by Ruby Rowe
“Keep it down,” our lighting guy groans from the other bed. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I call Liv, but it goes straight to voicemail. Growling, I charge at Tripp.
“What did you say to her?!”
“I told her what she already knew; that you’d never stop using as long as she stayed with you.”
“You fucking bastard! It wasn’t your place to tell her shit!”
I take a swing at him, but he ducks. Toby jumps between us. “Get out of my way!” I shout.
“Dude, calm down,” Tripp replies. “If you want Olivia back, you need to listen to me.”
“If I could talk to her, she’d come back. I know it.”
“What would you say? Are you going to promise not to use again?”
“I’ll stop, or I won’t pressure her to do it with me. It doesn’t have to be the huge deal you’re making it out to be.”
“You know you can’t stop without help, especially if you’re shooting up now. You were taking Olivia down with you, and fast, man.”
Grabbing my hair, I say, “I can fix this.”
“Let’s talk this out at the penthouse.”
“Oh, shit. Is my dad still there?”
“Yeah.”
“I only need to talk to Liv.”
“She said she’s not speaking to you unless you go to rehab.”
“What the fuck?!”
“This isn’t a joke, Richie. You’re an addict, and it’s time to admit it. I’ll see you in ten.” He leaves, and I call Olivia while my feet wear a path in the hotel carpet. Her sweet voice is on the other end, but it’s only a recording.
Tripp was serious.
Liv’s leaving me.
“Butterfly, please call me back. I’m sorry about last night. About everything. I should’ve been there for you this morning. Actually, Toby and I shouldn’t have pressured you to use. I won’t let something like that happen again. Please, come back to the hotel.”
Ending the call, I storm from the room and head to my dad’s suite. I want answers. I have to find out who said what to drive Olivia away.
After I beat on the door, Tripp lets me in. I follow him to the living room only to freeze once I see who’s inside. “What the fuck is this?”
Pete, Aiden, my dad, Faith, and Asher Wainscott are sitting around the room.
“What are you doing here?” I ask him.
“Normally, I wouldn’t be burdened with this type of bullshit, but I was already in town.”
“Fucking Faith,” Aiden interjects. “He was here to fuck Faith.”
“Aiden!” she snaps.
“By the way, I fucked her recently, too,” he adds, staring down Wainscott.
Faith jumps from the couch and shoves Aiden in the chest before she turns and nervously bounces her gaze between Asher and Tripp.
“We were drunk, and I instantly regretted it.”
“Holy shit,” I say, “and you guys think I have problems.”
“Since she claims you two aren’t in a committed relationship, I thought I’d share that,” Sasquatch adds, continuing to taunt him. Wainscott tightens his fists on his lap as Faith rubs her forehead and takes her seat again next to him.
“I’m going to murder you later,” she mutters to Aiden.
“Can we get back to the reason we’re all here?” Pete asks. “Sit down, Richie.”
Taking a seat in a chair, I drum my fingers on the arms of it.
“Yeah, let’s get whatever this is over with so I can track down Olivia.”
Tripp stands and points at me. “Will you own up to your bullshit for once in your life? You know how much I hate being away from Apple, yet we’re apart right now because of you.”
“She didn’t have to leave.”
“Yes, she did. Olivia asked Apple to take her home, and you’d know that if you stopped running your trap long enough to listen. While you were in Toby’s room, I comforted your hungover girlfriend on the bathroom floor while she cried about your addiction. I’ve already been down that road with Faith and Nathan, and I refuse to do it again, so yeah, I encouraged her to leave your sorry ass.”
I bounce to my feet, but Asher stands and shoves me right back into my chair like it’s nothing.
“That’s enough,” he says as he buttons his suit jacket. I can’t deny that his tall height and distinguished look are intimidating when I’m likely on the chopping block.
“Look, guys, I’m not going to waste my time and listen to each of you tell Zain how he’s ruining your life with his drug problem.
“Richie, you either go to rehab and get clean, or you’re out of the band. Your call.” Asher gives a smug smile as he holds his hands out. “See how easy that was?” He points at Aiden. “And you… Don’t push me, or I’ll find a way to end your contract, too.”
“I helped start this band. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Aiden,” Pete says pleadingly. Wainscott spreads his glare around the room like a virus.
“All of you are talented musicians, but you behave like fucking children. Ultimately, the radio stations play your music because I tell them to. There are other bands dying to be you, so show your label and fans some damn respect and get your shit together.”
Marching to the door, he slams it behind him.
“Way to take up for me, Dad.”
“You deserved to hear every damn word he said. If I’d known you were this bad off, I would have dragged you to rehab myself.”
“I’ve never tried to stop using. I’m sure I could do it on my own.”
“You heard Asher,” Faith says. “He meant what he said. It’s either rehab or you’re fired.”
“What about the tour? I can’t go to rehab when we have sold-out shows.”
“I discussed it with Wainscott,” Pete says, “and we’ll reschedule the upcoming gigs for after the European tour. Fans won’t like it, but it’s better than cancelling altogether. That’ll give you plenty of time to get clean and work the program. You need to be sober a while before you’re faced with the pressures of touring again.
“While you’re away, it wouldn’t hurt for the rest of you to work on your own issues.” He gives the others pointed looks. “Once Zain leaves rehab, the band can focus on new material and get back in the studio. We’ll think of the next tour as a fresh start for Borrowed Faith. This doesn’t have to be a setback.”
Already jonesing for an escape, I stand and pace.
“I’m not going.” I press Olivia’s extension on my phone. Hearing her voicemail again is too damn painful, so I end the call and growl.
“This is your fucking fault!” I shout at Tripp. Looking for something to launch at him, I grab a glass tumbler off the bar and throw it at his head. Once again, he ducks, and I miss. “Mother. Fucker. You better pray she comes back to me!” Using my arms, I slide them across the bar, knocking every bottle off to the floor. The sounds of glass shattering equal the demolishing of my control. It’s all being ripped away from me.
Rushing over, Faith grips my biceps and shakes me.
“Zain, picture the woman Olivia was the night you first saw her in San Francisco. Now, imagine her thinner, weak and alone as she pukes her guts up in a hotel bathroom after getting wasted to please you. And let’s not forget that she can’t even walk. You’re not boyfriend material right now. You need to leave her alone and get your shit together first. Own this.”
“I can’t be without her,” I say barely above a whisper. Tears flood my eyes as my body shakes. I’m so fucking furious.
“But you can’t be with her like this. She deserves better. You deserve better.” Tears bubble in Faith’s eyes, and I feel like a piece of shit for splitting her old wounds wide open. Cradling my face, she leans her forehead against mine. “Please, Z. Go to rehab. I can’t lose you, too.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Olivia
“I’ve been watering your plants like I promised,” Blair says as she sets my suitcase on the floor. I fled New Jersey with what I coul
d. Apple’s having the rest of my belongings delivered soon.
I can’t believe she still wants me to sew for her after everything that’s happened. She may have invited me into her world, but I only made it crazier.
“Thanks, and I appreciate you staying with me tonight. Surely, I’ll be walking on my own soon.”
“I’m happy to sleep over. Oh, don’t forget to restart your mail … or not.”
Sitting on my couch, I look up at her. “I said it’s over between us.”
“He may do the right thing.”
“You weren’t there. You didn’t see how much he enjoyed escaping reality. I don’t think Zain has been sober since I met him, which means I fell in love with an alternate version of the guy. On top of the challenges of getting him clean and keeping him that way, there’s a chance we won’t like each other once he is.”
“I don’t want to see you with another controlling man who causes you pain, but Zain has an addiction … an illness. That makes him different than Ken. If he gets sober, I think you should give him another chance.”
“I’m going to talk to him when he agrees to go to rehab.”
“Good, because I’m loving the Olivia who feels strong enough to stand up to her family and do a job that she loves. Bad behavior aside, I think Zain had something to do with the positive changes you made.”
Feeling my tears form for the hundredth time on this long day, I blink them away.
“I love him, but I’m afraid to have hope. I don’t want to experience this pain ever again.”
“We have to take risks to find love. It’s why I’ve had countless awful dates. I’m determined to sort through the weirdos to find the one man who’s perfect for me. Last weekend, I went to a guy’s family’s hot dog-eating contest for a first date. I basically watched him shove wieners down his throat until he barfed into a bucket.”
Falling against Blair’s shoulder, I giggle. “I’m so sorry, but that’s hilarious. Were Ken and Aaron present for the wiener festivities?”
As we laugh, my phone rings in my purse, but I ignore it.
“Are you going to call him back?”
“As soon as he leaves a message saying he’s going to rehab. That hasn’t happened yet.”
“Maybe this will be the time.”
***
Hearing the doorbell, I glance at my alarm clock.
Shit. It’s three in the morning. Hearing Blair’s footsteps as she exits the spare bedroom next to mine, I sit up and turn my lamp on. My bedroom door soon opens, and my best friend looks at me with wide eyes while in her t-shirt and pajama shorts.
“I saw Zain through the peephole. What do you want me to do?”
“He hasn’t said he’s going to rehab, which means he’s here to coax me back. That’s not happening.”
“I’m going to ask him what he wants.”
“OK, but he’s not allowed to step foot in this condo. You can take a message.”
Tucking away a strand of her black bob, she nods.
“Got it.”
Zain
I lift my hand to pound on Liv’s door about the time it opens. Surprised to see her friend Blair, I take a step back.
“Hi. Sorry it’s late, but can I see Olivia please?”
“She said you can’t come in.” Looking around me, she squints from the headlights shining in our direction.
“That’s my bandmates Tripp and Aiden. They’re waiting to see if I can stay or not.” I give her a half-smile. “They’re wagering on not.”
“Smart friends.”
“What I want to say to Olivia needs to be said in person. She deserves that much. Will you please ask her to let me inside?”
“Are you getting help for your problem?”
“Yes.” Nodding toward Tripp’s car, I say, “They’re even going to sit here and wait on me to ensure it.”
Crossing her arms, Blair scrutinizes me with her dark eyes.
“Are you saying that once you speak to Olivia, you’re going straight to rehab?”
“Yes,” I emphasize.
“Do you promise you’re not here to talk her into going back on the road instead? You know, to that place where you were sucking the life out of her. Where you were leading her down a path that could have landed her in jail or in a coffin.”
Sighing, I look away, but only for a second. I promised the band I’d own my shit, so that’s what I’m going to do. I stare back at Blair.
“I’m here to apologize to Olivia and tell her goodbye. That’s it; I swear.”
“I can tell her that myself.”
“Look, I can’t leave with this weighing on me or without seeing her one last time. Please … let me inside.”
After studying my face for several seconds, she steps back for me to enter.
“Don’t make me regret this.”
Relieved, I follow her and hear Tripp kill the ignition. He and Aiden owe me a hundred bucks. I walk behind Liv’s best friend to a hallway where she opens the second door on the right.
“Blair!” Olivia exclaims upon seeing me.
“I’m sorry, but you two need to have this conversation in person.”
She leaves us alone, and I stare from the doorway, unsure of whether to go inside the room. This is all my fault. I’m responsible for the vacancy of hope and light in Olivia’s eyes. I stole them when I invited her into my darkness.
“I won’t come in if you don’t want me to.”
“Are you going to get help?”
“Yes. We performed tonight and got right on a jet afterward. The label’s releasing a statement, announcing that we’re postponing the remainder of the US tour. Tripp and Aiden are waiting outside to escort me to rehab in Los Angeles, but I had to see you first.”
“You’re really going?”
“It took a lot of convincing and hotel destruction, but I finally said yes.”
Smiling faintly, she sits up straighter in bed.
“You can come in.”
I shut the door as my heart pounds in my chest. The muscle is racing, and it’s not only because I haven’t had drugs for several hours. Getting Olivia and my career back are riding on the decisions I make today and the actions I exhibit in the future. Sweat beads on my forehead and upper lip. My life fucking sucks right now.
I sit at the end of Liv’s feet and soak in the sight of her. Even after sleeping, she’s beautiful, but with my head a tad clearer, I recall Faith’s words. I notice how much thinner and paler Olivia appears. I truly was taking her down with me.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“For what specifically?”
Even though it’s not a time for smiling, I can’t help it. Seeing my girl act tough makes me happy.
My girl...
Is she anymore?
“I’m here to say all of it. I’m sorry I wouldn’t acknowledge I had a drug problem. I apologize for pressuring you to take them with me. I’m sorry I left you alone more than once when you were hurt and needed me.”
Placing my hand on her leg, I clear the lump in my throat. “But mostly, Olivia, I’m sorry I wasn’t someone you could trust after I swore to you I was. I promised to never let you fall, and then I did exactly that.”
Tears spring from her eyes, so she covers her face and slumps over. Unable to take the distance between us, I climb next to her on the bed and bring her to my chest. She sobs, and knowing I’m the cause of her pain only makes me think of using. That’s sick and why I need help.
After a minute or two, Liv moves away and wipes her face.
“I still love you,” she murmurs.
“Damn, that’s what I needed to hear. I love you, too.”
“Even though our relationship was short, it was intense and real, and that’s why this hurts so much.”
“I feel it, too, babe, and that’s why I need you by my side through this. Please don’t leave me.” I thumb the dimple in her chin and smile. “You can visit me in rehab and bring me French fries and shit. I’ll be nice and share
them while you tell me all about your latest sewing projects.”
Shaking her head, she sniffles and adds more inches of space between us.
“Don’t do that. Don’t charm me to get your way. I appreciate your apology, and as much as I want to be the girlfriend who supports her guy during a difficult time, it wouldn’t be healthy for either of us.”
“I don’t understand. I agreed to go to rehab.”
“Apple told me on the flight home about how you used to need her to help you sleep. I’ll admit that it made me jealous at first, but her words also confirmed what I’d already suspected. You’ve been using me as a crutch … but why?”
“I haven’t been using you. I love you.”
“Then you have a toxic way of showing someone your love.” Olivia laces our fingers together. “Zain, I want a man who will hold my hands and laugh with me while we jump on the bed, but I need him to do it because he wants nothing more than to live in that moment of joy with me.
“I don’t want a man who’s only using me to escape his demons. For us to have a future together, you need to face whatever it is you’ve been running from.”
“I know, and I’m going to, but I can’t do it alone.”
“You won’t have to. Apple and Tripp promised me the whole gang will support you through this. While you’re in rehab, I need to figure out who I am. I can’t do that if I’m still tangled up in your world. All I know about myself right now is that I’m a lot like Julia Robert’s character in The Runaway Bride.
“You like your eggs made into omelets, and Ken eats his scrambled. My parents ask for theirs poached, and Blair and Landon order over-easy. I have no clue how I like my eggs cooked because I only eat whatever kind of eggs those around me are eating. It’s time I find out how I like my eggs.”
Worried that I may never be this close to her again, I move hair off Liv’s face and stare into her eyes one last time.
“You think you’re not strong, but you are,” I say. “You’re feisty, smart and talented. You’re going to do amazing things all on your own.”
“I hope that’s true, but I don’t want to do them on my own forever. Once I know who I am and that I won’t lose myself when I’m with you, I’ll be strong enough to support your sobriety.”
