by Eden Butler
Evie was a two-time national barrel racing champion. She was the best, the pride of the riding circuit in Midland, despite her connection to me. With that pride came a crew of tagalong friends who I’d always called her fans. The same fangirls Evie had spent years trying to get me to hook up with.
From a scan of the familiar faces surrounding Evie’s table and a glance at my kid sister’s waggling eyebrows, I got that her plans for me hadn’t changed. My kid sister fancied herself a matchmaker.
A shake of my head and Evie frowned, then hustled right toward me. I could almost hear her argument before she opened her mouth.
“Nope,” I told her walking away from the crowd.
“You have to be nice to me,” she said, smiling, though I knew that shit was forced.
“I do, Choady.” Behind us, Sophie and Crissy, her loudest, wildest long-time friends called after me, whistled as I waved them off. “But there’s no big brother law that says I have to be accommodating to your girls.”
“They just wanna welcome you home,” she said, tugging on my arm to stop me.
“Thought that’s what Queenie’s ribs and Velma’s frybread was for?” When my kid sister’s expression softened, I took a step back, thinking she might drop her plan to get me coupled off with one of her unstable fangirls.
“Just come sit with us and relax. The girls have missed you.”
I could smell my sister’s plotting from a mile away. She’d always wanted me to settle down and give her a sister-in-law. There was no way that was happening tonight. But, the look in Evie’s eyes reminded me of the glint that took over her big browns when she hopped on a horse and got ready to run barrels. If she was racing, she planned to win. The warning bells went off then and I loosened her fingers from my arm.
“I think I’m gonna drop my no-drink rule tonight,” I told her, ignoring the frown that had her looking just like Tasso the night I told him I was leaving for Montana. “One beer. Damn, little sister, calm yourself.” I walked away before she could stop me. Before she got the chance to convince me I needed to make one of her friends her new sister-to-be.
I’d spent months on a ranch with my only female company mooing and chewing on cud. My entire life had been a practice in learning how to sleep sitting on a saddle, how to mend a barbwire fence without having that shit snap me in my face and generally keep myself busy enough that I didn’t let some redneck asshole get under my skin for being a redneck asshole. It took patience.
Being back home should have been a cake walk, but the longer I sat around being watched by people who thought I was the same stupid punk who’d trashed that office and been reckless and angry enough to lift a few C notes from registers when clerks weren’t paying attention, the longer I thought that those dumb rednecks and the open Montana range were easier to handle.
I moved closer to the cooler set up next to a table Evie told me she and Alex had outfitted with ice and sodas and the long necks I used to drink back when it was a habit. It was a few feet from the pavilion and in view of my cousins as they continued to sit around the drum and sing.
My attention shifted from the drum to the figure at my right when a small breeze drifted across the patio and I caught the sweet scent of rosemary and mint coming off a woman’s light brown hair. I inhaled, letting that smell catch in my sinuses, and turned my head, taking in the curve of her back and the round dips of her body. Every woman in Midland, at least at this party, was either a relative, a bad damn mistake on my part, one of my sister’s annoying friends, or someone who hated me.
When she turned and I caught her profile as she watched the drum I realized she fit squarely in that last category.
My cousin led the drum, this one handheld, a smaller version of the bigger one used at powwows. It was a name for the instrument with a three-foot stretched surface, and the group that surrounded them singing.
But my focus was on the woman and how her attention was locked on the drum and singers. Her interest was piqued, a little mesmerized, like she was trying hard to make sense of the words she’d have no hope of understanding. She hadn’t looked this good last time I saw her. But then, she’d only been eighteen at the time, her eyes puffy, her face blotchy from her anger.
Now Piper Warren smiled, her once-thin body rounder, luscious, and even though anyone watching me looking her over would likely call me an asshole for doing it, I didn’t seem able to help myself. Her eyes were light, like her brother’s, Alex, but her hair was darker, and she had a dotting of freckles over her nose and cheeks that was uniquely hers.
She brought the red cup to her mouth, attention still focused, eyes unblinking as she took a drink, and I couldn’t help watching those thick, lush lips against the rim. She’d always been pretty, even as a kid, but now, as a woman, Piper was understated, but beautiful, classic, someone who stood out without even realizing it.
Those scents of rosemary and mint intensified, and I swallowed, struck by what it did to me, how it reminded me of the last time I’d been around her. When I broke her heart.
My cousin yelped, ending the song, then whistled, jerking his head toward me before he called a quick greeting of, “Yéégo, cuz!” making Piper turn. Her gaze locked onto mine and the sweet, easy smile on her face dropped.
The look she gave me said a lot. It was different from all the times I’d caught her staring when she was a kid following Evie around, desperate to learn how my sister ran the barrels with such ease. I’d give her a wink and those cheeks would go pink and she’d get all flustered and shy, looking away from me.
“Don’t do that to her,” my sister would fuss. “You know she has a crush on you.”
I had. It was that little crush I took advantage of the night I broke into her granny’s B&B.
She turned back toward the drum, taking a longer, slower drink, and I sucked in a breath, figuring if I was going to mend those fences, I needed to start with the biggest gap.
“Round dance,” I told her, though she didn’t bother pulling her attention from the drum. The bottle was sweating against my fingers, hiding how damp my palms had gotten. “Looked like you were wondering.”
Piper glanced at me, but didn’t bolt away like I’d expected. I held my breath, unable to release it until she spoke.
“I didn’t think it was Crow Hop,” she said, not hiding the bite in her tone. “I’ve been to enough powwows to recognize the songs. I can make out a powwow song from say…a gourd song.”
“Can you?” I tried, grinning, wondering if I could still pull off a little bit of the old charm that used to send Piper blushing and refusing to look at me straight on.
“Yeah,” she said, finally glancing my way. She didn’t blush, but some of her anger seemed to lessen as she moved her attention to my face, holding her gaze at my mouth before she took to watching Harding and Joe again. “Well, that is to say…I know gourd songs aren’t played out in public like this. Not for a party.”
My eyebrows shooting up, I moved closer, leaving my drink on the table next to me as I crossed my arms. “Gotta say that shocks the hell out of me. Been going to medicine meetings since I’ve been away?”
“No, of course not.” Piper started to smile, looking at me, her eyes shifting back to mine for a handful of seconds and then, quick as a snap, she jerked her attention away, stepping to the right to keep a couple of feet between us. “I just know, Ed. Hell of a lot of things I know.”
“Piper—” I tried, standing next to her, hating that she wouldn’t look at me. That sweet girl I used to know was gone. I’d gotten rid of her.
“Gourd dancers at powwows hold rattles, metal ones, not the real gourds they use in medicine meetings, and they wear red and black blankets over their shoulders, if I remember correctly.” She moved her chin toward my cousins as they continued to sing. Piper looked in her cup, lips rubbing together before she finished her drink. “Evie told me what she could about things I’m curious about. I still go along with her and Alex and your grandparents to powwows. We just went to that big one
in Mill Valley. It was nice. Everyone’s friendly and I’ve learned a lot.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah, well, I suspect you didn’t ask.”
Her hair fell against my arm, tickling my skin and I inhaled again, trying my best not to seem like an asshole as I did it. “You’re…right. I didn’t ask much about anyone but my grandparents when I talked to Evie.”
“Figured,” she said, finally turning fully toward me, her face empty of expression. “’Scuse me.”
Piper started off, chucking her cup into a recycling bin, making toward the corrals at the back of the property and I watched her walk away, guilt clawing my chest. I wanted to go after her, make things right, but pride is a sticky, stupid thing. It weighs you down, shames you when you know there likely isn’t much you can change.
Two girls from Evie’s riding group stopped behind me, filling their cups with ice, seeming not to care that I stood four feet from them as they spoke with loud, barely disguised, drunken whispers.
“Standing there talking to her like he didn’t do shit.”
“Can you believe that? Damn nerve…”
Across the yard I spotted Evie with her arms folded, standing in front of Alex. They both looked toward Piper, wearing matching expressions, though Evie’s was more severe, more disappointed, and I doubted that had anything to do with her future sister-in-law. When she looked back, spotting my stare, my kid sister shook her head, then jerked her chin toward the corrals.
I got the message.
Handle your shit.
Piper sat on the old paddock fence, her heels dug in the dirt and her head tilted back getting a good look up at the clear black sky. There was a slip of moonlight shooting over the corral and edging across her profile. Didn’t make it easier to work up the nerve to say my sorries, but I got closer, scrubbing a hand over my face and tightening the end of my braid as I stood next to her, resting my arms on the fence.
“Tasso still got Lucy?” I asked, knowing Evie and Piper had taken up duties for tending to my grandfather’s horses.
“Had to put her down last winter. She got into some red maple after a storm. Nosy old thing.”
“Damn.” Piper adjusted her collar when a breeze picked and blew across the paddock. “You cold?” I asked, reaching for the buttons on my thin duster, but she shook her head, barely glancing my way to stop me. “I know I have a thicker jacket inside my…”
“What do you want, Ed?” she said, jumping away from the fence to turn and face me.
Eyes squinting, the words lodged tight in the back of my throat before her hard stare had me clearing them loose. “Shit, Piper…I wanna apologize.”
“Apologize?”
“You know I do.”
“Do I?” Her laugh was easy, but not amused and Piper cast a quick glance over her shoulder at me before she headed away from the fence. “It’s been two years.” She’d gotten smart about men, that much I could tell. The attitude was confident. Her tone, cocky in a way I’d never heard from her. There was a hell of a lot more gumption in the woman than I remembered but I couldn’t be sure if that was her knowing how to handle me, or her still holding a grudge. Either way, just then, Piper Warren took control.
“Maybe you should have apologized to my granny before she died.” I was four steps behind her when that news registered, and I stopped, her words weighting me down like a sledgehammer to my knees. She took notice, pausing long enough to catch my expression and what must have been the blood draining from my face before she stood in front of me, her eyebrows arching. “You didn’t hear about that?” I could only manage a head shake before Piper shot a look toward the house, then back at me again. “I’m guessing Alex didn’t want you feeling guilty.”
“I do feel guilty.”
She didn’t step back when I moved closer, but glared at my hand reaching for hers, so I redirected it, rubbing my neck instead.
“About everything.”
“What do you feel guilty about? Using me to get into my granny’s office? Or kissing me when you didn’t mean it?”
“I…” Fact was, the night I took her out hadn’t been all about me using Piper to get into her granny’s business office. I’d always liked her. She made me laugh, even when she’d go all shy and sweet on me before we got to know each other. And that night some of the shyness had melted away.
I shook my head, biting my lip before I watched her, a little desperate to ease the tension, but staring too long at Piper seemed to be too much for her and she tilted her head, her eyebrows shooting up. “What?” she asked.
“You, uh…asked if I wanted to go to Church Creek.”
When Piper widened her eyes, her face turning pink, I had to bite down harder on my lips to keep from laughing.
She shook her head, pinching her face into a scowl. “I most certainly did not.”
“Oh, yes ma’am,” I told her, hurrying to her side when she started back toward the party. “This was after you put your head on my shoulder during the movie and kept moving your hand against mine in the popcorn bucket.”
“Eddie Mescal, you are delusional.” Her voice was lower now, her steps faltering like she started remembering things clearer.
Truth was, she’d impressed me, getting brave on me that night. That crush she’d had on me for years making her bold. She was a firecracker even back then. Now she was a damn inferno.
“Hell, Piper,” I said, taking hold of her hand, relieved when she didn’t jerk out of my touch, “I didn’t think it was an altogether bad idea at the time.” She dropped her mouth open, then closed it just as quickly, finally pulling out of my reach when I grinned at her. “But, you know, Alex would have killed me if I’d taken his kid sister to the only spot in Midland where you could be alone with a girl, hide under the brush of willow limbs, get naked, do your business, and have her home before curfew and no one but the good Lord knowing what you’d gotten up to.”
Her expression softened, relaxing into something friendly before she looked back toward the party, letting her eyes move into a squint. “So then you decided we’d go for a little walk.” She looked back at me and the softness was gone from her face. “That’s what you told me. ‘Let’s take a walk.’ But it was all part of your messed up plan to get us into my granny’s office and when we got there, when things were—” She shook her head, looking away from me, “you kissed me. Because you knew it would distract me from whatever plans you had.”
She wasn’t wrong to be angry. I had used her. I wasn’t proud of that, but not why I’d kissed her. Hell, I hadn’t even put much thought at all into it. That kiss had come because the moment had been right, not because I wanted to rummage through her grandmother’s files.
But she’d never believe that now.
Not after the shit I’d stirred.
“I’m sorry you got caught up in all of that, but I didn’t have a choice. It was my only shot at finding my mom.” There was no way to make myself look at her directly. Not when everything that came out of my mouth she’d likely take for a load of shit. Still, I meant it. Every word. Dipping my head down, I tore off my hat, rubbing a hand over my sweaty forehead before I gripped that busted black Stetson between my fingers.
“My dad was killing himself. It’s not an excuse,” I said, finally able to meet her gaze, figuring it needed saying even if she didn’t believe me. “I know it’s not an excuse. But I had to find out where…my mom was. Your granny was the only one in town who knew where they’d gone off to.”
She tilted her head, but her tone was sharp when she spoke and there wasn’t a lick of softness in the look she gave me. “And you thought breaking into her office was the best way to find out?”
“I wasn’t thinking at all. He was drinking himself to death, and I was desperate,” I hurried to say, spotting the way Piper opened her mouth. When I said that, the woman nodded and kept whatever she might say to herself. I took advantage of her silence and motioned toward the fence, managing to keep the surprise o
ff my face when she followed me. “I didn’t want to…break in. I didn’t want to hurt you. But…”
“I knew where the key was, and your truck really wasn’t broken down.” It wasn’t a question, but she still looked at me, her mouth moving into a frown when I shook my head. She curled her arms together, head in a shake. “I know all of this now. It’s all…ancient history. I’ve played it over and over in my head. You saying your truck was broke down. You asking me to call Alex while you went to the bathroom so you could go sneak in the office and look up where your mom had her W2 forwarded and where my Uncle was getting Granny to send his inheritance check from the estate. I know all of this now, Ed.”
“I’m sorry.” Elbows on my knees, I held that hat between my fingers, hating the accusation in her tone. Hating that after all this time no one but Evie knew the truth. When I glanced at Piper, she was staring down at me, those pretty features sharper than I remember them being. All the little girl in her stretched out and eaten away by the woman she’d grown into since I’d been gone.
“I just don’t understand why you got so mad,” she finally said, sounding breathless and tired, like she’d gone over that night a dozen times in her own head and hadn’t come anywhere close to figuring me out. “Why you had to trash her office. Why you yelled at me and told me to leave.” Her body shook, but there was no breeze just then and I wondered if she was cold or just remembering walking from her granny’s B&B to her folk’s place ten blocks across town. Anything could have happened to her and it would have been my damn fault.
Hell.
Tugging off my duster, I threw it around Piper’s shoulders, ignoring how she stiffened as I moved closer, how she curled her arms across her chest as I sat next to her on the fence. I stuffed the hat back on my head and let out a long exhale. “My dad…knew. The whole time he knew. He knew exactly where she’d run off to and never said a damn word to us about it. There was a note your granny wrote in Mom’s file. Reminding her that my dad had her forwarding address.”
“Ed…”
