by Kylar Wilde
“Yes my dear brother, I’d like a pizza with the works,” she said coyly, her eyes flashing with life and real hope for the first time in a long time.
He laughed and his voice filled the fine old house. There was an engagement in his smile, a kind of acceptance that he was happy to be there with her. He was not agitated, not eager to return home, and there was not a hint of the anger and violence she had encountered with other men. He was bigger and stronger than any of them, a real man’s man who could throw down with the best of them in a fistfight, but maybe because he was so capable, he did not have the need to dominate or humiliate others to make himself feel better. Then again, as she watched him go about his business, Ali began to think those things were simply not in his nature. He was a warm-spirited man, someone who liked making other people feel good. Yes, he was the kind of man she had imagined so many times while being abused by the men who actually came into her life.
“Would you like anything else, Ali, besides a pizza with the works?” he asked, smiling with his perfect teeth. “Garlic fingers? Coke? A couple cookies if they have them?”
“Are you always this nice?” she asked.
“I’m always nice,” he said with a chuckle, “but I’m even nicer to you.”
“Why is that, Quinn?”
“Because I like you,” he said. “I like looking at you, I like talking to you, I like being with you. Nothing nefarious, I just like you. I feel that we have a connection. Don’t you?”
“I feel the same way, Quinn. But I don’t know…”
“It’s alright,” he interjected, “let’s see what develops.” He held up his hands. “I’m not putting any pressure on you, let’s be clear. I would never do that. But I do hope in time that you will find not all men are monsters. I’m not, for sure. I will protect you, Ali, with my life, and let’s see what happens.”
“No one can see the future, right?”
He smiled brightly. “I can see the future. I see a big pizza with the works on the table, but the rest is a little blurry.” Quinn rubbed his eyes. “I can’t tell if there’s also garlic fingers there and a few cans of cold Coke.”
“You like Coke the best, do you?” she queried, feeling more relaxed by the minute.
“It’s the real thing.”
She closed her eyes and pretended to be seeing a vision. “I can see into the future as well, oh great Quinn the soothsayer. I can see a big pizza, a small garlic fingers, a can of Coke and a can of Pepsi.” She opened her eyes with the innocence of a little girl. “What do you think?” she asked.
“I think you’re gifted,” he said, taking out his phone and finding the pizza joint online.
Thirty minutes later Quinn came into the house with two boxes and a bag with four cans of pop, two Cokes and two Pepsis. He took plates from the cupboard and laid them on the table, opening the boxes to the finest-looking pizza and garlic fingers either one of them had ever seen. Quinn put two pieces on Ali’s plate, along with four garlic fingers. He placed the two cans of Pepsi in front of her.
“I am so hungry,” he quipped, taking a bite of pizza and closing his eyes with pleasure after tasting it.
“Starving,” Ali replied, also beginning to eat. “Oh, my God, is this ever good!” she exclaimed, wiping her face with a napkin and covering her mouth with her hand. “Isn’t this awesome, Quinn?”
“Awesome,” he agreed, totally shocked by the quality. “Here I was, living in a place with dozens of pizza joints, all of which I sampled, but not one of them could hold a candle to this little pizza joint in the middle of nowhere. Isn’t that amazing?”
“It is. I bet hardly anyone has ever heard of Hidden Grove Pizza, but as far as I’m concerned, it’s the best pizza joint in America. Really, Quinn, it couldn’t be any better. Honestly, have you ever tasted better pizza and garlic fingers?”
“Not me,” he said, “but is this a fair test?”
“In what sense?” Ali questioned, continuing to savor the fine meal.
“Maybe it’s the atmosphere,” he began. “When I was kid, Ali, I used to eat hot dogs at least once a week. I loved hot dogs, especially in buns as opposed to just in bread. Anyway, one day Dad… my favourite foster dad told me we were going camping, just the two of us. He was in the military and he was gone for months and even years at a time. I idolized that man. He would call, send gifts and write letters that would make mu foster mom cry so hard because it made her miss him so much. This one time he was home for a month and it was a warm spring that year. On the spur of the moment, he told me we were going fishing at a lake in the woods. We took our tent and sleeping bags, a portable stove, that kind of stuff. The first night we were set up on this beautiful lake. The sun was setting and the sky looked like it was on fire, and there was a loon sounding its haunting call as night fell. We even saw a beaver just before dark. Dad started a little fire and we roasted two hot dogs on long sticks. It was kind of chilly when it got dark, but Dad wrapped us up in a blanket and told me war stories. Some stories he recounted were happy, talking about dear friends he had made in the military, and some stories were sad, like the one he told about his best friend dying after trying to save two other soldiers. My Dad was bigger than life to me. When we ate those hot dogs that night, I swear they were the best tasting hot dogs I ever had. But I wonder now. I think they were only regular hot dogs, but it was the company I was in that made them so good.”
“So this pizza isn’t all that great, after all?” Ali asked. “You’re just kind of imagining it?”
“No, it’s good,” he insisted, looking her right in the eyes, “but the company is better.”
“I’ve been through a lot, Quinn, and it’s going to be hard for me to trust any man now, but I do like you.”
“I understand,” he said, lightly touching her hand for a moment. “Let’s just go with the flow.”
“Deal,” she said, giving him a smile then returning to the delicious food. “Anyway, you were saying your favourite foster dad?”
“Growing up, it was just my younger brother and me. Our parents were nowhere to be found, both of them drug addicts. We were placed in foster care when I was just four years old. I have no memories of my parents; my brother Derek was only two at that time. We had spent our childhood going from one foster home to the next. At times we were separated and then reunited in a new home. I really love the home I was in when I was eight. The best parents ever. This was the Dad I was talking about. Derek only joined the same home later but soon we had to go off to the next. I never knew what happened and why we had to leave that home. I was disappointed and felt abandoned but thinking back, they had given me so much love and must have had their reasons for not adopting us.”
Ali gave Quinn’s shoulder a squeeze. “It seems like the both of us have some pretty rough childhood. I was born to a single mom. I heard that my dad left her when she was pregnant with me. My mom left me young but taught me lots.”
They continued chatting about their childhood over pizzas.
After they finished eating, they wandered around the yard for twenty minutes, checking out a garage filled with gardening utensils and a lawnmower, among other things. After that they walked to the old ballfield that held the crumbling backstop. From there it was miles and miles of unbroken wilderness, not a human trail in it. They walked up a little hill and from that vantage point could see all of Hidden Grove. It was peaceful, calm, beautiful. A person could happily live out her life in a place like that. Suddenly Quinn clutched her arm and stopped her.
“Look,” he whispered.
Ali turned to see a rabbit standing in a small opening and eating clover. Lurking in the shadows, however, was a coyote that did not know they were there. It rushed out of the bushes and before the rabbit realized it, it was too late. The coyote grabbed the little animal in its strong jaws and carried it off, even though the rabbit squirmed with all its strength and made a high-pitched distress call. That sound sent a shudder through her and she could not help but think
she was the rabbit and Matt Culler was the coyote just waiting for his chance to pounce on her when she least expected it.
“That’s me,” Ali said, swallowing hard. “I’m the rabbit and my ex is the coyote. Sooner or later he’s going to rush at me from the bushes.”
“Totally different,” Quinn disagreed. “The coyote is following the plan of nature and it needs to take life to stay alive. Your ex is only out for blood and destruction. He’s not following nature’s way; he’s following the way of the devil.”
“Do you think he’ll ever find us?”
“I hope he gets shot and killed before he every gets close enough,” Quinn told her, “but if he ever does make it here, he’ll have to go through me.” His eyes were fixed and focused. “I will protect you, Ali. I promise.”
Chapter 5
“I believe you,” Ali said, “but it’s not a one-way street, Quinn. I swear I will risk my life to protect you, Elle or Derek, if it comes to that.”
“Let’s hope it doesn’t.” He pointed at a lake in the distance. “Would you like to go fishing some time?”
“It looks like a long walk,” Ali returned, “especially through the woods with no trail. But, yes, I would like to go fishing with you.”
He looked extremely pleased. “Great. We’ll do it sometime, just me and you.”
For some reason, when Quinn said ‘just me and you’, it filled Ali with joy. No doubt, it was strange to feel safe and comfortable with a man after all that she had been through, but she was liking it more and more.
“So, what’s the plan again?”
“I start working with the local police department tomorrow. I’ll have to be there at nine in the morning.”
“I don’t feel all that great about staying home all day while you’re at work,” Ali said. “I don’t want to sound like a whiner, but I’m still shaken by this whole ordeal. It will get better in time and I’ll be able to function better, and if they catch him everything will be fine, but right now I’m still edgy.”
“How about this?” Quinn proposed. “I’ll drive to work and be on time but I’ll let you off at the lake and you can hang with Elle and Derek all day. I’ll pick you up on the way back.”
“That sounds, better. I won’t get in their way, do you think?”
“Hell, no,” he responded. “Derek will be going out a lot, I’m sure, because he can’t stand being cooped up inside. You’ll be good company for Elle. Sometimes she can visit you and stay for the day.”
“I’d like that.”
They sat on a rock for a long time and simply gazed at their new home of Hidden Grove. Ali liked the fact that they did not speak for the better part of half an hour. Most of her relationships were superficial, ones where she always felt uncomfortable as soon as the conversation stopped, even if only for a few seconds. Those pauses were awkward and she would make small talk just to fill in the silence. But with Quinn it was different. She felt completely relaxed in his presence and was happy to be there, comfortable in their shared silence. In a way she hoped he would not speak, just so she could enjoy this intimate feeling with a man.
“It’s getting dark. Time to head back,” he finally said, getting up off the rock.
She followed him down the hill and through the old ballfield, returning to their lovely home at 32 Peppermint Avenue in Hidden Grove. It seemed idyllic, almost surreal like a dream, but she clung to it with all her strength. The man who beat and shot her was in the past, as was the man who repeatedly raped and humiliated her. It was all ancient history. Time to put the past behind her and to concentrate on the present, the beautiful home and the strong yet gentle man with whom she shared it.
Quinn called Derek and told him that he would be bringing Ali over the next day while he worked. Derek was pleased with that arrangement. He could not bear being cooped up indoors all day. He wanted to go out and do things, even simply exploring the surrounding woods, but felt obligated to stay and watch Elle. Now he could leave the ladies at home with the doors locked, a handgun in the kitchen cupboard if they needed it for whatever reason.
Ali and Quinn stayed up until midnight talking about combat and her life on the street. She thought he would be turned off by her stories, as though she was tainted, but, on the contrary, he seemed impressed with her ability to survive. She could see the respect in his eyes and liked that he listened to her stories without judgment and without interrupting. She extended the same courtesy to him and they got along famously from the very beginning. For an hour they played cards, laughing and joking like an old married couple. Though Ali had little experience with cards, she beat Quinn three times at Crazy Eights and twice at cribbage. Rather than be a sore loser like her ex, Ali noticed that Quinn was delighted whenever she won, pretending to be mightily determined to beat her the next time, then laughing just as jovially when she won again.
Finally, just after twelve, Ali went into the bathroom for a quick shower. “I feel dirty,” she told him.
“Take your time,” he assured her. “I won’t need to use the bathroom any time now. I’ll shower in the morning before I leave and I’m going to make sure everything is locked up tighter than a drum around here.”
Ali showered then used a hair dryer for a long time. When she came out of the shower, Quinn was clad in a pair of blue cotton pajamas. Ali somehow could not picture him in blue cotton pajamas, but now that she saw him, she could not imagine a more handsome man. He looked like a husband more than a sex partner, but he was all man, and she knew by the look in his eyes that he saw her as all woman. There was definitely something going on there, an atmosphere that informed their living space. Though it would have seemed inconceivable to her after nearly being killed by her crazy boyfriend, Ali was actually thinking how nice it would be to lie with Quinn, his arm around her in a loving and protective way.
“You’re beautiful,” he said to her, stopping before going into his bedroom.
“You’re just saying that,” she responded.
“I mean it. You are beautiful to me, Ali Miller.”
Tears welled in her eyes and she started crying prolifically, hurrying into her room and closing the door. Yes, she liked him. Yes, she was maybe even falling in love with him. But how could she let go of her fears? It was as if Matt Culler was always lurking there, hiding in her closet or waiting in the bushes just outside the house. It was almost as if her fear of him was a warning to never again trust a man. She could not be hurt one more time. Her soul would not survive it. This man was gorgeous, no question, and this man had done all the right things, but Ali had erected a wall around her heart and it was strong now. Quinn was chipping at it, knocking aside a piece of stone here and there, but time and experience had done a good job of defending her heart.
Chapter 6
After half an hour of staring out the window at the moon high in the sky, Ali heard a commotion in the next room. She hurried to Quinn’s room, finding him asleep but tossing restlessly and mumbling incoherently, obviously caught in a terrible nightmare. She could tell he was in spiritual pain and the look on his face made her heart melt. It was then that she understood the prison in which she was incarcerated was the same prison he knew. They both had PTSD and it was a monster that did not discriminate on the basis of gender, nationality or age. It was an equal opportunity destroyer.
“Quinn, Quinn,” Ali said in a rushed whisper. She was sitting on his bed and touching his forehead like a mother watching over her feverish little boy. “Are you alright?” she asked.
He woke up with a start and it was obvious it was taking him a while to get oriented. “Oh, my God,” he groaned. “I had that nightmare again.”
“What nightmare?”
Quinn rubbed his face and groaned. “It haunts me,” he said, finally focusing his eyes but sounding like someone who had the wind knocked out of him. “We were out on patrol and a sniper shot my best friend right in the head. I saw the whole thing almost as if it was in slow motion. When he fell, I wished it was me. I w
ished I had died and he continued to live. Ali, he had a wife and a two-year-old son. She was eight months pregnant with his little girl. All he could talk about was his family. Even in the miserable world where we lived, he showed us pictures and was full of hope.” Quinn cried. “He was due to head home in three days. Three stinking days! He was going to leave the military and work for his wife’s father in the roofing business. He had it all planned out and was studying everything about roofing that he could. He even promised that if I was looking for a job, he would find me one.”
Ali shifted her position and lay beside him but simply looked at the ceiling, like a priest quietly hearing confession.
“He was talking about roofs as we were walking. Do you know some roofs are actually gardens living on top of a waterproof membrane? That so impressed him. He told me there was this one roof in Canada that was several acres and contained thousand of native grasses and plants. It was a roof, but it was a whole ecosystem that was environmentally friendly. He was just talking about all the bees that were using that roof when the shot rang out and he fell dead right beside me. To them he was just a dirty American, but to me he was a dear friend. For a moment I just stood there and imagined the military sending someone to his home to tell his child and his pregnant wife that Daddy would never be coming home.” He gritted his teeth and made a grunting sound out of exasperation. “Damn! I wish it would have been me. We were both standing there in the wide open, shoulder to shoulder. Why didn’t that sniper choose me?”
“Things happen for a reason,” Ali told him in a soft voice. “Since you came home, you’ve been helping people every chance you get, and I hear you talking about the programs you’re working on for retired vets. You can do a lot of good, Quinn.”
“That won’t bring him back,” Quinn said, turning away with his lower lip quivering, “and it won’t ever fill the void in his family. His wife will never hold him again, his son can never hit a home run in front of his dad in Little League, and his little girl will never sing for him at a school Christmas concert. Damn, life sucks!”
