by Amy Cross
***
Sitting in her bed, Anna Kazakos listened to the sound of midnight.
Beyond her open window, the town was silent. When a stray moth came fluttering into the room in search of light, its wings made the faintest noise, yet Anna heard it clearly. She watched as it flew toward the light-bulb in the middle of the room, and she saw dust fall from its wings as it flew around the bulb several times. Finally, the creature dared to go too close, and its form instantly disintegrated. With a whisper of sadness in her heart, the old woman watched as the remains of the moth fell to the floor as a kind of powder.
“Some lessons are never learned, are they?” asked Edgar.
Turning, Anna saw him standing in the corner of the room, next to the window. Her heart immediately began to race as she realized that this was no dream, no misguided waking fantasy. It was him, and he had returned to her after so many years away. While she had grown old, and deep wrinkles had etched themselves into her face like the scars of time, Edgar Le Compte looked to have aged not one day, not even one second, since the last time she had seen him all those years ago. Was it sixty? Seventy? Eighty? She no longer remembered the exact details, but she didn't care. All that matter was that he had returned to Thaxos, and that he had not forgotten to see her again.
“The place is still the same,” he said as he crossed to the middle of the room. Reaching down, he delicately gathered up the remains of the moth. Walking over to the bed, he sat next to Anna and held his hand out so that she could see the dust in his palm. “I used to know so many tricks,” he continued. “Do you remember? They amused me, although lately I've begun to tire of them. Even making a man stab himself in the hand, I don't feel the same buzz as before. Still...” He leaned closer and blew gently on the dust, which somehow seemed to jump and twist until the moth reformed and fluttered away.
Anna couldn't help but smile.
“Keep watching,” Edgar said, turning to follow the moth's progress as it flew straight back toward the light-bulb.
For a few seconds, the creature fluttered closer and closer to the bulb, until once again it flew too close and was burned to death. As before, it fell to the floor as powder.
“I honestly think,” Edgar continued, “that I could resurrect that poor, dumb little thing a thousand times in one night, and it would still fly straight back to the light every single time. Even death is not enough to teach it some sense. I suppose one could say that it is doomed.”
“Is it really you?” Anna asked, her voice sounding harsh and tired.
“Of course it's really me,” he replied, turning to her. “I look the same, don't I? But is it really you? After all, you're the one whose appearance has undergone a most profound change.”
“I grew old,” she told him.
“Yes, I know how it works.” He paused, staring at her with a look of genuine compassion in his eyes. “You didn't have to,” he continued. “Remember, I offered you -”
“I had no choice,” she replied, interrupting him.
“You had a choice,” he continued. “Don't try to pretend otherwise. You chose to turn the offer down, as was your right. And I chose, in turn, to let you leave. I could have taken you down into my basement, like all the others who ever angered me.”
“I wanted to live my life,” she told him. “I couldn't have done that if I was frozen.”
“I manage to live mine.”
“You're different.”
“I promised that I would see you again,” he continued, “and I have delivered on that promise. I don't know whether you thought of me very often over the years. I understand that you married, and that you had a son. It's a shame that your husband died so young. I would have liked to have met the man who kept your heart warm while you waited for my return.”
“I loved him,” she said firmly, proudly.
“I'm sure you did, but surely it can't compare with...” He let his voice trail off, realizing that some things are better implied than spoken. “I met your son recently, though. Ephram... He seems stubborn, like you, and quite angry. I think he senses that I have an interest in you, and he has worked quite hard to keep me away. Fortunately, he has lately taken to drinking quite heavily in the evenings, so tonight he's fast asleep downstairs. We can talk until dawn if we wish, and there's no chance of him hearing us.”
“He's a good boy,” Anna replied.
“Probably. I have no particular opinion on the matter.” He paused again. “Do you remember that I told you it would take me a long time to meet someone else who I thought could be with me forever? Someone to whom I could make the same offer that I once made to you? There were times when I felt that I would never meet her at all, that I would never again experience blood-lock. Well, as luck and fate would have it, I have finally found her. She's right here on Thaxos, and I believe that she has even greater potential than any woman I have ever met before. I believe you have laid eyes upon her once or twice. Tell me, when I finally give her the choice, do you think she will accept, or will she be like you? Will she turn away and cower from the possibilities that I offer?”
Anna stared at him with a look of horror in her eyes.
“Oh yes,” he continued with a faint smile. “It never ends. I told you that if you turned me down, I would have to leave you behind. Love works differently in such circumstances. Humans have it so easy, don't they? Living only seventy or eighty years the way they do, it's easy to love someone for the span of a lifetime. But how do you think it is for someone like me, someone for whom eternity really does mean eternity? Do you think that any love can truly last that long?” He waited for a reply, although he doubted that one would come. “So I shall ask her, when the time is right. Don't be offended, Anna, but I think she is a little tougher than you, a little braver. She has already been through a great deal, and she has emerged stronger. I have visited her in dreams and tested her.”
“Do you remember my dreams?” Anna asked.
He smiled.
“Real life...” She took a deep breath, as tears filled her eyes. “Real life was never as powerful as those times you came to me while I slept.”
“Of course not,” he replied, reaching over and running his fingers across her face, feeling her deep wrinkles. “Fascinating,” he muttered after a moment. “Another message left for me, albeit by a very different enemy.”
“How many enemies do you have?” she asked.
“Three.
“What are their names?”
“One is called Death,” he told her, still reading the wrinkles on her face and neck. “Another is called Love. And the third... Well, I have already conquered him. I tore his name away and ate it, so there's really no need to worry about him for the time being. In fact, all my enemies are more or less under control, even if they leave messages for me in the most unexpected places.” He took his hand away from her face. “It would be a lot easier,” he added with a smile, “if they could just email or write a letter, but no, they insist on doing things the hard way.”
“Can you stay with me?” she asked. “For one night?”
He shook his head.
“Why not?”
“I could tell you,” he replied, “but I don't think you'd like the answer.”
“Say it.”
“I offered you eternity,” he continued. “You could have lived forever, with me, never growing old. Instead, you chose this, and now look at you. Old age disgusts me, as does any form of defeat. It breaks my heart, Anna, but you chose to remain human, and to me that is a sign of weakness. I pity you, and I look down upon you, even though at the same time I find myself imagining what it would be like if you had accepted my offer. Do you ever regret your choice, or have you fooled yourself into believing that you made the right decision?”
“No,” she replied, but there was a tug of hesitation in her voice. “Maybe. Sometimes, for brief moments.”
“You could be young, still,” he pointed out.
“And what would my life have been l
ike?”
“Better than this.”
Leaning closer, he gently placed a kiss on her lips. As he pulled away again, he saw her how she used to be: young and beautiful, with the brightest dark brown eyes any woman could ever possess, and a smile filled with promise. It was the same face that he had seen many years ago, the same face that he had hoped to see for the rest of his life, yet whereas it had once brought him joy, now it seemed to be nothing more than a reminder of everything he had lost. Within seconds, reality reasserted itself and her face aged rapidly until he found himself once again staring at an old woman.
“I should go,” he said, getting to his feet.
“Just a few more minutes,” she replied, reaching out to him. “Please, Edgar!”
“I can't. I have things to do.”
“But when will I see you again? Now that you're back, you can come and see me more often, can't you?”
“If I did,” he replied as he walked over to the middle of the room, “it would be to kill you. Surely that can't be what you want?”
“I want to talk to you some more,” she continued. “I have lived such a full life since the last time we spoke. Don't you want to hear about it?”
“Why?” he asked with a frown.
“So that you might know me better. Don't you want to know how I've changed, and how I've stayed the same? And your life... I would like to know where you've been and what you've been doing.”
“I don't see what purpose that would serve,” he replied. “You must remember how an ordinary human life appears to one such as myself, Anna. I really just came because I wanted to fulfill the promise I made to you all those years ago.” He paused. “And I wanted to ask you a question. After you turned me down, I became a crueler man. I'm sure you remember all the stories about me. The Impaler, they called me, and I suppose the name was rather accurate. But you're uniquely placed to tell me... Now that I have finally returned to Thaxos, and you have looked into my eyes, do you think that I have changed?”
“Have you tried to change?”
“I have.”
She stared at him for a moment. “Yes,” she said finally. “There is kindness in you again. And love. It's good to see, Edgar. I know that you went through a great deal and I am glad that you seem to have pulled back from the abyss.”
“Kindness and love,” he replied, seemingly lost in thought for a moment. “Two things that I lost when I lost you. It took me a long time to recover, but I think you're right. I am the same man, but I have come to terms with the anger in my soul. It's still there, but I have better control of its power. I can use it, rather than letting it overwhelm me, and I believe this will be of tremendous use going forward. I will certainly not make the same mistakes that plagued my previous time on Thaxos.”
“Stay with me,” Anna begged, still reaching out to him. “I've waited so long, and you've only been here for a few minutes. Please, Edgar... We used to talk for hours, remember?”
“Oh, why not try one more time,” he said, smiling as he gathered up the powder from the carpet and blew on it again, bringing the moth back to life. He watched for a moment as it fluttered back toward the light-bulb. “How many times,” he asked finally, “will it have to die before it learns its lesson? It certainly should not count on me being here forever to give it another chance. We must all face the consequences of our actions eventually.”
With that, he turned and headed to the door.
“I don't regret my decision,” she said suddenly, with a new sense of steel in her voice.
He turned to her.
“I met a wonderful, kind man,” she continued, “and we had many happy years together. We had a son who grew up and took on the family business, and I'm so proud of him... Life was hard sometimes, and we didn't always have enough money, but there was always food on the table and at the end of every single day, we found a reason to laugh together as a family. Can you say that, Edgar? Because if you can't, then I really don't believe that you have the right to judge me, or to tell me that I made the wrong choice. Would I give all of my life up in order to go back and accept your offer? No. Even as close to death as I surely am now, I would not.”
There was a pause, as her defiance seemed to fill the room.
“I told you I would come back and see you again,” Edgar replied eventually, opening the door. “I've done that. The truth is, when I look at you now I see nothing but failure. I offered you everything, eternal life, and you turned it down. I will not come to see you again, not unless I have to kill you. I wish you nothing but the best, and I hope that you can find some peace. However, you should pray that you won't see me again, because if you do...”
He stared at her for a moment, before turning and walking out of the room.
“No, Edgar, come back!” she called after him, as she heard his footsteps heading down the stairs. “Edgar, please!”
She waited, but moments later she heard the front door opening and then closing, and she realized that he was gone. All her life, she had lived with the hope that he would one day be true to his word and come back to her, but now that day had come and gone, and she was left with only memories. Every word she had said about her husband and family had been true, but at the same time she felt that she had lost something else as well. It was as if the only way she could have been truly happy in her life would have been if she'd had two completely separate halves, one for each reality.
As she began to sob uncontrollably, the moth hit the light-bulb and died again. Its remains fell to the floor as a fine powder, but this time there was no-one around to bring it back to life.
