I’ve never had angry sex before. I don’t know that I’ve ever been this frustrated with another human being before.
“You drive me crazy,” she growls and fists her hands in my hair.
“Back at you, angel.” I bite the ball of her shoulder and then pull out of her so I can turn her over and bend her over the desk. I smack her ass, hard, before pushing back in. “If you’re being mean to drive me away, to make me hate you, it won’t fucking work.”
I can feel her slipping away from me. I’ve felt it all damn day, the distance and coldness. Maybe it’s her way of letting go now so it won’t bother her later. I know she won’t be here in another twenty-four hours. I’m not in love with her.
But I’m not ready to say goodbye.
And right now, in this moment, I don’t have to.
She pushes back against me and slams her fist into the top of the desk, again both surprising and delighting me. Her intensity, every time we do this, is maybe the sexiest thing about her.
She knows what she enjoys, and she knows what she wants from me, and that’s a turn-on. But she’s also not the kind of lover who takes control.
I wouldn’t be content with that.
She follows my lead and trusts me implicitly, even now when she’s spitting mad and ready to punch me.
I feel her muscles start to contract, but I don’t want her to come yet, so I pull out and squat behind her, spreading her cheeks wide before licking her wet slit.
“Damn you,” she moans.
“I didn’t say you could come yet.”
“You’re not the boss.”
But she whimpers when I tease her lips, and when I lightly drag my fingers over the globes of her ass, sending goose bumps rushing all over her.
“Oh, I do believe I am the boss right now, angel.”
Her breath catches as I stand and rub the head of my cock through her folds, then over her clit before pushing inside her again.
I set a punishing rhythm until we both crash over the waves of desire and fall into a fire so hot, it could incinerate everything around us.
“I’m still mad,” she whispers as she lies against the desk, catching her breath.
“That makes two of us,” I reply as I step back and discard the condom.
“What did that prove?”
“That despite the fact that I’m frustrated out of my bloody mind, I’m still hot as hell for you, Lex. And you’re sexy as fuck.”
She stands and turns to face me, naked and gorgeous, her lips swollen from my kisses, and her hair a mess from my hands.
“Being attracted to each other has never been an issue.”
“I didn’t think we had any issues to speak of.”
“Only your bullheadedness,” she says, shaking her head. “I need to go find some clothes that aren’t ruined so we can finish this.”
I hurry up behind her and scoop her up into my arms. I press my face to her neck as I carry her to my bedroom.
“Let’s not be angry, angel.”
“Then leave my story be.”
“Fine.” I sigh and lay her on the bed. “We’ll leave it as it is.”
She grins. “Thank you. Was that so hard?”
I laugh and reach for another condom, already turned on again. “Actually, yes.”
She pauses and holds my face in her hands. “You truly believe it’s better the other way, don’t you?”
“I do, yes.”
She sighs deeply and then rubs her hand over her forehead. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but we’ll do it your way. However, I’ll talk with Luke and fill him in on this. He’ll have the final say.”
I drag my nose up her neck. “You’re going to fill him in on this?”
I push two fingers inside her and watch the beautiful smile spread over her lips.
“No. This will stay between us.”
“Good answer.”
Chapter 15
~Lexi~
Get out of the house at least once a day.
I brace my pen against my lips and stare down at the notebook in my lap. It’s two in the morning, and I can’t sleep. Shawn and I have to leave for the airport at five, and I just have too much on my mind.
So, I got out of bed and came out to the living room, where I curled up at the end of the sofa to drink a cup of tea and make my official life goals list in my shiny new notebook. I made the original one in my phone, but I’m expanding on it a bit.
Meditate. First, download meditation app.
Take a dance class.
I wrinkle my nose at that one. Putting myself out there like that will be tough, but I enjoyed dancing with Shawn at the pub, and maybe a class will help me feel more confident in similar situations.
Not that I have men clamoring to ask me to dance, but you just never know.
Plan a trip abroad.
This one is also meant to push me out of my comfort zone. I hate flying, so I’ve hardly been anywhere. Life’s too short for that. I want to see things, and planning a trip will get me excited to travel, even if I have to get on a plane to do it.
I’m pretty sure my doctor would prescribe something to help me sleep on a long flight.
Start dating.
I stare at those two words for a long minute, then take a sip of my cooling tea. I cross them out.
Honestly, I think I need to figure myself out before I start thinking about a serious relationship. This trip has taught me so much about myself, and I have a feeling I’ve only touched the tip of the iceberg.
I want to spend time with myself before I bring someone else into the equation.
It has nothing to do with the fact that I’ve grown attached to Shawn, and I’m going to miss him.
I can admit it, here in the dark by myself, that what I feel for the sexy Irishman is more than sexual. Is it love? I don’t know. I’m not convinced of that. But I care about him. I’m so freaking attracted to him, I spontaneously combust whenever he’s within fifty yards of me.
And I like him.
So, no, I don’t relish the thought of rushing home and diving right into dating someone else. I have enough work to do on myself.
I read through my list.
Run at least three times a week.
See friends once a month or more.
Spend more time with Mom.
Learn to speak a foreign language.
Get out of the house at least once a day.
Meditate. First, download meditation app.
Take a dance class.
I think that’s enough to tackle for now. I close the notebook and set it aside, then watch the reflection of the moon bouncing on the water below as I finish my tea.
I’m going back to bed to snuggle up to a sexy man while I still can.
After I set my cup in the sink, I pad into Shawn’s bedroom and slip into bed. He immediately reaches out for me and pulls me to him.
“You okay?” he whispers into my ear.
“Yeah. Just couldn’t sleep.”
He kisses my temple as his hand drifts down to my hip. My body instantly responds, and I cup his handsome face in my hand.
“Just one more time,” he whispers as he covers my body with his.
Shawn takes the exit off the freeway on the way to the airport.
The ferry ride was a blur.
The entire trip here seems surreal.
I can’t believe I’m leaving.
“The blankets and stuff are all boxed up and labeled. I’ve arranged for UPS to pick it up tomorrow, you just have to set it outside.”
“I know,” he says with a reassuring smile. He squeezes my hand, but I pull away.
Shawn touching me just makes it harder.
“That’s my airline,” I say, pointing to the sign ahead. “You can drop me off anywhere.”
“Are you okay, Lex?”
“Sure. I’m fine.” I swallow and unbuckle my belt, ready to get out of the car. I don’t want to get tearful in front of him. I’m not necessarily
sad. I’m nervous.
That’s it, I’m nervous.
He puts the SUV in park, and I quickly climb out and meet him at the back where he pulls my suitcases out and sets them on the sidewalk.
“Thanks for the ride,” I say as he closes the tailgate.
He turns to me with a raised eyebrow. “Did you think I’d let you walk?”
“No.” I laugh and then hold my hand out for his. “Thanks. For everything. It was nice to meet you.”
His eyes narrow as he shakes my hand, and without another word, I take a suitcase in each hand and turn to leave.
“Lexi.”
His voice is hard. Commanding. The way it sometimes gets when he’s extra intense during sex.
I think of it as his dominant voice.
I stop but don’t immediately turn. I need to take a deep breath, and then, when I do face him, I see him waiting with his hands at his sides, his face calm but those green eyes full of emotion.
Without thinking, I hurry back to him and let go of my bags as I wrap my arms around his waist and press my cheek to his chest, hugging him tightly.
His arms encircle me, and he holds me for a long moment, his lips in my hair. The next thing I know, he’s kissing me like his life depends on it.
It’s full of lust, possessiveness. And ultimately, it’s a goodbye kiss.
His knuckles glide down my face one more time, and then he steps away.
“Have a good flight, angel.”
I nod and reach for the bags. “Thanks. Take care.”
I bite my lip, determined not to cry as I turn and walk away, heading into the airport without turning back for one more look.
I’ve already checked in for my flight, so I just have to drop off my luggage, which moves quickly. Security is a bit of a pain in the ass because I have Kane’s vase in my carry-on, and I want to make sure it doesn’t get broken.
But before long, I’m seated in the terminal by my gate, and with twenty minutes until we board, I hang my head in my hands and let myself have a good cry.
I’m going to miss the island.
I’m going to miss Shawn.
And who I am when I’m with him.
“Oh my goodness, look at you.” Mom pulls me in for a big hug. “You look wonderful, honey.”
“Thanks. I started running again. I feel good.” I smile brightly, maybe a little too brightly. I’m doing my best to convince myself that I’m completely happy.
And for the most part, I am.
I’ve been home for three days. I’ve been on two runs, I’ve stocked my fridge and kitchen so I can cook for myself, and I downloaded the meditation app.
I’ve even used it a few times.
I like it. Okay, so it put me to sleep once, but it’s relaxing, and that’s the point of it, right?
I heard from Shawn the day I got home. He texted and asked me if I made it back safely, and I replied that I did.
I haven’t heard from him since.
And that makes sense. We’re just coworkers who enjoyed each other when we were together.
Now, it’s time for me to move on, and that starts now.
“I’m glad you were free to have lunch,” I say as Mom buckles her seat belt, and I drive us to our favorite restaurant in the city. “Maybe we can do a little shopping, too.”
“Oh, that would be lovely. I need some new walking shoes.”
“I’m sure we can find you some,” I say. “How are you?”
“I’m just fine. I had a little cold a couple of weeks ago, but it wasn’t so bad. I do have an appointment next week for this little pain I’ve been having in my lower abdomen.”
I frown over at her. “What kind of pain?”
“It’s really more of a cramp. No big deal, but I figured at my age, I should have it checked out.”
“You’re not even sixty, Mom. It’s not like you’re old. You should have anything that’s bothering you checked out.”
“I’m going next week,” she replies. “This is fun. You never want to go out for things like this.”
“I know. But I learned a bit about myself while I was gone.”
“What kind of things did you learn?”
“I’m not agoraphobic. I might be a little shy, but leaving the house isn’t my issue. Being out there, meeting new people, and getting out of my comfort zone showed me that I’m stronger than I thought I was.”
“I could have told you that years ago,” she says. “You just never listened.”
“I think I had to figure it out for myself.”
I park the car, and we gather our handbags and walk into the restaurant, where we’re shown to a table against the windows. Murray’s is a steakhouse, and it’s been our family favorite for as long as I can remember.
“I might splurge on something today,” I announce after we’ve ordered our food.
“Well, that sounds fun. What are you looking for?”
“I’ve had my eye on a fancy Chanel handbag for years, but it always seemed silly to invest that much money. But you know what? I can afford it, and I want it, so I’m going to buy it.”
“I like these new changes in you very much, Lex. What a surprising, fun afternoon.”
Our meal is delicious, which is expected. The crab cakes are my favorite, and Murray’s never disappoints.
“Shall we shop downtown, or just do it the right way and go to Mall of America?” I ask as we leave the restaurant.
“Honey, if you’re going to splurge, let’s go where you can pick from literally anything in the world.”
“I like the way you think.”
It’s a quick twenty-minute drive to the biggest mall in America. I park near the Chanel boutique that sits inside the giant Nordstrom, and armed with a credit card and full bellies, we happily march inside, ready to shop until we drop.
And that’s just what we do.
“I can’t believe I bought three pairs of shoes,” Mom says with a laugh. “I only needed one.”
“A girl can never have too many shoes,” I remind her as we sip our afternoon lattes and browse through Chanel. I saved it for last because I was having too much fun watching Mom shop.
She never buys things for herself. Certainly not just because they’re pretty and bring her joy.
It’s time she starts doing that.
“Hello, can I help you?”
I smile at the sales associate standing behind a glass case.
“I hope so. I’d like to see a medium classic flap, black with gold hardware, in caviar leather, please.”
“Wow,” Mom whispers. “You know what you want.”
“I told you, it’s been on my list for a long time.”
The associate grins. “I’m Molly, and I’m happy to show you that bag. Would you like some champagne?”
“Heck yes, I would. And she would, too.” I point to my mother, who giggles. We toss our empty latte cups away and settle in for a little extra fun.
One hour later, we leave the store. Mom’s a little giggly after two glasses of champagne, and my credit card is smoking from two handbags, a wallet, and shoes being charged to it.
And I don’t feel even one ounce of guilt.
“I don’t remember the last time I had this much fun,” Mom says as we pile our bags into the back of my little Audi. “And not just because we spent so much money, but because I got to hang out with my daughter for the day.”
“I enjoyed it, too,” I say before reaching out to hug my mother close. “I think we should do this every month. Maybe not on this scale, but a lunch and shopping date should be on our calendar.”
“You won’t hear me complain about that. And I’m buying lunch next time.”
“Deal.”
I get Mom home and help her in with her bags. After one more hug, and another promise to do this again in a few weeks, I head home. I’m anxious to unbox all of my new pretties and find homes for them in my closet.
I’m loaded down with bags when I approach the door to my condo. Sitting
in the doorway are two big boxes.
I hurry to unlock the door and set my bags inside, and then turn to the packages.
The first one I recognize from Shawn’s house. It’s full of my blankets and things that were too big to bring in my checked baggage.
The other one is flat and big.
And I’m pretty sure I know what it is.
After I wrestle both boxes through the door and lock it behind me, I grab a box cutter and get to work on the flat parcel.
When it’s open, I stand back and sigh as I stare at the gorgeous painting that I bought at Pike’s Place Market.
It’s so close to the view on the island, it’s almost as though the artist sat in Shawn’s living room and painted the ocean. The colors remind me of an overcast day, with grays and blues blurred together. White waves crash against a light beige sand.
I take a deep breath and then smile as memories of walking on that beach flood my mind. Yes, this will be perfect on the wall in my office, where I can stare at it and dream up new plotlines.
I turn to the other box and cut through the tape. It looks like it was opened and resealed.
Did I forget something?
My blankets are on top. I take them out and smell them, and almost cry when I realize they smell like Shawn.
The pillow is on the bottom.
But stuck in the middle of the blankets and pillow is an envelope with my name on it.
I didn’t forget anything. Shawn opened the box to include this note.
Before I open it, I put my blankets on the sofa, the pillow on my bed, and open my new things from this afternoon to find special places for them in the closet.
Then, I pour myself a cup of tea and carry the letter to the sofa, where I wrap up in a blanket that smells of Shawn and open the note.
Lex-
I’m not too proud to admit that I slept with these blankets for a night or two before I shipped them off to you. So, they’re late. I’m not sorry.
I grin. This is so Shawn.
I’m glad you made it home safely. I hope this letter finds you well and settled back in where you can start writing that new story you mentioned a couple of times while you were here. I can’t wait to read it.
Best,
Imagine With Me: A With Me In Seattle Novel Page 14
