Just like I trust her.
With my eyes still shut, I pick up the pace, careful not to go too deep but finding my release building with each wrap of her lips and slip of her tongue. “Oh, fuck,” I grunt. “Coming.”
And with one last thrust deep into her throat, I spill.
My body shakes, fire consuming me as I black out to everything that isn’t Cassie’s mouth around my cock. Faintly, I register her gagging, but she holds me inside her as I ride out every last pulse. I withdraw and push back in, again and again, until I’m empty and spent and trembling as I carefully roll off of her and onto my back next to where she lay.
I’m still seeing stars, panting and trying to catch my breath when I look over and see Cassie swallow, wiping the corners of her mouth and smiling at me shyly.
“Fuck me,” I say, rolling over to pull her into me and kiss all over her. She giggles and wraps herself around me, too, until we’re a tangle of slick arms and legs.
“Did you like that?”
“Do you really have to fucking ask?” I laugh.
“I liked it, too,” she says, kissing my jaw. “And I liked you taking me from behind.”
“That so?” I ask on a smirk. “My little innocent Cassie McBee, a fan of doggy-style.”
Her nose wrinkles. “Don’t call it that.”
“I’ll call it whatever you want, babe,” I say, pulling her into my chest. “As long as we get to do it again.”
She laughs in my arms, and as the world slowly comes back to us, our breaths evening out and the music and sounds of the night finding us inside the tent, I run my fingers through her hair and count my lucky stars that she came tonight, that she forgave me, that I didn’t lose her for good.
“I love you,” she whispers.
I inhale deep, holding her tighter and vowing to never fuck this up again. “I love you, too.”
“ALRIGHT, LADIES,” I SAY once the room is quiet, glancing over my notes for tonight’s Chapter meeting. “I think that wraps up everything on the agenda. But we do have some visitors tonight. So, phones away, everyone give your full attention, okay? First up, the ladies of Zeta Pi Alpha.”
My sisters sit and clap politely as Jess lets five girls from the sorority stand at the front of the room and tell us about their upcoming philanthropy event. I’m half-listening, half-watching my sisters with a proud smile. It’s a bigger Chapter night with our visitors, so I booked us one of the large rooms in the Sciences Building. And now that our new members have been officially initiated, the room feels whole, and I love knowing that I’m a part of what made this organization what it is now.
After last semester, Kappa Kappa Beta was awarded the best GPA out of all the sororities on campus. With Jess taking over during recruitment, we had a brand new, all-star pledge class, and with each member of exec mentoring another sister, I have faith that when we hand off the torch at the end of the semester, it’ll be with this sorority in the best shape it’s ever been in.
I glance at Skyler, knowing that while things are still a bit rocky between us, she’s leaning more and more into following in my footsteps — just like I followed in my Big’s, and her in her Big’s before that. Our family line had a long running as president, and I know it won’t end with me.
But it just might end with Cassie.
She decided again not to take a Little this semester, and as much as that pissed me off when she didn’t as a sophomore, I accept it now. So what if our line ends with her? If it did, I’d say we’ve had a pretty badass family line, and every single one of us has left a mark on this sorority.
Besides, I’m done trying to tell others what they should do or judge them based on their decisions.
God knows I wouldn’t want anyone judging me based on mine.
After the Zetas leave, I announce that the brothers of Omega Chi are next, and I take a seat off to the right of the podium still in a slight daze.
Until Bear walks in first, leading a group of ten of his brothers to the front of the room.
I stiffen immediately at the sight of him, sitting up straighter in my chair. He winks at Skyler and smiles at various sisters around the room, but then his eyes find mine, and he keeps them on me until the moment he reaches the front of the room and turns to address the chapter.
“Ladies,” he says, his booming voice commanding attention as always. “Thank you for having us.”
And as he stands there, demanding that power, I can’t help but appreciate the way he looks when he’s cleaned up for Sunday Chapter. I love Bear in his basketball shorts and muscle tanks, but there’s just something about seeing him in dress slacks and a button-up that makes it hard to swallow.
“We know you’re busy, and that all of you probably want to get home to enjoy what’s left of your Sunday before classes tomorrow, so we won’t stay long. We just wanted to wish you good luck on mid-terms, and bring you a little something…”
At that, he looks to the back of the room where one of his brothers is still standing, and he nods, opening the doors. As soon as he does, more and more Omega Chi brothers pile in, each of them holding a dozen roses in one hand and a reusable bag in the other.
The girls all gasp and smile in delight as each Omega Chi brother finds a sister and gives her the roses and bag. A few of the guys are carrying two of each, and they bring the extras to the front of the room to the brothers who were already standing there. When Bear has his in hand, he turns to me, and the smile slips off my face.
The room is abuzz with girls laughing and squealing and kissing cheeks and pulling all the goodies out of their bags — chocolate, salty snacks, a couple of shot-sized alcohol bottles — but I’m so focused on Bear walking toward me that I barely register any of it.
I stand when he’s a few feet away, and he pauses, extending the bundle of roses and goody bag. He doesn’t say a word as I take them from his hands, but our fingers brush, and I inhale a deep breath at the contact.
“Thank you,” I manage.
He nods, and there’s something there in his eyes — something I can’t quite put my finger on. He looks so sad, so tired, and… maybe a little sorry.
Our dinner flashes in my mind, and my cheeks heat as I tear my gaze from his.
It’s all I can do to hold it together through the rest of Chapter once he and his brothers are gone, and as soon as I call it, I gather my belongings and force a smile through small talk with sisters until the room is clear.
I lock up behind me with one thought on my mind — I need wine. But when I turn and spot a familiar shadow leaning against the brick building, a completely different thought comes to mind.
“Gavin?” I ask, shaking my head. “What are you doing here?”
He kicks off the wall with a grin. “Picking you up.”
“Picking me up?” I cross my arms and arch a brow. “It’s a Sunday night. I’ve got class early in the morning.”
“I won’t keep you out too late.” His eyes flick to the flowers in my hand, but he doesn’t address them.
“I take it that means you’re not taking no for an answer.”
The crook of his lips is all I get as a response, and he holds out his arm, waiting for me to slip mine through it.
“I’m sorry,” the girl on stage at The Black Lily says, looking around the dimly lit room at all of the patrons. Gavin and I are in the back corner, at a table for two, each of us sipping on warm Earl Grey tea.
I can’t take my eyes off the poet on stage, and it seems Gavin can’t take his eyes off me.
“I’m sorry for distracting you, my shoulders too bare, my thighs too exposed in these shorts. I’m sorry for speaking too loud, my words ugly with truth, your ears sensitive from ignorance.”
Each word she says hits like a beat of a drum, the cadence powerful and seductive, and I lean into every line.
“I’m sorry for chasing my dream, how selfish of me, to not ask for permission first.”
A few girls snap at that, firing up the energy in the room.<
br />
“I’m sorry for leaving you, how careless to stand on my own when you begged me to bend.”
“Preach, girl!” someone calls out in the dark.
“I’m sorry for proving you wrong,” the poet says, grabbing the mic and raising her voice as her haunting brown eyes sweep the room. “How embarrassing my smile is for you, I’m sure. I’m sorry the flower you tried so long to drown bloomed anyway — that stem, once so fragile and weak, now roots dug deep.”
A few more snaps ring out, and I snap, too, completely lost in the moment.
“I’m sorry,” she says, louder now, her eyes boring into the crowd. “That I was never sorry.”
“Yes!”
“Go on, then!”
The poet pauses, lowering the mic back into the stand before she whispers, “And that I never will be.”
Applause rings out as she takes a little bow and exits the stage, leaving the mic open once again for the next performer, and I shake my head in awe, leaning back in my chair with my muscles relaxing all at once like I was just holding onto a speeding train for my life rather than listening to spoken word.
“She’s amazing,” I whisper, glancing at Gavin. “All of these performers are.”
“Open mic is pretty cool, huh?”
“Very,” I say, reaching for my tea to take a sip. “You come here a lot?”
“Almost every Sunday. It’s a cool place on a regular night, too, but… for me? Open mic is where you get the real. The raw. The brave.” He nods toward the stage. “It takes a lot of guts to get up there.”
“Do you ever?”
He shakes his head easily. “I’m more of the lurk in the corner kind of guy than the one who wants a mic in his hand.”
“Fair,” I say with a smile. “Thank you for bringing me here.”
“Of course.”
I study him for a moment while the next performer gets set up — a young man, no older than eighteen if I had to guess, with an acoustic guitar and a wide, unabashed grin.
“Have you thought about our little therapy assignment?”
Gavin frowns. “What assignment?”
I chuckle. “Don’t you ever listen? Jackie asked us to think about what we miss about the old us.”
“Oh,” Gavin says with a frown. “Yeah, well, I instantly wrote that off as stupid and never considered it again.”
“Why do you think it’s stupid?”
“Why do you think it’s not?”
A little laugh bubbles in my throat. “I don’t know. I guess I’m open to any and everything therapy has to offer. I’ve tried handling this all on my own,” I confess. “It didn’t work out well.”
Gavin watches me curiously. “Okay. Tell me yours. What do you miss about the you before you were all fucked up?”
He waves his hands in the air like a fortune teller with those words, making me giggle.
“I miss a lot of things, actually,” I say, playing with the handle on my teacup. “I miss when my biggest worry was what to wear to a sorority event. I miss when all my friends trusted me and looked up to me.” I swallow. “I miss wanting to have sex.”
I can’t look at Grayson when I say those words, and they hang between us for a long time before he responds.
“I just miss my sister.”
My heart cracks in my chest, and I close my eyes, inhaling a breath before I open them to meet his gaze. For a long while, he watches me unashamed, but slowly, he lowers his eyes to the table, jaw ticking, nose flaring.
He looks so old and tired and broken in that moment that I can’t help but reach over and shelter his hand with mine.
Gavin swallows at the contact, covering my knuckles with his thumb, smoothing skin over skin, his eyes flicking up to meet mine. I offer a small smile, squeezing his hand in return.
“Thank you for sharing.”
I get a genuine smile for that, and Gavin shakes his head, bringing my knuckles to his lips briefly before he pulls his grasp from mine to reach into his back pocket.
“Alright,” he says, slapping a twenty down to pay for our tea and leave a generous tip. He stands then, holding out his hand for mine again. “I promised to get you back early.”
“I just need to use the restroom.”
“Come on, I’ll take you.”
Gavin leads me through a dark hallway in the back of the venue, waiting outside the bathroom for me. Then, we slip out the back door, and it’s just the two of us alone in the alley.
The breeze is crisp and cool, but my skin is so hot from the adrenaline and the tea that I revel in the feel of it, closing my eyes and inhaling deep.
Gavin slips his hand into mine, pulling me to a stop in the middle of the alley.
“What?” I ask, eyes fluttering open.
His eyes watch me carefully, flicking back and forth, a small crease just above them. He steps into me, slowly, backing me up until I hit the brick wall behind me.
My heart picks up speed with the way his demanding gaze devours me, and when my mouth parts, his fills the space, the kiss soft but sure.
Now my heart is thundering so loudly, it’s all I can hear in my ears, and I grip Gavin’s shoulders, so afraid I’ll pass out at any moment that I can’t do anything but hold on. His hands thread with mine, and he pulls them up to either side of my head, leaning into me and licking my bottom lip gently before his mouth captures mine again.
A spark of something hot and electric shoots down between my legs, and it surprises me so much that I stiffen and shy away from it, panic filling my chest.
Gavin seems to notice, and he slows his kiss, pressing his forehead to mine. “Is it okay that I’m kissing you?” he asks on a whisper, pausing with his lips over mine until I answer.
“Yes.”
“You’re shaking.”
I swallow, nodding.
Gavin releases my hands, framing my face and searching my eyes with his. This close, everything about him surrounds me — his dark and soul-piercing eyes, the heat from his chest and his hands on my skin, his scent — vanilla and oak and tobacco, something like a leather shop and a bar.
“No one has touched you since that night.”
He says the words softly, kind of like a question and kind of like something he just realized he should have known all along.
I swallow, not sure how to respond, but knowing that my silence is answer enough.
Gavin closes his eyes, blowing out a breath between us before his thumbs trace a line on my jaw. He holds me there for a long time, silent, our chests heaving, and bodies still pressed together in heat and want and — for me, a mix of fear, too.
“I may be a little fucked up, Erin,” he says in the dark. “But I won’t hurt you.”
I close my eyes at his words, fighting back emotion, because against every ounce of logic I’ve managed to hold onto in my life, I want to believe him.
“Can I…” He swallows, waiting until I open my eyes to look at him again. “I want to touch you. I want to make you feel good.” His hands slip down to circle my waist, and my next breath is shaky at the heat they funnel into me. “Can I try, if I promise to stop anytime you want me to?”
Panic zips through me, but it’s overpowered by a want so fierce I can’t believe I haven’t felt it in almost a year now.
“I’ll stop if you want me to,” he promises again. “Just say the word.”
Everything inside me wants to run and hide with as much urgency as I want to wrap myself up in him and lose myself in the way it feels to be wanted and touched and desired. I have no idea which one will win, which one holds the most power.
But there’s only one way to find out.
Slowly, I nod, threading my hands back through his hair and pulling his mouth back to mine. He answers with a passionate, bruising kiss, and I surrender.
I’m still wearing my dress from Chapter, and as he slowly kisses me, Gavin slips one warm, rough hand underneath it. I grip his shoulders, holding on as he lifts one of my legs and balances it on his thigh
.
His eyes connect with mine between kisses, and I know I’m breathing so loud they can probably hear me inside the club, but I can’t control it. I can’t do anything but hold on and try not to pass out as Gavin runs his hand up my inner thigh, cupping me over the lace of my panties.
The moment his warmth covers me, I gasp, eyes fluttering and head falling back.
“Are you okay?”
I nod, deftly, and Gavin kisses my neck softly and sweetly before moving the lace of my panties aside and running one finger between my folds.
I inhale stiffly at the feel of his skin on mine, of him touching me where I haven’t been touched since the night four boys took what wasn’t theirs. I’ve spent the last year trying to block out that night, to forget their touch, to unhear their laughs and grunts and crude words as they took their turns on me. Most nights I failed. Most nights I laid awake with the nightmare burning in my mind so fiercely that it felt like it was happening all over again.
But tonight is different.
Tonight, as soon as the thought of them comes, it’s whisked away by another kiss from Gavin. He holds all of my focus, so much that I can’t think of anything else but the way he feels — his lips on mine, his finger pressing against the sensitive bundle of nerves between my legs, his other hand holding me steady, digging into my hip.
Gavin breaks our kiss, eyes on mine as he skates his finger up and down my slick lips, and then — carefully and slowly — he enters me.
I must have blacked out. I must have collapsed in his arms and lost myself in another universe with him. I must have found a piece of me I thought was gone forever. Something out of this world happened, because when I finally come to, Gavin is kissing me to keep me quiet as I ride out an orgasm on his fingers, bucking my hips and digging my nails into his shoulders and crying out against his lips.
The climax is so powerful and electric that I feel it in every muscle, in every bone, in every fiber of my being and corner of my soul. I forgot what it was to feel this way, to be touched and not be scared, to have a man inside me and not be crying and praying for it to end.
Ritual: A New Adult College Romance (Palm South University Book 5) Page 18
