“Wonder what that’s all about?” Heath said as he slipped something cold down the back of her dress.
She squirmed. “What is that?”
“It’s ice.” He showed her a bucket and it had ice in it.
“I was thinking it was a bit on the warm side.”
“I don’t know the why or how of it but if you dig down a bit you find ice. One of the drovers told me this is the only place he’s ever seen it.” He grabbed two tin cups and filled them with water from the water barrel. The he put a bit of ice in each.
She took a sip as soon as he handed it to her. “Why does water taste better when it’s ice cold?”
Luella and Cora hurried to their side. “Is it the ice?” Luella asked.
Dawn nodded. “Try some in the water.”
They couldn’t stop exclaiming about it and wondering why ice would be underground like that. Dawn watched all of their happy animated faces. This was how life was supposed to be. The contrast was overwhelming.
Cora handed Essie to Harrison and went to their wagon. When she came back she had yard goods, needles and thread, and she even had buttons. “If you need any help let me know.”
Dawn’s eyes started to puddle. “You’ve all been more than kind to me.”
Heath shifted until he was almost next to her. She tried not to tense up, but she couldn’t help it. She really appreciated his thoughtfulness. He was always there for her. “I could put that in the wagon.”
“Could you grab a quilt and a pair of scissors for me? I’m going to sit on the ground and cut the pieces so I can start.”
He nodded and got what she needed. He laid out the quilt and then swept her up into his arms. Carefully he placed her on the quilt.”
“You know that everyone is staring, don’t you? Including all the single girls.”
He turned red and glanced up. “They really are nosey. I guess your life is more exciting than theirs. How could it be any other way with me around?”
“Go drink your ice water.”
He smiled and stood back up. “If you insist.”
He was good for her soul but she practically cringed the whole time he carried her. Would she ever be normal? She took the scissors and cut out her pieces. She would do herself some good if she didn’t think about him. It would only lead to trouble and heartache. She wasn’t up to dealing with either.
Supper wouldn’t be ready for about another hour. Dawn was quick to cut out her pieces. She was visualizing the dress in her head.
Cora stood at the edge of the quilt. “Would you mind if I lay Essie down on the quilt? She’ll probably sleep the whole time. Harrison and I haven’t had any time alone to talk.”
Dawn’s heart ached as Cora put the baby down close to her.
“Thank you!” she whispered. Cora then grabbed Harrison’s hand and they walked away together.
Zander sat down on one of the crates. He was sitting so he was facing her. “I don’t think it’s talking they have on their mind.”
She didn’t look up and didn’t respond.
“Well, what do you think they are up too?” he asked her.
The blood drained from her face. She already knew why married people would want to have a bit of privacy but it wasn’t something openly talked about. She just shook her head quickly and threaded a needle.
“You are wound up tight. I see how you never relax. I think behind your smiles you are afraid. What did they do to you?” he pressed. “I just want to know.”
Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes. When she opened them, Zander was still staring, expecting her to answer. Her heart raced. He made her feel trapped. As quickly as she could, she stood and ran the few steps to the wagon and practically vaulted inside it. With shaking hands, she cinched the canvas up in the back and then shifted and did the front.
Her body shook, and suddenly she felt cold. It had been a mistake to leave the wagon. No one wanted to know her; they just wanted to know how she was tortured.
Dread flooded her body, leaving ice in her veins. Oh my! She had left Essie alone on the quilt. She was a horrible person.
As silently as possible, she went to the back of the wagon and peeked out. Zander now sat on the quilt with the baby. She looked fine. Dawn’s hands trembled as she considered whether she should go to the baby. Why had she left her?
It would never work. Just being around other people exhausted her. The whole time she was with the Lakota she had wanted to be free. But she’d never be free of the questions, the sly looks, the gossip, and the hatred
There was no grand party for her return. No one was happy to see her. She wasn’t even going to a place she was familiar with. Maybe she could get back to the settlement and see if anyone had survived.
Not many who were spared death on the first day had made it to the Indian camp. There had been three women, one man, and four children from a settlement not too far from theirs. She wasn’t sure of their ages but she thought them to be a boy of six years old and another boy who was perhaps ten. The two girls were sisters who appeared to be about twelve and maybe fifteen.
The children belonged to the three other women. The man didn’t belong to anyone. She’d been pushed to the ground when she first was brought to the group. The wait wasn’t very long. They tied their hands and added what amounted to a lead line to each of the prisoners. They had to keep up with the horses or be dragged.
At first they traveled at a regular walking speed then they began to go faster and faster until she was out of breath trying to keep up and on her feet. She’d stumbled many times but didn’t fall. Others weren’t as lucky. They finally stopped on a high hill. One of the Indians made a motion for them to all sit under a tree. Dawn had barely caught her breath when the youngest boy, who had been crying loudly, and his mother, who was growing hysterical, were yanked up.
Kills Many slit the boy’s throat with his large knife and they dragged the mother off. There were a few screams and then silence. She’d never forget that strange silence. She didn’t want to hear more screams, but silence was so much worse.
Then it was time to go again, but she saw them take the little boy’s scalp. She was almost sick but she willed herself to be strong and quiet. There was no food and little rest the next two days. One of the Indians grabbed up the younger girl and rode away. Dawn never saw the girl or the Indian again.
The girl’s sister, Jenny was beside herself but Dawn did what she could to keep her from crying. They were already annoyed with the girl’s mother, Peg. She was a nice woman but her grief got the better of her. When next they stopped, they had treated Peg brutally. It was like sport to them. Peg’s cries only made them more brutal as they laughed loudly. Through it all, Dawn held Jenny in her arms telling her not to make a sound.
Dawn shivered. She didn’t want to remember any more of that awful day.
“Dawn? Are you all right?” Luella called.
“I just need to be in the wagon. I thought I was ready, but I’m not. I’m sorry. Is Essie still sleeping?”
“Yes she is. I’ll have Heath bring you dinner and your sewing when he gets back. The world can be a very scary place.”
A tear rolled down Dawn’s face. “Yes it can. Thank you for understanding.”
Dawn rolled herself into a ball and cried. After she was done, she found her Bible and spent the next hour or so reading. It always soothed her, but it didn’t take her horrendous memories away. They would always be with her. She wasn’t fit to be a friend or a wife. She couldn’t be counted on. How could she have left Essie?
Lord, I don’t know how to help myself. I’m grateful I’m free and the people I’m with do care about me but I don’t feel free. What I lost can never be gotten back. What’s done is done, and I understand that. Don’t allow me to put others in danger. Something could have happened to Essie. A snake could have… Please help me to move forward instead of looking back. It’s so hard. The memories come back on their own. I love you.
The front of the w
agon was being opened, and she knew it must be Heath. He popped his head in. “I heard Zander put his foot in his mouth again.” He opened the canvas a bit more and handed her the sewing. “I’ll have supper for you soon.”
She nodded. There was no use trying to look cheerful. He’d know it to be a lie.
“Sit tight.”
She sewed as she waited and then took the food when he handed it to her.
“Try to eat a little at least. I have early guard duty. Don’t scratch the floor until the second half of the night.” He gave her a cheerful smile. “I know this must be hard for you. The only thing I know is each day you try to survive and it’ll get easier. I’ll be back later.”
Surviving, he was right about, but he wasn’t right about it getting any easier.
Chapter Six
Heath was livid. He paced back and forth until his guard duty was over. He had a few words for Zander. Usually he was a great friend, but he had been beyond disrespectful to Dawn.
He watched as other guards were relieved and it made him angry. Finally, Zander came along with his rifle. He was rubbing his eyes and stumbled on the uneven ground.
“All quiet?” he asked as he approached.
“Unless I release some of my anger on you it is,” snarled Heath.
“What’s wrong?” Zander seemed truly perplexed but then a grin slid over his face. “Oh, I bet that Indian lover has you wanting to do her bidding. I think I need to rescue you before you do something that ties you to that woman for life.” He frowned.
“If you had taken the time to get to know her instead of questioning her as though she were a criminal, you might like her. She lost her husband and baby in the attack. It’s not like she ran away to an Indian village and asked to live there.” Anger seethed just below the surface. “She was a captive. I know you’ve heard the rumors of what goes on with captives. Why would you think she’d want to tell you? It’s hurtful to her.”
Zander retreated a step and held out his hands in surrender. “I’ll apologize tomorrow. I had no idea our plans for the future would get to be so complicated. Declan has Luella, and now you seem taken with Dawn. See you in the morning.”
Heath walked away. Maybe Zander thought that since he wasn’t their brother, they’d change their minds about the ranch. He didn’t seem to realize how loyal they were to each other. Heath shuddered. Had he been as grating to Declan and Luella? His gut told him perhaps an apology was owed to them.
The camp was quiet except for the lowing of the cattle and oxen. They would probably make as much distance tomorrow as possible. That wasn’t good for Dawn’s feet. Maybe they could pad the bottom of the moccasins. It might not work, but he needed to try. She might say she wanted to stay in the wagon, but she’d probably want to walk at least a bit tomorrow.
Eventually, she’d forget about what happened. He should have thought to get her things she needed. She’d gotten some castoffs from a few of the women. He should have tried to trade for a dress in addition to the moccasins.
He grabbed his bedroll that he’d placed next to the wagon wheel and rolled it out under the wagon. Then he followed. The first thing he heard was her fingernail scratching at the floorboards. He smiled and felt strangely warm inside. He needed his sleep. She should have slept hours ago. But maybe she couldn’t sleep. Thoughts haunted a person at times.
* * *
She could be brave, very brave. She’d stood her ground against the Lakota a few times. She could go and help with breakfast. Her feet were still feeling raw, but she’d be able to contribute in some way.
She dressed and braided her hair. Then she put on her moccasins. She’d change the bandages while she was riding in the wagon. She looked out finding no one around but the fire was going. She carefully climbed down. The ground was a bit spongy.
Putting down the tailgate she put everything needed into the coffee pot and set it on a metal grate she’d laid over hot coals. The bread dough had been made after supper and put into the wagon. Most likely by Luella.
Dawn put the dough in a Dutch oven and placed it among the coals. Then she mixed the ingredients for fried corn cakes. They were out of bacon, so she pulled some of the dried beef out. She gathered some fresh sage and mixed it into the corn cake batter. Maybe someone would be lucky at hunting today. Looking west she didn’t see much of anything. Certainly not good lands for a successful hunting party. The prospect of fresh meat dimmed.
Luella walked out of the tent, stretching and yawning. “Oh! Hello,” she greeted. “I didn’t think anyone was out here. Declan went to check the feet of one of the Oxen he has a concern about, and he made the fire. Looks like you’ve been busy.”
“I need to move around to regain all of my strength and I’m tired of the wagon.” Dawn remembered to smile. “This I could do without having to walk too much.”
Luella took out a few crates for sitting. “Heath didn’t paint a pretty picture when he told us about them. To have been in such pain for that length of time… You are a brave woman. I would have refused to walk.”
“People always think of what they would do, but when faced with walking or death, walking was preferable. They did prize bravery. It was not tolerated for a man to be weak. A brave woman was respected. Sometimes I wonder if I was brave or just stupid. But I’m still alive. Few who were captured with me even made it.”
“I’m glad you made it. What is that you put in the batter?”
Dawn smiled. Luella seemed to accept her. “Sage, it will give the corn cakes a good taste. I thought something a bit different would be nice since we’re out of bacon.”
“We’ll be at Fort Hall in a few days. We did bring the dried meat to eat.” Luella took over and fried up the corn cakes, insisting, “You need to sit for a bit.”
The others in their party all showed up, and each expressed happiness to see Dawn. She turned and Zander was behind her. Her breath caught as she eyed him warily. She still had her knife on her.
“I’m sorry as can be about yesterday,” he said softly. “I’m not very sensitive to others’ feelings at times. I don’t know why, but it happens. Forgive me.”
“Of course.” She turned back to the fire. He was sorry, but he had an excuse. Not the most trustworthy of qualities. Excuses were crutches that weren’t needed.
“We need to watch how much water we use. We’ll be making a steady climb all day and the livestock will need the water more than you,” Captain London said as he helped himself to a cup of coffee. “Don’t let looks deceive you. We will be climbing. It doesn’t look like much of an incline but the oxen feel it. We’ll camp near the Sweetwater tonight, and we have a few more crossings to make. Also make sure your oxen are grazing. They won’t eat during the day but if we see grass, we stop and encourage them to graze for a bit. Stay with them at night and be sure… ahh, you already know all this. Can I get something to eat?”
Heath’s lips twitched, and he gazed right at her. Keeping from smiling was hard, but she did it.
Later, after everything was packed up, she swatted his shoulder.” What, are you a school boy trying to make me laugh?”
“I had fun, so maybe it was like being a school boy.” They both laughed. He looked into her eyes and quickly looked away. They would never be more than just friends.
She sat in front of the fire sewing while Heath checked all the leather needed to hitch up the animals and drive them. It was a nice silence, a comfortable one. But then she glanced up and saw someone dart back behind a wagon. She furrowed her brow.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” asked Heath.
“I saw someone. He darted behind a wagon when I looked that way. I’ve seen it before, but with so many people it’s hard to tell if they are just walking by. Am I really so fascinating? Or am I more of a side show to them?” She shook her head. “I have noticed that I seem to panic easily. I probably overreacted to Zander. I don’t know how to act in polite society anymore.”
“From what I heard you didn’t overreact.
He has a need for a home. A permanent home. And with each addition to our little group, he feels threatened. He thinks his dreams will fail. He spent a long time in an orphanage and from what I gather it wasn’t a pleasant experience.”
He stared up at the sky for a moment. “I think you are going just fine. I was worried when you were curled up in the wagon but you came around. We’d best get ready to leave. We don’t want to be out of captain London’s good graces.”
She nodded and gathered the crates and her sewing. They were all put into the back of the wagon. She used a shovel and tossed dirt on the fire. Lastly, she climbed into the back. When Heath climbed up and sat on the bench she relaxed. It was always better when he drove. They’d have to drive the wagon anyway, but somehow she felt like an inconvenience when she was in it. She would walk today and she would get stronger.
It was still early in the day when the bog dried out, and all that could be seen was sand. Heath stopped the wagon and let Dawn off.
“I’ll keep an eye out,” he told her. “If you need me just signal.”
She gave him a smile. He was protective of her, and she liked it.
She started walking. The sky was cloudless and the sun was scorching. The air was hot and dry. Now she knew why Heath and Declan filled a barrel full of buffalo chips. They’d need them for fires. If they made good time they’d come to the Sweetwater River again. It was hard going in the sand, but there were no hard rocks to step on.
“Dawn, wait up!”
She turned, and Luella was waving at her and beside her, Cora smiled. Dawn waited to see what they wanted. Then it occurred to her they wanted to walk with her. Her heart warmed and her eyes were misty.
“This sand is getting into my eyes too,” Cora said.
“We’re keeping our eyes open for another wagon,” Luella informed her.
“I don’t need to be in the wagon anymore. I know that the wagon is yours. It’s not right for me to ride and sleep in the wagon when you should be.”
Dawn’s Destiny: Romance on the Oregon Trail Book 3 Page 6
