Connor smirked, watching me through hooded eyes. “Yeah, baby. Ride it.”
When he shifted me to sit over his knee, I lowered myself, and that digit slipped in farther, pulling a quiet whimper from me.
“Is it too deep?”
Yes, it was, and it pinched terribly, but I shook my head, because if he removed it from me, I’d weep, mourning the loss. Using his knee as leverage, I rocked against him gently at first then more frantic, panting breathlessly, and I reached for the peak I didn’t feel coming until I was falling over the edge.
My back arched, my stomach clenched, and I stopped breathing. My body convulsed, my core gripping and milking Connor’s finger in a way that made me lift my head and cry out, gasping for breath. Connor pulled me down and kissed me softly, helping me back down to earth, and when my heartbeat returned to normal, I swallowed hard and looked up into his eyes.
They were smug.
I narrowed my eyes in response.
He grinned and I rolled my eyes at his swagger. When he laughed, I couldn’t help the weak chuckle that bubbled up my throat.
“I don’t think I can stand,” I whispered, only partly embarrassed.
Connor helped, rolling me onto the bed, and when he slowly removed his finger from inside of me. He looked down at it and his eyes widened. “Oh.”
His tone made me lift my head and when I saw his hand, I blanched. “Is that…?”
“Blood.” His cautious gaze met mine. “Yeah.” But then he smiled softly. “Baby, I think you popped your cherry.”
Humiliated beyond belief, I let my head fall back on the bed, covered my face with my hands and groaned painfully. Connor’s quiet laughter filled the room. “Aw, Emmy, don’t be embarrassed. Let me wash up and we’ll talk.” He left me and a couple of minutes later, I felt the bed depress, and then a warm hand was rubbing my belly. “It’s okay if you don’t want to do this anymore.”
Oh no.
I uncovered my face and blinked up at him as he towered over me. “You don’t want to do this anymore?”
“What?” he uttered as if I were a crazy person. “Look at me.” He pointed to the thick outline of his hard length. “Baby, I’m down for whatever you want. I’m just giving you the chance to bail if you want to.”
“I don’t want to bail,” I told him sincerely. And I didn’t.
“Okay,” he said, yielding. “Why don’t you go wash up and we’ll start round two?”
As fast as I could, I washed my body then jumped out of the shower and wiped myself down before hesitating at the door. I looked down at my nude form.
What was I afraid of?
Connor had seen it all. He’d literally opened me up and made out with my sex. I shouldn’t have been self-conscious and the moment I realized this, I strode out of the bathroom with my head held high.
But came up short.
Standing at the foot of the bed was Connor, and he was naked.
“You’re naked,” I breathed out.
His head snapped up and he smiled, his eyes roaming my body. “So are you.”
This was true.
I couldn’t help but stare. His erection was thick and long and looked good enough to eat.
Oh my God. What is wrong with you?
I don’t know. Connor just happened to do something for me that other men didn’t. I wanted all of him. Every single part, while I had him.
When he wrapped a hand around his length and slowly pulled on it, my lips parted, and I asked something I never thought I would. “Can I suck it?”
“Jesus Christ.” When I peered up at him, he looked to be in pain. “I’m this close to blowing my load, baby, and as much as I want that, tonight is about you.” He looked regretful. “Next time, okay?”
I smiled at his obvious struggle to keep it together. “Okay.”
“Come here, teeny thing.”
With a deep breath in, I released it slowly and made my way to him. Once I was in arm’s reach, Connor looked down at me and smiled. “Hi.”
“Hello,” I returned, trying not to laugh.
“Are you ready for this?”
As ready as I’ll ever be.
My response was a simple nod, avoiding his eyes, and immediately, his arms snaked around me, holding my body to his. We were a contrast to each other. He was strong and hard, pretty much everywhere, where I was all softness and slight curves. He was tanned, and I was pale porcelain. He was tall, and I was petite. Yet somehow, we fit.
With my hands squished up against his stomach, he sighed out, “I love how you feel.” He smiled affectionately, running a light fingertip across my collarbone. “My sweet, soft Emmy.”
He didn’t know how accurate that last declaration was.
I was his, completely, my love ripe for the picking. All he had to do was take it. He wouldn’t, of course, but that was beside the point.
My heart was his and I gave it freely.
“Get on the bed, baby.” He lightly smacked my ass then smirked. “I need to be in you before I mess myself like a horny teen.”
He released me and I climbed into the center of the bed. Connor followed, moving over me. His words were soft. “We’re not jumping into anything until you’re ready, okay?”
I love you so much it hurts.
The words begged to be spoken out loud but I wasn’t that foolish. “Okay.”
He lightly tapped my outer thigh. “Spread for me, baby.”
Wait.
Was this it?
When I hesitated, he smiled. “I just wanna feel you, that’s all. It’ll feel good. I promise.”
I did as he asked and Connor moved between my legs. I let out a little sigh when his erection settled on my sex. My heart beat stopped then started again with a jolt. Connor bit his lip and gently thrust, and my eyes fluttered. His hard length slid up and down my cleft and I wanted him inside me immediately.
“See? It’s good, right?”
“Yeah,” I breathed, moving my hands to his lean hips and holding on.
We didn’t kiss during this period, instead watching each other, anticipating the other’s reaction. And when I felt wetness seep out of me, coating his length, I whispered, “Oh, God, I want you.”
This did something to Connor.
His hips bucked, almost involuntarily, and he pressed into me for a long while. When he closed his eyes and managed to control himself, he let out a husky, “I think you’re ready, baby.”
I totally was.
Lifting my hips, I felt the thickness of him slide between my lips. “I am.”
Without a word, Connor reached under the pillow and retrieved a small foil pack. I watched in fascination as he slid the condom on and tossed the wrapper onto the ground, returning to me and rubbing against me. He did this a long while until I thought I would cry from frustration. And just when I thought he’d never do it, the tip of him kissed me gently and then he pushed.
And, Jesus, it hurt.
Gripping his arms tightly, I held my breath and bit my lip, letting out a small whimper. The resistance I expected to feel didn’t come but I’d never been stretched like this before and it was a shock to my system.
My face contorted and Connor stilled. I didn’t realize I was crying until he wiped away my tears, kissing me as gently as humanly possible. In the stillness of the room, I heard myself, my little cries, and quite suddenly felt weak. Reaching up to cover my eyes, embarrassment rushed me, heating my cheeks.
“I’m sorry, baby. I can stop.” Connor kissed my lax lips. “Do you want me to stop?
I shook my head. We’d already gotten this far. What was the point? I was stronger than that.
Uncovering my face, I spoke a teary, “No. I want to keep going.”
And when Connor whispered, “Thank God,” it pulled a soggy laugh from me. I smacked his shoulder and he smiled down at me. “Guess what?”
“What?” I asked.
“You’re not a virg
in anymore.”
Oh, wow. I wasn’t. I couldn’t help but smile back. “No.” I wiggled my hips. “I’m definitely not.”
Connor’s eyes hooded, he gasped lightly, and his grip on me tightened. “Do that again.”
I did and, shockingly, it felt good. It felt really good.
Putting my hands to his hips, I took the lead, gently wiggling my hips then rocking against him. The more I pitched my hips into him, the deeper he sunk. And then he was completely inside me. I don’t know how but I wanted more of him.
“Move,” I begged him softly, and he did. The moment he pulled back and gently thrust into me, stars exploded behind my closed lids. “Again,” I ordered. He pulled back once more, thrusting a little harder, and I died a small death. “Oh my God, Connor.”
From there, Connor took over, pulling out then pushing in, and every time he did, I felt things I never felt before. I didn’t know such feelings existed. Pleasure on this level was surely a sin.
Then suddenly, Connor’s arms slid behind me, under me, and he was pumping into me like a madman. “You like that, baby? Tell me you like that.”
Oh, God. Yes I did. But I was coming to find sex made me incoherent. “Uh huh.”
I panted out loud. I focused on the fullness Connor made me feel and when I opened my eyes, he was watching me closely, his eyes searching my face.
My handsome rockstar.
He wanted to make sure I got what I needed from this experience. I could see he was frantic with the need to please me and that thought spurred the beginning of an orgasm.
The second I felt tingling up my spine, my legs started to shake. I lifted my head and let out a long, desperate moan and dug my nails into Connor’s back. When I tightened around him, he groaned, “Oh shit. That’s it. Come, baby.”
With a soft cry, I did, convulsing around him, milking him, and then Connor was growling. His thrusting turned fitful and then he was pushing into me, stilling, a pained look on his face. He grunted, “Fuck,” and then I had the honor of feeling him jerk inside me as he found his own release.
It was amazing.
Connor collapsed on top of me, resting his head on my shoulder and as he calmed, he made little noises in this throat. It was a beautiful thing to witness. When he kissed my shoulder and quietly slurred, “Happy birthday, baby,” I fell more in love with him than I thought possible.
Equally as drowsy, I ran my fingers down his back, and whispered, “You can sleep here.”
And I immediately regretted it because he grunted then lifted his hooded eyes to mine. “Better not.”
Of course.
How stupid of me.
I couldn’t get upset though. Connor and I weren’t dating. He was my friend. It wasn’t his fault that I loved him, that I wanted more than he had to give. And I quickly came to terms with that.
I smiled softly and ran my fingers through his hair. “Okay. Just offering.”
“I know, baby,” he said, pressing his lips to the center of my chest, letting them linger. “Did you like it?”
“Yeah.” I grinned. “It was… interesting.” He pinched my hip and I jerked, giggling. Laughing quietly, I reluctantly admitted, “It was amazing. Thank you.”
“Anytime.” He grinned sleepily then sobered. “Anytime, you get me?”
So he wasn’t done with me.
That was good to hear.
I wasn’t ready for when he pulled out of me and instantly felt bereft. He looked between my legs and his eyes widened. “Maybe you should call up for new sheets.” His shoulders shook and he looked overly happy with himself. “It looks like a massacre up in here.”
I clicked my tongue and used my foot to push him away. “Connor.”
He grabbed my foot and bit my shin. I squeaked and watched him walk to the bathroom in his birthday suit. He stayed in there a little while, the water running, and then he was back. I’d pulled the sheets up over myself and quietly watched him dress.
He was an exquisite specimen.
I considered myself lucky.
Once dressed, he came to me and hovered. “You okay?”
I nodded slowly. “Yeah.”
“You sure?” He ran his thumb lightly over my lips. “No regrets?”
“None,” I uttered quietly, and was surprised to find I meant it.
He sighed, relieved. “Good.” He spent a few seconds watching me before a small but happy smile glanced his lips. “See you tomorrow?”
Taking a page from Connor’s book, I stated, “Dumb question.”
And he walked away, narrowing his eyes and pointing at me. “Sass mouth.” Before he shut the door behind him, he paused. “Night, baby.”
“Night, honey.” I don’t know why I said that but it caused Connor’s face to change, soften, and I decided I liked it.
When the door finally closed and Connor was gone, I bit my lip and thought about what happened here tonight. A long moment passed and I snuggled deeper into my covers with a quiet sigh.
What a great birthday.
Yeah. The best yet.
Chapter Nineteen
The Gambler.
Emmy
I was tired. I stayed up late trying to make sense of what was happening to me.
The soreness between my legs was the only reminder of the night before and it was a delicious memory of a secret that no one would ever know.
It was nice to have a secret. I’d never been worthy of secrets. And now I had one to call my own.
The giddiness I felt was somewhat juvenile.
When I thought about it, I put it down to me crossing off another experience saved for too late in life, and now that I’d done it once, it didn’t seem so scary to do it again.
Maneuvering around the junk on the floor, I made it to the kitchen and, like every morning, poured four glasses of juice.
One by one, the wolves emerged from their dens and I smiled at them, handing them their morning pick-me-up. It took a while before anyone spoke. I guess it wasn’t just me who had a wild night.
When Connor came to stand by the kitchen counter, he positioned himself close to me. Too close. And suddenly, I worried that everyone could smell the sex on me.
But this was Connor and he wasn’t acting any differently than he had any other morning.
He took an apple and bit into it. “Hey, Emmy.” Ah, here it came. He chewed slowly. “Wanna fuck?”
My cheeks flushed.
Crap. I thought I was over blushing.
I shook my head, averting my gaze, then licked my lips. “No thanks.” My voice was hoarse.
Connor’s fingers glanced my hip. “Are you sure?”
Not able to look at him, I gazed at my feet and nodded fervently.
“Nah,” he drawled, and I heard amusement in his tone. “I think you’re lying.”
“I’m not.” My hardened nipples called me out on that and I, rather suddenly, folded my arms across my chest to hide them.
Of course, Connor didn’t miss this, and Lee called out to him, “Yo, Clash. Where did you end up last night?”
What he said made my heart thump in my chest. “I finally made it with Emmy.” Connor’s eyes held me hostage. “I rode her hard.” His lips twitched. “She came twice.” He grinned at me then. “It was lit.”
And I just about swallowed my tongue.
Also, where had all the air gone?
My eyes asked, Are you crazy?
His wink said, Relax, baby, and I hated that I heard his voice in my head.
Lee responded a clearly disbelieving “Sounds good,” and I forced myself to relax.
No one knew. It was fine. I just needed to act as I did every other day, like I hadn’t slept with Connor only hours ago and I wasn’t about to swoon dead away.
That’s all.
Easy.
We were in Reno for Left Turn’s first and only show. Tomorrow, we’d be moving on to Las Vegas, which meant an early night. W
e had to be on the bus by 6:00 a.m., so we could get there around one in the afternoon. It was not a night to stay up late.
But when Connor arrived at my door shortly after midnight and I opened it with “Do you want to come to bingo with me?” he looked momentarily stunned before tipping back his head and laughing out loud.
The moment he settled, he gave me a firm nod. “Yes. I would love to go to bingo with you, you random-ass woman,” he breathed out. “Fuck. I seriously worship you sometimes. Let’s go.”
And that was how we ended up at the Peppermill Casino, in a roomful of people, middle-aged to seniors, and by the second round, we knew everyone at our table by name. And they had no idea they were playing bingo with one of the biggest rock stars in the world.
“Jesus Christ,” Connor growled before leaning into me. “This guy’s got it out for me.”
“B73.”
I laughed softly. “He does not.”
“Yeah, he does.” Connor peered over at the little old woman beside him. “Either that or he wants to fuck Mabel.”
Mabel sniggered. “Been there, sweetheart.”
Connor’s eyes widened. “Mabel, you ho.”
“G12.”
A little Asian woman across the table kissed her sheet. “I’m one away, chumps.”
“Oh.” Connor clicked his tongue. “Shut up, Sue!” Then a second later, he sighed, “I’m sorry, Sue. You know I love ya. This game got me crazy.”
The middle-aged African American woman named Kiara chuckled. “This game got us all kinds of fucked up, honey. Why you think we all here at 3:00 a.m.?”
“No shit, Kiara.” He looked down at his sheet miserably. “Here.” He held out his marker to her. “Kiss it for luck.”
When she did, I laughed to myself.
The reason I wanted to go to bingo was because I missed Nanna. We used to go every Thursday at the local community hall up until the time she started to lose her memory. It was one of my most favorite things to do with her. And Connor was making a wonderful stand in, distracting me from the fact that I’d be home in a week.
“B34.”
Connor hissed out, “Yes!” He pressed the marker to his sheet before peering over at Kiara, biting the tip of his tongue. “I’m gonna call you Lucky Lips Kiara from now on. If I win, you get a kiss.” He stood and announced to the table. “If I win, you all get kisses!”
Clash Page 19
