As horrible as the summer was with his father passing away, I hadn’t realized until the new semester started how spoiled we had been. Even after his father had passed, we’d spent time with his mom, in his hometown, falling more in love every single day — while also dealing with the fall-out from the tournament. It didn’t take long for the reporters to put the pieces together and realize Kip was the same guy from the bonfire photo that had been leaked of me, and needless to say, we were the juiciest story the poker world had seen in a while — especially once I disappeared off the scene.
In those short months of summer, Kip had become my person. We’d spend nearly every day together, every night in each other’s arms, and now we had thousands of miles between us.
And there was just no way around it.
It hurt.
Kip was finally at his dream school — UCLA — chasing his dream of becoming a script writer. And as much as I knew he was where he needed to be, and I was where I needed to be at PSU, I hated that those two schools were not in the same zip code.
Or even the same state.
There was only so much a text or a phone call or even a video chat could do.
I stand, shrugging the dress shirt on and start buttoning it from the bottom up. “What are you going to do tonight?”
“Dream about you stripping out of that outfit.”
I roll my eyes.
“Alpha Sigma is having a little party to kick off Greek Week,” he says after he gets his rise out of me. “Rick and I are going to head that way after our Character Creation class.”
“I still can’t believe you managed to find not only a fraternity brother with the same major, but then he ends up as your roommate, too.”
Kip chuckles. “It’s not so weird here, babe. Everyone wants to work in movies or TV or music.” He shrugs, a dreamy smile on those perfect lips I love to taste. “That’s why I wanted to be here. It feels like home.”
My heart rips somehow with a gentle pang of longing, as if his words hurt just as much as they made me proud of him. I still remember our first date, when he opened up to me about his dreams of writing scripts, and now, he’s on his way to doing just that.
“What’s wrong, Ella Mae,” he asks, leaning forward. The movement allows me to see the Singing in the Rain movie poster hanging above his bed behind him. “You seem distant tonight.”
I sigh, flopping down in the office chair at my desk as I struggle with the red bow tie around my neck. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve just been feeling a little… lost. Now that I’m not playing poker professionally, I feel like one of my limbs has been cut off.”
“You still could play, you know,” he reminds me.
I nod, but fall quiet, because we both know not continuing to play was the best move for me. Kip and I made quite the scene in Vegas last year, and really — I’ve accomplished what I wanted to. Mom and Dad are set up financially, my tuition and then some is paid, and I have a solid savings stashed up for when I graduate. Plus — I got the guy.
What more do I need?
Poker has served its purpose for me, and now I want to dive deeper and find out what I want to do with the rest of my life.
But I’m already a senior, and I’m just now thinking about my career after college.
To say I’m behind is an understatement.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Kip asks. “I know you started taking some entrepreneurship and business classes this semester, but we haven’t talked about how they’re going. Do you like them? Do you feel like they fit you?”
Anxiety flares in my chest, as it often does when I try to find out where I fit in. It’s been like that my entire life. The only place I’ve really been able to find my footing is in Kappa Kappa Beta and the Greek community at Palm South.
Once I graduate, all that will be gone, too.
I shake my head, forcing a smile. “Not right now. I don’t really have much to say yet since it’s only been a few weeks. Besides,” I say, waggling my eyebrows as I pull on the slick, black vest and button it up, standing back with my arms wide. “This sexy thing has a shift to work on the casino boat.”
Kip smiles, too, but his blue eyes shine with worry. “I wish I was there to hold you in my arms right now.”
My smile falls at that. “Me, too.”
A long moment stretches between us, and finally Kip sighs, his smile genuine again. “They’re all going to love you. I can’t wait to hear how much you make in tips.”
“It’s going to be keeping my mouth shut when they do something stupid that will be hard.”
He barks out a laugh at that. “Nah, don’t hold back. School ’em. Maybe they’ll tip you more if you give them advice and they win.”
I point at him in a touché gesture, and then lean forward, blowing him one more kiss. He catches it, holds it, and then throws it up to the sky — something we’ve done every time we can since his dad passed away. It’s a little reminder to keep him in our hearts, and also to live each day to the fullest.
“I’ll text you after my shift,” I say, knowing that even though it’ll be late here, the night will just be getting started in California. “Have fun at the party, but tell Rick to fight the girls off you for me.”
“You’re the only girl for me and everyone here knows it.”
I smile at that, giving him one last longing look before I close the screen on my laptop. Then, I look in the floor-length mirror in the room I share with Jess, adjusting the ridiculous bow tie and sighing at the way the work uniform hides all of my best features. I look like I’m wearing a large potato bag painted black, white, and red.
But as much as I don’t have the desire to play poker professionally, I can’t deny the rush flowing through me at the thought of being around other players. I’ll be dealing blackjack most of the night, and if I have my charm turned up to a hundred, I’ll also be walking out with a pocket full of cash in tips.
It isn’t the Friday night I’m used to. I should be getting ready to go to a party with Jess and Lei, preparing myself to take shots instead of to take chips. But something tells me this casino boat is where I need to be, that even though I’m not playing poker for money, I’m not quite done with it yet, either.
With a strange, unfamiliar feeling floating in my stomach, I push all my anxious thoughts down and cover my lips in matte red lipstick for good measure. Then, I head to work.
I think of Kip the entire drive.
“AND FOR HALLOWEEN, THE sandbar party was a success last year,” I say, tapping through the lists of things in my notebook that I wanted to discuss with Jeremy. He sits on my bed, looking bored, tossing my baseball up into the air over and over again while I ramble away. “I think we should do it again. But maybe bigger this time.” I pause. “Do you think we could get a DJ out there?”
Jeremy tosses the ball up. “Everyone plays music on their boats,” he pointed out. “I think it’d be too much noise.”
“But if the DJ was in the middle,” I pointed out. “It’d be an attraction, something to draw people onto the island more so than just into the boats.”
“True.” He snatches the ball from the air and sits up. “But first, I think you need to remain focused on this karaoke thing.”
“It’s pretty much handled,” I say, waving him off. That fresh energy I get from making a list, a plan, a new goal rushes through me, and I smile, jotting down more ideas.
“I’m serious, man,” he says. “The event is a couple weeks away and there’s still so much we haven’t nailed down. We need an emcee. We need monitors. We still haven’t received the entry fee from half of the fraternities and sororities who’ve entered. Plus, we haven’t talked at all about day-of fundraising tactics.”
Jeremy continues on, but my phone buzzes on my desk with a reminder that Cassie’s class ends in fifteen minutes, and already, I’m closing up my notebook and packing my bag to go meet her.
“… the food and the…” He stops. “Are you listening to me?”
“Yeah,” I answer easily. “I gotta go, but don’t worry, okay?” I slap him on the shoulder as I swing my backpack onto mine. “I’ve got this under control.”
Jeremy stops me before I can turn, his hand landing hard on my forearm. “I’m serious, Adam. This is your second year as president — something no one in this fraternity has done before. And I’m just saying, I’m not the only one who notices that you’re a little distracted.”
I frown. “Distracted?”
“With Cassie.”
At that, my expression hardens. “What does she have to do with anything?”
“I’m just saying,” he says with his palms out. “You two have always been dancing around each other. This is your first time being together, and, well… let’s just say it’s very apparent that she’s the first priority for you right now.”
My defenses spike, and I point a finger at my closest fraternity brother, narrowing my gaze. “I’ve been present for everything. I’ve been running Chapter, coming up with new ideas for the semester, already planning for Rush that isn’t even until the spring, and I literally brainstormed and made this entire karaoke fundraising event come together in just weeks.” I shake my head. “I can be happy with Cassie and still get shit done. If anything, she’s motivated me to do even more.”
Jeremy folds his arms over his chest. “You’ve been here, yes, but you haven’t been present. You’re always on your phone — texting her, calling her, whatever. You spend more time with her than you do with your brothers. It doesn’t matter that you’re here making plans,” he says. “What matters is that you’re here — really and truly here. When was the last time you played video games in the main room? Stayed for a party instead of hiding out in your room with Cassie? Attended an IM game to just be with your brothers instead of watching it with her and then leaving immediately after to go on a date?”
The more he shoots at me, the more my shoulders slump, guilt sinking in. I haven’t even noticed I’ve been doing any of those things, but as he lists them off, my defenses crumble.
Because he’s right.
“I love Cassie,” he says when I don’t respond. “You know that. I’ve wanted you two together for years. But… just remember that we’re your brothers, and as our president, we need your time, too. Especially right now, changing up a concert that’s been working to try something new. This was your idea, brother,” he says, standing. “So, lean into it and help us pull it off successfully.”
I sigh, chest tight with shame. I can always depend on Jeremy to give it to me straight, but I hate what I’m hearing from him in this moment.
“I hear you,” I say, gripping his shoulder in one hand as I level my gaze with his. “Thank you for helping me see what I couldn’t. I promise, I’m here, and I’ll be here more. Don’t worry about the karaoke event this weekend,” I assure him. “I’ve got this.”
Jeremy’s lips press together, and he nods once. We exchange a unique handshake we’ve had since freshman year, and he claps me on the back as we head out of my bedroom.
When we make it to the main room, a bunch of our brothers are gathered on the couches and beanbags, watching two seniors battle it out in a game of Madden on the big screen. They welcome Jeremy easily, scooting over on the couch to make more room for him and handing him a beer out of the ice chest at the edge of the coffee table.
Then there are eyes on me.
“Heading out, Pres?” Kade asks, drinking a beer with his eyes still on the screen. He rushed last spring, in Kip’s class, and already he’s been showing leadership potential.
Before I can answer, one of my brothers says, “Of course he is. Time to go pick up Cassie from class, right?”
There’s a snicker from my other brothers, one I wouldn’t have even noticed had Jeremy not just had the conversation with me that he had. Before, I would have laughed it off, said something to the effect of you bet your ass. But now, I watch them exchange knowing looks, feeling like an outsider in the family I spent the last year building.
“I’ll be back after lunch,” I say.
“Yeah. See ya,” Kade replies.
And then the attention is back on the game, and I’m invisible.
My mind is spinning the entire walk across campus to the Science Building, and I chase each thought, holding onto it by the tail before it wriggles free and another comes into view.
I love Cassie. I love spending time with her. But have I really been so wrapped up in her this semester that I’ve been neglecting my brothers?
I know the answer solely from the interaction I just had with them in the house. If Jeremy hadn’t pulled my head out of my ass, I’m not sure I would have seen it even then.
The truth is I like being lost in Cassie. I like that she’s my entire world.
But if I’m going to be president, and if Alpha Sigma is as important to me as it always has been, I need to find the balance.
The more I think on it, the more I can’t wait to talk to Cassie about it all. She’s my best friend, and I know she’ll have exactly the right words to say.
When I see her red hair bounce out of the front doors from where I’m sitting on one of the benches fifty yards or so from the building, I smile, my heart already fluttering with relief just from seeing her.
But then my eyes land on the person walking out of the building with her.
The person I hate more than anyone in the world.
Grayson fucking Anderson is walking next to Cassie — so close their arms brush a little as the crowd moves around them.
My heart stops in my throat as I watch them come to a stop in the sea of students leaving the building. Cassie stands with her arms crossed over her books tucked into her chest, and Grayson is talking animatedly, his hands moving, sincerity on his face as he says whatever it is he’s saying.
Cassie listens, chewing her lip, and when he’s done, she says something in response. I have no idea what it is, but I know he smiles after she’s said it, and that alone sends a rip current of anger rushing through me.
I stand, snatching my backpack off the bench and throwing it on my shoulders, determined to march my ass over there and shove Grayson away from her. I want to remind him that he’s not welcome to talk to her — ever — but before I can move, he salutes her, and she offers him a small wave, and then he turns and walks in the opposite direction.
I pause, watching Cassie as she watches him leave, an unreadable expression in her eyes. After a moment, a big breath leaves her chest, and she turns, searching for something.
For me.
I know that’s what her eyes are scanning for, that she knows I’m out here somewhere, walking toward her or waiting for her to make her way toward me. I know she’s wondering where we’ll go for lunch before I walk her to her next class.
But for the first time, I don’t want her to find me.
Something indescribable sears through my spine like a hot wire, and I know if I talk to her right now, I’ll blow. I don’t have the details. I have no idea why Grayson was with her, or what they were talking about, but I know if she walks over to me and I ask her how class was and all she says is fine and then pretends like nothing happened and we go to lunch — I won’t be able to let it go.
So I don’t give her the chance.
With my backpack on my shoulder, I fall into the sea of students and make my way back toward Greek Row, pulling out my phone to send her a text.
Me: Got caught up with A Sig stuff. Text you later.
I shove my phone back in my pocket, ignoring the response buzz that comes through less than sixty seconds later, and keep my head down the rest of my walk.
Why the fuck was she with Grayson? He’s a Music major — there’s literally no reason for him to be in that building. And why was Cassie talking to him, listening to him? I don’t care if he was apologizing for what he did to her, or talking about the fucking weather. She hates him.
Doesn’t she?
Shouldn’t she?
I
t doesn’t make sense to me why she would give him even two minutes of her time.
And the worst part is that whatever she said brought a relieved smile to his face, and they’d waved goodbye to each other like they were friends.
Friends.
Just the thought of it sends another chill of rage through me, and I shake my head, letting out an audible, frustrated growl that earns me a few weary glances from the students walking around me.
I need to get back to the house, and I need to get my mind on literally anything else.
I’ll talk to Cassie about this later, when I’ve cooled down, when I can be rational.
As I storm through campus, I know I’m lying to myself.
Because rationality doesn’t exist in me.
Not when it comes to that motherfucker and my girl.
I PACK MY BOOKS and laptop up with more aggression than necessary at the end of Genetics, grumbling to myself as I shove everything in my bag. I’ve been doing great in this class so far, and effectively avoiding Grayson.
Until today.
Because the professor just assigned us as lab partners.
I inhale a stiff, hot breath and blow it out like a dragon before slugging my bag onto my shoulder. I don’t make it two steps from my desk when Grayson jogs down the steps in the classroom to catch up with me.
“So, lab partners,” he says on a grin, waggling his brows at me. “Talk about some fucked-up fate, huh?”
“I’m putting in a request for someone else,” I growl out, locking eyes on his. “Right now.”
“Wait!” He rounds to stand in front of me, reaching out for my arms to grab me and pull me to the side. I rip away from his touch, but let him guide me out of the path of the other students. “Don’t do that.”
“We can’t be lab partners, Grayson.”
“Why not?”
“Oh, do I need to remind you? Well, let’s see…” I tap my chin, ready to pop off every thing he’s ever done wrong, but he holds up his hands in surrender before I do.
“You don’t have to remind me that I hurt you,” he says, sighing. “I just… What about forgiveness?”
Ritual: A New Adult College Romance (Palm South University Book 5) Page 5
