“Nope.” She smiled warmly at me, popping the p. At my clear distress, she patted the sofa and when I didn’t come, she stated, “I have an idea and I think we’ll all benefit from it. But I need you to play your part, Emmy.”
After a moment of sulking, I whispered, “I’m not ready to see them.”
“I get it. You’re an injured animal, licking your wounds. We’ve all been there, babe.” She quietly added, “Present company included. But I need you to be our manager. So pull up your big girl panties, throw on your latex, and adjust your fucking crown.”
I was starting to get the idea that Cherry had been hurt deeply in her life. Perhaps that’s what made us kindred spirits.
At my silence, she went on, “You know, I fought for you.” When I peeked up at her, she nodded. “I fought so hard to get you here. You have no idea. And do you know why I did it?”
All I could give was a solemn shake of my head.
Cherry explained, “Because you believe in us. You want us to succeed, to be as big as the big guns on the top shelf. I watched you get physically upset because the UVV weren’t getting the praise they should and, to be honest with you, Emmy, that’s the kind of manager we deserve. Someone who will fight for us.” Her eyes held mine. “So I fought for you.” She didn’t talk for a while, but when she did, I felt warmth between us. “You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
Ah, crap.
She was right.
Seeing the guys wasn’t the end of the world. I could do this.
“Okay.” A quiet moment passed and I licked my lips. “I’ll see them.” As I walked out the door, I called back, “But I am not wearing latex! It’s my day off.”
From the living room, the rumbling of a husky feminine chuckle sounded and I smiled to myself.
Quite suddenly, excitement had me biting at my lip.
I was going to see my boys.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Cherry Bomb.
Emmy
They arrived just after 4:00 p.m. and when Cherry let them inside, I heard them move into the kitchen and listened from my bedroom door.
“Thanks for coming, you guys,” uttered Cherry. “I know we didn’t exactly part on great terms.”
The moment I heard Hell’s voice, my gut clenched eagerly. “Don’t worry about it, babe. It was a shitty situation.”
Noah agreed. “We coped as best as we could under the circumstances.” When he added, “But, really, tell me. How is she?”
“Emmy?” Cherry asked. “She’s doing well. In fact, I just saw her today.”
Lee sounded sad. “You saw her today?” He let out a sigh then grumbled, “Why doesn’t she pick up her phone for us? This is bullshit. I didn’t do anything to her.” He paused. “Fuck, I miss her.”
At that, my heart sank.
I was unknowingly punishing them for something Connor had done and that wasn’t fair. They clearly missed me as much as I missed them.
Checking my appearance in the mirror, I looked down at my high-waisted jeans and cropped tee combo and smiled. Without another thought, I stepped out of my room.
Three hulking men stood with their backs to me and Noah uttered softly, “Will you tell her we miss her?”
Cherry spotted me and grinned. She jerked her chin in my direction then drawled, “I’m not a damn messenger. Tell her yourself.”
They turned and when their matching frowns settled on me, I could tell they didn’t recognize me.
It was only when I spoke that I got a reaction. “Hi, guys.”
Noah’s eyes widened and he took a step forward. “Emmy?”
“Hey, Noah,” I said self-consciously, putting my hands into the front pockets of my jeans. I knew I looked different. I wasn’t sure they liked my new appearance.
Not able to hide his shock, he placed his hands on his head and stepped back, away from me. He blinked and his mouth gaped and every time he went to speak, the words never came.
While Noah had his internal breakdown, Hell rushed me and when he lifted me, I held onto his shoulders, letting out a squeak then laughing hard. “Hell, put me down!”
“Never,” he said, only lowering me enough to kiss my cheek. “Never, never.” He kissed me again, this time on the neck and I choked out a squeal. His beard tickled. When he finally lowered me to the ground, he held me to him, gently swaying me from side to side. “Never again.” My face flushed with laughter, I chuckled as I pulled back and looked up into the huge Viking’s face. He looked miserable. “You okay?”
Tears blurred my vision. I blinked them back. “Yeah.”
I sniffled but smiled when Lee held out his arms. “Got a hug for you brother?”
A sad smile crossed my face as I nodded, walking into his tall, lean body. He held me a long time, pressing soft kisses to my hair and, suddenly, I felt lighter than I had in the two months we’d been apart. He ran his hand down my thick purple locks, caressing the strands between his fingertips and I heard his smile. “Nice hair.” I lifted my head to look at him. He smiled down at me tenderly. “So, you’re a Vixen now, huh?”
“Sort of,” Cherry broke in. “Emmy’s our manager.”
At that, Lee stilled. “You’re The Violet Dame?” His face took on a look of pure horror and he jumped back, away from me. “Oh, God. Shit.” He paced, looking like he was going to be ill. “Godammit!”
“What’s wrong?” I asked, utterly confused.
Lee pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ve been checking you out, Emmy!” He shuddered. “Ugh.”
I laughed but I did it blushing. “Aw, Lee. You didn’t know. It’s okay.”
But he shook his head. “It’s not okay.” He cringed. “You’re like my baby sister. That’s wrong. So wrong.”
Hell piped in with, “I don’t see what the issue is. She looks fucking hot.”
I turned to Hell, grinning. “Thank you, Helmer.”
He gifted me a regal nod. “You’re welcome, Emmy.”
And Noah stood there, a wash of emotions on his face. I saw sadness, confusion, and guilt. When his eyes met mine, he let out a small sigh then said, “I tried to call.”
My voice was weak. “I know.”
He moved, stepping closer and closer until he stood in front of me. He cupped my cheeks and searched my face a long while before gently shaking his head and frowning. “I can’t believe it’s really you.”
Insecure, I closed my eyes. “I know it’s different—”
But he cut me off with, “It’s good. Really. Just unfamiliar is all.”
“I’m still the same person, Noe,” I assured him.
“Are you?” he asked, unsure. “I don’t think you could be. Not after everything that happened.”
He was right, of course, and it was too much. I let out an exasperated, “Will you just hug me already?”
I watched Noah’s face transform with his smile. “There she is.” He gently took me into his arms and held me to him. “There’s my Emmy.” I buried my face into his chest and breathed him in, smiling warmly as the weight of the world dropped off of my shoulders.
It felt as though my world was complete again. Well, almost complete.
One person was absent and it felt almost poetic because at one point, he was my entire universe.
But I didn’t want to think about him right now.
Pulling back, I kept my eyes on Noah. When his lips descended and he pressed them to my forehead, I closed my eyes, taking the hidden apology and letting him know it was okay. That I was okay.
Noah pulled back but kept his arm around my shoulders and then he got straight to business. “Okay, you two. What’s up?”
Cherry leaned into the counter, propping herself up on her elbows. “So you guys know how this industry works. One second, you’re hot, and the next, you’re not, and obviously, we want to stay on the hot list.”
Immediately, I piped in with, “You can say no, by the way.”
Cherry shushed me. “No, they can’t. They owe you.” She glared at the guys. “You have to do this.” She then smirked. “If you love Emmy, you’ll do this.”
“Cherry!” I reprimanded. I could not believe the shrewd tactics she was using.
Noah looked cautious. “What are we talking about here?”
Cherry peered at me before standing tall and crossing her arms over her chest. “Staged photo ops.”
The moment she said it, the guys laughed.
Lee asked, “That’s all? We do ‘em a handful of times a year.”
“You do?” I asked, stunned.
Hell nodded, “Yeah, babe. Every year, I go on at least five dates with women I have no interest in. Micah sets it up. It’s good exposure.”
Noah agreed. “I’ll admit, I thought it was going to be something more serious but yeah, I’m down for that.” He frowned down at me but did it with smiling eyes. “Why didn’t you just ask?”
I was suddenly embarrassed. “I didn’t realize it was a practice that was done often.”
Hell scoffed at my uncertainty. “Emmy, everyone does it.”
Cherry spoke directly to me. “See? Told ya.”
I rolled my eyes at her.
Noah spoke gently. “Anything if it means we can see you more.”
My face went gooey and I touched his arm. “Noah.”
“Awesome.” Cherry beamed. “I’ll have my annoying sister set it up.”
Two days later, Noah and I went on a “date.”
He took The Violet Dame out for lunch where we did everything Amber had instructed us to do. We held hands. We spoke quietly, moving in close to each other. Noah kept his smiling eyes on me but The Violet Dame spared only tiny smirks for the lead singer of Left Turn. Toward the end of the afternoon, as we walked down the street, Noah boldly put his arms around my middle, holding me from behind and I’d be an idiot to not admit it felt nice to feel that human connection I’d been missing.
But it was all for show.
A few days after that, Lee took The Violet Dame out for a late-night dessert. Although, this photo op was not staged to look like a date, it was merely two friends catching up.
A day later, Hell took The Violet Dame to a ballgame. We sat courtside and ate popcorn while talking and joking all evening.
And, of course, The Dame wore her signature oversized sunglasses to every single meet.
The tabloids contemplated the photos.
What did they mean?
They asked questions.
Is Noah Gamble dating The Violet Dame?
Of course, he wasn’t. He was just helping a sister out.
***
Connor
I glanced down at my cell and scrolled through the photos. The woman with the bright purple hair and black lipstick was all over the fucking papers. And from the looks of things, Noah was bangin’ her.
I mean, I guess she was hot but she wasn’t my type.
I couldn’t help the scoff that escaped me.
I didn’t even know I had a type, not until recently.
When Noah walked into rehearsals, I jerked my chin at him. “Yo, who’s this chick you’re bangin’?”
He frowned then shook his head. “I’m not banging anyone.”
I clicked my tongue. “The fucking Dame or whatever they’re callin’ her. The Vixens’ manager.”
“Ah,” he said, not speaking a while. “Well, she’s not someone you bang, Connor. She’s—” He thought about it a second. “—different. Special.”
Like Emmy.
His words made me still and I grinned up at him. “You sound like you’re in love with her.”
Noah didn’t respond, just raised his brows cryptically.
Okay. All right, my sly brother. “When do I meet her?”
Noah let out a humorless laugh. “You don’t.”
My brow knitted. “Why not?”
“Let’s just say,” he spoke cautiously, “she’s not a fan of yours.”
“Really?” I smirked.
Well, now I had to meet her.
Hell walked in and sat at his drums, beaming. “Let’s tear this shit up. I gotta be out of here in two hours.”
“Where are you going?” I asked.
Everyone seemed to be busy these days and that was not good for me. I was spending a lot of time alone and my mind was not a place to lose oneself. I had demons and while most of the times I had a blast with them, lately they were riding me. Every second alone was one second closer to making a bad call. Without anyone to distract me, I thought more and more about escaping the shitty reality I had created for myself.
It was my biggest fear, becoming an addict again.
But in my loneliness, I craved the sweet escape drugs provided.
I thought about her every day, my baby, and what I had done to her.
A thousand times over, I wanted to apologize but it would be an insult. It was like shooting someone in the back then saying sorry and slapping a band-aid over the bullet wound. It wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.
Regret was too weak a word for what I was feeling. The darkness consumed me whole. The problem was, I liked the darkness, and it liked me. I could live in that void forever, fading into nothingness.
What did I care?
The one person I wanted to spend my life with was gone. I had nobody. I made sure of that.
I just had to live with my guilt and be done with it.
“I’m going to Cherry’s.” Hell twirled the drumsticks between his fingers. “Gonna try to get her to go out with me, again.” He grinned like the fool he was.
“Yeah, well—” I stood and walked over to my guitar. “—good luck with that. That one’s colder than a dildo made of ice.”
Lee strode in. “Who is?”’
“Cherry,” Hell uttered, a big, stupid smile on his face. “I’ve been bringing her violets.”
Fuck me, he was pathetic. I laughed to myself. “Jesus, she got you wrapped, bondage style.”
But Hell didn’t care about my ribbing. He just smiled to himself then said, “I don’t know what it is. I just can’t stop thinking about her. I think…” He hesitated. “I think I’m in love with her.”
At that moment, the crater where my heart once resided crumbled some more, widened the gaping hole in my chest.
So many things went through my mind. Where it all went wrong for me.
Hell was doing everything I should’ve done with Emmy and now, she was lost to me.
My mouth opened, and I didn’t expect the words to sound as depressed as they did. “If you love her, tell her, Hell. Do whatever it takes. Don’t fuck it up. Or, I swear to God, you’ll regret it the rest of your life.” A slight pause. “And you’ll never stop thinking about her. Her, and those big blue eyes and thick-rimmed glasses will fucking haunt you every minute of every day.”
It was difficult to breathe.
I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, shakily. And when I twisted my neck to face Hell, I told him, “Don’t be me, bro.” Was I having a panic attack? I rubbed at my chest and tried to steady my racing heart. “It blows being me.”
“Are you okay?” he asked, clearly concerned.
I swallowed hard. “Fine.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw Lee and Noah exchange a look.
“Don’t worry, boys. I’m good,” I uttered, detached, my jaw tight as my heart continued to beat erratically. “Let’s jam.”
Of course, none of them believed me.
And they were right not to.
Every day was agony. I didn’t know how much longer I could live like this.
I wanted to die.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Junkhead.
Emmy
What a week. It started the day before last. The girls were in the middle of a well-publicized interview that was to be viewed by millions. No one felt more disappointed than I did that I felt forc
ed to terminate it part way through. The UVV and I suddenly all over every entertainment network in what would be the start of a very serious conversation. Sexism in the industry.
I quietly wondered if I had made the right decision for my Vixens.
However, social media was abuzz and, unexpectedly, other female performers were coming out with their own experiences. It was vindicating to have so many of them say they wished they had a manager like The Violet Dame, someone who would step in and make a fuss when necessary.
I understood them.
My girls were important and their feelings would not be trampled on as long as I was in charge. If I had any inkling that they felt uncomfortable in a setting, I would remove them from the harmful situation in a heartbeat—screw the tabloids and whatever the heck they were paying.
It was non-negotiable.
When I stepped out of my room in my workout gear, I heard myself on the TV.
“Would you ask Left Turn whether they wear lingerie under their gear? No, you wouldn’t. Let’s go, Vixens. We’re outta here.”
I sighed. “They’re still playing it?”
Cherry grinned. “Yep. It’s awesome.”
“You did good, you know that?” Beth added sincerely.
Ettie made a noise of agreement. “Yeah, no one’s gonna fuck with us now. Not at the risk of looking like a bunch of assholes.”
“Well, that, and—” Pearl chuckled roughly. “—pretty much everyone is terrified of you.”
Making a face, I poured myself a green smoothie and sipped at it. “They’re not afraid of me. They’re afraid of The Violet Dame.”
“That’s you, Emmy, and I don’t blame ‘em,” stated Cherry before she smirked. “She’s a stone-cold bitch.”
I choked on my smoothie, coughing lightly. Okay, yeah, I was taking my new position fairly seriously. “The Violet Dame is nothing but a myth. She’s not real.”
Who knew I could perform as well I did?
Believe me, no one was more surprised than I was.
“She was an act.” Beth tilted her head slightly. “But I don’t think she is anymore.”
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