “It doesn’t matter, does it?”
I looked back up at him when he said, “Yeah, actually, it matters plenty.”
Those words lingered in the following silence, the hammock rocking so slowly, it could’ve lulled me to sleep.
Eventually, I asked, “How’s Jade?” He’d given up his playboy job and had decided to get himself a girlfriend.
“We broke up.” He stole the bottle from me, taking a huge gulp that made his throat bulge, then he belched. “Fuck me, that’s bad.”
I grabbed it and drank. “Don’t drink it then.”
“Don’t ask questions I don’t want to answer then.”
I laughed, stabbing a finger at him. “You can talk. Why’d you break up? You were doing so well.”
“Right? Two weeks with the same chick. New record.” He made a noise, then pursed his lips. “And I have my reasons, but it’s probably better I don’t divulge them.” His eyes settled on mine. “Not to you.”
I was about to ask why when his gaze dipped to my lips. Clearing my throat, I asked for the time, then cursed and all but threw myself to the ground. “I need to go.”
“Whoa.” Todd rolled to the pebbles, and I laughed, taking his hand to help him up. “Where do you need to be, Cinderella?”
I released his hand when he tried to pull me
to the ground. “Home, and about thirty minutes ago at that.”
“I’ll take you,” he said, catching up with me as I reached the side gate.
“You’ve been drinking.” I plucked out my phone to tell Flo I was going.
“Only those few god-awful drops of cat piss.”
Smiling, I tucked my phone away and followed him to his car. It smelled like the apple air freshener hanging from his rearview mirror, and I felt a textbook digging into my heel.
“Why the tense look, Dimples?”
“You really need to stop calling me that.” I’d told him a handful of times before, ever since Jackson and I had argued about it back in our hotel room, but he didn’t listen.
“Not going to happen,” he said yet again. “Quit evading my questions.”
“I’m not,” I said, laughing a little. “And I’m not tense. I just hope Dad’s asleep so I don’t ruin my chances of doing this again.”
“You are eighteen.”
“But I live under his roof,” I countered. “His rules. I need to respect them.”
Todd hummed, turning down endless winding streets. Every fourth house was lit, the rest lost to the shadows of slumbering night. “You mean after being tossed aside like a soiled toy, you don’t want to wind up homeless, or disappoint anyone else.”
Flo and her big mouth.
He’d overheard us talking about my mom and Jackson weeks ago during lunch, and being that he’d heard enough, I’d waved Florence off when she’d looked at me for permission to fill in the gaps for him.
“Something like that,” I murmured. Though I knew my dad was worlds apart from my mom, Todd was right. I didn’t want to disappoint or alienate the only family member who still wanted anything to do with me. Well, the only member besides Jackson.
Though even that had me losing more and more sleep as our lives continued to race away from us in different lanes.
“Would it help if I introduced myself?” He turned down my street, and I didn’t bother asking him how he’d known where I’d lived. He’d been by my place once with Flo to drop off homework when I’d had the flu, but he hadn’t come in.
“Absolutely not,” I said, unclipping my seat belt when he pulled up to the curb.
Relief, thick and velvet, flooded my veins when I saw all the lights were out save for the porch.
I turned to Todd, smiling. “I think I’ll be okay.”
His eyes bored into mine, the whites around the black pupils vibrant. “Can I say something?”
I tilted my head. “Nothing good usually follows those words.”
He chuckled. “You don’t even know what I was going to say.”
“Do I want to?”
“You’re still in the car.” He took my hand, and before I could read his intent, he’d pulled me close, and his mouth was an inch from mine. “You’re worth loving, and you could never lose someone who knows that.”
Breath fled me on a burning exhale as I absorbed those words. “Who would’ve thought one of the school’s token players could be so sweet?”
His eyes thinned, but his lips lifted, exposing a taunting flash of teeth.
I moved just in time to avoid it happening and fumbled to open the door. “Willa, wait—”
His words were cut off as his door was yanked open, and he was torn from the car and slammed against the side.
I scrambled out, a scream lodging in my throat as Jackson pulled his fist back. “Jack, no!”
He froze for all of a second, but it was long enough for Todd to shove him off.
I hadn’t seen his truck parked two houses down. I hadn’t thought he’d be here, let alone thought to look.
Jackson’s nostrils flared, his eyes alight with an anger I’d never seen before. “This is how your friend treats you, Bug?” His gaze never left Todd as he pushed him, who probably matched him in weight and height, yet Todd did nothing. “You let them kiss you?”
“She moved away,” Todd said, then smirked. “Unfortunately.”
Jackson swung, his fist hitting Todd’s jaw and sending him stumbling back.
The scream escaped as I came unglued and raced around the car, grabbing Jackson’s arm as he prowled to where Todd was hunched over, cursing as he gingerly touched his jaw.
“Let go,” he growled.
“No. If you really love me, you’ll stop. Dad’s asleep, and we can’t handle any more trouble, Jackson. Please.” He halted, his arm muscles clenching and unclenching beneath my hold. “He’s my friend, I swear. He was just messing around.”
“Stop,” he said, pinning me with those fury burning eyes. “Stop fucking defending him.”
“He’s right, Dim—Willa.” Todd straightened, wincing as he worked his jaw. “I’m good. I’ll see you Monday, ’kay?” His eyes asked if I was okay, and I nodded, pleading with my own for him to go.
Jackson cursed and stalked over to his car when Todd got in. But Todd ignored Jackson’s threats to keep away from me and took off down the quiet street.
“Jack,” I said when he started for his truck. “Jackson!”
He was leaving. He was really going to just leave.
“Jackson, don’t you dare,” I said. “Wait.”
He did, turning and grounding out, “I’ve been waiting for half an hour, hoping like hell you weren’t asleep. You didn’t answer your phone, and still, I fucking waited.”
I thought back to when I’d last used it and then pulled it out of my pocket. Sure enough, there were three calls from him during the drive home. I tucked it away, chewing my lip. “I’m sorry.”
He stared, brows low and eyes flashing, then barked out a laugh. “You know what? Fuck your stupid sorry.” Then he was climbing in the truck.
I couldn’t think of anything else to say that might make him listen, and so I didn’t speak, just acted. Running, I jumped into his truck as he started it, then folded my arms over my chest.
“Willa,” he gritted. “Get out.”
“No.”
“I’ll pick you up and remove you myself. Get out.” When I smiled at him, he huffed with disbelief, then put the car in drive. “Fine.”
We passed street after street and ended up on a leaf-strewn road bordering the woods. Finally, I found the courage to try to calm the rage that still wafted from him. “I didn’t think he’d do that. You believe me, right?”
“I saw,” he said, somewhat reluctantly. “I saw you pull away and move to get out, but what I don’t know”—he scrubbed his chin—“what I don’t understand, is why you’d put yourself in that position in the first place.”
“Position?” I asked, affronted. “I was hanging out with a friend. A friend I never expected would try to kiss me.”
“Where were you hanging out?” he asked. When I didn’t answer quick enough, he flashed me an impatient look, brows raised. “Well?”
My arms fell, and I slunk back into the leather seat. “A party.”
Jackson cursed. “Since when does your dad let you go to parties?”
“Since I asked if I could,” I said.
Jackson pulled off the road, and I grabbed the handle as the truck bounded over ditches and dirt potholes, swerving between the trees.
“Jack, what the hell?”
“Let me get this straight,” he said, the vehicle coming to an abrupt halt. There was no one and nothing around, no light save for that of the moon and stars trying to breach the foliage of the towering trees. “You won’t ask your dad if you can attend the parties I’m at, but suddenly, you ask to attend one that asshole is going to?”
“I didn’t know if you were going out,” I said. “You never returned my last two calls.” I tried to mask the hurt I felt over that, but it was pointless.
“I couldn’t, Willa.” Removing his seat belt, he swiped both hands down his face. “Jesus Christ, do you think I want to avoid you?”
I didn’t, but I didn’t know what to think about how hard it’d become for us to even get in touch anymore. “I’ve always been the
one to try to call,” I whispered. “I always need to be free around the time you’re on lunch at school, before you start school, or after you finish school even though you don’t always answer, and you hardly ever call me.”
“We’re fighting about phone calls now? Is that why you hung out with that guy?”
“His name is Todd, and no, I hung out with him because, again, he’s my fucking friend.” I was shaking, my voice and my hands.
At the sound of the curse that left me, Jackson’s mouth parted, and then I was in his lap, my sweater torn off and his mouth all over mine.
His hands swept inside the back of my jeans and panties, palming my ass, then moved lower to toy with where I needed him. I whimpered, biting his lip, clawing at his hair, then lifted his shirt to touch his stomach, moving lower to his fly. I undid it, then crawled off him just enough for him to free himself, and I tried to do the same.
We groaned as we removed my jeans, but Jackson wouldn’t wait for my panties. He pulled them aside hard enough to ruin the elastic, then shoved himself at my opening.
The horn blared behind me, but if anything in the wooded area stirred, I didn’t hear or see it. My eyes slammed closed as my head fell back, Jackson holding my hips down on him as he stretched and filled me, and his teeth scraped down my neck.
His anger was palpable, reaching all the places fear and hurt resided deep inside.
His hands were bruising as he lifted my ass and hips, using me to milk his pleasure, and leaving me to find my own. I did, grinding down and taking what I needed until the stars in the sky painted the backs of my eyelids, and I was free-falling into the kind of bliss that made me feel as if everything was going to be okay.
Through the haze, my eyes cracked open enough to see his nostrils widen, eyes blazing bright green as he came. The rough timbre of his voice and his choppy breathing had my hands gripping his cheeks as I slowly rocked my hips over him.
Minutes, or maybe hours, later, I whispered into his neck as he held me flush to him. “Jack, what’s happening to us?”
“Nothing, Bug,” he lied. “Nothing will ever happen to us.”
My voice cracked. “You’re lying.”
