Copyright (C) 2020 Kandi Steiner
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without prior written consent of the author except where permitted by law.
The characters and events depicted in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Published by Kandi Steiner
Edited by Elaine York, Allusion Graphics, LLC/Publishing & Book Formatting
Cover Design by Kandi Steiner and Staci Hart
Formatting by Elaine York, Allusion Graphics, LLC/Publishing & Book Formatting
EPISODE ONE
Jess
Bear
Cassie
Jess
Bear
Cassie
EPISODE TWO
Ashlei
Skyler
Adam
Cassie
Erin
Ashlei
Skyler
Erin
EPISODE THREE
Cassie
Jess
Bear
Skyler
Cassie
Jess
Bear
EPISODE FOUR
Ashlei
Erin
Jess
Adam
Ashlei
Jess
Adam
Erin
EPISODE FIVE
Bear
Cassie
Ashlei
Skyler
Bear
Cassie
Skyler
EPISODE SIX
Cassie
Bear
Ashlei
Adam
Erin
Jess
Skyler
If You Like PSU, You'll Love...
Make Me Hate You Prologue
Make Me Hate You Chapter One
Acknowledgements
About the Author
More from Kandi Steiner
Ritual picks up right where Legacy left off. As this book is part of a series, you will need to read the other books in the series before beginning this one:
Rush, PSU #1
Anchor, PSU #2
Pledge, PSU #3
Legacy, PSU #4
Welcome back to PSU… ;)
Tweet as you read using #PalmSouth and join the Facebook discussion group here.
“FUCK OFF, KADE.”
A laugh bubbles out of him, and I flick my right foot up to my ass long enough to snatch the heel off it and hold it up over my head in a threat to squash him like a bug.
Kade holds up his hands, eyes bulging out of his head. “Jess, come on,” he says, but that motherfucker is still smirking. “Look, I’ve apologized. I’ve all but groveled at your feet, for Christ’s sake. I know I was an asshole.”
“It’s not about you being an asshole,” I seethe, still holding my weapon of choice ready to strike. “It’s that you wasted my time.”
“I’m an idiot.”
“You act like that’s news to me.”
He softens, that stupid smirk still on his face as he takes a step closer to me. I cock an eyebrow in warning, holding the shoe up a little higher, but he reaches for it, gently lowering it until it’s between us and no longer a threat.
“Look, I really am sorry,” he says, more sincerely. “I asked for your help and then I blew you off. I can’t help it, I’m a stupid boy.”
I scoff.
“But I’m serious now. And I want another chance.”
Inside me, there’s a bear growling and tearing trees to shreds. On the outside, I’m cool as a cucumber. Kade is a junior who I met last semester when he rushed Alpha Sigma. He’s close friends with Kip, Skyler’s boyfriend, which made him part of our group pretty fast.
When I first met him, I was annoyed with everything he was.
The more he talked to me and flashed his corny pickup lines, the more that annoyance turned to something between curiosity and the urge to bang him.
And when he made a proposition that I should hang out with him this summer, teach him how to have better game and how to be better in bed, in exchange for getting to drive his car and have guaranteed sex anytime I wanted it? Well, I thought it was the most ridiculous idea I’d ever heard of.
And yet, I’d agreed — for no other reason than I was bored and needed a distraction from Jarrett and the heartbreak that was forever lingering in his absence.
It had seemed like a good idea.
Until this twat rag blew me off and made me look like the idiot.
“Well, good for you,” I snap, tugging my heel back on and crossing my arms. “But I don’t give second chances. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a recruitment to run.”
Before I can shut the door in his face, Kade blocks it with his hands.
And then, the motherfucker falls to his knees.
“Oh, please, Jess,” he says, so loudly that his voice echoes off the walls in the Kappa Kappa Beta house foyer. “Please, give me another chance. There’s nothing I want more than to rub your body down and learn your kinky ways.”
My eyes bulge, and I kick my heel right into the middle of his chest until he tumbles backward onto the house porch. I slam the door shut behind us, fuming.
“There are potential new members in there, you asshat.”
He’s still flat on his back, holding up his hands in surrender.
And I hate myself a little, because in that moment, he looks a little like he did the first night I threw him down on his bed and rode him until he moaned my name.
“Get up,” I said, pretending to be disgusted. “You look like a fool.”
“Only a fool for you.”
I roll my eyes, sighing with as much dramatic flare as I can manage when he’s standing again. “Why should I give you another chance? This whole…” I wave my hand at him. “Training thing was your idea in the first place, and then you bail. What are you even looking for? What’s the motive here?”
“I already told you,” he says, stepping into me. “I know I flaked this summer. There was…” He swallows, looking down Greek Row as if it were a hall of ghosts. “I had some family stuff to handle, and I wasn’t in my right state of mind. Okay?”
He looks like a puppy that’s just been kicked, and I hate that I care.
“But I mean it this time. I have zero game, and I need your help. Plus,” he says, smirking as he steps more into me. His hand creeps up my arm, tucking a strand of my hair behind one ear. “After our first round, you can’t tell me you don’t want more, too.”
Heat snakes up my neck from where his fingers brush the sensitive skin, and my eyes flutter before I shove him back with two hands.
“I can get hot sex from anyone I want,” I remind him.
“I know that.”
“Then you also know that you’re wasting your time.”
“Jess,” he says, seemingly exhausted now. “Come on. I’m sorry. I have now literally groveled at your feet.” He swallows. “I need this.”
I narrow my eyes, annoyance mixing with the ridiculous attraction I have for this kid and making me want to slap myself. When I first agreed to this insane proposition at our formal last semester, it was because I was in a dire state. I was still heartbroken over Jarrett, and — if I were being completely honest — I was fascinated by the thought of being in power over this young buck. I would be his teacher, his Dom, his sexual sensei.
Above all, he would be a distraction from Jarrett.
And after our first romp in the sack to gauge just what kind of lessons would be needed, I discovered that bulge I’d seen in his swim trunks at Spring Break was just the tip — and not of the iceberg.
But now, I was busy with recruitment. And when it was over, I’d be busy with my last semester of college. Plus, this little fucker had played me. It was all his idea, for me to help him with his game, teach him how to flirt and date and fuck like a pro — and then he’d bailed. After one round, he flaked.
Still, I can’t deny the way my body is heated at the sight of his tattoos peeking out from under his tight t-shirt — tattoos that I know spread across his chest and abdomen and down the length of his muscular back. It should be illegal for a kid this young to be this ripped, but even if it was, I have a feeling Kade would break the law.
I appraise him, and before the words are out of my mouth, I wonder if I’m conceding because I want to, because I feel bad for him, or because I’m annoyed and need him off my porch so I can get back to recruiting the best damn rush class our sorority has ever seen.
“Fine,” I grit, but before Kade can thrust his fist all the way into the air, I wrap my hand around it and hold it firmly. “But you will follow through with your part of the deal this time.”
He raises an eyebrow.
“The car,” I remind him. “I want your keys. Now.”
“I don’t have them on me.”
“Then I guess we’re done here.” I turn to head back inside, but Kade rounds me quickly, holding up his hands.
“Wait, wait, wait,” he says, fishing his keys from his pocket. He holds them out to me with a cringe. “Please, don’t wreck it.”
I smile wickedly, snatching the keys from his grasp before I press up on my toes. “Oh, sweetheart. The only thing I plan on wrecking is you.”
I thread my hands into his hair, tugging with enough force to make him suck in a breath through his teeth before my mouth covers his. I kiss him like I hate him, and I know I’ll fuck him the same way later.
“Don’t touch your dick until the next time I see you,” I whisper against his mouth before I bite his bottom lip. “Don’t masturbate, don’t edge, don’t even hold it any longer than you have to to piss. Understand me?”
Kade swallows, and I don’t miss the twitch of his already-growing erection in his basketball shorts. “There she is,” he whispers on a grin.
I grin back, leaning in like I’m going to kiss him again, but then I shove him away and maneuver around him, pushing through the front door of the Kappa Kappa Beta house and shutting it again before he can say a word.
You want to play, Kade Brewer?
Fine.
Let’s play.
FAMILY.
That one word can mean so many things.
It can mean a house on a hill with two parents who adore you, and an older sibling who cares for you, and grandparents and aunts and uncles who gather near for holidays. It can mean someone to lean on — always — no matter what you’re going through. It can mean safety, and comfort, and support.
Family can also mean a mother addicted to drugs and gambling, and an older brother who follows in her footsteps. It can mean the parents of your best friend taking you in as their own, like my little brother and Mac. Like me and Skyler.
It can mean never really feeling like you had a family at all, and so you build one at the college you go to, surrounding yourself with fraternity brothers and sorority girls and making your own dysfunctional unit.
Or it can mean a baby, one of your own.
One never born.
One you never knew existed — not before it was too late to have a say in whether it stayed that way or not.
It’s the Saturday before fall semester, and I should be happy. It’s my senior year, my fraternity is finally off suspension, I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been in, and I’ve got the hottest, smartest, kindest girl I’ve ever known wrapped around me in my bed. Skyler is here, too, sitting in the bean bag on my floor with her feet propped up on my desk as she relays her summer to us. She and Becca have become friends — my two favorite girls — and yet, still, there’s a hollowness inside me.
Because down Greek Row, there’s a girl who carried my child inside her.
A girl who never let that child be born.
“I will say this,” Skyler says, letting her legs drop to the floor as she sinks even lower into the bean bag. “I am so glad rush is over. I usually love Bid Day, but I was exhausted today.”
“Maybe you’re getting old,” Becca offers
“I am. I most certainly am.”
“And you’re still considering running for president?” Becca asks
Skyler frowns, a strand of her long, brown hair falling into her face. “As crazy as it sounds, I am. I know Erin and I went through a lot of shit last year, and I wasn’t sure if I’d ever want to have anything to do with the presidency after that. But… I love KKB. That’s my family. And to lead them for a year? That would be an honor.”
I listen to them talk in a sort of numb daze, broken up time to time only by them saying Erin’s name. Every time I hear the two syllables, a zing of something hot and uncomfortable assaults my chest.
“You okay, babe?” Becca asks me quietly when Skyler pulls out her phone. I bet money she’s texting Kip. With him being at school in California, they’re committed to the long-distance relationship thing — and I am not envious of the work that goes with that.
“I’m good,” I assure her, rubbing her back before I press a kiss to the sunshine yellow bandana tied around her hair and covering her forehead. “Just going to run to the bathroom real quick.”
“Okay,” she says, smiling at me, but I see the worry etched in her eyes.
When I slip out from under the covers, Skyler whistles.
“Hot damn, Bear,” she says, eyeing me from head to toe. “I didn’t think it was possible for you to get more beastly than you already were. What the hell have you been eating?”
“He eats like The Rock now,” Becca answers for me. “I swear, I counted one morning, and the man had eight whole wheat pancakes. And a half a pound of turkey bacon.”
Skyler whines. “Not fair. If I ate like that, I’d have an ass the size of Texas.”
“Ain’t nothing wrong with that,” Becca says, smacking her own ass.
When I don’t so much as chuckle, Skyler eyes me warily, but I avoid her eyes.
“He’s also been working out like a mad man,” Becca continues, but I snuff out her next sentence with the gentle snick of the bathroom door closing, reveling in the time alone.
After I piss, I wash my hands and dry them before splaying them on the bathroom counter. My eyes find those of my reflection, and I hold my own gaze, searching for the man I used to be in the mirror. But he’s not there, he’s not anywhere — not anymore.
They say there are moments in your life that change everything. I could look back and name a few in mine — when Mom first asked me for money, and when she and my older brother bailed on life, leaving behind my nephews and my little brother, Clayton. I could even peg my breakup with Shawna as one that changed me, and the night I saw Erin raped definitely fell into that category, too.
But finding out I had fathered a child with her, one that she never told me about, one that she aborted — it didn’t just change me.
It fucked me all the way up.
I search my dead eyes for a sign of humanity, of someone still capable of feeling, but come up short. Becca is the only person I’ve been able to be even close to myself with over the summer, but even she can’t break through entirely.
I can’t discern what I feel. It’s like a never-ending tornado, one that has lifted everything in my life up into the air — me included — and is just tossing me around, dropping me and picking me back up again, not sure where it wants to leave everything when it finally dissipates.
In the past few months, I’ve cycled through ev
erything from anger and guilt, to crushing depression and horrifically sad understanding. I want to hate Erin, but I also want to run to her. I want to shake her and demand answers, but I also want to hug her and tell her there’s no need, that I already understand.
And in the process of these cycles, of this tornado, I’ve lost myself completely.
I sigh, scrubbing my hands over my face before I shove through the door and back into my bedroom. Skyler is gone, and Becca sits on my bed in one of my t-shirts, her legs tucked under her.
For a long while, she just stares at me, her eyes speaking to mine without a single word being said.
Then, she leans back, pulls her knees up to her chest, and slowly, seductively, she lets them fall open, revealing that she doesn’t have a pair of panties on under that shirt.
“I know we’ve been taking it slow,” she whispers, and I see her throat constrict as she swallows. “But I feel how lost you are right now, Clinton. And I want you to find yourself in me.”
My eyes trail her slight curves visible even in the loose fabric of my t-shirt, and when my gaze settles on the wet heat between her legs, I will myself to feel something — anything. Because that’s my M.O. If I have something to run from, I find solace in fucking, and working out, and drinking myself into oblivion.
But the desire I yearn to feel for Becca is subdued, suffocated by the vision of another girl I’d been inside of — one I’d “lost myself” in when I was running from something.
Erin Xander.
Still, I can’t walk out on Becca — not with her vulnerability on full display like this. So, I shove my own fears and anxieties out, ignoring the anger and the desire for answers I’ll never get to questions I should never, ever ask.
In the end, it was Erin’s body, and it was her choice.
I find as much resolve from that fact as I can, and in two strides, I’m standing over Becca, sliding my hands up her shins, over her knees, along the warm, smooth skin of her inner thighs. And for the first time since we started dating, I slide my palm over her clit, my fingers dipping between her wet lips.
She shivers, hands fisting in my shirt and holding onto me for dear life as her eyes flutter shut. She lets her head fall back when I press my fingers inside her, slowly, tentatively, and I will myself to be present. I will my dick to stand at attention, will my brain to focus on the beautiful woman giving herself to me.
Ritual: A New Adult College Romance (Palm South University Book 5) Page 1
