Claire was good and kind, but she was also smart, and she was someone who would not put up with his nonsense. He smiled as he remembered how it felt to be near her. Donovan considered driving to see her, but what excuse would he give for doing so? He couldn’t say he missed her serene face and quiet voice. Would Claire be scared away forever if she knew his true feelings? He was sure he was in love. He had never had these feelings for any other woman. With Jessie, the feelings had never been this intense, this deep.
He had to be honest and tell Claire about his feelings for her. But tomorrow was a long way away. Donovan looked at his watch to see it was just past the hour. Hopefully, there would be some different shows on TV.
“Lunch?” His mother poked her head around the door.
“Yes, thanks, Mom.” Conveniently, his mother lived next door to the guest house.
“I’ve got some soup coming for you.” She sat on the end of his bed. “What are you watching?”
“Nothing, just trying to find something interesting to pass the time, but there’s nothing.”
“Do you want me to bring some books or some magazines?”
Donovan sighed. “No. You could pass my laptop over.”
“No. No work, you need to rest and relax.”
Donovan’s mouth fell open. He wasn’t used to hearing the word ‘no.’ “I will be resting. I’m not going to exert myself by pressing a few buttons.”
“No, but you’ll see an email or something that’ll cause you stress. Stress is a killer, and it’ll make your body take longer to heal.”
He shook his head. “Mom, you sound like you’ve been listening to some New Age guru.”
Mrs. Billings wagged her finger in her son’s face. “It’s plain common sense and it’s something you sometimes lack. You’ve got to look after your health.”
“Thanks, Mother.”
“I mean it.”
“You’re the one stressing me, Mother.”
Mrs. Billings chuckled. “Why don’t you and I go out somewhere nice for dinner tonight? Are you up to it?”
“Thanks, I am, and it would be good to have a change of scene.”
“I’ll bring your soup.” Mrs. Billings left him alone and brought the soup back a quarter of an hour later.
When he'd finished the soup, he looked at his watch to see it was two in the afternoon. It had been a long time since he’d gone out with his mother. He reached out to the bedside chest, popped two painkillers in his mouth, took a gulp of water and swallowed the pills.
He hoped he would not get into an argument with his mother over dinner. He closed his eyes and dozed, knowing his mother would wake him if he slept too long.
That evening, while eating his dinner, Donovan told his mother about the barn raising.
“So, it was a real barn raising like you see on TV?” she asked.
“Yes, it was a real one, not a fake one.”
His mother chuckled. “You’re just like your father. What was it like?”
“It was quite remarkable. The barn went up at lightning speed. There were dozens of workers and they each knew what they had to do and no one got in anyone’s way.” He rubbed his eyebrows. “Remarkable,” he repeated.
“I suppose Claire was delighted you went?”
“I suppose she was.” He looked his mother in the eyes. “I like her, Mom. I really do.”
“You like all of them, Donovan.” She piled some of her vegetarian risotto onto her fork and daintily placed it into her mouth.
Donovan looked up from his steak. “No, that’s in the past. From now on, I’m a changed man.”
His mother giggled as though he’d said something hilarious. “And what brought about this change?”
“I’ve had time to think in the hospital. I’ve thought about life and about God.”
She loaded more risotto onto her fork. “And what have you decided?”
“I’m serious, Mom.”
Mrs. Billings placed her still-loaded fork down onto her plate. “I’ve never heard you speak like this.”
“That’s because I’ve never given much thought to life and the meaning of it.” He popped a portion of steak into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. “Being nearly dead has caused me to view things differently.”
His mother took a sip of wine and then said, “Your father believed in God—if that’s where this conversation is headed.”
“He did? You never told me that.”
Mrs. Billings shrugged her shoulders. “I didn’t think it was important.”
“Did you ever believe?”
“I believe in science.”
“Yes, but can’t science and God co-exist? Wouldn’t God have put science in place?” He cut another piece of steak and placed it in his mouth.
His mother waved a hand in the air. “I’ve never bothered to give it too much thought. I’d rather think on more practical things.”
Donovan knew it was no good talking to his mother of such things when he wasn’t sure of what he believed except in the existence of a divine creator. He finished chewing his mouthful then sighed loudly. “I’ve been thinking about these things. That’s what nearly dying does to a person.”
“You do need a nice girl. That’s what I’ve wanted for you for a long time, but please, not an Amish girl. You go from one extreme to the other. It’s because you’re slightly hyperactive, or whatever the term is for it these days.” Mrs. Billings rolled her eyes, and then patted his hand. “You’ll get over her.”
He smiled at his mother and had no idea what she meant.
Chapter 12
Donovan woke early Monday morning pleased he’d see Claire. He had a shower, got dressed and then lay on his bed waiting for her to arrive. Just after nine o’clock, there was a gentle knock on his door. “Come in.” He held his breath, hoping.
Claire pushed the door open and stepped through. “How are you today?”
He smiled. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. “I’m fine. I do have an appointment back at the hospital at eleven. They need to do another brain scan, or some test or other.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“Yes. Could you? Of course, you can. I’ll clear it with my mother.”
“Have you had breakfast?” Claire asked.
He shook his head and wondered why his mother hadn’t been in with his breakfast.
“I’ll get you some.”
“Please, just toast and coffee.”
Claire nodded and left his room.
How would he tell Claire of his feelings? Could he just come straight out and say something? He ground his teeth and considered how to bring something like that up in conversation. This was something he’d never been concerned with before Claire came into his life.
His door opened. “I just met your mother with the breakfast tray. She said she’d be in later to see you.”
“Good. Did you tell her of the eleven o’clock appointment?”
“I did.”
Claire placed the breakfast tray across his stomach.
“Ow.”
“Oh, no. I’m sorry I forgot about your ribs.”
He grimaced with the pain. “Just sit by me and pass the food to me.”
Claire sat next to him and took the lid off the food. “You have French toast by the looks.”
“Oh good. That’s much better than plain toast.”
Claire cut off part of the French toast, loaded the fork with a bite, and handed it to him along with the cup of maple syrup for dipping.
When he had finished his first mouthful, he said, “What did you do yesterday?”
Claire looked down at the food and continued to cut. “I visited some friends.”
“No church?”
“We only have the gatherings every other Sunday.”
“I see.”
“Sunday is always a day of rest, so no one works on Sunday. Even our food for the day is prepared ahead of time to give the women rest.”
“Ah,
and it’s always the women who cook?”
“Mostly, yes. The men do the outside work. Except the women usually do the gardening and sometimes look after the smaller animals, like the chickens and pigs. There are no absolute rules of who does what.”
“Sounds like every day is mapped out for you.”
Claire nodded, and handed him his fork loaded with French toast.
“Claire, what would it take for a woman such as you to like a man like me?”
She swallowed hard. “I do like you, Donovan.”
“No, not like that. I mean, what would it take for you to have a real relationship with me?”
Her cheeks flushed with color and her eyes grew wide. “It wouldn’t work. It simply couldn’t.”
He was certain Claire liked him. Years of being in business had helped him to read people to a certain extent. “You would like it to work, wouldn’t you?” He moved slightly then grimaced again with the pain from his fractured ribs.
Her hand flew to his arm. “Careful.”
“Tell me this, if I were Amish would you go on a date with me?”
“You’re not Amish, Donovan, so there’s no point in me answering.” She cut the rest of his toast into bite-sized pieces, left them within his reach on the side of the bed and then stood up. “Now, finish your toast and drink your coffee, and I’ll be back a little before ten-thirty.”
She placed the coffee mug in his hands and left the room. His head pushed back into the pillow. Where had he gone wrong? He slurped his coffee between bites of food, not even caring it was all lukewarm.
After the appointment at the hospital, Donovan stopped his car at a park not far from the town center. “Claire, I can’t go back and lay around in bed all day like an invalid. Let’s sit in the park.”
Claire agreed and they walked around the park until they came to a seat overlooking a duck pond.
They both sat, and Donovan slid forward a little and turned his body to face Claire. “I don’t know how to do this because I’ve never had to ask a girl this question before. Girls used to gravitate toward me, and well, things just happened and that’s why I find it hard to say what I’m about to say.”
Her nose crinkled. “Well, just say it.”
“I would like you to be my girlfriend.”
Claire jumped up. “I can’t.”
“Claire, sit down. Talk to me. Why do you say you can’t?” He took hold of her hand and gently pulled her back down next to him. “Is it because you don’t like me in that way?”
“You’re not Amish and it would never be allowed.”
“What if you left?” He tilted his head to one side. He knew it was not a question of how she felt regarding him; it was clear they were meant for each other. She had to feel the same.
She looked up at the sky. “I couldn’t leave my familye.”
He still had hold of her hand, and he gave it a squeeze. “You could create a new family—together with me.”
She pulled her hand away from his.
He leaned back on the seat. “Claire, no matter what you heard about me, I can promise I’m a changed man. What’s more, I believe in God.”
“But you’re not Amish.”
“What does it matter? I believe in God. Why do I have to go without electricity and a basic standard of living just to prove it? It makes no sense.”
Claire stood up again. “What’s wrong with our standard of living?”
“I’m not insulting you.” He pulled Claire down again. “Claire, I don’t want to argue about electricity and buggies and things. I believe in the one true God. Isn’t that enough—that we both believe?”
She put her hands over her face. Then her hands lowered as she looked at him. “Donovan, why do things have to be so hard?”
He chuckled. “They’re not hard. I want you to be my girl and if I have to marry you to show you I’m serious, I’m willing to do so. I will.”
Her eyebrows rose. “You want to marry me?”
He looked up to the sky. “My mother always said I rush into things, but so far everything I’ve rushed into has always been right. Well, maybe not so much the restaurant, but I knew that one was a gamble from the start.” He turned to her and took her hand. “Will you marry me, Claire?”
Tears fell down Claire’s face. She stood up and said, “I can’t; I just can’t.”
He stood up and faced her ignoring the pain pinching at his side. “Shh, don’t cry. I understand. I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to be here when you change your mind, waiting for you.”
She wiped her tears away and smiled at him. “Blake joined the community. It’s not a hard thing to do. You see, you don’t need to lose what you’ve got. He’s working things out with the bishop so he can still have his business. You don’t need to give everything away to join us.”
“I see. That’s interesting. I thought … Well, even though you say that, I still couldn’t live cut off from society. The only society I’ve ever known. I’m sorry Claire, I just couldn’t. But, if you leave, we can have a similar life together. It would be easier for both of us. You can do whatever you like when you’re my wife. You can work or not work—anything.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t leave everything I’ve ever known either, just for love.”
“You love me?”
She looked down at the ground. “I can’t say more.”
“I understand.” Donovan looked at his watch. “I’ll drive you home. Not much use going back to the B&B this late in the day.”
Hoping her eyes weren’t red, Claire walked toward the house. She could already see Sally looking out the kitchen window at her. No doubt, Sally would have something to say about Donovan driving her home, again.
Claire pushed open the back door and was immediately faced with Sally.
“What was he doing driving you home?”
“I went to the hospital with him for a checkup.”
“Humph.” Sally stood with her solid frame square in front of Claire, so Claire could not get past her. “Why are your eyes red?”
“I don’t know. They’ve been a bit sore all day. I think I’ve got an allergic reaction to something.”
“Or, someone.” Sally stared at her some more. “Well, you can help with dinner now you’re here.”
Claire joined her mudder in the kitchen. All she wanted was to be alone, but she had to wait until after dinner and it was only mid-afternoon.
* * *
After dinner, Claire was finally in the privacy of her bedroom and her thoughts turned to Donovan. How could things possibly work between them? There was no support amongst their families at all. Mrs. Billings looked down her nose at her, and her familye would never accept an Englischer. They’d be isolated and alone.
If she did leave the community, she wouldn’t be shunned because she had not been baptized and therefore was not an official member. Only official members could be shunned, but her familye could very well choose not to associate with her. She knew of many families who did not speak with family members who’d left the community.
Why was everything so difficult? She sat sideways on her windowsill and looked toward the setting sun. The sky turned from orange into pink and lavender, gradually darkening as the sun finally sank behind the distant trees.
Donovan said he’d changed. She’d never seen the side of him she’d been warned about. She’d seen his temper on the first day, but it was the only negative thing she could recall. If Jessie was right in the things she said about Donovan, he had gone from being a womanizer to a man who believed in God and wanted to settle with one woman. No, not just 'one woman,' he wanted to marry her.
Claire sighed and threw herself onto her bed. He’d changed, he had made a huge change and she’d stayed the same. Should she, or could she, compromise a little in order to have love in her life? He’d wanted to meet her halfway, should she take one step and meet him in the middle?
“Gott, I have no idea what’s right and what’s wrong anymore. I love Donovan
and want to be with him, but don’t know how it would ever work. I give the problem to you to sort out.” Claire spoke softly to Gott. Now she would have to leave things in His hands and know the outcome would be His will.
She pushed Donovan out of her mind the best she could and went downstairs to see what her familye were doing. Sometimes at night they played board games or Dutch Blitz and right now, she needed a distraction.
Chapter 13
That night, as Donovan again flicked through the TV stations trying to find something to watch, his thoughts returned to Claire. He knew things would eventually work out between them. He would have to be patient and not turn back to his wicked ways. He knew if he did so he would surely lose her forever. If he’d been convinced the Amish way was the only true way he’d seriously consider joining them. He had no such evidence it was so. If he joined the community solely to marry Claire he’d probably not be the only man to do such a thing, but he’d be a hypocrite. And could I be happy in the Amish community?
The idea of living such a restricted life was not something he wished to ponder, so he didn’t consider it for any length of time. How long would it take Claire to realize they belonged together?
Flashes of being crushed under the roof popped into Donovan’s mind, and he remembered he told God he would get to know Him. His love for Claire had distracted him from doing so up until now. He stood up from his bed and looked through the three drawers of the nightstand until he found a Bible. For some reason, his mother had one in every room. Probably a leftover habit from when his parents had owned the hotels. There had always been a Gideon Bible in every one of those rooms.
Okay, I said I would get to know God and I guess this is the best way.
He opened the Bible and it fell open at The Psalms. He read for two hours before he fell asleep with the Bible across his chest.
When Claire woke, all she could think about was Donovan. These days he was rarely out of her mind. She couldn’t wait to see him and decided she wanted to marry him more than anything. If only she could make him understand life in the community was good. After she decided to go to work early, she replaced her nightgown with her pale, yellow dress and pulled on her over-apron.
The Amish Maid's Sweetheart Page 8
