My brothers. They were the reason for everything. Because I was the oldest and I had to protect them. And I’d told myself that I’d had to stand aside and let them get hurt in order to ultimately protect them.
The end justified the means, always.
But...what if that was a lie? What if there had been something in me that had let it happen? The same thing that had been in my father, who caused people nothing but pain.
‘They don’t know,’ I said raggedly. ‘They don’t know that Dad threatened them. They don’t know that I couldn’t lift a finger to save them.’
‘So tell them. Talk to them.’ Her fingers were cool on my skin. ‘But you’ll have to let me stay first, because I’m not leaving you.’
That steely determination was in her eyes, her will as strong as mine.
She’d got under my skin the second she’d appeared, with her wide-eyed innocence, incessant questions and electric presence, and I had a feeling she would never leave.
But it wasn’t her I was fighting. It was myself.
‘I’ll never be an easy man to live with.’ My voice was cracked and broken, all the fight running out of me. ‘I can’t change my past and I’m possessive as fuck. And you’re wrong. I’m a man like my father was through and through.’
That blindingly tender smile was a weapon, cutting me to pieces. ‘Don’t use him as an excuse, love. Don’t let fear win. He destroyed things. You build them. That’s what you do. That’s what you and your brothers are doing.’
Fear. Was I really letting it stop me?
I looked into Imogen’s eyes, saw her love for me staring back.
It didn’t seem possible that a man like me, broken and dark, violent and possessive, could catch a beam of sunlight in his hand and hold it for ever. And, because it didn’t seem possible, I’d locked myself down, denied myself. Told myself I couldn’t have it.
But then she’d come along and broken me wide open with her honesty and her trust. With her love. A love that terrified me because I wanted it so much.
She was right; I was afraid. And if I gave into fear he would win.
I couldn’t let that happen. Because I had one thing he didn’t: love.
Love made me keep my promise to her. Love kept me from the brink.
Loving her had saved me and it was still saving me, even now.
Love was the key. It wasn’t a word my father would have said to anyone. He wouldn’t have even known what it meant.
But Imogen did. And she’d taught me.
Love was the difference between me and my father.
Imogen was watching me and maybe she’d read my mind because she asked very softly, ‘Do you love me, Ajax?’
All my fight was gone. She’d kidnapped my heart and she wasn’t giving it back. And I couldn’t lie, not to myself and not to her.
Not any more.
‘Yes.’ It came out low and guttural. ‘I’ll love you till I die.’
The warmth in her expression killed me. ‘Then have me.’
‘I’ll never be good enough for you. I’ll never deserve you.’
‘You don’t need to. What you deserve is happiness.’
I couldn’t hold back then, couldn’t keep the hunger at bay.
She’d brought me back to life and there was no way I could have that life without her.
I caught her in my arms, pulling her close, fitting her against me, and the constant ache inside me began to ease, like a part of me that had been missing had come back.
‘Little one,’ I murmured, nuzzling my face in her hair. ‘I can’t let you go again.’
‘Good.’ She pressed harder against me. ‘Because I wouldn’t leave. I’d camp out on your doorstep and play loud music and sing and generally make a nuisance of myself, and then I’d—’
I didn’t let her finish. I kissed her instead.
Because I suddenly saw it, my big picture.
My big picture was her.
EPILOGUE
Ajax
‘YOU’RE A FUCKING IDIOT,’ Leon muttered, adjusting the rose in my buttonhole, because there had to be roses the day I married Imogen.
‘Seconded,’ Xander said, frowning at me. ‘I can’t believe you haven’t told us this bullshit before.’
It had taken me a while, but I’d finally told them everything about my time as Dad’s second-in-command—about his threat to their lives and how I’d had to stand back and watch them get hurt in order to protect them.
The timing wasn’t great—I was getting ready for my wedding after all—but they seemed to take it well.
‘Of course he hasn’t,’ Leon said before I could get a word in. ‘Big brother thinks he knows what’s best for us, right?’
Xander snorted. ‘How long have you been torturing yourself with this then?’
‘For fucking ever.’ Leon adjusted the damn rose again. ‘Jesus, Ajax. You should have said something.’
‘If I could get a fucking word in?’ I jerked my lapel away from Leon before he ruined the rose. ‘It isn’t that simple.’
‘Sure it is,’ Xander disagreed. ‘You just open your mouth and words come out of it.’
Prick. I was about to tell him exactly how not simple it was when something caught my eye out the window. We were in my bedroom at home and I could see the pool area by the cliff, all decorated for the ceremony that would take place in an hour’s time.
A woman was hurrying after something white that was being blown across the tiles, another two women chasing after her.
She wore a simple white silk gown, a crown of roses wound into her gilt hair, and she was laughing. One of the other women running after her had long auburn hair, while the other had a riot of black curls.
Imogen made a grab for the white thing—her veil—and caught it, Vita and Poppy, my sisters-in-law, cheering as she held it up triumphantly.
‘It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding,’ Xander said from beside me.
‘Surely not today,’ Leon murmured from the other side.
There was silence as we watched the women we loved fix Imogen’s veil, their faces alight with laughter.
‘Be happy, Ajax,’ Leon said at last. ‘If anyone deserves it, it’s you.’
Xander didn’t say a word, merely put his hand on my shoulder.
Down by the pool, Imogen looked up and caught me watching. She smiled and I felt my heart catch fire.
Turned out that my brothers knew what they were talking about.
Happiness was something I could choose and they were showing me the way.
So I chose it.
It really was that simple after all.
* * * * *
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King’s Ransom Page 18
