Love Notes

by Savannah Kade

  “You didn’t.”

  “No. Because when I touched you, you said ‘Ow’. So I didn’t.”

  “Oh.” She blinked again, her pretty blue eyes trying to make sense of it all. “Why now?”

  “Because you’re healed up.”

  “Couldn’t kiss me when I was bruised? I wouldn’t have minded.” Her shoulders sank.

  “I would have.” He saw her jaw clench and fought to explain. He sank to his knees in front of her, finally believing he stood a chance if he could just get her to see. “It feels like so long since we were together, then we fought, and then . . . nothing.” He didn’t look at her, wasn’t sure he could. “After all that, it was important that I didn’t touch you and hurt you. I didn’t want to have to be careful, and I didn’t want to remind you of what he did. And I don’t just want what we had back, I want more.”

  Norah’s eyes searched him, but he understood she wasn’t going to say anything.

  His turn. Again. So he looked up, knowing everything showed in his face and there was nothing he could do for it. “Norah, is there any way you could give us a chance?”

  One soft word emerged from her mouth. “Yes.”

  He smiled, feeling like the sun had opened inside him, and then did it again when she smiled back.

  Her eyes turned liquid and heated him from the inside, her lower lip turned in and she chewed on it. She was nervous and it made him laugh, because he finally wasn’t. His finger went up to her mouth, thinking he’d get her to stop, but when he touched her lip her mouth opened just a little and he knew he could do more.

  Chapter 55

  Norah watched in awe as this god, a god that she knew for certain was a man, kicked off his shoes again and stood over her. She knew her eyes went wide as he settled one knee on either side of her on the couch. His fingers found her hair and he tipped her back over the pillows. Something sweet and hot flooded her as his lips brushed across her mouth before he settled them over hers.

  Norah kissed him back, her hands reaching for his shoulders and finding the hard strength of him under his soft t-shirt. The fabric and the familiar feel of him against her skin was comforting. The breath she sucked in when his tongue found hers wasn’t. TJ leaned into her, fusing the front of himself to her, his mouth still seeking more.

  When he pulled back, separating their mouths just a tiny bit, he left her feeling open to the elements, even though his body covered hers completely. His eyes found hers and, as she watched, turned a deeper shade of azure before he slowly found her mouth again and kissed her until she thought she’d melt into nothing.

  But she didn’t melt away. She stayed with him, breathing him in and feeling the jolt of surprise that he did the same to her. His mouth and nose paused at the side of her face, buried in her hair, and she was so close she felt his chest expand. TJ rolled to the side, fitting her in between himself and the back of the couch, pressed even more fully against him.

  Watching her with a small grin, he pulled her arms around his neck and fitted his own around her torso. A soft moan escaped his lips before he pressed them in tiny touches down her jaw and across her lips. Turning her face toward him she searched for more, but he smiled and stayed away from her mouth until she made a small frustrated sound. Then he dove at her lips, kissing her with a vengeance. Had she known that noise would cause that reaction she would have made it earlier. Their legs entangled and her hands found his hair, loving the feeling of touching him and of him wanting her to.

  It seemed forever before he pulled himself away, even for just a little breathing room. TJ’s breath came hard, and she could feel her own matching his. She felt heavy and weightless at the same time. She was oxygen starved and yet content. His hand came up to push her hair out of her face, and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this languid, this safe, this wanted. “Norah, there’s something I didn’t tell you.”

  “Uh-oh.” But from the look in his eyes it wasn’t anything to worry about.

  He shook his head at her. “I just realized that I didn’t really say it.”

  “Say what?”

  “Norah, I love you.”

  In the center of her chest, her heart flipped over. Her eyes widened, and her mouth opened. She couldn’t help it. He was right, he’d said everything except that.

  He softly kissed the tip of her nose and her mouth, before pressing his own lips more firmly to hers, but Norah pulled her head away.

  “I love you, too, TJ.”

  She had to laugh, he seemed so startled. This time he pulled back, looking at her. “Really? You don’t have to—”

  Grinning, she cut him off. “I love you, TJ.”

  It seemed to take him a moment to absorb it, so she gave it to him again, enjoying his reaction. “I love you, TJ.”

  This time he did kiss her, his tongue searching hers out and touching her deeper, now that she knew. He rolled over, taking her under him, one hand pulling at an errant couch pillow and tossing it away to make room for him to lay her flat. His hands wove into her hair, holding her to him. His hips shifted, finding a place between her legs.

  They had been making out like teenagers, but it was suddenly steamier. She could feel the arousal he was no longer hiding. One hand slid under the cotton shirt she wore to undo the front clasp of her bra. He pushed the material out of the way, groaning into her mouth as his fingers found her breast, cupping and pressing her soft flesh.

  His palm brushed her nipple, making her gasp out. As suddenly as he had started kissing her, he pulled back, but his hand didn’t stop. His eyes searched her face while he touched her, his own expression growing hotter by the second. She knew he could see just what he did to her by the way she couldn’t stop her mouth from moving even though no sound came.

  He leaned back and pulled her up with him, rocking back on his heels, and finally to sitting on the couch. Putting two hands under her shirt on the skin of her ribcage, he straddled her on his lap. He held her against his unmistakable arousal, again causing her to draw a deep breath. His slightest movement sent shivers through her, and he seemed to know it.

  TJ laced his fingers into her hair again, and this time pulled her down to him, the movement causing her pelvis to tilt, making her gasp as he met her mouth. This was a slower kiss, her eyes fell shut and her hands found his chest, landing where they fell and almost unable to move.

  She didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but his voice sent shivers up her, “Norah, I want you.”

  She answered with only one long breath.

  He spoke again, “Are you going to invite me upstairs?”

  That cooled her off just a bit. “I can’t. My Dad’s just down the hall . . . I—”

  They’d be too noisy, she didn’t think she could make love to him in her bed—

  His voice was liquid like his eyes. “Then come back to my place with me.” He laced his fingers through hers, but her eyes looked away.

  She didn’t know what to say. Only that she couldn’t go. “My Dad wouldn’t know where I was.”

  “Do you want to?” His eyes watched hers, waiting for an answer.

  “Yes!” She felt tears coming at the backs of her eyes. The last time she’d slept with this man, he’d taken her places she hadn’t been before. She just didn’t know if she could handle what he was offering. “But I can’t. Not tonight.”

  He nodded. “We could find a blanket and go out to the barn, find a clean stall, and have a real roll in the hay.”

  “Not tonight.” Feeling she owed him an explanation, “I need a little time to get used to this.”

  “Okay. But if this isn’t going any further, you have to get off me.” He slipped his hands under her shirt, almost spanning her waist, and lifted her off.

  For a moment she considered saying ‘yes’, just to get him to stay, but she bit back the tears and pushed out the words. “I guess you’d better go then.”

  TJ shook his head. “Do you want me to go?”

  “You won’t wan
t to stay if we aren’t going to—”

  “Don’t tell me what I want, Norah.” He leaned over. “Our tour bus pulls out for twelve days on Tuesday morning at five a.m. Unless you are telling me to go, what I want is to spend as much of that time as possible with you. However you want to spend it. If we can’t go to your room or to mine then we could stay right here.”

  She blinked at him. “I can’t have sex with you on this couch! My Dad could come downstairs at any moment!”

  “I didn’t say ‘sex’, Norah. I’d love that, but that’s not going to happen and I’m not going home to my cold bed if I can be here with you.”

  She loved him and she hated him when he was like that. If he stayed, she was afraid he’d want more. But she didn’t have it in her to push him away either, and she leaned her head onto his shoulder.

  “I love you, Norah.” His hand smoothed her hair, and something clenched around her heart.

  “Thank you.”

  “For?”

  “Being understanding.” Her arms snaked around his neck, and she leaned in to kiss his cheek. TJ turned at the last moment, giving her his mouth. The kiss was both hot and reluctant. He leaned over, taking her with him, winding up on his back, with her drawn up beside him.

  “Forgive me.” His voice sounded tight, and he reached down to adjust the front of his pants.

  “I’m sorry.” She whispered.

  “I’m not.” His arms circled around her, and Norah let one leg sneak across his, tangling them and liking the feeling.

  His hand came up to keep stroking her hair, her arms, her side down to her hip and back up. She sighed, enjoying the feeling of being touched, and the sensation that he just enjoyed touching her.

  “I never really got to do this. The last time I slept next to you was just so scary.”

  Norah shook her head. “No, everything up until you crawled in with me was scary. After that I was okay. And you sang to me.” She snuggled herself deeper, enjoying the feeling of his solid arms around her.

  “Do you want me to sing to you now?”

  “Hmmmm.” It came out with a smile. “Do you remember what you sang last time?”

  “Yes.” There was an extra rumble in his chest, that let her know he was on the verge of laughing, and his next words confirmed that he knew what she’d been after. “I meant it.”

  Her chest squeezed, and his voice carried softly to her. Norah slipped into sleep and, not paying attention, a little deeper in love with him.

  Chapter 56

  Norah stood in front of the mirror in the smaller studio watching her form. She practiced turns knowing that her girls needed help and wondering what it was that she did that might help them.

  That only lasted through two turns, instead she wound up spinning and thinking of TJ. Her father had come through the living room this morning while TJ still slept, his arms curled around her tightly enough that she wouldn’t have been able to get up if she had wanted. Her Dad had grinned, “Crazy kids.”

  It was all she could do not to smile at her father and spout off, “I love him, Daddy.” But her father already knew. He kneeled next to her and whispered, “He makes you happy?”

  “Yes.” The word had come so easy, so true.

  Only after she heard her father leave, did TJ stir. He hugged her tighter and kissed her. “I’m glad I make you happy. Good morning.”

  Together they got up, TJ saying he had an early studio practice and had to go. He kissed her soundly, and told her he wanted to spend as much of the day with her as he could.

  She’d showered and eaten breakfast and driven in to the studio, all with a warm heart and a goofy smile. It was Monday, so she had classes tonight, but she’d see TJ before then.

  She had worked her warmup through different muscle groups to her hips and was about to quit when his voice came from over her shoulder followed by an audible click from the closing door. “Morning again.”

  Her eyes leapt up to find him in the mirror, in his sock feet, his jacket hitting the ground and skidding to the far wall. Her stomach flipped over. “Hi.”

  TJ’s smile matched his eyes, and he turned her to smoke. “Do that with your hips again, only wait until I’m holding you.”

  His hands circled her waist and his mouth found hers, right there in the middle of the studio. Norah moved her hips against him, enjoying his groan. Then his tongue touched hers and he leaned into the kiss, one of his thighs slipping between hers. She didn’t resist and knew that half of the sighs were hers.

  He pulled away. “I didn’t come over here to pressure you. I’m sorry.”

  But Norah was having none of that. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she yanked closer. His mouth worked over her eyes and along her neck, while music played on in the background. He brushed aside the straps on her tank top, nibbling at her shoulders. Norah couldn’t help the way she clung to him or that her head fell back to give him better access or how she leaned into his touch when he found her breasts. But when he pulled her shirt down further, exposing her, she brushed his hands away. “We can’t do that here.”

  He looked around deviously, “Why not?”

  She pointed even as she moved her shirt and straps back into place. “There’s a window, and Mrs. Kenner will be in any minute, followed by a bunch of mothers with little babies for a pre-school movement class.”

  “If they have babies, then they’ll understand.” He reached for her and she ducked out of his grip, laughing, and shaking her head.

  “Then come back to my place with me.” His hand and his eyes reached out for her, and Norah didn’t know what it was, but something made her stop. Her mouth opened to tell him ‘no,’ but the sound didn’t come. She pressed her back against the mirror wondering what was wrong, why she was shaking.

  “Norah, you look scared.”

  She nodded, only with his words recognizing the emotion behind the chill.

  “Norah? Is there something I need to know? Is it because of that morning at the track?”

  Now it was him looking scared, and so worried, immediately she shook her head. “No, it’s not that.”

  “You’ve been with me before, can you trust me? I won’t hurt you.” Slowly he moved toward her, a worry-frown marring his perfect features, his blue eyes dark this time with concern rather than heat.

  “I know that.” Her heart raced as though it might actually get away. She wanted to hand it over to this man, but she was so scared. A whisper was all she could find. “The last man I loved died on me.”

  He smiled, compassion and relief warring in it, “I’m not going anywhere.”

  Fear-anger flooded her. “You can’t promise that! You don’t know.”

  “You’re right.” He nodded. His hand found his face and scrubbed as though that might make thoughts form. “The irony is a year ago I would have believed I could promise that, but a year ago you would never have loved me. I already love you, so it’s going to hurt like hell if something happens to you. Why is it going to be worse if we make love?”

  “Because,” Her eyes pulled away from him, knowing what she was about to reveal. “The last time I made love to you, I fell a little more in love.”

  “Last time? You were in love with me then?” His voice held a note of wonder.

  She nodded, looking at him only when he put his hand against her face and turned it to him, bringing his own face near. “Me, too.”

  His eyes searched for something over her shoulder and she wondered what it was until he leaned his mouth closer to her ear, “And I fell more in love with you at the hospital, and that night curled up with you in bed, and last night, too. Making love isn’t the only thing that does it.”

  Norah knew that, her eyes squeezed closed when he looked at her. “I know that. It isn’t rational. But one hundred percent of the men I have loved have died on me.”

  “Do you love me?”

  “Yes.” It was so fierce, so fast, and so deep, she realized she was slipping further even now.

&nbs
p; “Then you’re wrong. I’m still here.” She felt rather than saw him plant one hand on either side of her head on the mirror. “I’m not leaving this world willingly. Knowing what it’s like to be in love with you, I’ll bet Jeff didn’t either. What I do know, is that if I have to die, or god forbid, you do, I want to know that I spent every moment I could with you, making you happy, making us happy.”

  Her lips turned in and she chewed on them in an attempt to distract her eyes from making tears. It didn’t work. Two fat drops slipped out and down her cheeks.

  “Norah,” He sighed and kissed them away. “I’ve had a rough time since June. I’ve learned how much abuse my body can take, and how much abuse my heart can take, and all I want to learn now is how much you can love me.”

  “So much.” Her arms wound around his neck and she pressed herself to him. “Too much.”

  He grinned, “Not possible.” Then turned serious. “You need to take time to think about it, and get used to it and I understand that. But I also understand you could spend forever thinking about it and not deciding. There’s always the possibility we’ll both live to be a hundred.”

  Her heart turned over in her chest and she wondered if he meant to imply that he’d still be with her then. That he might want that.

  But TJ kept talking. He pushed away from her and held his right hand out to her, palm up. “My offer’s here, whenever you’re ready to just take that chance with me, you let me—”

  She slapped her hand into his before she could change her mind and even as she did it she felt the bands around her chest tightening, squeezing. “Let’s go.”

  He tugged at her hand, picking up his jacket and settling it around her shoulders and kissing her soundly. Norah snapped twice at the CD player, shutting it off. He laughed “That’s cool.”

  They ran into Mrs. Kenner as they passed through the lobby holding hands. Norah said a brief hello and Mrs. Kenner pointed out that she might want to change out of her ballet shoes before she went out.